Wednesday, May 27, 2009

i've run out of words

3625 words done and i need to reach 5000 by 7 o'clock tonight when i will be going out to watch the football. please let barca win

at this moment in time i have literally run out of words that can be added to the steaming pile of mess i have already unleashed upon my laptop's hard drive and screen. i decided to take a break and watch an episode of house. it was thoroughly enjoyable, especially as i forgot completely about the remaining words i have to write.

i don't know why but this reminds me of the time i was in a club with a girl who would definitely be in the top three of girls who i have touched. i gave her my number and she never called but i didn't really care. that reminds me of times i have given people fake numbers.
i once went to a showhouse flat place and told them my name was shaun round, the woman working said "rand? r-a-n-d?" and i said, "yes". my friend with me suppressed her laughter. i later gave her a fake mobile number and took her number.
we then went to another showroom flat thingy that day, when they asked for my number i gave them the first lady's mobile number (not the president's wife, the other lady from my story!) and told her it was my pa's number. i really would have liked to hear their conversation about the flat that was visited. i imagined it starting along the lines of
"hi, i'm calling regarding shaun rand's visit to the flat"
"oh yes, i'm glad you called. so, what do you think?"

obviously all these fake numbers have a serious affect on the people who's fake numbers are given out. it's probably a long shot to get a number that actually works but one day, i was in the airport with a couple of friends, about to go away and i got a slightly suggestive text

"so, how was last night for you?"
i probably replied, it was great...
a few texts later and i realise it's some dude who was given a fake number by a bird. i felt dirty.

Monday, May 25, 2009

another restaurant

this time however no tales of despair. though a couple of things did strike me.

1) all chairs should be comfortable. this may require the addition of a cushion. the chair i sat on yesterday was incredibly uncomfortable, the type that dug into the outside of your legs. i can only imagine how much worse it would have been were i fat.
2)more fundamentally than this, how/why do painfully uncomfortable chairs get made to begin with. does no one sit on the prototype and say, "no. this is awful. do not build."

maybe they are trying to get rid of people quicker and increase their turnover? though there is one coffee shop near me that i avoid due to their bad chairs. so their evil plan has backfired. though i often see people in there, maybe they're all first time customers.

not much else to say. trying to think of ways to avoid writing 6500 words. eating ice cream is my favourite method for avoiding things i don't like. i have till thursday afternoon and haven't yet started. worse still, is these words can't be a random collection, nor can they be words i have invented. instead, they have to form a coherent report of sorts. this is gonna be much tougher than any of those unrealistic playing x number of hands of poker in a week challenges.

so whilst i put off commencing this, have a mosey on down this page to this beautiful photo i recently took. i'm pretty sure there's some irony in there somewhere.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

first is everything second is nothing

i played three satellites tonight to try to get into stars's' (i think that is grammatically correct) monthly wsop tourney with 25 seats gtd. $650 is a bit steep to stump up so i played two $33 and one $22 double shootout tourneys. the $22 was a 6 seater and i won the first. in the 33's there was a lack of players so there were only 4 people in the first round. in the first a guy called with jt on an ace high flop knowing that a king and queen were coming. in the other, i made it through.

in both i made it heads up with a big chip deficit and managed to lose both. after my outlay i got back about $200, so in fact, second is not nothing.

i also have a special offer on betfair of free money if i play there soi will do so. apart from the slow, processor heavy, often crashing, badly designed software, i enjoy it there. mostly cos the opponents are highly unskilled resulting in much fun when playing as i play many more hands. this is aided by the fact that more than four tables don't fit on a screen because they are highly rectangular, and four tables means i can concentrate more on each table. oh, and i get bored so i play more hands.

anyway, its sunny today so im off out to enjoy it. i did get burnt earlier today (!) playing tennis. but all that really matters is that after losing for the previous two matches, today i won.

