head in hands

just finished playing. this month i've played about 5 sessions and been hit by the most ridiculous outdraws. runner runner runner super gutshot straight? no problemo. oh ook, i hit 2 pair on the turn/river. opponent has a set. nice. i have made no money from any big hands. i think i'm still paying ok, not much has been frittered away on tilt but i'm now down 5k for the month and with 5k left online i either have to redeposit or drop down.

mostly need to work on improving. something i haven't been doing since august. oh, and improve on playing better. checked my yearly results and without bonuses it's not down to about 5k. doesn't really seem worth it at the moment.

need a serious rethink of life strategy at the moment.

what a depressing post. i'll cheer myself up with joke:

I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him."
They might as well just say, "He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."

for the first time in a week i shaved my face

i scared myself catching my reflection in the window this morning and knew it was time to shave. truthfully, i knew a few days ago. when i can see the hair on my upper lip out the corner of my eye (the bottom corner, it would seem) it's probably time to shave.

been out for a couple of drives in the snow. the danger element also coincides with a fun element. or maybe they're the same element. either way, it's quite enjoyable to slide round corners even though you have to drive slow. maybe if this happens next winter i'll start selling snow tyres. and snowmobiles. i'm surprised they don't have them in scotland where it snows every winter. because snowmobiles aren't just useful in snow. they so much fun. oh, and since they have tank tracks they work on not snow too.

managed to cut both corners of my lip. again, a body part that doesn't really have corners, yet you'll know what i mean. i imagine it's something they do on jackass for a laugh. what that show doesn't depict however, is the pain they will suffer when the cameras stop rolling. physically and mentally (probably).

i also have one gripe (at least) with those kebab chefs. when you ask for the spicy sauce, for unknown reasons, some of them don't seem to spread it out. instead they put it all in one little place. so instead of some spice flavour throughout the sandwich (if i may call it that) you are subject to none at all. except in one surprise bite which makes you cry, and leaves you rendered helpless like you've been pepper sprayed intravenously.

oh and played some poker, got an ev backlash. 3 buy in's down for the month so far. wanted to finish 8 up for nice round yearly numbers. think i'll have a little time to play in the next week or so, and then none till february.

confirmation

according to ricky gervais i am in idiot. this is because i think karl pilkington is a genius. he may be an accidental one, but he is amazing. his thought process is like a child (from outnumbered) crossed with einstein. and it's at least one level above mine.

i figured he'd be on twitter but he's not. i decided to try twitter. to write down my thoughts so i wouldn't forget them. i don't seem to get a following on there. probably because i'm not famous.

from the last three days here are things i would have otherwise forgotten:

i hate waking up hungry. i did this again today. i don't know why it happens so often. it may be related to my sleep pattern. where late at night, for example now at 244am, i am not tired. but i know i will be tired in the morning when i wake up. which brings me onto another tweet - why does sleeping make me more tired? i am awake when going to sleep and tired when waking up. this is the opposite reason for sleeping. i must be doing something wrong.

anyway, my ps3 is nice. i have been trying to get good at cod modern warfare 2. though i don't really know what i'm doing, i noticed when driving a couple of days ago my reaction times have improved. i blame this on too much cod. maybe i will play some more.

and today, whilst driving, i was escorted much of the way my a bmw in front and behind me. i was lucky to survive.

finally, the only real news which has happened to me of late is an estate agency showing off their abilities to lie, deceive and cheat to your face. i will mention this more in my next post after i receive the contract i have signed but they haven't given back yet. these people are as useful as jellyfish.

justifications

people lie to themselves all the time about why they do things. such as, it's ok to steal from tesco's because they're such a big company they account for this in their prices/won't notice or any other 'reason' from a myriad of excuses. this is purely to justify the action they are taking which they know is wrong but don't want to admit to themselves.
i try to avoid doing this. i'm mental enough without having to keep track of the lies i tell myself.

there is however, one area of my life which i just justify by saying "it's ok, it's for poker, poker pays for it"
i did this with my computer last year, and just now with a evoluent mouse i bought from amazon. amazing mouse it is. clicking at the right time, or rather not clicking at the wrong time, is taking some getting used to but it's really nice to hold.
sadly, still struggling with my wrist pain. i thought i actually need the mouse to protect my wrists so must be getting it. i don't even know if i was lying to myself or not.
i have however, come to the conclusion that the mouse was only a small part of my problem. the keyboard/desk height/chair height situation is the real problem. typing gets excruciatingly awkward after a sentence, especially in my right hand. i cannot find a comfortable height for anything, even typing on my lap as yakshi, and many less famous people responding via google, have said.
so i may need to look at a new keyboard and i can be sure i at least know why i need it and why i need to pay for it.
two reasons currently affect my thinking in these matters. i have no source of income other than poker and i've basically stopped playing for the last 6 weeks or so. secondly, i hate having possessions. owning things just leads me to worry about all the things i own, having to move them when i move is a pain, and most things are completely unnecessary. computer (with internet!), phone, bed, a few clothes, food, car and library card (in that order) are pretty much all i need to be happy.
i don't understand how my housemate (who is male) can have three pairs of identical shoes. and about 8 smart shoes. i don't get it. 1 pair boots, 1 pair everyday shoes, 1 pair trainers, 1 pair football boots, 1 pair astros and 1 pair smart shoes are all that is ever going to be necessary. other things i don't understand about my housemate include that he leaves empty shower gel containers in the shower for months abd when he runs out uses mine without mentioning it to me (i couldn't not notice because close to half of it disappeared in under a week); then a week after throwing his empties out, he throws mine out. not empty. i don't even know how to bring this up.

speaking of happiness, i was reading a karl pilkington book and it turns out the weird stuff he finds on the internet aren't at all made up. ideas such as the see through toaster were already invented. and sheep following each other off a cliff really happened. i guess that's why they're called sheep but 1500 of them went off the edge. and the best part? 1050 survived as their falls were cushioned by the first 450.

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That would ensure everyone knows it's a 50/50 chance of getting what you want rather than thinking you probably made the right choice


So I played the first ukircoop (I think that's what it's called). It was a $50 rebuy. I only needed the initial buy in (100) and the top up. With 90 of the 280 starters remaining I was top for a minute or two. A couple of mistakes later and I was back in the pack. approaching the bubble, 5 handed I open utg with KQo to 2100 at 500/1000, with my 60k stack. I get reraised all in by the big blind. I laughed till i realised I'd misclicked and opened to 21,000. Pissed off I called to be shown qq and say goodbye to the almost guaranteed minimum of $400+ if I wasn't such a retard.

shock horror

england don't win the world cup bid because
a)they are too developed, needs to go to country that will build new stadiums
b)twatter and pratini don't like england
c)fifa is corrupt, coincidentally this revelation was uncovered by british journalists
d)all of the above

following this, and the real reason for my post, graham taylor announces (toward the bottom of the link) "I'm just surprised that we're surprised," he said.
Following this laughing at people for being surprised:
Taylor also criticised the decision to give the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, adding on BBC Radio 4's PM programme: "It really is surprising."

i no longer feel bad for not listening to him when he talks as clearly he can't be bothered, so why should i have to?

smiles

the worst football team in the world
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/nov/29/football-team-concedes-227-goals
the highlights include losing 55-0 (had 7 players and no keeper)
11 games, 11 lost, 227 conceded
but my favourite part of the article is that they aren't bottom of the league as another team has had points deducted.

london town is notorious for being miserable. or more specifically, the people that inhabit it. i don't think it's as bad as others make out. last week (prior to the snow) i went out and in one day made two complete strangers smile! one was when i stepped off the pavement and into the road as the pavement was narrow and the young lady smiled in appreciation. the second was when i offered a fake seat (not really a seat, but the cushion part near the seats) on a tube to a different young lady.

also, i think i need to point out to people who are now finding this awesome blog with Netgear N150 WLAN card probelms, it doens't like kaspersky, which is a real pain. and I have still not been able to figure how to stop it disconnecting after the computer wakes up from sleep. other than unplugging and plugging it back in.

finally, i am still waiting to hear from the mongs at BA about my compensation from march's volcanic eruption where they forgot to fly me home leaving me stranded in sweden and fighting to catch many trains home. it's been almost 9 months and dealing with them, they might as well be based in India. In a mental home.

the stock markets and the news

i don't know much about the markets. i tried to look into investing but quickly realised i knew nothing. however, it appears most people know nothing. although i am basing my evidence here on the sample of journalists who write for the bbc.
yesterday i read this article, which stated that the reason the market was going up was because of the EU bail out for Ireland. (note, it was a reason given explaining why the markets were going up, not a prediction.)

i had to find it in the google cache because it has since been deleted. because the markets changed.
there is now this article, preceded by this article, which states the markets are going down, because of the EU bail out....
The exact same reason is given for why the markets are no going down. note again that it's not a prediction, but a reason given for why something happens.

