Sunday, January 31, 2010

brief live blooging


playing only the blogging competition malarky and the turbo takedown tournament (or as i like to call it, the TnTnT. very explosive stuff)

so just started the blogging one and have had kings three times in 20 minutes. no chance of a run good towards the end and i might as well retire from it now

AK sooted now. someone at my table asked if anyone was live blogging. i said yes, i'm telling everyone that reads it my hands. (luckily no one reads it)

ffs, kings again. might get action this time. makes up for getting 44 about 260 times in 2660 hands last night. but i'd rather have got this on a cash table.

TnTnT starting in five minutes. i can feel the excitement building in my pants

my mistake, that was just my phone vibrating.

KINGS AGAIN this is ridiculous. everyone folds pre again.

playing one or two tables is pretty boring. i think i might just go all in every hand till i either win it all or lose

A5spades lost to Q10 spades. Q10x flop. tyty, back to starting stack.

oops lost a hand in the wbcoop, up a little in the TnTnTnT. damn calling stations hitting slightly better hands than me (and i never have good hands apart from kings) and never folding to lots of bets.

and out of the w b coop running into aces.

and i'm bored of this. i'm going to think about what i've done

Friday, January 29, 2010

i'd finally run out of jelly bellies so decided to play some of the pokers last night.
beginning to play pretty well finally after a terrible start to the year. not making anything, but it's not getting worse. will post month's graph after this weekend. speaking of which will be trying to play the turbo tournament, maybe the sunday bimillion, a blogger tournament and some cash.

going by current form there is a chance i will forget about all of this. i appear to be losing my mind along with many other possessions i (used to) own. last night i turned up at football without my gloves. ('ha, what a pansy' i hear you cry, but i did not have gloves for protection from the cold, but for i play in goal). When the ball is wet, and the astroturf is sandy, and the wind is cold catching the ball with frozen hands was much easier than i anticipated. that night though when i got home, every time i moved a muscle in my hands they got their revenge with shooting pains. i still have no idea where my gloves are.

i have mentioned my deaf cat before but i don't think i explained that she is also slightly retarded. as a younger cat she would whack her head against the underside of chairs. i fear this may have destroyed a few too many braincells. deaf or stupid isn't really a problem with cats, they're still pretty cool and funny when they aren't pissed at you, but the combination means she just wanders around screaming non stop so that people 4 doors down can hear her. when she sees nobody she gets louder. when she sees somebody, she gets louder.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

i didn't hide the jelly bellies well enough. imo

there are 50 different flavours.
choosing a best would be like choosing a favourite state in america. since i've only been to about 10 states, and some of them very briefly i will highlight the best and worst.

sizzling cinnamon. the worst of the worst. hot, but not nice and spicy hot, just horrible. this is like 45 degree (113 deg F) heat of texas combined with going to a gig headlined by some punkrock band in georgia whose name eludes you but the kind where everyone's a skinhead and they try to punch you. repeatedly. and look like they're going to stab you asap.
(note: i did quite like many aspects of texas. the entire city of austin is like camden town)

chocolate pudding. this sounds awesome, but is in fact horrible. a bit like la (but unlike the rest of california obv)

watermelon. also sounds awesome, and tastes pretty good too, but these wear thin very quickly. great if you don't have too many at once. just like florida. except without the scary black guy at the gainesville greyhound bus station showing you all his gunshot wounds whilst telling you about his journey to meet his bro who is getting out of prison. but going once in a while to disneyland is pretty great.

tutti-frutti. everyone's heard of this flavour and it's like a party in my mouth with everyone invited. NYC obviously.

berry blue. i could probably live of these. cool, refreshing and a little bit less known than new york. i would say this is boston.

red/green apple and raspberry. could eat these all day. taste so good i sometimes think i'm eating real fruit. definitely california.

lemon/lemonlime. very colourful and clearly artificial, but i can't say no. hello vegas.

