honesty

i didn't really want to post last month's graph. in fact, i didn't really want to ever post again after that last session. with too many things stressing me out in real life, combined with internet not keeping a stable connection my head finally went again. i haven't played a single hand since then. i need to be able to put things in perspective better. being couped up just writing and playing cards, without seeing much of the outside world it's easy to get lost. i hear a lot of other people talk about a 'balance' in life, and whilst i think it's correct i think it isn't the best word to use. i went to town t'other day to watch a film from the russian film festival. i don't know why i torture myself by going to the cinema but it seemed that there were less (only perhaps 1 or half) popcorn munchers in attendance. also, the seats were really comfy at the apollo in 'pick a dilly' circus. speaking of circii (which is how the plural is spelt in queen's english) there was a pikey fest at Leicester Square. i haven't been to one since i was cheated out of a rasta doll in on of the old grabber machine machines. but this time it was all different. 6 cans in a two dimensional pyramid, 5 balls, 1 thrower (me). i watched a few other people fail before i decided to have a go. some dude came to within one can of winning on two occasions and lucked out at the final hurdle. my five british pounds wagered that i would go one step further. things started off well when my first ball knocked two cans off. 4 balls left, 4 cans left. the next took another one out, but my third ball ,whilst hitting the target, failed to remove a can from the shelf. three cans and two balls would be an impossible task were it not for the fact that one can was on it's side in front of another. i aimed for that first, knowing i needed to take them both out. my cod training kicked in and i blasted them almost into the bumper cars. one ball one can and i finally believed that i would be winning a massive panda pear (cuddly toy version).
i took a breath, thought of joe montana winning the superbowl in 89 and reminisced about john candy. i threw my final ball and missed by inches. i was crushed.
and then i began to once again appreciate all the things i have and all the things i don't need to do yet, like work with people who appear on x-factor, apprentice etc.

ps here's my worst. graph. ever.