This indicates to me they don't have a clue what they are talking about. which is somewhat comforting and makes me think if i learnt enough, and was lucky enough maybe i could invest. but don't hold your breath.

i have realised all the bbc is good for is unintentional humour.
see this article, about a man whose home was infested with rats in lala land. what was the first thoughts of his neighbours? call a reality tv show. obviously.

just when i thought it was boring...

i sat down to whack out an entry this morning and realised nothing of note had happened. at all. so i decided to go out for the day and see what would happen. i was not disappointed. 
first, there was the sign for the psychic fair. i figure they should all know when and where it is without being explicitly told.
then there was the 3 yard run to the bank. maybe it's just me but i know there is always a massive queue. so when, like today, i see someone walking to the bank i up my pace to overtake, or if coming from opposite sides, beat them to the door. but today i did not play this game. for i was going to change money which has it's own queue, so i held the door open for this little lady. good deed done.
bizarrely, it was the second bank i had tried to change money in. the nearest one i went to didn't change money for non customers apparently. surely, anything that makes them money is profitable and if they're already set up to do so, why not take my money fleecing me on the exchange rate?
haven't played since last weekend. read a bit of omaha strategy and might give it a crack for small stakes during the week ahead.

been a little while

not too much happening at the moment. which is no bad thing. got a few things in life to sort out which means i'm not gonna play much for the remainder of this year.
i did have to go outside the other day. not before a man came to take my electricity meter reading. bizarrely, i don't think he was from the company that supplies me.
went out to a shopping centre (not out of choice). i despise people that get to the top of an escalator and then just stop. standing still at the top with torrents of people behind them. even worse when they have little kids with them. it's just a recipe for disaster. what i'm saying is, even though i ran into them on purpose, it wasn't my fault. (i didn't but a small part of me wishes i had)
i also walked through a department store known in the business as john lewis. they put the perfume counter right at the entrance. just like the shops who make men walk through all the women's section to get to their stuff, the shop layout people know that men don't go shopping by choice so they only set things up for women. i have no problem with this. i merely state it to explain why i walked through the perfume section to see the hilarious sight of the attendants (is that what they're called?) of one company wearing white lab coats. brilliant. because that's what makes you a scientist, and thus all the people will believe you products are the best.

my last observation was when walking behind two girls who i guessed to be about 14. i reminisced about people i knew in their twenties who were short. as i overtook them i noticed they were probably both in their late 50s.

whilst i haven't played much poker people clearly haven't forgotten me and must continue to think i'm a retard (they're only semi correct)*

6-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: villain ($400 in chips)
Seat 2: small blind ($148 in chips)
Seat 3: big blind ($400 in chips)
Seat 4: utg ($439 in chips)
Seat 5: hero ($934.20 in chips)
Seat 6: co ($719.40 in chips)
small blind: posts small blind $2
big blind: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hero [3c 3d]
utg: folds
hero: raises $8 to $12
co: folds
villain: raises $24 to $36
small blind: folds
big blind: folds
hero: calls $24

*** FLOP *** [Ad 3s 8c]
hero: checks
villain: bets $52
hero: raises $80 to $132
villain: calls $80

*** TURN *** [Ad 3s 8c] [Th]
hero: checks
villain: checks

*** RIVER *** [Ad 3s 8c Th] [Qs]
hero: bets $766.20 and is all-in
villain: calls $232 and is all-in
Uncalled bet ($534.20) returned to hero

*** SHOW DOWN ***
hero: shows [3c 3d] (three of a kind, Threes)
villain: mucks hand
hero collected $803 from pot

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $806 | Rake $3
Board [Ad 3s 8c Th Qs]
Seat 1: villain (button) mucked [7d 7c]

*or maybe he doesn't pay any attention anyway and is just not very good?

honesty

i didn't really want to post last month's graph. in fact, i didn't really want to ever post again after that last session. with too many things stressing me out in real life, combined with internet not keeping a stable connection my head finally went again. i haven't played a single hand since then. i need to be able to put things in perspective better. being couped up just writing and playing cards, without seeing much of the outside world it's easy to get lost. i hear a lot of other people talk about a 'balance' in life, and whilst i think it's correct i think it isn't the best word to use. i went to town t'other day to watch a film from the russian film festival. i don't know why i torture myself by going to the cinema but it seemed that there were less (only perhaps 1 or half) popcorn munchers in attendance. also, the seats were really comfy at the apollo in 'pick a dilly' circus. speaking of circii (which is how the plural is spelt in queen's english) there was a pikey fest at Leicester Square. i haven't been to one since i was cheated out of a rasta doll in on of the old grabber machine machines. but this time it was all different. 6 cans in a two dimensional pyramid, 5 balls, 1 thrower (me). i watched a few other people fail before i decided to have a go. some dude came to within one can of winning on two occasions and lucked out at the final hurdle. my five british pounds wagered that i would go one step further. things started off well when my first ball knocked two cans off. 4 balls left, 4 cans left. the next took another one out, but my third ball ,whilst hitting the target, failed to remove a can from the shelf. three cans and two balls would be an impossible task were it not for the fact that one can was on it's side in front of another. i aimed for that first, knowing i needed to take them both out. my cod training kicked in and i blasted them almost into the bumper cars. one ball one can and i finally believed that i would be winning a massive panda pear (cuddly toy version).
i took a breath, thought of joe montana winning the superbowl in 89 and reminisced about john candy. i threw my final ball and missed by inches. i was crushed.
and then i began to once again appreciate all the things i have and all the things i don't need to do yet, like work with people who appear on x-factor, apprentice etc.

ps here's my worst. graph. ever.

worst session of my life so far

didn't think this would have been possible to be this bad.
hit nothing, got outdrawn by crazy hands, lost to gutshot straight flushes, got nothing paid off and tilted off a few quick buy ins at the end.
lost everything i won last month and more.
probably need a  break for a while.

netgear WNA1100 disconnections

i have googled this subject many times recently and have been unable to find sound advice in repairing the lack of a solid connection. the connection issue i have means that iplayer doesn't stream continuously and i cannot stay connected to pokerstars. there is nothing scarier than shoving all in and waiting 5-10 seconds just to see if the client reconnected and your shove was registered. and then of course whether you won or not. i'm gonna have to go get a cable before i next play. and send this piece of shit network card back. i should have known there would be problems when just to load the drivers i had to uninstall my antivirus, then install the drivers, then re-install the antivirus.
and netgear's latest piece of advice to get it to work was turn off the firewall. brilliant suggestion. i replied back saying
"thanks, so i should be hooked up to the internet with no firewall? should i turn off my antivirus too?
please reply with a more sensible suggestion"
credit to them, they replied, saying "try another computer with the wlan card"
sadly my other computer has kaspersky so gonna try it out on a friends laptop. if it still doesn't work i'm swapping it for a make that will hopefully work.

sadly i played poker when pissed off with this so lost loads. got into a better frame of mind yesterday and didn't lose lots again. still down lots for the month, hopefully can find some time to play. i fear this will be a running theme till the end of the year.

ps i applied for the pokerstars team online job. after reading this blog i don't see how i can't get it. i will have to work on improving forum participation and a few other things but that will be fun to do imo

pps just made brownies. they're amazing. i might eat them all now.

ppps lol rooney saga, clearly he just wanted more monies. (easy to say now obv). i heard on twitter that the 30 hooligans who had to be dispersed by the police last night from outside his house will return with cake. i wonder what the people who made 'whore' banners displayed at their last game will make for their next banners.

ghiradelli's chocolate brownies

i think my bin smells. really really bad. even when it's empty. so the actual bin smells. throwing away a bin is a little bit of a humorous concept to me. i'm not even sure why. it reminds me of the time that my friend and i were walking in the street. she looked for a bin to throw some rubbish into. found one in the middle of the street and disposed of her waste conscientiously. good for the environment, bad for the person who'd just bought their new bin.

been ill last couple of days with the weakest cold ever. seriously, it needs to up it's game, i can't even use it as an excuse as to why i've spewed money the last few days. playing truly horrific. need to snap out of it. what got to me this morning was the continued disconnecting my new wlan card was doing. my old one died and i spent 24 hours trying to fix it before getting a replacement. this new one looks sexy except it keeps disconnecting and reconnecting. this makes poker very difficult as the connection needs to be 'always on' as pokerstars happily remind me. though i can't even watch iplayer without constant stop/start even at low quality. this is most unacceptable. i have emailed netgear and if they don't solve it, back to the shop we go.

also just did my washing of the football kit. took it to a laundrette because it smelt too bad for me to touch. except they couldn't be bothered to wash it properly and it's still pretty dirty and smelly. i'm gonna go back and shout at the lazy wankers tomorrow.

lastly, but most definitely not leastly, builders are here to fix the non broken roof of my flat. this involves scaffolding so they can peek into my bedroom as they attempt to wake me up every morning at 8am. unluckily for them, i will already be up! in retaliation i will allow them to watch me play fifa in the afternoon with a cup of tea and perhaps some magnificent home-made ghiradelli's chocolate brownies.

what shall i have to eat for breakfast

this is a question i ask myself often. google doesn't seem to have the answer. i'm hoping this here webpage will become a treasure trove of answers (mostly in the comments section, thank you kindly, dear reader)

the word treasure is weird, specifically the sound the s make. i have no idea how to describe it.

i ask about breakfast since i have no started playing in the mornings, i get hungry after a little session. but the only real problem with this schedule is going out at nights is very difficult since 1) i am tired by then and 2) i will also be tired in the morning.
i would like to siesta every day which should solve all my problems but there's something overly addictive about siesta's that scares me. that said, i have seen jack bauer can regularly go 24 hours with food, sleep or excretion. recalling my gcse biology lessons and mrs gren, that mostly implies he's not alive.

i also bought f1 2010 for my ps3. i figure, everyone needs a driving game, and it seemed to be a choice between that, gt and colin macrae. turns out, that you can play this racing game with anyone in the world over the internet, but not someone else in the same room as you since it's a one player game.