Friday, May 22, 2009

get out

i hate three more than i've ever hated anyone/anything before

yesterday, i got some great news. they were ending their free calls from abroad. there are about 7 countries inc australia, denmark and hongkong (country?) where you could get their network and use it as if you were in the uk. they are ending this at the end of june. why is this great news? because they decided to tell me that due to this i am allowed to terminate my contract for free. wooooooooooooooooo

just need to decide what phone to get. iphone or blackberry?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

the classics

i started listening to some classical music as it is highly relaxing, even when driving, and they have lots of famous tunes. like many football chanting tunes
my favourite is the one which went (when west ham fans went to liverpool, back in the day when di canio still played there)

we've got di canio
you've got our stereo

things i do not like however, are eating and shaving. probably not in that order. on occasions (eg holiday) i like eating ice cream, but mostly it's very tedious. having to do it three times a day really grinds me down. trying to do it four times a day almost killed me. i then read on the internet that fat does not turn into muscle, but muscle turns into more muscle upon training. whilst this makes sense, and is hopefully true i decided to fully believe this without any further study as i want it to be true. i definitely see some potential in me as future scientist if i carry on these trends. (note: as we all know, extrapolation is bad, but as long as it backs up my results i'm happy)

worse than eating, is shaving. i don't see the point. people with beards tend to be accepted as part of society. so why do i have to shave every day? obv i don't, because i'm a lazy, but there are occasions where i have to.

example one: i'm shortly to be getting on a plane. definitely need to shave prior to this otherwise i will get stopped at some point in the airport. this used to happen to me quite often but hasn't for a while. part of me is disappointed when i don't get stopped because i think i look a little like a terrorist and racial profiling works so i should be getting stopped more often than not.

example two: my photo is going to be in the newspaper. whilst this hasn't happened yet, i probably need to look acceptable to the greatest part of society available, at least until i'm famous enough to not care. i could go for the trendy stubble look but the window of opportunity i have here lasts about 10minutes, and requires shaving a certain amount of time before said photo and i don't think i could plan anything that far in advance that accurately and precisely.

there are many other rules we have in society that bug me but i have forgotten them for now. i think if i remembered them all i would be permanently tilted so i'm glad i have the capacity to forget many things. i just wish i could forget some of the films i watched, especially the good ones. how great it would be to watch fight club or the usual suspects for the first time (and second times), many times over.

Monday, May 18, 2009

a tale of woe

i almost blanked out the day i left last week. it was one of the most depressing 12 hours of my life. every little thing (bar missing my plane or anything actually bad) went wrong

firstly, i get on the bus to go the airport. i take out my ipod, eager to listen to the new green day album. i press the button for music and can't find green day. in fact, i can't find anything cos it's all disappeared. as have the episodes of south park i put on. the only things that remain are some photos. i see that there is still not much space available on my ipod so the music is hiding in there somewhere. but i still haven't found it.

i get to the airport and am told that there are no window or isle seats left. i also feel the need to empty my bowels coming on. the prospect of doing this on the plane isn't appealing so i know i'm gonna have to speed up the process to make it happen in the airport. not great but the lesser of two evils.

i finally get on the plane and find myself next to a small child. i was expecting to be sat between two fat people so this is a small victory. or so i thought. whilst the child was old enough to not cry the whole way through, the mother was a bizzare creature with strange social customs. yes, she was a french.

for their next trick, the plane pretends to begin to leave the airport but really we just sat on the plane for two hours before moving. i brought a couple of magazines with me which was lucky as i had no music however, i was in danger of finishing them before my journey began.

eventually we leave. i'm trying to watch the movie (they didn't have individual tvs but one at the front - how 1990's - and no stadium seating obviously so mostly i saw the back of a man's head). before giving up i did however get hit by a stench so foul i almost cried blood. i looked to my left and noticed that the toddler had relieved itself as a toddler does. and the mother had decided to change her baby there, in her seat. next to mine. the guy on my right also noticed, got up and ran to the other end of the plane. i followed shortly thereafter.

finally we landed and i headed for a cashpoint to take out some money. i put my card in, enter pin, select money, card returned, message comes up
"this service is unavailable to you"

i didn't mind them not serving me but that seemed a little too personal for my liking.