grape. this sounds like it should be my favourite but it's a massive disappointment. like washington d.c., although i didn't expect that to be my favourite anything. still, it had it's good points. note i sometimes mistake a chocolate pudding for a grape - GO AWAY LA, NO ONE LIKES YOU!

liquorice. wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. a 270 mile long barge pole. coincidentally the same size width as the state of utah.

sweet disposition

Friday, January 22, 2010

i've never been so happy

when losing $1600
gonna have to play some poker for the rest of the month. was looking forward to about +$4k, but currently -$4k!

tonights session was funny. i give myself a rating of about 9/10 for playing pretty damn well and just getting violated at every opportunity.
biggest 11 pots i won just two but happy with my play in every single one of them, so can't complain for once. (this positive mindset malarkey is easy imo)

i'd like to think that there are certain times in life when you grow up and behave responsible. i would guess that having kids is one of them.
recently, i saw a woman cross a road holding her kids hand. kid was maybe 5? all good so far. she stopped half was across cos some nutter drove down the road the wrong way to make a turn and didn't wanna wait in traffic. it was pretty terrible driving and the woman noticed him so stopped. as he/she drove past she says to her kid in adult talk to child voice
"what's that car doing?"
followed by in adult shout at adult voice
"fucking wanker"

great example to set the youth of tomorrow

saw avatar the other day. 3d and cgi was amazing. story was a bit weak imo. and i spent the whole film trying to work out if the women were naked, and if they were why their nipples were missing.

3d effects were pretty good and reminded me of the amazing 3d tvs a saw in japan. tvs which didn't require and glasses!

Monday, January 18, 2010

i have to hide my jelly bellies from myself because otherwise i eat them all at once.

and when i say all, i mean £10 worth all.

so i missed my money goals from last year but managed to get enough hands in to clear the $2k bonus. it seems that this year the vpp to hand ratio is much higher at around 0.75 at 2/4 so i can play fewer hands and reach supernova thus increasing rakeback to an acceptable amount (roughly 25%) with stars support worth the extra 2% on ft, i might try to find some other sites to play around with on a high rb% later in the year.
had a couple of sessions this weekend for the first time this year and my mental state was like that benjamin button film ie truly awful to the point of not knowing how something like that could exist.
to do things that just 5 seconds later i look at realising how terrible i am, on a continuous basis is demoralising. punching myself in the head after each mistake didn't correct this in the pavlovian way i had hoped it would, so i'm cutting down for now to 6 tables.

about 10 mins before i was about to quit for the day yesterday i noticed that this dude on one of my tables was clearly more retarded than me. sadly he was sitting on my left making it slightly tougher to take monies from him. so a bit like taking candy from an over aggressive 5 year old, rather than a baby.
early on he kept winning (except the one time he folded to a cont bet, which i'm 99% sure was a misclick) even having the tenacity to outkick me along with making me miss my draws. furthermore, he managed to fold utg (a rarity indeed) when i had aces on the bb(even rarer). even more improbably, this didn't send me on tilt.
having everyone else on the table being a shortstacking mong was both good as they couldnt take the vast fortune he had assembled before i would inevitably, but bad because they would get in the way of our pots by rudely shoving pre.
i finally pulled his pants down (twice) and left to watch the american footballs.

and here's me wasting some luck on a different table in a blind battle.

Seat 1: co ($446.70 in chips)
Seat 2: btn ($397.50 in chips)
Seat 3: blindhero ($410 in chips)
Seat 4: blindvillain ($539.10 in chips)
Seat 5: utg ($681 in chips)
Seat 6: +1 ($423.55 in chips)
blindhero: posts small blind $2
blindvillain: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to blindhero [Qc Qs]
utg: folds
+1: folds
co: folds
btn: folds
blindhero: raises $12 to $16
blindvillain: raises $32 to $48
blindhero: raises $72 to $120
blindvillain: raises $419.10 to $539.10 and is all-in
blindhero: calls $290 and is all-in
Uncalled bet ($129.10) returned to blindvillain

*** FLOP *** [Jh Js Tc]
*** TURN *** [Jh Js Tc] [Ts]
*** RIVER *** [Jh Js Tc Ts] [Qh] i can't lose!
*** SHOW DOWN ***
blindhero: shows [Qc Qs] (a full house, Queens full of Jacks)
blindvillain: shows [Jc Jd] (four of a kind, Jacks) i can

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

more oxymorons

Following on from Rubbish's post, I would like to impart some wisdom to ladies:

Please, whenever possible, say whatever you have to say during the adverts. That's what they're there for.
If a program is on the bbc (and therefore no adverts) just wait till it's over.