ps today's breakfast was a kit kat.

how i met your mother

isn't very funny. apologies if you googled it, looking for rave reviews, but it's a bit poor. not so well written (like house) no stories well constructed (like curb), and no great comedy like (south park).
if you googled it to find other people who don't like it, you're probably a petty person who takes unkindly to much of society and you probably agree with 70% of things karl pilkington says. you'll fit right in.

however, i only posted this to say that sometimes, when you think you have ak and 5bet shove only to realise you have A2s, it should be a lesson to pay more attention in future


Seat 1: Villain ( $479.00 USD )
Seat 2 ( $706.95 USD )
Seat 4: Hero ( $490.95 USD )
Seat 5: ( $1196.20 USD )
Seat 6: ( $1528.30 USD )
ZMQLD posts small blind [$2.00 USD].
Bukharin posts big blind [$4.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [  2h Ah ]
1 folds
villain [$12.00 USD]
1 folds
Hero raises [$42.00 USD]
1 folds
villain raises [$84.00 USD]
hero raises [$446.95 USD]
villain calls [$383.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 8h, 4h, 3s ]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 5d ]
** Dealing River ** [ Kc ]

Hero shows [2h, Ah ]
Hero wins $960.00 USD from main pot
villain doesn't show [As, Ac ]
oops
of course, when you win it doesn't hurt so much and then you aren't conditioned to not do this in future, pavlovian style. so i took a leaf out of abdullahev's book and punched myself in the head.

can you buy anything on ebay?

things i have recently bought (not all from ebay) include:
ps3. and some games. and an extra (slightly special) controller. why do the alternative controllers always have a turbo button. since the dawn of computer games (the early 90s and as far back as i can remember) this has been an extra feature. has anyone ever used it?
weird rubber tubings from ebay which are used to strengthen muscles and ligaments. i am still not sure how to use them properly. so i just bought an ankle support cos that's easier to use. and less effort.
ankle support (aforementioned)
a l'il deposit to a gambling site!
theatre tickets (not for me. i am male interested in the opposing sex)
plane tickets. also not for me.
3.5mm to 3.5mm jack to jack (or whatever it's called. this was pleasingly cheap from ebay)

this is rather an eclectic and unusual mix of things i am not accustomed to purchasing. so much so that barclays bank called me to check i was ok. i told them i was fine and that their fraud squad can sleep easy at night. but i also told them it was unusual and not to let it happen again since next time it probably won't be me.

when i hold in a number 1, why does it sometimes turn into needing a number 2

waking up early and playing when i do so is currently going well. partly i put this down to when i play i'm morning tired instead of nighttime tired
except it means it's tough to go out in evenings without having a siesta else falling asleep becomes a priority

not much time to post so i will do bruce style bullet points in what may turn out to be a news review:

i was reading the news and saw a new zealand cyclist called jack bauer

you may have also seen in other news recently that revenue and customs can't work out simple maths and got lots of peoples' tax amount wrong. i got a letter from them and they stole lots of money from me last year. so they have now sent me a check for over £1k. it felt a lot like rakeback till i realise it's my money to begin with!

also in the news bmw had a recall due to faulty brakes. i guess took them so long to discover it since bmw drivers rarely used brakes; also crashes were always blamed on driver error (obviously, since they're bmws) without strong evidence to insist otherwise.

after last month i think i'm gonna get a ps3 tomorrow. with fifa, pro evo, f1, red dead redemption and cod. if i have missed out anything worthwhile, let me know thanks.

(if people don't google today's title, i will be very surprised)

are penguins just pretending they can't fly so we don't get jealous?

i'm pretty much done for the month now, have just cleared the final stars bonus and may now need to concentrate on other things during this year so my play may drop off quite a bit.
last few days of this month i ran super hot as can be seen by graph below (didn't check results from when i saw i'd lost loads and been level for the month, until just now!)

mornings have been good poker wise but terribly scary in life =. last week i awoke to see a spider dangling from the ceiling mere inches from my face. upside no less. i think it was showing off.
this morning i was woken at six by a buzzing sound. i bolted upright and turned to my pillow to see a wasp casually strolling along it and away from me. by the time i got to the light switch and found my wasp catching device (ikea tupperware) it had disappeared. thus, i could not get back to sleep. in fact, i was worried i would never be able to sleep in my room again but i left the light on (obviously) and the wasp was attracted to it. i don't know why they are attracted to lights, someone should tell them they aren't moths.

also noticed the wcoop main event just finished. someone just won over two million dollars! much as i hate tournaments, that makes me want to play more

how far can you stick a cotton bud into your belly button?

i find 'wake schedule' to be a more appropriate description of hours i choose to be awake, instead of sleep schedule/cycle since i don't remember those hours as clearly.
i am experimenting with mine so that i will wake early (6-7am) do some wake things like throw cold water on my face and some cereal in my mouth. cereal, apparently, is not a proper breakfast. the story seems to go mr kellogs decided it's what people should for breakfast and luckily for him (and rather coincidentally it would seem) he had a cereal making factory which has made him lots of money.
still, i love coco pops.

i have managed to play some pokers recently. my frame of mind has been better of later and today i noticed i got really annoyed with a play i made. just got stacked twice on two tables but neither annoyed me at all. not  the marginal one where in a squeezed pot i bet called the turn with aq on an ahi 3 flush board, nor did the outdraw annoy me. instead it was a hand against a tard where i had jj on a aa3t board where i bet and he raised leaving himself $24. i called knowing he would bet the river. river was a 3, i checked he checked. i then realised thats why i have him labelled as a mong. i should have obviously either shoved turn or bet for him on the river. either way he would have called. and playing how i did cost me $24. some would say that's not much when you buy in for $400. but if your hourly rate is 5bb per hour (which is not terrible) then thats worth over 1 hours play. mistakes like this should be the easiest to fix since they are basic things. other than that i seem to be playing mostly well, running amazingly and not checking balance till end of the month which will be tomorrow for me since im busy rest of the week.

need to wake up early tomorrow too to play my remaining for hands to clear the wcoop bonus ($100! though i may end up spending it all at once. on chocolate)

how do they get ships into bottles?

computer games seem to be going the way of interactivity. not just voice recognition, but full body motion sensors, so for tekken you'll be able to act out all your moves (quite how they expect us to do head high reverse roundhouse kicks i am unsure). football games you'll be able to run around kicking imaginary footballs.
call me old fashioned, but if i want that i'll go outside. the whole point of a ps3 is so that can sit down and mash buttons without doing anything energetic.

reason #153 my flatemate is  a turdburglar
following house party i start clearing things up so i don't have to awake to a place that looks like birmingham. he just sits there and watches the sky tv he didn't even want. after 2 bin bags full i quit seeing as i refuse to do any more alone. i make joke how perhaps he's just waiting for a cleaner?
next day i go to school. i come back, flat is clean. oh, he got cleaner to do it. great idea. but why didn't he tell me before i started cleaning it all up?

cleared the 4k supernova bonus. got doomswitched and lost 4k in next session. having made supernova with little chance of 200k vpps, and no more bonuses it seems almost pointless to continue playing there. will look for new sites to play on. tried betfair. software so so bad it was as if they hired a genius to make it that bad.
not sure where to try next...
though somewhere with main traffic during european hours may be a priority

having just got used to my new desk also thinking of getting a whiteboard for my room. just to make it a bit more classy.

one final thank you to the person who found my blog searching for "what number haircut does vinny chase get"
i am considering choosing only blog post titles which could be the answers to questions people ask google.

at first i thought it might be a bit harsh

but now i'm pretty sure that it's not. i am obviously referring to listening to other peoples opinions when it comes to film and movie reviews. and how you shouldn't. i first noticed this effect when i read a review for teh film flight club in the evening standard. i read it after seeing the film and noticed that he either didn't watch the film, or it was one looong typo. i hope it was the latter.
sadly, this does not clarify the real reason why you shouldn't listen to most people. it's because people like different things, yet are wholly convinced their opinion is best. the only people you should ever listen to are ones you already know have good taste (similar to your own obviously). if you don't know what taste they have, just mention films you liked and see whether they did. if not, just ignore an recommendations they give you.
films and tv, however, do not let you see into the soul of a person. just because they like the simpsons, family guy, pizza and flight of the conchords does not mean they are not going to be a massive pain in the hippocampus to live with. i can guarantee it won't guarantee that finish things you own neither asking nor replacing what was used.

in much more scary news i awoke the other day to see a spider hanging upside down inches from my face. spiders are scary at the best of times and having one in my face when waking up was a most unsatisfactory experience.

i've recently bought a desk for my computer, and hope to shortly by a whiteboard to make my room even classier. when buying my desk i walked past an orchid by the checkout. it called out to me like an rspca rescue kitten so i bought it. people say orchids are really tough to look after. apparently you only need to water them once a week. this seems rather easy to me. makes me wonder how infrequently you can water other plants? maybe catii's are the best plants to own since you can go years without remembering to water them and they should survive. that's judging by their desert performance but maybe i'm wrong since i know nothing about them except their amazing ability to get their little spikes in your skin when you've walked less than 3 feet but more than 2 feet from them. (that's >24 and <36 inches in case you aren't sure what feet are)

feeling bad

been away and no feeling pretty ill

coming back to this didn't help

will post when feeling less sick

vulnerable

i started playing some bridge recently. it's an interesting game, but i think it lacks something to it. too much of it seems set in stone. there is always a correct bid, which is just saying what you have in a round about way. and there's always a correct way to play. having gained a basic understanding though, i do find some of the evening standard's bridge hands interesting in a way i guess a beginner would as it shows the more creative things you have to do in order to win where it would be very tough to see it for the first time. kind of how mating someone with just a knight in chess after trapping their king with their own rook is beautiful in chess and would be pretty tough to come up with without seeing it somewhere else first (for me anyway)

so it turns out in bridge you are vulnerable when you're closer to winning. but i was most vulnerable the other day when i was sitting on the toilet and a wasp flew into the bathroom. unable to move, obviously, and a wasp flying closer and closer to me i felt briefly like a stripper with shame would feel. if any existed.