i was eating some cereal this morning, missing the sunshine of my holiday of the past week.

as everyone knows, the only thing that can be done when eating cereal, is to read the cereal box. today mine said, "we only want you to buy kellogs"

right above this they have a special offer stating "get your free box of kellogs"

i forgot about my dismal performance at that recent live tournament. i finished 14th or so of 33. its a crapshoot around that stage, but what was brilliant was how angry my opponents got. i never limp when i'm playing under 8bbs, so when i got short (~6bbs) and the blinds were big i shoved 3 hands in a row never getting called and almost doubling my stack. and my now ~11bbs were above average. this standard play infuriated 2 of my opponents who were friends. i played a few more hands inc raising a limper (one of said friends) who then folded on the flop. at that point he got really angry and looked at me saying "next time i will raise you all in"

not longer later and i've lost a few chips and he limps again. so i see my first card is an ace and raise all in again. he thinks and calls (has me just covered) with JJ which holds and says really aggressively "i told you i was gonna raise you".
i decide not to point out that he didn't raise me in that hand at any point as i think his head might have popped from rage.

he went out shortly after and i surprised myself but not caring/taking any satisfaction from that.

need to start winning some monies from poker again, might even get someone to watch me play and point out the many things i am doing badly.

Monday, May 11, 2009

hold me back

i've consciously made myself aware of the thing that has been holding me back in the pokers recently.
wanting to prove to myself and everyone else at the table that i am better than them. this is in general a terrible human trait and i will work on ridding myself of this. i never used to have this, but i think it has definitely surfaced this year in my life in general, and on the tables.

i do think it's great how much i can learn about myself from poker, what would otherwise take many many moons to learn.

i am writing this down and will also write this down and staple it to my monitor to remind myself of this. especially after dropping $3.5k at 1/2 at the weekend.

i'm going away for a week and next week will hopefully have some improved results. i would ordinarily say getting back into profit for the month will be good, but anything less than $5k will be a failure imo

anyway, it could always be worse, i could own a BMW

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

news stories

sometimes i wonder if people that write them put in jokes to see if anyone will notice. the latest story is about a guy that got the 'best job in the world' which is a caretaker on a desert island.

(details here:

there were many applicants and "The finalists also had to demonstrate their blogging abilities"

apart from using a computer, being literate and being able to construct sentences what else is required? maybe i've been missing something all these years.

no pokers tonight yet. might play live tomorrow. £77 tournament, first one since i lost HU to the worst player in the history of the game.

end of day

i dunno whether i should post results every day i play. will see how it goes for a bit. it really motivates me not to lose. for about 5 mins till i stop caring

won $1300 today to get out my hole from yesterday. up $500 for the month now.

i also dunno whether to post hands talk strategy etc. usually i just can't be bothered. but here's my favourite hand from today.

i almost never do this move but had to against this villain in this instance

6-max Seat #2 is the button

Seat 1: ponds ($311.45 in chips)
Seat 2: homer ($528.10 in chips)
Seat 3: aggrovillain ($315.35 in chips)
Seat 4: Hero ($199 in chips)
Seat 6: dieshortstacker ($51.65 in chips)
aggrovillain: posts small blind $1
Hero: posts big blind $2

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Hero [Td 9s]
dieshortstacker: folds
ponds: folds
homer: folds
aggrovillain: raises $6 to $8
Hero: calls $6

*** FLOP *** [Jd 3h 3d]
aggrovillain: checks
Hero: bets $10
aggrovillain: calls $10

*** TURN *** [Jd 3h 3d] [6c]
aggrovillain: checks
Hero: bets $20
aggrovillain: raises $42 to $62
Hero: raises $58 to $120
aggrovillain: folds
Uncalled bet ($58) returned to Hero
Hero collected $158 from pot
Hero: doesn't show hand

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $160 | Rake $2
Board [Jd 3h 3d 6c]
Seat 1: ponds folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: homer (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: aggrovillain (small blind) folded on the Turn
Seat 4: Hero (big blind) collected ($158)
Seat 6: dieshortstacker folded before Flop (didn't bet)