If it's during a long lasting sporting event, talking is acceptable, but when it's not directly related to the event, a response may be slow in forthcoming.

Also, please note, yes and no are acceptable answers to almost every question.

anyway, the oxymorons:
brioche looks horrible, but tastes lovely (im eating some now)
ice is dangerous to drive on, but it is so very very much fun to do so.
basil leaves smell so good, yet taste so horrible (yes i just ate a bunch of basil leaves prior to this brioche. culinary madness)

following this morning's moment of culinary madness, i stared at the chilli plant on the window sill and wondered how these hadn't taken over the world. i know from offering my cats chillies that animals DO NOT WANT spicy food. so there are probably no natural predators to the chilli plant. basically, they're the alligators of the botanical world, except they don't kill each other and thus they should have been able to cover the world by now.*

in other news, i might start a column called:
strange things i see

this week's episode would mostly consist of driving past a house where some renovating or gardening work was being done. i saw two builder type people carrying, in the middle of the road (and not crossing the road, but just walking down the middle of the road), what appeared to be a gigantic wooden crucifix.

a close second would be a note someone had left on my desk on tuesday morning when i strolled in at about 10. all it said was "lazy!". what concerned me was not the content but that the dot under the exclamation mark was drawn as a circle. this was problematic because it turned out a male had left the note. everyone knows men aren't allowed to draw circles for points (eg above the letter i, lovingly known as a tittle. haha)

a problem i have noticed with myself is multitabling has made me so much more impatient.
i never thought i would be able to play 9 tables at once, but now that i can, i find everything else in life runs really slowly. from other people updating their blogs (bruce) to telly vision and reading.

*(this argument may or may not be flawed, but i could almost definitely convince a drunkard it makes sense)

Thursday, January 07, 2010


not sure whether i should be blogging more often or less often. being unsure is probably a sign i should only be writing when funny things happen. luckily the last two days have been filled more of funny than jam filled in doughnuts. (and i don't just mean those lovely chocolate krispy kremes ones).
for example, yesterday, i went for a drive. this was silly. after spending about 20 mins wiping the snow off my car i found the lock had frozen on the outside and it took a while to get the key to turn. (couldn't be bothered to go back to the flat to get some warm water).
i managed to negotiate the mountains of snow around the car to do a three point turn and get onto the very snowy road. this was mostly uneventful, and all the major roads were fine. however, the peoples i went to see live on a side road and turning onto it was a big mistake. but not as big a mistake as trying to park was. reversing to the side of the road ending up being problematic as the car decided to stop gripping and slid to the kerb. every time i tried to move away the back end just smacked the kerb. so i just left it and went inside. when it came to leave i tried again but obviously nothing was different. so i went to get a shovel and had to dig the snow away from the back front and underneath the car to be able to get away from the kerb and into the middle of the road.
the worst part of all of this was one of the many times i was trying to drive me way free without moving. i looked up to see a car on the opposite side of the road bombing it towards to me, sliding left and right at will before turning and heading towards me. the driver decided not to hit me, but drive past, and then continue his personal skating amusement.
unsurprisingly, he was driving a car like this:

what i can only describe as the poor man's white van. so one level below white van man on the rung of life. but one level above bmw drivers.

and today i was walking along and i saw some lady in a people carrier struggling along any icey road with a man pushing the car to help. i went to help with pushing the car but fell over on the road. whilst on the floor i noticed lots of wheel spin so just went up to the passenger window which was open and told her to put it in 2nd gear, and off she went. the change reminded me of when bambi learnt to walk, and in almost an instant progressed from slipping everywhere to running.