i have also had serious difficulty of late with my new desk. it has one of those slide out sections for the keyboard but the entire desk is so high that even in my high up chair on it's highest settings when i type my wrists are angled so far upwards it hurts to type or use the mouse. i can't see why anyone would build a desk at this stupid height and if it wasn't so difficult to repack it i would send it back. but i can't. so i need to find a solution before my wrists fall off.

best player in the world

so a las vegan sat at the table and this is what he said

Kru: im going to be splashing a lot of chips around
Kru: i am the best player in the world
Kru: my skills are unprecedented, my play is unmatched
Kru: im an elite player, a warrior if u will
Kru: a true master of the game
Kru: before it is all said and done, all of the chips will be in my grasp
Kru: its not my fault im the best player in the world

first two hands he folds, then this happens:

Seat 6 is the button
Seat 1: SB ( $482.40 USD )
Seat 2: BB ( $510.50 USD )
Seat 3: utg ( $696.00 USD )
Seat 4: utg+1 ( $404.00 USD )
Seat 5: co ( $210.00 USD )
Seat 6: Kru ( $400.00 USD )
SB posts small blind [$2.00 USD].
BB posts big blind [$4.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to utg+1 [  8d Ad ]
utg folds
utg+1 raises [$12.00 USD]
co folds
Kru raises [$36.00 USD]
SB raises [$82.00 USD]
BB folds
utg+1 folds
Kru calls [$48.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 5d, 8h, Jh ]
SB bets [$104.00 USD]
Kru raises [$316.00 USD]
SB calls [$212.00 USD]

** Dealing Turn ** [ As ]

** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]
SB shows [8s, 8c ]
Kru shows [Qs, Qh ]

he didn't say anything on the way out

meanwhilst... about 2 hands into my session i found myself 6 buyins down. i contued hovering between 6 and 5 buyins down. mainly courtesy of ridiculous runner runners
luckily i outdrew lots of people and ended up 1 buy in down

have now hit supernova and just wanna clear the 4k bonus by the end of the weekend.

i've noticed i'm becoming more able to play longer sessions without losing my focus. this is great except i forgot i should sleep a little tonight.

table abuse

this is what a fish said to me last week after i raised him

'i could win i tell ya dude u doin reases like a noob'


after which he folded.
we than had a frank discussion about reases. which i thought were an american chocolate. iirc, he hit a straight vs a bad reg's two pair, and then cold called  my 3 bet with 23, flopped a 456 against my pocket fours, stacked me when i should have folded the river, and then ran away. i guess he had the last laugh. after all, he who laughs last, thinks slowest.

in other news, following many national and international announcements on the subject, i too will be follwoing suit and banning vuvuzela's from my abode. just the mere thought of someone bringing one here, which has never happened in the history of the united kingdom, has thrown my body into shock and i will be enforcing this ban with the appropriate punishment of 8 months tinnitus should you be caught with a vuvuzela about your person. this may lead to terrible jokes such as 'is that a vuvuzela in your pocket or are you just trying to get away with bringing it in here' but that is a small price to pay.

this month i can't tell the difference between nightmares and good dreams

this graph is why i hate month defined goals.
i have
played the most hands i have managed in a month
endured my worst ever downswing
played phenomenally bad
been battered by deepstacked coolers (set under set, nut house into quads deep grr)
been running way above all in ev during this time, as if to rub in how terrible i am
suffered my best day according to ptr
and it all started so well:

the peak early was at +$8k, and the bottom of the green money dip was below $6k

so a 14k downswing which i can definitely attribute to some highly dubious play on my behalf. i noticed another mental leak i have, where if i don't get any good cards after about 500 hands i lose it completely. this happened tonight. that last dip (just double checked, it's a 4k dip!) in the graph was tonight. following that, i decided to not play anything but aa/kk/ak for 300 hands. and for the most part i stuck to that. and then reverted back to playing well.

next month will be interesting. i expect to be playing not much, but i will at some point probably have to break to my house mate that i am succumbed to gamblor . i'm not sure how he'll take it. he does not like football, take inordinately long showers, leave clothes lying around the lounge, and nag about things like house parties. so it would seem that at the same time i will have to break the news to him that he is possible a doughnut puncher (thanks south park for that euphemism). not that there's anything wrong with it, i'm just not sure he is aware.

in one moment of lucidity this past weekend i watched  'whatever works.' a film starring larrry david as a physicist. my favourite line in the film, is when he says to this lady
"if i can understand quantum mechanics, i can certainly comprehend the thought process of a submental baton twirler"

i would give this film a 10/10. go watch it before you do anything else (include finishing this blog post. so i'm gonna stop writing since you should have stopped reading)

i havne't complained abotu running shit for years

but the last four days have been notably diabolical.
i confirm it's a mix of playing at a skill level i would rate generously at 0.1/10 of capacity and running real bad (set under set deep stack many a time) whilst at the same time being above ev!
i do not know what is going on. all i know is that future cards have no memory of past cards and i too will wipe my brain clean of these few days men in black style.

i am 10k vpps from supernova and want to win $10k by the time i reach it, not inc the $1k milestone.. this is my goal. shortly thereafter i will also get a $4k fpp bonus.

this style of mental focussing helped me last year at this time and i hope it will once again do the same. will add box on blog when i remember to do first update on challenge tonight (early hours of morning)

and my preparations will begin like all good preparations. a siesta.

ps if you retweet your tweets on twitter, will their severs break in an infinite loop of <140 characters?

edit: can't be bothered with a box thing, will just update at end of posts after sessions.
2k hands tonight. $2k profit. 7.3k vpps from supernova

fas;dgn

so it looks like my caving in has lead to massive spewtiltmonkey sessions. last two nights i've played and lost around $6k total. whoops. doesn't help when this happens:

Seat 1: nit1 ($543.90 in chips)
Seat 2: nutsack ($422.90 in chips)
Seat 3: fish1 ($400 in chips)
Seat 4: fish2 ($87.60 in chips)
Seat 5: hero ($1005.40 in chips)
hero: posts small blind $2
nit1: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hero [Kc Ks]
nutsack: raises $8 to $12
fish1: folds
fish2: folds
hero: raises $32 to $44
nit1: folds
nutsack: calls $32

*** FLOP *** [3s 9s Ts]
hero: bets $48
nutsack: calls $48

*** TURN *** [3s 9s Ts] [Th]
hero: checks
nutsack: bets $330.90 and is all-in
hero: calls $330.90

*** RIVER *** [3s 9s Ts Th] [Qd]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
hero: shows [Kc Ks] (two pair, Kings and Tens)
nutsack: shows [Qc Qh] (a full house, Queens full of Tens)
nutsack collected $847.80 from pot

the worst thing is i was on such tilt i didn't even realise it wasn't a one outer!

i caved

yeah, i didn't make it to the end of the month without checking my p/l
i twice noticed the cashier by mistake (when reg'ing for a tournament) and after my last two sessions i wanted to see how i was doing. i noticed myself checking results at the table and figured my stubbornness was becoming more of a hindrance than a help.
my last two sessions which caused it were really weird. first one i ran terribly bad at 3/6 and terrible well at 2/4
then last night it was the opposite.
turns out first night i lost $2k, 2nd night just $500
and the month so far, i thought i was up 6k and down loads in ev. turns out i was up only 5k and up 2k in ev. i lost a few ridiculous pots last night so i must have won some corkers recently. i remember only a couple, and am looking through hem now to post the the best suckouts.

hmm, it appears there were only 3 hands i have won all month where i've had less than 35% equity moving in. and they were all standard boring hands. twice my flush draws vs sets and one over pair vs set.

seems most of my +ev comes from hands holding up which is nice.

one last thing on my mind is new flatmate and his lack of knowledge that i play poker for money on the interweb. i wonder how to tell him. i was thinking win a tournament then round around like crazy at 4 in the monring. after winning lots people will probably accept it more. but i think it would be funnier to lose a couple of thousand and then go smashing things up.

either way i'm not looking forward to the conversation that will follow and comments such as 'stop before you lose it all' etc etc

internet drops

when the internet dies midway through hands whilst youre multitabling it is infuriating. this has no equivalent to live play. if there was it would be akin to being kicked in the nuts as the turn comes down for 8 consecutive hands and having to run to the bathroom to check your balls aren't bleeding cos thats how much it hurts. i think i prefer being online and just disconnecting to that. but then there weren't any big pots when it disco'd. if there were i my anger state would have not just raised to 'sharp breathing' but to 'mist in front of the eyes'

all this whole episode has done is make me stop playing for the day. just as i had the thought that i need to play 1-1.5k hands per day it happened. and i'd only played 700 hands.

