Sunday, November 29, 2015

7 weeks to go

i might actually make it to the end of this contract.

this past week was helped by 2 things. bmw driving boss being away, and chatting to the italian man next to me, though I believe they are not mutually exclusive. it turns out he is hilarious. the italian language is much more passionate than english, and in his direct translations to his comments sound brilliant.
talking about the database that we sift through, retrieving results, rather than making an analysis, he calls the error laden disorganised database a 'sea of shit'

on thursday he had his head in one of his hands, staring miserably at his computer. when i asked if he was ok, he replied 'absolutely'
later that day we took the same train after escaping from the office. packed like cattle he said 'this is offensive to human dignity'. and when trying to leave the train at his stop his parting words are 'if i can get through this wall of people i will see you tomorrow'

i shall do my best to draw more words, and remember them, from him each day.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

8 weeks to go

just under since i write this a couple of days late.

last night i had a dream about work. some piece of work which has been going for over a week was annoying me. i dreamt i had a solution to the problem. I awoke from the dream to find that the solution was brilliant. except i was still in a dream. I woke up from that into real life and remembered the solution. it didn't help because the solution was obviously wrong.
this appears to be what my life has become.

my boss is away this week so the guy next to me who also works for him is much more relaxed and talkative. he's a nice hard working italian guy. one of the few (only) people in the office who doesn't appear to be a dickhead.

when my boss is back i need to finally tell him i'm not working friday's any more. part of me wants to keep working fridays as i realised i really need the monies. the other part of me would just rather do useful things with my life.

i have monday off next week. i must remember this and not go in to work.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

9 weeks to go

This week was much more interesting.
My boss constantly, unbeknownst to him, reminds me he is a dickhead. This week I was doing something urgent and some important person was leaving early (at 5pm. early lol), it had got to about 4pm and I hadn't gone out for my enforced lunch break. So i said, I'm going out, can I just take half an hour and then leave half an hour early, what with needing to chat to this guy before his 5pm leaving time.
he said no. dickhead. acts like this, the complete lack of flexibility are why working for most other people in this world is a waste of time. i can't imagine anyone needs more than one guess for make of car that he drives.

My mental state this week has been abysmal. 99% of my life is incredible, yet the 1% has such an astounding affect. then I read this interview with arsene wenger. I like the bits where he talks about the past being a source of anxiety, thinking about all the things you've done wrong. And the future also being a source of anxiety. Thus, one has to live in the present. I like that. A while ago I made a graph on here for how I was feeling. After reading that interview I was thinking about my graph and realised that the update to the graph is that the graph no longer exists. I can't concentrate on the past and future for my feelings. Only the present.
I think this is why I like cycling. and cycling alone. It's just me, my body and my mind. Sometimes it's harder and sometimes easier. After these 9 weeks are up, I think I will go to Tenerife for a week to cycle in the sunshine.

Sunday, November 08, 2015

10 weeks to go

this may be the worst point. I don't think i'll be able to manage another ten weeks. All I can do to get through this is think of the monies. oh, and this week i'm telling my boss i'm gonna start doing 4 days a week instead of 4.5 since half a day is a waste of time.

the week past was mostly unmemorable. I have taken to spending my lunch break in the library. i like this because it means i can read books. Also, there's a tiny chance i'll meet a lovely lady. I realise i have no idea how to meet ladies.

shitting in work toilets is something no one talks about yet everyone does. it's quite normal. except for the person who was in the toilets on thursday. in all the cycling i've done going up steep hills with an empty tank, hungry, and nothing in the legs, or intervals, i have never struggled as much as the guy who was trying to squeeze one out.

today i discovered that i prefer cycling alone than with others. with others it's ok for being sociable but not good for pushing yourself. and i'm not really a sociable person.

and now, i'm off to watch some football (uk, well spanish) football (us) and knock one out before bed. tara.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

11 weeks to go

As I type this, a child is going mental nearby, screaming it's tiny loud head off at frequent intervals.

this past week was an exciting one of making croissants (fresh out the oven they taste incred), fires on my journey to work closing the roads for two days and homicidal drivers. A minibus came with inches of slowly crushing me to death because he decided instead of waiting in traffic, to go on to the wrong side of the road without looking or indicating as I was overtaking him. He didn't hear me shout since he head a bluetooth headset on. He was rather surprised when I knocked on his window and asked him to look where he was going in future and perhaps indicate to other road users his intentions.

Thursday they had a halloween party at work. I use the term 'they' since I have nothing in common with any of them. And of course i didn't go, much to the surprise of my boss (the dickhead). out of the 100 or so people in the office, me, the quietest man in the world he sits next to me, our boss, and his boss were the only 4 people not dressed up. I don't understand halloween at all or how/when it became a thing in england. i do wonder why he was surprised that i didn't go to the 'party' when he didn't ask me at any point before 6pm whether i was going. so at the going home time so i said goodbye and he asked "you're not staying?" and i said "no i have things to do." Even if i had nothing to do that would have been preferable than to stay. the office is very odd in that talking or taking appears to be frowned upon unless you smoke. also, making me work till 6pm is a waste of time as at 430pm my brain has had enough of their nonsense so i spend 90 minutes counting the seconds till i can make my escape. the only good thing about this job is cycling to work, learning some good shortcuts in london town and getting fit. fit, not healthy, since the smog i breathe in is probably killing me quicker than i realise.

this week, i think i will make the switch from cycling in trousers to cycling shorts because when it rains i cannot sit at work all day soaked to the bone as i might actually die.

i'm quite hungry now. i should go and make some foods.

11 weeks to go.
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