Tuesday, April 26, 2011

a pine in the mouth

if i cared about google rankings i would have called this post pine mouth.
a few weeks back i started getting a funny aftertaste in my mouth. i couldn't really describe it very well. food would be delicious followed by an horrible after taste. a little metallic, but i don't usually eat metals so was hard to be sure. at first i thought the chocolate bar i ate was off. but i then noticed it with everything. so in this time of medical need i turned to the only viable source, google.
a brief search, lasting a mere 0.00223 seconds, brought up many words of information. a brief perusal of the first 2 pages (i used to do 3 but am getting more efficient) narrowed my condition down to two possible causes.
1)bloody mouth
i did not see any blood when brushing my teeth, nor was there any other signs of blood or possible causes such as fisticuffs or rugby (nor did i use fake blood)
thus, i ruled this cause unlikely
2)pine mouth
it would seem that some chinese pine nuts can cause a metallic aftertaste in some people. it occurs two days after ingestion (possibly due to EHR according to wiki) and many googlers said it could last up to two weeks! and two days ago i had eaten some pine nuts - from china!

eating became more of a chore than usual. furthermore, i kept forgetting i had this condition so would eat things like cheese sand witches and think they were very off, throw it away, and then remember it was just my tasting inabilities.

someone mentioned to me today that kanu still plays football. it reminded me of my second original joke, which my brain made up subconsciously, the day after he missed a penalty for arsenal

roses are red
violets are blue
i can score a penalty

off to play some pokers now. realise i hadn't done an update for ages. thats how bad it was going. i'm beginning to turn a corner and then last friday all the american sea creatures (fishes and sharkes) got caught in a net of bureaucracy. it's a pretty stupid situation and like all things political, getting stupid things reversed takes a stupidly long amount of time.

hopefully i can suck all the money out the sea before they return (don't worry, that's a joke, the ice caps are melting so we'll all just end up drowning)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

how people find my blog

a yahoo user found me by typing "pma positive mental attitude kriss akabusi advert"
i was quite pleased i was found using those terms till i got to the last three words.
but they have nothing on a google user who found me by typing "is everyone on omegle wanking"
i understand this is a tough question to answer because omegle only lets you type and not see your opponent (unlike chat roulette i am told)
however, i can confirm, should they be interested, that the answer is yes.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

a week of mentals

the past week has seen the meetings of new mentals and conclusion of old mentals.

the story begins many months ago when i was driving. i wasn't moving at the time, but stationary in my car, waiting at a junction, looking to the right to avoid driving into other cars. alas, other drivers on the road do not share my idealistic driving philosophies and one of these creatures used my car to stop their own. i hit my head on the window but luckily no lasting damage was done to me. (maybe there was but it would be probably be hard to tell)
i got out my car to survey the destruction to find that her car was fine and mine had it's bodywork damaged. the lady who hit me said nothing. literally nothing. no sorry, no are you ok, no comments about any damage, no accepting responsibility. having avoided these driving philistines all my life i wasn't aware how exactly to deal with the situation. i only took her details. in future, i will always be writing a statement of accepting responsibility and getting them to sign it.
i asked her to pay for the damage, telling her to give me £250 in cash to cover the respraying, assuming there is no further damage after visiting the garage. she didn't say much back. surprisingly. it's not like she had a shocked expression on her face either. i got the impression that this was a common occurrence for her.
i went to my mechanic and he said there was no further damage to the car. i called her to inform her of her luck. and this is where the fun started. she wanted quotes and receipts and confirmations and to pay the garage directly and all sorts of nonsense. it was as though i was doing her a favour by getting cash from her and avoiding the insurance company. i had enough and told her, no - you have your quote, you pay me, not the garage, no receipts or they'll charge more. she agreed. if she didn't i was just going to go through insurance.
this happened months ago and she finally paid last week. my favourite moment was when she sent an email confirming she would pay the quote. she started it by saying "without prejudice"
i'm no lawyer but that is generally reserved for litigation correspondence when someone is making an offer by mail that later can't be brought as evidence before a judge. i don't think many insurance claims for under £400 have ever made it to a judge.
she was mental.

yesterday i met two more mentals.
1) i felt sorry for this one. she was old, and old people like to talk. she talked about all the buses lined up in a row. "i've never seen so many. and i've been coming here for years!" i pretty much got her family history after that. it's quite difficult to leave these people. though i shouldn't feel so bad when i do abruptly leave, they probably don't notice.
2) the mental it's ok to laugh at. hairdresser. it started sensibly, commenting that it's impossible to predict the weather more than a couple of days ahead. and definitely not forecasts for the summer. i was about to agree with his point but couldn't get a word in. he continued:
of course, it's the royal wedding coming up. it will be sunny on that day. the weathermen make sure they get it right. the royals always choose good weather for their weddings and funerals. imagine all those people outside in the pouring rain.

i was gobsmacked. not only are weatherman in fact able to get long range forecasts accurate 'when it's important' eg events such as royal weddings, they don't apparently try for anything else. furthermore, for funerals, the royal family also consult weathermen about when the best time to die is. they wouldn't want their subjects getting wet whilst mourning their beloved rulers.

*i realise i wrote weatherman and not weatherperson. i don't even know if thats a term. also weatherman is quicker to type and weatherperson sounds odd. no one complains when one writes mankind do they? if they did, i think it says more about the complainee than anything else.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

story of the day


shocker! politician lies!
calls in radio station to support himself pretending to not be himself after calling as himself and being told he couldn't take part since he was a politician.
like someone making 4 forum identities all vouching for the op. ha.

my favourite two things about this story are when the person who appears to be his boss backs him in public by saying
"I think it was a genuine mistake, I don't think it was deceit and lies."

erm, it definitely was lies and deceit. it may also have been a mistake but to say it's not a lie/deceit is like saying i don't think his picture on that website makes him look at all like a ladyboy. which was my other favourite part of the story. i honestly thought he was in fancy dress when i saw that picture.

Friday, April 01, 2011


i still don't get it. i use it primarily for ease of getting thoughts down. for on my phone i have 'dragon dictation' which means i can talk to my phone and it will make the words in written form. and usually correctly! it says it understands names in my phonebook but i haven't yet found that to be true. though i was using a nickname based on a non existent word. however, that's what i thought it means, surely real names like, Steve or Leopold, are already understood.

Anyway, as i was saying, i can talk to my phone then push two buttons and it posts to twitter. this is the kind of laziness that i like. i call it efficiency.

it helps me get down fleeting thoughts which otherwise would be lost to the ether. i don't really like repeating myself but thoughts include:
how the northern lights were explained before science cos they look mental in pictures
how i don't mind the neighbours playing piano. well, i wouldn't mind if they weren't so terrible
and whilst waiting in the gp that patients need patience. and what would the people who have problems spelling those words the right way round do if they had that same thought?

this post in other words: i am soul destroying;y awful at pokers. i lost lots. worst. month. ever. busto account. deposit money. start all over again.
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