i think i'm gonna add a supernova pace thing to the right of this blog. and i need to be as close to it as possible by end of the month. gl me.
(current total: 82k vpps - 100k is target)

when i was younger

i used to be able to function well on 4-6 hours sleep per night, with maybe one good sleep per week. nowadays, that doesn't seem to be enough usually. though i think it's more to do with a heightened sense of laziness more than anything else.
others seem to note that doing exercise helps them in this respect and i finally need to make a real commitment to doing some work out six days a week.
the other problem is i don't like getting up and have had this ingrained into my mind over the past many moons and now i know there's a psychological barrier to getting up on a weekday. on weekends when i dont need to get up i feel ok when i wake, but during the week i just want to lie in till after noon.
perhaps when i get my personal chef/butler/pa/fixer (one person doing all of that obviously - is this what wives are for? that would make sense although do they still do happy endings after being given a diamond?) i would want them to not be bored so would wake up early to ensure they can make me breakfast every morning.

dead set

just finished watching this series. it's about a fictional big brother series which follows the contestants whilst a zombie outbreak occurs in the real world. i laughed many a time. the producer of the programme is clearly the star of the show. i don't want to ruin any of it since you should be watching it though he reminds me of malcolm from the thick of it. just watch it and know it gets better and better as the series progresses.

just had a car crash online session. played twice today. did well the first time, terribly the second. still not looking at how much i win/lose though i did notice my cashier today when i went to get the 4k bonus. i think i know how much i had at the start of the month but not sure. will be a nice surprise at end of month. i think todays dip will be very noticeable in end of month graph. need to play most hands ever this month although only two weeks to do so. also need to stop talking about it and just do it.

3d is amazing

sitting in the cinema, trying out the glasses through the 3d trailers and my friend turns to me and says "wow this 3d is amazing" noting the lifelike qualities of the lady on the screen. except she wasn't on the screen. she was standing right in front of us. he reminds me a little of karl pilkington. he also said they should do noisy food in the cinema. speaking of which the guy next to me was eating his popcorn like an elephant monkey - a full hand scoop to the face. over and over. he was but a third of the way through his dumbo sized container when he dropped the contents over the kid in the seat in front (accidentally). i hi fived my friend, knowing i would no longer have to put up with his poorly timed home made sound effects.

i finally moved into a flat and have internet. this means i can play poker and no longer have to resort to live tournaments. i played an event at the luton gukpt and it mostly served to remind me why i hate live play. to top it off i lose a bunch in the cash games too. in a standard reminiscent of 1p/2p games i used to play when i was 5.
it all started off badly when the casino told me my timberland shoes were trainers and i wasn't allowed in. nor could i wear my hoodie. after finally getting in i notice about 50% of the bums moseying around are wearing actual  trainers. like running shoes.
at least i picked up some useful nuggets of information from these live players. pre tournament i heard one giving advice to another "just be careful when looking at your cards. the 5 looks like a 6."
brilliant.
i also saw a hand where the board ran out ajj44 and a guy with a8 who folded preflop saw the winner take it with a7 and said "even if i called it would have only been a split"
took about 20 seconds for someone else to work out the 8 plays, and this guy had to be told 3 times, still didn't understand but said "oh yeah, err, i see, split pot" in acting so bad neighbours would sign him up.
so what i'm saying is i lost to people who don't even know what hand ranking is.

on that note i need to go to sleep. played a bit of poker today. still no idea how much p/l so far this month. i am though now 20k vpp from retaining supernova status, and want to clear more of it this month as i think i'm gonna be away a bunch in September.

the food situation has been remedied as i have now bought chocolate and meat

some final things which imo are more urgent and still not complete are internet and sky; they should both be in by the end of the week allowing me to waste my time online once again, and stop reading all these 'books'
i have managed to sneak in a few online poker sessions and so far this month have not looked at profit/loss or cashier at all. although i know in today's first session i went from about +8 buyins to finish about level. but not knowing for sure is less painful than knowing.
the only way i can keep track of how much i've played is vpp count. and these next two months i need 21k to reach supernova. so as soon as internet is in i can buy the $4k bonus and hopefully clear that (28k vpp) in just over two months.

i recently watched the film adventure land. i can't remember why i watched it but the bird in it was hot. so i checked her out on imdb. turns out she's in this twilight malarky. a little bit of my feels dirty. sticky dirty.

i've also found a photography competition. i get to enter one photo. so far, i think this is the best i've taken. but i might try to go to a park at dusk to take some more...

does it look good to you?
(not sure about etiquette, but if i'm supposed to put the camera i used i think it was a canon eos 350, with an 18-135mm lens - if anyone cares that is)

Food I have in my flat

This is not a sample. This is a comprehensive list

3 tubs ice cream
Half packet of cereal (coco pops)
1 beyond ripe banana
1 apple
4 clementines
Gaggle of tea bags (tetley's)
1 pint of milk (frozen)
4 tins tuna
1 packet pasta
1 packet rice
10 eggs
2 sticks of gum
8 phone numbers of take away places

end of month blah blah blah

forgot the month ended. this is good. i don't want to be constrained by arbitrary time periods.
 last months graph looks like this

you can clearly see a sharp drop at the end. that was a couple of beats and three monkey tilt platonic spews (technical term it would seem)

once again i have an unrealistic plan for the month which mostly involves not once looking at how much i'm winning or losing during sessions or after sessions. this is to tame the aforementioned monkey tilt.
obviously after getting in the positive for 2/4 on ptr i decided that i didn't like change or the unfamiliar. this resulted in returning to the red.
hopefully i can play lots this month and win lots and be so far positive i won't ever return to the negative. i still have 24000 vpps to get by the end of septemeber so thats about 17k hands for two months in a row. that should be manageable if i can ever get the internet installed. currently running off a mobile broadband dongle in an area with no 3g signal and a laptop that takes 35 attempts to connect to any signal at all which is infuriating and not really good for playing poker i don't think. so my mostly enforced break continues. i'm hoping that it'll finally get ordered on monday and up and running next week but bizarrely it depends on a bank address since you're not allowed to be generous and can only order internet where you bank statement is registered.

my body clock has also started playing tricks on me like waking me up at 8am every morning. this is unacceptable and i think i need to drink it into submission to stop this abomination. it's like a self fulfilling prophecy too in that i get tired far too early and go to bed at a normal time thus leading to another early wakeup. i fear this is the beginning of the end and i am rapidly ageing to a point where i'm one day gonna look down and see i'm wearing slippers. i am afraid.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffs i still tilt

how is this still possible that after so long of knowing that the worst thing that i do is tilt, i still continue to do so on an alarmingly regular basis.
last night i obviously decided that playing was too boring so i thought that burning money was the new thing. turns out it is, but whilst it's fun at the time, it's not fun in the cold light of day.
whats weird is that I was playing 2/4 and 3/6 last night and i only tilted at the 2/4 tables. so im thinking i should start to play higher. not because my raises will get respect, or because im chasing loses, but so i concentrate and play properly.
anyways, im taking a(n enforced) break until i get internet installed and then im gonna play on stars for the next two months, clearing a $4k bonus (also get the remaining 1.2k milestones for reaching supernova) and then think about where to play for the rest of the year.
i need about 25k vpps so hopefully can up my volume and am aiming for 2 10k months. if i don't tilt i think it will be quite possible especially as i will be playing 2-3 times as much as usual (i hope).

in other news i think my new flat has a wasps nest in the wall. they try to get inside and then for some reason at night are attracted to lights. everytime i tried to go to sleep wasps would fall out of the (horrible and cheap) lightshade onto my bed. this is not conducive to relaxation before sleep.
then the lights in my office aren't working cos of building work to replace the windows (there's a logical connection?) and working on boring stuff during the day in the dark is conducive to sleep.

one other thing that makes me laugh about the building people is that they have two temporary portakabins. one above the other. one is a canteen, the other is their office. obviously the one with easier access at ground level is the canteen. the office, out the way and up the stairs!

doomswitches don't exists

except for the one where you uncheck the post blinds box, and then get kk losing to jj allin pre ($1k pot) and pair and straight draw losing to flush draw who calls your 4bet shove on the flop. byebye $1.6k pot
aside from those two flips was today acceptable. a few too many badly played hands but focussed ok imo. helped that i didn't plan to play for the rest of the month means it feels like fun.

i had a funny moment when playing the other day to hear a car hooting like crazy driving down the road. i leaped to the window to see the car and what was happening. obviously they were hooting like mad at my deaf cat who likes to cross the road. being the unwitting daredevil that she is, she only looks one way when crossing the road. i tried to teach her to look both ways but it's difficult as she is completely deaf.

one would think that humans do a better job but it's all a matter of priorities.
i saw a lady running for a bus t'other day. i assume she has done this before and has perfected her technique for bus catching. what she does is look directly at the bus, and only directly at the bus and then run in a straight line to where ever it is. this includes traversing grassy knolls, pavements, and the middle of junctions, being sure to NEVER look away from the bus. clearly she is aware that if anything were to hit her, the driver would suffer great financial burdens of increased insurance and anguish and having hit a fellow human being. (or maybe that she was next to a hospital meant this case was a special case it was worth the risk)

up and down last few days

a couple of times i've gone 2k up only to finish close to level. this beats going 2k down and finishing level. whilst at the time the latter feels better, i'm pretty sure i prefer the former.