and lastly, today in the post office someone joined the cue behind me and smelt so much of weed that i think i may have got a little high. in fact, i probably was since on my way out of the post office i saw a little robin like bird in the queue with some sort of food in it's mouth.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010


The sole of my foot was itchy but scratching it resulting in a tickleish effect. I was caught jn a lose lose situation where I would be either tickling myself or having an itch. Spent so long deciding which was worse I ended up forgetting to do either.
I also played football just before this snow blizzard and won the 5aside league. I almost forgot to take out my lenses which always leads to a depressing (moreso than usual) and more alarming than usual wake up. I used to do this far too often and would awake being able to see fine, and not realising for a good few seconds that i'm not supposed to be able to see so well. My next thought is that of "I'm cured!" followed shortly by, " oh no I'm not. Lenses still in. Gonna hurt as I peel them from my dry eyeballs"

I'm getting so lazy I've begun to sit down whilst taking a piss. Can't decide if this is the good lazy or bad lazy. I think it's the good kind.

And lastly, I read this somewhere and want to try it out on my next flight - wait for my friend to fall asleep next to me, borrow a low cabin pressure mask from the air hostesses' which they use for their safety demo. Put it on my face. Shake my friend back to consciousness with a panicked look on my face.

(It's weird how the word panic becomes panicked in the past tense. Where does the k go in the present tense?)

Monday, January 04, 2010

dancers' balls.

i dislike the ideas of new years/beginnings as in theory one should aim for continual improvement and not just in the five minutes following some randomly assigned milestone.
sadly, the pokerstars disagrees with me and they arrange my status based on this solar calendar.
following on from that, HEM also base their tracking of my results (using my computer!) based on the same calender. thus, whilst i dislike it, I have no choice but to arrange certain aspects of my play around these tools. tools which i shall not blame when things go badly, for as everyone knows, a bad workman always blames his tools. luckily, my russian isn't that good yet or I would have to use a different story to set that up as their saying is "a bad dancer is impeded even by his own balls"
the only conclusion i can draw is that there are no bad workladies in england, nor bad female dancers in russia.

so onwards and upwards.
in a similar vein to the last time the earth found itself looking at the sun from this point in space, my main aim is to concentrate on mental and emotional control.
i know last year i must have tilted away $50k+ most of it in the first 8 months, the worst of which was playing badly for about 5 months from march to august.

if i had to rate my play for last year i would like to give myself a 0/10 but i managed one 5 figure month (which was positive) so i'm gonna give myself 1/10.

this year january and february are rather time lacking but from march i will hopefully be a bum and plan to play 100hours per month. i think i would like to give it a quick shot at this point in my life to see if i can make £100k+ per year. otherwise it's not really worth doing. and this year will be the time to find out.
people keep saying games are gonna be dead etc, but i can't see how that's true. as long as you are a bit (=the rake) above average you should be making a profit.
i know i need to improve and will be playing closer to 6 than 9 tables for the first few hands to concentrate on not making mistakes.
there are a few things i need to think about, and the first three that i will focus on are:
not spewing in the first 10 mins of a session (should take under one month to fix)
not checking how much i'm up/down (also 1 month to fix)
focussing on what i think my bets mean/what other's bets mean (infinite amount of time, but hopefully good enough after 2-3 months)

whilst the first two will be aided with self hypnosis, the third is a lot trickier as it will involve understanding and interpreting my current instincts in play

when i've integrated those into my mind i will find new things to work on. will probably find some new ones after doing the first two as the third will probably be long term.

it's been a while since my last post, but not so many interesting things have been happening. i think the most interesting was that my foot was itchy, and on the sole! so every time i scratched it i was tickling myself. that was a particularly tortuous lose-lose situation.

anyways, i'm off to check if the hot water and central has started working again after their two day new year's holiday.
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