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

general retardation

i'm beginning to worry that retardation is more contagious and more lethal than swine flu.

firstly, i went to a shop yesterday to buy some bread. i asked for 10 bagels (yeh, i was hungry) and gave the guy a tenner. £3.50 he tells me it costs, and he hands me £3.50 in change before walking off. i call him back and sort it out. as i'm leaving the shop i decide to check how much food he actually gave me, turns out it was only about 7. so i go back again. i'm unsure as to whether he was trying to cheat me, or was just incredibly retarded.

then today, i started looking at this report i have to write. i might have mentioned these reports before that are a measure of how much faecal matter you can write on a piece of paper. they have a booklet that explains this work. when talking about finances and rate of return, they define two separate terms. payback and rate of return.
payback is: implementation cost / annual profit (ie number of years till payback)
rate of return is: 100* annual profit / implementation cost (ie a percentage)

the problem isn't the definitions. the problem is that they say that these are two different ways of selecting which is going to be more profitable. however, they will both always give the same result for which is most profitable.

i fear this retardation has rubbed off on me as i unloaded about 8 buy in's on the poker community yesterday. though it may have been running bad. i walked ak into aa/kk/qq about 110 times without winning once. i've become lazy about checking my play. two things i will do before i play in future is analyse my previous sessions car crash hands, and also do some calming meditation before playing.

now i'm down $800 for the month. on the plus side i've played about 10k hands already.

Monday, May 04, 2009

takeaway failure

deciding where to eat tonight, my friend and i settled on my local chinese. the food there is amazing if pricey; it's slightly cheaper if you get a takeaway, which we fancied doing. we called them up to order and their reply was.....sorry, we're too busy tonight. this left me bemused.

on the poker front, this month hasn't been great. i've already played 7k hands, though that was due to a 5hour session last night (this morning really). was up $1200 early, then down to $400. thought i'll play a little and win it back. few mins later and i'm $1200 down. oops. ended $600 when i was too tired to keep my eyes open let alone click on the wrong button for the umpteenth time.

two short sessions this evening, first one winning $700, second winning $850 and am $950 up for the month. 3000vpp's from stars who are doing an offer for uk players this month of vpp bonus. i'll get the maximum which is 80k vpp (no fpp's come with them sadly) but it means i should reach 200k vpp's at the end of the year and with that comes $2k. which will be nice.

pretty disciplined this month, though i do still go on tilt when i lose to the table mong 2 buy ins in quick succession. i often remedy this by dropping a third. usually to him/her/it. i think i need a new remedy

Friday, May 01, 2009

it's a lottery

went to the uni shop to buy some mars milk, and the dude in front of me bought some lottery tickets. recalling it's a massive rollover tonight i decided to also buy some tickets. when i said to the lady she asked me how many i want 1 or 2? i said four thanks. i'm such a baller at this uni. though if you saw my peers you would realise it's akin to being the most honest nigerian businessman.

now however, i am experiencing the greatest feeling in the world. anticipation. nothing beats it. obviously i won't win but i get to spend a few hours imagining i might. and all the things i'll do. like buy a house. and retire. probably not in that order.

month end

and after my best ever month i get my worst ever month
two -5K days at the end didnt help. i did complete the $4k supernova bonus points to soften the blow, but i would have got that anyway.

gone back to 1/2, and have to learn how to be patient and play well again.
much easier at this level, but im still making too many mistakes.

just finished 2k hands tonight, was down $1k at one point and decided i was gonna play well till level and quit, which we all know is a stupid idea. luckily im now level, so have quit, but am hungry and will be tired when i wake tomorrow morning.

gonna only play 1/2 all month. no matter how well i run. i'm hoping for a $10k month and 30k hands. aim for the stars and you'll reach the sky etc. though that's a phrase i have never understood. if you could reach out, you'd hit a star before the sky, cos the sky isn't something you can ever reach.

i'm probably talking nonsense cos i'm hungry so i'm going to eat now

so far: 2k hands, +$40
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