been running pretty weird. i think i'm running average, as my win rate seems to be around what it's been the last few months but i only got out of jail in one session today thanks to a weird hand. two whales at the table. first whale raises from cut off. i call button with a5 hearts. 2nd whale calls from sb, and bb folds. all playing 100bb effective.
flop is j74 two hearts. whale 2 checks, whale 1 checks, i bet half pot, whale two raises half their stack - over 7 times my bet. whale 1 shoves!?
i wasn't sure whether to call the first one (and by call i mean shove obv) but with the second dude in i couldn't fold. so i shove and we all see a 4 turn, and 3h on river. i'm rather happy to see they both had aj and that was a very nice pot.
sadly the session deteriorated when in quick succession to one guy on two tables i lose aq to 99 all in pre, qq to tt all in pre, and qq to kk all in on low flop.
been mixing in some 3/6 when i can too although there aren't a great many tables of that running. most action seems to be at the bot infested 20-50bb tables. if (when?) that news becomes public it's not gonna be gppd for the online game in general.
moving flat soon, once internet is setup i'm gonna get the 4k bonus, clear that whilst getting supernova which includes the 1k bonus and then probably start playing some at another site for of the rest of the year where games are allegedly weaker at 3/6-5/10.
still hoping for 90k+ in rest of year, (86 to go) gonna have to get my grind on after august 4th. (forgotten what happens on august 4th, but it must be something whereafter serious time efficiency will be installed in my mind. and yes, i mean installed, not instilled, i'm going for it matrix style. i think that would be a great superpower. akin to peter petrelli from heroes, if you could take powers from regular people too)
i'm taking it serious, i even bought a payg wireless internet thing as a back up.

reason #71.5 why i need new friends

friends facebook status "when in rome :)"
i write, "yes, please go on"
no one seemed to get the reference
i guess it was mostly their friends who saw it so it could instead be she who needs the new friends.


in other news, a momentous milestone has been reached.

my goal of getting into the +ve at 2/4 on ptr has been achieved!
after being close to -$20k on there (mostly due to four months of diabolical play) i am now in the green.
all that remains to turn green is 2/4 hu. im down quite a few buy in's there, and i want to get that positive also. it would probably also be good to get better at heads up play since i'm pretty bad at it. trouble is finding people that are waiting at tables AND want to play. so many just sit out. and i'm rubbish!

i'm pretty quiet at the tables these days. i think i'd like to chat some more in a humorous way. i'm gonna  try to get chat banned by saying non offensive things which sound much worse when they are first heard. things like:
i've seen turds uglier than you
does anyone even know what you're doing?

and if you have any more, add them to the comments, i'll phase them into my chat too.

i need to play a bunch more this month. moving house next week and will take a week or two to get broadband installed which is gonna be a pain considering i'm only halfway to my monthly target number of hands this month. next month when all is more settled i'm gonna need to double my play i reckon if i'm gonna get near 100k for the year!

in celebration of spain winning the world cup i've been reinstating siestas into my daily routine. i took one today and now i'm wide awake. possibly also due in part to some serious excess of sugar today. which isn't healthy when i'm about to start training for new football season. not sure i wanna play any more. training in the summer is ok, mostly due to the nice weather, but playing on waterlogged pitches with ref's who can't see and opposition players who are mostly polished turds isn't as appealing as it once was.

no job

and a new and way more expensive flat than i can afford

this leads me to now technically be playing poker as a sole income. i figure this will most likely only last till the end of the year so i must enjoy it as best possible, preferably by winning multiple dollars.

i am in life terribly indecisive and can only describe every situation i find myself in, thrust upon me, rather than through any fault of my own. luckily, i find most of these situations humorous. and good material for any future sitcom i may or may not write.

still have much actual work to finish, including a plethora of multi word reports. there is one i have been putting off for months that i must go finish now...

i like reading. sometimes more than sleeping. sleeping is kinda boring. i never seem to enjoy it whilst it's happening. i need more lucid dreams.

at first, i was angry. but then, i realised it was all for the best.

i am of course talking about a large helping of stupidity i saw yesterday. walking down the street i noticed one side of the road pay and display parking bays, operating from 9 -530. the opposite side, has free parking outside of the hours of 11-12. i was on this street between the hours of 12 and 530 and saw 2 people parked in the pay and display, with only 1 parked in the free bit. then another car comes along and pays for parking. at first i wanted to say "STOP. DO NOT PARK THERE. JUST DO A THREE POINT TURN AND PARK FOR FREE"
but i decided not to.

a few hours later when thinking this over (i really couldn't let it go) i realised it was great for two reasons. firstly, more room for me to park. and secondly because it's essentially a tax on stupid people. if you came out and said you wanted to tax stupid people most people would probably be against it. ironically i doubt it's because they think they're stupid (most think they're not) but because people would say it's morally wrong or something. (maybe it is?!)
but this way of making people pay for parking when they don't have to, is like taxing stupid people, and so i guess i am not so angry about it anymore.

here's an interesting hand of poker:
villain is an avg reg. i'm in the small blind. both start with 100bb ($400)
what say you?

Dealt to Hero [  Qh As ]
3 folds
Villain raises [$12.00 USD]
Hero raises [$38.00 USD]
1 folds
Villain calls [$28.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 4h, Th, 8d ]
Hero bets [$44.00 USD]
Villain calls [$44.00 USD]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 7d ]
Hero checks
Villain checks

** Dealing River ** [ 6c ]
Hero checks
Villain bets [$120.00 USD]
Hero raises [$312.00 USD]

reasons for disliking the tube

i was sitting down, waiting for my train. i notice someone i vaguely recognise walking towards me. we make that eye contact where you both know you saw each other but both try to avoid it. about three times.
then i get a head nod. head nods in cars are fine. in person, they are not when you don't really know each other. we had to say hi. we said, i recognise you. we say, i'm not sure where from. maybe football.
then we sit in silence not just on the platform, but there were only two seats on the carriage. next to each other. neither of us wanting to walk to a different carriage as it would be rude. and we're British. we can't do that.
so we sit in silence till it's time for him to leave. we say goodbye, i'm not sure why.
i don't think i'll be forgetting him in a hurry.

a new month

and half way through the year which is a good time to look at my goals imo

firstly, monthly graph.

i think i still have tilt issues

halfway through the year and profits are at a measly $10k or so. i think my aim was to be £25k now with the rest to come later in the year. i revised it to $ instead of £ a little while ago. i think it's still feasible. my aim was $75k in the second half of the year so now it's 90. not so far removed. i think i would also like back to back 10k months to show myself i can be consistent. upping volume in last three months should help.
speaking of which i finally upped my volume and have hit pace for supernova by end of sept to avoid losing status. 15k hands a month from now on in should suffice.

feeling pretty tired all the time now. a friend mentioned it might be the heat. if anything, it's the heat from my computer. i really should open it and remove the dust that's no doubt clogging up the fan. it pumps out an enormous amount of heat. one day i'd like to switch to a noiseless water cooling system. that would be nice.

journalists

if i wanted your opinions i would read editorials
when i read your articles, i want facts
and when i want to laugh, i read the bbc website.
eg today's story about Russian spies in America, they interview one guy who worked with one of these so called spies and he says
"I'm either very, very bad at second-guessing who is a Russian spy or he hid it very well."
Seeing as those two concepts are mutually exclusive, i'm going to add a third corollary,
you're a moron.
spies are probably good at what they do. and you're clearly bad at guessing who are spies.

i also was thinking today that if i was (or when i will be) a dictator, i will be less concerned about things like censorship and saying bad things about me. the things i will be concerned with are:
1) no eating like animals
2) no driving like selfish turds
3) no doing anything like a selfish turd
4) i will also implement an iq test. before taking it you will have to guess your own score. the closer you get, the more money/benefits you get. however, unbeknown to these people is that anyone who guesses their score to be 20% higher than their actual score gets evicted.

anyways, i'm off to reread quincy

i forgot the point of my entire last post was simply to say i once again went to sleep with the birds singing

birds singing is usually nice unless you want to get to sleep. or just want to enjoy some peace and quiet. and for beauty purposes, the noises that pigeons make it not beautiful. they are the vuvuzela's of the poultry singing world.

anyways, i was roped into playing some live poker last night. a 25 runner satellite for some comp in europe i'd never heard of where winner could choose either bulgarian coast or barcelona for a poker tournament.
i decided to go because i was very hot sitting in my shorts and the great danes had been not so great in losing to a japan team of very nippy players. it seems that they must have a reputation for nippiness cos we recently played a team of japaneses at 5 a side and they battered us using nippiness as their greatest strength.

but i digress. i ran like a beginner (very well) and found myself on the final table. here is where it got interesting since as usual i don't call (unbeginner like) but prefer bet/raise.
so when i 3bet the same guy twice in one orbit his eyes looked ready to pop, in a very threatening manner which i knew would be aimed at me. so to clarify, i got the feeling he wanted his eyes to pop out his head just so he could have something to hit me with.
i don't know why people get so angry with me when i play. the only two things i don't do that they do is
1)dont show my cards at the end of a hand
2)don't call incessantly
in fact i saw one person, with a 5 big blind stack, sitting in the big blind, call a raise to 3 big blinds pre flop and then check fold the flop. brilliant.

so the dude who hated me folded both times and both times i wanted him to call. the irony of his hate filled looks when making what were good folds didn't escape me.

anyway, long and boring story short i got heads up with a 2-1 chip lead, made a deal to give 10% of person who went to runner up along with some cash. it was already close to 2am at this point and whilst i didn't really wanna deal i was happy to have done so as i played like a retard heads up and lost.

this post has begun to bore even me. i'm in a massive hole for the month still and am hoping to play 10k hands more before the end of the month to see if i can dig my way out. which always reminds me of Chief Wiggum's advice when in this spot, "No, dig up, stupid"

it was a sunny evening

on a short midsummers night. the day had been spent like every other of late, watching all the games of football my telly could throw at me, and i was satisfied.

what better way than to round off the last 30 hours of my weekend than to include some poker.

oh what a mistake that turned out to be. not only did i have a remarkable lack of patience, i was blissfully unaware of the cold red mist that has descended upon me. less than 24 hours, and 2 sessions of poker later i had shot much of my online account, somewhere upwards of $7k. both sessions started off badly, got worse before i recovered. both times i considered quitting (at -$2k and -$1.2k) and both times i thought of soldiering on to win some monies back. and both times a downward spiral ensued, so fast that it had all turned to shit before i could notice and stop.

in the past, my newest biggest ever loss always annoyed me greatly that sleeping that night was almost as difficult as playing again immediately. and this was by far by biggest loss in a 12 hour period.

so come sunday night i decided the best cause of action was obviously to fire up the tables. expecting disaster i managed a breakeven session (thanks to two terrible calls by me towards the end, i would won otherwise!)

things i've learnt:
1) i still tilt like a coke machine being attacked by thirsty chavs. the coke machine now has cctv to 'protect' it, but that's only a deterrent, and even then it sometimes turns itself off.
2) i no longer care as much about money in my online roll. this is good as i can sleep, but bad, because i should care more than i do to prevent losing
3) i really really really have to try to not look at winnings/losses during a session
4) folding = winning money.
5) games are pretty bad now on stars outside of weekends. 
6) the recession is hitting everyone hard. crows, which are intelligent, have begun to attack pigeons. i know this because i saw it happen a couple of days ago. i do not, however, know why. i saw it fly after it's victim, landing everywhere it had just been, before finally nailing it's victim with it's claws and taking a chunk of feathers/flesh.
7) not everything i learn can be related to poker.

i had to send off a voucher for cashback; due by Thursday i sent it on Monday. It went to a freepost address and got me thinking. what class does freepost post fit under? i hoped it was first to make sure it gets there fast. but maybe it was 2nd class which would take longer. but how does second class take longer? do the postmen look at the 2nd class stamp, laugh at the people not wanting to pay more and just throw it to the side of the sorting office, purposefully delaying it by a day or two. if they could just put the post on the same truck as the first class post then it would all arrive at the same time.
except then you wouldn't be able to get second class post. so it seems to me that they delay it on purpose for no real reason, other than to punish people for not paying more. or to ensure people pay more to send it first class. either way, something doesn't quite add up.

8) i have weird thoughts.

fuck

fuck
fuck
fuck

im a fucking tilting idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well that last one was a long post.

i just shaved without using a mirror. i wonder how terrible a job i did. will no doubt wake tomorrow morning/afternoon and reshave.
shaving is such a waste of time. if the body can automate breathing, blinking etc, why can't we automate shaving, eating etc?

speaking of annoying things i had a great idea today for an invention that hopefully hasn't been done. if not, i will get inventing. if it has, i will share with you my awesome idea (that has already been stolen) so you can bask in my nearly glory.

back to the grind of online house hunting. they say moving house is very stressful. i think looking is the most stressful part. but maybe that's what they mean? usually i get bored after 2/3 viewings so i have to make sure the first few i see are good quality cos i will end up picking one of them

i also got a new camera recently (it's old but new to me) which hopefully will lead to some awesome pics. i noticed with lots of digital camera i've used in the past few years they don't 'see' reds, like in sunsets. my first one from years ago did, so not sure why technology has gone backwards. anyway, this is an slr so should be good. has lots of dials though so gonna have to work out how to use it properly (trial and error obv - the manual is about 200 pages long!)

losing focus

of late, when i first sit down, i have been really unfocused and losing lots in the first few hands.
no change there tonight, and i concentrated enough to grind lots back.

gave about $1k to two different people. one is a massive moron, the other a massive nit, and i played badly against them all night. luckily enough people were donating that i finished up a little for the day.

been getting lots of headaches when playing recently. a combination of tired hungry and thirsty doesn't help. i really should eat drink and sleep properly. i also find my monitor way too bright now, and been trying to turn it down but it still seems to bright....

in other news, my flat hunting took me to gumtree and i found an ad that sounded too good to be true. awesome area, 80% of general market rate, but i still emailed the guy. and his response was, well, judge for yourselves (some street names changed for no good reason)


Subject: Re: Reply to your ad: GOOD LOCATION   -- -- --  NO EXTRA FEE - -- -- FULLY FURNISHED ONE BEDROOM FLAT

ello
Thanks for your mail. I am a very young comfortable professional,26 who works in a recording company as a studio manager.I would like to rent out a double bedroom Garden Flat with Broad Band Internet to a very easy going person at 700 per month including all bills.available now for you to occupy.not shared apartment..My apartment is very comfortable fully furnished flat of brand duplex flat.Located in quiet residential area { XXXXX} B street is located between area A and Abc Avenue and is therefore well placed for tube station (Jubilee Line) underground station and the shopping and restaurant facilities of Finchley Road.is fully furnished with digital home cinema, hi-fi system, VCR, DVD player, phone, fax, computer, cable/satellite, internet access, wardrobe, cupboard, Hanging wardrobe, safe deposit box, radio alarm clock, hair dryer, fully air-conditioned, central heating, intruder alarm, fire
alarm and more. Large fully equipped kitchen, 2 toilets and unlimited wireless internet.
I don't want any problem for myself.., i need to know the person that will occupy my apartment that is, the person that will take care of my apartment like theirs because am letting the flat out because am presently in Manchester working. It is not compulsory that i rent out the flat but if i can get a reliable and tidy person that will take care of my flat for me i can let it out.so i need to know them better i.e what you and your partner do for a living.

Rent Includes

Electricity
Gas
Water Charge
Council Tax
Lease
internet

Waiting to read from you.

 Well, that's a nigerian sounding email. and yes, they did start and email with 'ello' and end it with, waiting to read from you!
i thought i'd probe further with an email:

Hi,

Thanks for the reply.

As you probably guessed from my email address i'm a student at the moment, just finishing and will be writing my work up over the next few months.

Looking for somewhere at the moment to be able to concentrate on my work and yours stood out - seems almost too good to be true! If you're around sometime in the next few days it would be good to see the place and meet you as i'm sure you'd want to meet any potential tenants too.

Also would be good to know if there is the potential to get a parking permit for the streets around there?

Look forward to hearing from you,

well, then came a pretty quick reply:

Subject: THINKING ON THE VIEWING OF THE FLAT


Thanks for the reply.I would love to meet you, get to know you and show you round the flat so that you can see what you are renting but I have been having problems with time wasters who could not keep to there end of deal.Its really time wasting because i am a very busy person and do not really have much time to waste. To me, every seconds count.because i am presently  in the studio doing some live recording and icant make or receive calls due to the nature of my job,but have my Laptop here to reply to emails.viewing will not be a problem, Anytime during the week in the evening would be a good date for our meeting.
The rent is still very Low considering the current economic climate in London..

Can you please answer the following questions?
-Are you really serious about the renting the flat?
 How many are you to occupy the Flat?.
-If you love the flat when you see it, will you make the payment to hold it against your move in?

why I am asking these questions is basically because of my experience with my last tenant. Morgan moved into my flat in JUNE:2008,on commencing the tenancy, he paid a total sum of £537.50 in rent hoping that he would pay up the balance  unknowingly  he provided a fraudulent employers reference to convince me of having a stable job!
Although i served him with Section 8 and Section 21 Notices and obtained a Court Order for possession of the property, he was reluctant to move out or pay any of the rent arrears.County Court bailiffs got him evicted and his total debt to date is £1,263. (Quite much).
 I will prepare all the necessary documentations i:e Contract Form:which we will both sign after being satisfied with the flat.
Payment will be made after signing the contracts and keys will be handed over to you once contract is made.
Please,understand that i am NOT asking you to pay me BEFORE you view the flat.The neighborhood is safe and i guess you have heard much about this area?it is a safe, clean area.

-Your rent begins on your move in date..
-Viewing is never  a problem.
-Proof of ownership and Documentation will be shown upon viewings.
-There is no minimum or maximum stay.
- Rent include Council Tax,electricity,gas,internet, e.t.c
-Its 700pcm and 700 refundable deposit.

Kindly get back to me about an idea on what we can do so that we can arrange a meeting for viewing.

Thanks while hoping to read from you.
Regards,


Well, the thing that sealed it (95% scam surely?!) was that the subject line of the email changed. no real person does that surely?
also he referred to our meeting as a date. that scared me.

i took my tv off my wall. when i first put it up i noticed it was a bit high (not like that) but was too lazy to redrill holes and move it. plus, i never used it much.
but now with the world cup on it's painful to look at so high so i took it down and moved it to my desk. right now i also have my laptop on my desk along with my monitor. one would think my desk be massive to cope with this but right now i can see my monitor, much of my laptop and almost none of the telly (and it's only a baby telly vision). this will take some rearranging if i'm going to watch the world cup whilst working and surfing the interweb.

i should probably begin by clearing the books (there are 9 i have to read, one is by nabokov and boring, and one is my learn russian book which is ongoing, but that's still a lot of reading) and random foreign change off my desk. and probably also my degree certificate. it's been there for years.

anyways, this week i was sent to coventry and had some time one evening to meet an old young friend i hadn't seen for years. amazingly, she suggested the casino as the best place to get drink. and happily i knew where that was. so i drove there, had some cheeky pints too many and when she left i realised i was a bit too pissed to open the car door let alone drive. so i did what any gambler would have done and sat down at the poker table to reclaim my roulette losses. (or vice versa)

my aim was to tilt the life forces out of everyone whilst also lasting long enough to not be too pissed to remember where the hotel was. it could have started very bad. i sat with just over £100 in this 1/2 game. woo, i'm a shortstacker. first hand i play is a few hands in (i have no patience for live games anymore) and raise k4o in late position. only one of the blinds call. (read: old man, likely to be rubbish).
flop: 9JQ
i bet half pot he call
turn:A
i bet half pot again, he call
river 4
he check, i shove for about 50, he tanks for eternity, i give off caro strong tells in case he's read a book. unlikely though. he tanks some more, and folds face up J9 lol. ty. table talk down my end puts me on kt. more lols to be had.

then the fun begins. i call a raise from a big stack with kt spades. he had a big stack so i assumed he wasn't just bad, but also lucky, so proceeded to play with caution. old man from hand 1 comes along.
flop is q92, two diamonds, one spade
checks round
turn is 7 spades
old man checks, big stack bets £10, i raise to £30 knowing he has nothing, old man calls (!?) mr big stack folds
river is 5 spades
old man checks, i stick £60 or so in, he tanks for 1/100th of the last tank and calls with aq dd!!
this tilted him enough to leave. 1 down, 8 to go.

i don't play for a bit so when i see 72o in late position i figure this is a good hand to get to showdown with. i raise, 3 callers.

flop is 89t, 2 clubs, and all check to me. i check
turn is a j. checks to me, i bet pot, 1 caller.
river is A of clubs. i figure i'm likely to get called by worse but wanna be sure to show this down so i check. he tries to play 'show me yours' and announces two pair.
i turn over my hand to not much surprise. maybe they have me pegged already.

i made a bad river call later with k7 on a 7733A board against nit of the century when every street was checked to the river when he bet small, i raised small, he 3 bet big. i convinced myself he could do this with any 7 but no, obv A7.  i think i'm lucky it wasn't quads.

7's were obviously being lucky after not coming up on roulette so when i got 74 on the button in a straddled pot i called. big blind was previous kid who lost to my 72.
(initial read: under 18, can't cash out as likely has no i.d., playing to lose.
current read: unchanged)

flop is 743
he checks, i bet small, like £5.
turn 4
he checks, i bet £15.
river 8
he checks
i bet £42. he pretends that he's thinking and then calls. again trying to instigate a game of show me yours i don't give him the pleasure by turning over 74 to a look of broken despair. he literally jumps over the wall next to the table to get away from me.
2 down, 7 to go.

not much else happened for a while, and then i noticed it was after 3am, having played about 30 hands (awesome live poker) so i cashed out and went to get a couple of hours sleep.

online has been boringly breakeven but with mountainous swings. for almost 20k hands. need to play better and run better imo. at least i'm starting to play lots of hands and keeping this up maybe retain sn status by august.

just when i thought i was out...

they pull me back in

just two days ago i was saying how nothing interesting or funny had happened. and then yesterday, bam, a gargantuan mong strikes out at me.

i went to my uni's print office on friday to see if they could make me a poster by tuesday. the 'lady' (definitely in caster semanya's genre of 'lady') said "probably, but we can't be sure"
brilliant. you've got no work whatsoever as it's the summer holiday for pretty much everyone and you can't even be sure to do a simple ctrl+p on your computers within 3 days.
so i had to get the local print shop to do it. and as a bonus they deliver it. i told them to call me when they get here, and i'll meet them at the print office (since it's a part of campus that they know, and also it's round the corner from my office)
monday rolls along and i get a call that they're here. so i go to the print office to meet them. for some reason they were waiting inside but i gathered they knew the 'lady' who works there since printshop man is here most days apparently. i say hi to him, get poster from him. and then 'lady' comes out her office to where we were and starts abusing me by shouting "we're not a deliver service you know!"
"ok, i replied, i wasn't using you as a delivery service, i was just meeting him here cos it's where he knows and i'm ..."
"WE'RE NOT A DELIVERY SERVICE!!!!!!!11"
"ok, i replied, not using you as a delivery service, i'm just meeting him here, my office is round the corner, it's an easy place to meet..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE AREN'T A DELIVERY SERVICE!"

at this point i wanted to ask her if she was deaf or stupid. cos it had to be one or the other. but i knew if i asked i would just get interrupted again. so i just said ok and walked out with printshop man as she continued a random barrage of abuse and bizarre points to about how terrible it was that someone should meet in 'her' building.
as we left we talked and laughed about it, he didn't understand what the problem was either so i'm not going crazy just yet. though i was thinking of ordering some random things and sending them to her department, labelled for anybody else. perhaps even some labelled to her, with a message inside asking her to make a personal delivery to someone else in another department....

ps massive breakeven stretch on poker. due to playing stupidly bad. take two days off (enforced anyway) and gonna use that time to mentally refocus.

discoveries you make that turn out not to be your discoveries as other poeple already thought of them

i remember when i first discovered, serendipitously, and only a few years ago, that putting a bit of toilet paper into the bowl before dropping the kids off at the pool prevents splashback. i thought i was a genius. the first to have realised this. sadly, it seemed more well known than i had thought.

these are better moments than when people tell you about their negative discoveries. and by that i mean things they point out to you which lower your quality of life because you wouldn't otherwise have noticed them. for example, wagamama's seats are really bad for posture and leave you with a stomach ache. but only after you know about it! (sorry). and also that when eating meat for dinner you often end up with the meat sweats, being really thirsty for the rest of the night no matter how much you drink (sorry again). i'll stop now.

anyway, things have been nicely quiet out here for me.
i've found poker increasingly boring to talk to most people about over the past few years for various reasons. and sadly in the past week it's been the most interesting thing i can think of that's happened, yet no one would understand what i was talking about.

played four sessions this month for ~1k hands each time which is decent volume for me. though laughably little for anyone who takes it semi seriously. the last two session started off disastrously. yesterday i flopped the nuts with qj on a kt9 board, got all in against 99, river was a 9.
that was followed up with aa losing to kk aipf, and a few hands later against the same kk guy on another table aa losing to jj aipf.
today didn't start much better. 78ss flopped 9tj with 2 clubs and got all in on the flop vs...78cc (river club!)
that was shortly followed by simultaneously getting qq against aa and qq against aa.

in the end yesterday i finished 1k down, and today 1.5k up so i can't really complain, i guess i'm running well enough even though all in ev disagrees telling me i'm running bad. been working hard on not checking results during play, and not checking ptr of myself at all. hopefully at end of month will be recorded as +ve at 2/4!

i'm sure there were some other things that have been happening but all i can really remember about the past few days is that it has been pretty hot here, and in fact on friday i almost melted. not that i'm complaining. after the coldest winter in bloody ages it was nice to be overly hot.

last, but by no means least, i find that facebook seems to get rather a bad press, but really, there are some moments that make it worthwhile.

i just ate a whole clove of garlic with some parsley

hopefully these weird smells will allow me to fit in with the degenerates that frequent the local poker club and they won't look down on me like an outcast.

so there's been some iPoker (nothing to do with apples) tournament series with an overlay. i managed to get logged on to william hill after a palava including having to use a different computer to download the software and speak to live chat to get my account information after i had tried and failed the online auto generating  reset link by virtue of telling them a fake birthday when i first joined. obviously this makes it very difficult for anyone else to get into my account, but equally difficult for me.

i finally got in ready to make a deposit, seconds after the tournament started. and they don't have late registration. that probably saved me lots of money, so a hearty thanks to their slow live help.

later i fired up some tables, with only a couple to begin with that seemed ok. just as i sat down, and before playing any hands, i noticed an all in for a $1200 pot, only for both players to split it with Ak. i thought that was a bit loose with 150bb till i realised it was a 3/6 table, not a 2/4 one. obviously, i couldn't back out now having sat down so played there for a while. i added a few 2/4 tables too to keep myself from boredom. as it happened, almost nothing happened for the first 500 hands. that used to annoy me enough to tilt but this time i just kinda sat around still waiting. lost a bit at 2/4 (further into the red on ptr, grr - which i'm not gonna check myself on more than once a week) and won a bit at 3/6 but all pretty uninteresting. managed over 1k hands which is nice. that's my daily target i think. 3 times during the week and 4k over weekends.

more interesting was a 5 a side game of football where a couple of opponents went mental shouting threats at us, leading to unmitigated violence on their behalf including but not limited to head-butts. according to the ref, there is no need to do anything about this. i guess it's acceptable when your losing, as seen on t.v.

they say necessity is the mother of all invention and following my lunch today i have surmised there is a need for a new name for eggs where you make them somewhere between fried (over easy) and scrambled. the ones where you intend to make fried eggs but are too hungry to wait for them to cook so you mix it up, but only a little bit.

ps spoke to boss, officially unemployed. here's to watching all the world cup games!