Thursday, November 15, 2018

four foot running

do personal trainers say fore foot running is the best because they see horses do it and horses are very fast?

i once met a personal trainer who said he doesn't like cycling. he does running. he doesn't like cycling because it's too easy. you just stand up on the bike! easy peasy. I wonder why no one told any of the pro's about this revelation.

i have a lot of thoughts during the day that i think would be great to blog about. but then i forget them. It was easier when i played poker, or did things with my life. just kidding, i never actually did anything with my life. I'd like to one day though. today however, is not that today.

Tuesday, November 06, 2018

Neighbours

Everybody needs good neighbours. My downstairs neighbours are not good neighbours.

It is currently being infested by the owners son and his wife. The owner's daughter lived there for a year and a half or so, with her new husband. They were terrible human beings. I've never heard such noisy people. And they had the audacity to complain I was noisy, because I once made a noise after 10pm. They were regularly loud after midnight, and even woke my at 3am in the morning. She has a laugh that could scare witches into becoming regular humans. When they were having sex it sounded like a thousand cats being strangled by a submental ogre. When I told them I could hear her laugh she was (fake) shocked and (fake) embarrassed. But it didn't twig that I could hear them sexing. I one banged on my floor in frustration - i had guests round in the afternoon and we were all treated to sex sounds that would be too unrealistic for a porn.
They then decided that every time they could so much as hear me that would aggressively bang on the ceiling repeatedly. I was delighted when they moved out.
She once sent me a text at 1130pm (because I dropped a pan) saying "it is after midnight and the banging continues. I would be grateful if it could stop" so I blocked her.
A few weeks later when they were sexing loud enough to scare away the neighbourhood foxes, I sent that same message back to her. Finally, the penny dropped.

His son who is currently there (on a temporary holiday I hope) is also very deaf. It's 11:08pm and his TV is on so loud I can almost hear every word. It was like that during the day too.
The irony is the owner is an ENT specialist. I want to ask him if his whole family is deaf, or if they're just selfish hypocrites.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

hooternanny

i can't remember where i first heard the word hootenanny but imagine my surprise at finding out it's a real word!

today i have come to the conclusion that too many people write rubbish on the internet and other people love it. there's lots of quotes that are utter nonsense which the adoring fans of quote makers lap up. Joe Lycett created a twitter hashtag for such nonsense. it was #bullshitquotesijustmadeup and his only rule was you had to make it up in less than 3 seconds. I've noticed everyone now is just reversing the order of a quote to make it seem deep e.g. it's not the days in your life but the life in your days
i've never even heard anyone say it's the days in your life that matter

i too can make up comparable rubbish in less than 3 seconds.
"it's not the drops in the ocean but the oceans in your drop that matters"

"what counts is not the words that you use but your use of the words"

etc etc

today i was cycling to work, and on the other side of the not too wide road a lorry was parked. a lorry was trying to overtake it but had to wait for a gap in traffic on the opposite side of the road in order to get passed. the man in the car behind this lorry was absolutely aghast at such an occurrence and decided to hoot his horn.
according to the highway code you hoot your horn to alert other people to your presence. not because your angry, or to alert others to that fact that you're a dickhead. This dickhead decided to hoot non stop for about 90 seconds. because a lorry was trying to get passed a parked vehicle.

last year a colleague of mine asked me what's the best piece of advice. i said easy its this:
everything is a choice

you can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose how to react. at first i was annoyed but this loud unnecessary hooting, but after a few seconds i just started laughing because it's just so unnecessary it's funny.

the worst thing about getting old and having the sweetest tooth of all time is getting fat. I need to start eating and exercising again properly. like all good regimes, mine starts tomorrow.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

forks

how quickly i forget to post daily!

Well, it was a boring week. I am strangely struggling to find the humour in life. It doesn't help I slept for 13 hours on Saturday. This doesn't leave much time to be awake an entertained by life. I guess most entertainment comes from other people. I guess this is why observation humour is so common.

Thus, I shall instead relate a story about forks. I shall begin by saying I probably don't believe in ghosts.

This happened about a 18 months ago. My fiancee was round and cooking. I was about to lay the table. I went to the fork drawer, took out 2 of my 4 forks and went to put them on the table. Got distracted by something on the way, and couldn't find the forks. I have a small flat. I searched everywhere and they were no where to be seen. I looked in the fridge, freezer, cupboards, floors etc. GONE.
I now had 2 forks. I repeatedly asked her if she'd taken them to the point where she was so angry she would have said yes just to get me to stop asking. They were gone.

A month goes by and still no sign of the forks.

Then one day I get home from work, open the fork drawer, and there are 5 forks there. 5! Where did that extra one come from? I check with the fiancee - didn't know a thing about it.

The Bermuda triangle mystery had pretty much been solved, but I think this is one riddle that will last forever. I considered that maybe someone is living in my attic, like that Japanese girl from a few years ago.

I hope there is an afterlife so I can get answers to questions, including this one.

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

backwards

as i was cycling home, i was thinking nothing of any note had happened today, and what could I even begin to write about. And then I saw an elder gentleman (50s, red jacket, bowler hat) walking backwards down the footpath. I thought maybe he was taking one or two steps back to see something he had just passed from a better angle. Nope, just walking backwards all the way down the road.

and isn't that a metaphor for life? no. no it isn't. it was just odd. but it was in a rich part of town so it was more likely he is eccentric, not crazy.

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most important things to report:
i did not get up at the count of 1 today. I decided to play with my phone for 10 minutes first. I shall impose a new rule. No phone playing till I am out of bed. Tomorrow I shall get up at the count of 1!

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i currently have a cold. I think most people I have met at the moment have a cold. This does not offer me any help.
The mornings are the worst in terms of having to clear my nose and throat. this morning i had to generate a massive cough in order to extricate some phlegm from my throat. a huge pretty solid piece of mostly grey, with a tinge of green, blob come out my face. I have not quite seen anything like this before. I scared myself a little bit. This story is probably a bit too much tmi.

Monday, October 08, 2018

is there anyone out there....

I recently read the works of Hendrik Groen. Well, the first of his two diaries. And it made me remember that writing is good for me. Even if no one else reads it. Probably, better it no one else reads it to be honest. For their sake.

The other activity I have discovered which is necessary for my mental health is riding a bike. Honestly, depression is horrific. It makes dropping $10k in 24 hours seem trivial. At one point I wanted to cut my brain out with a knife, but i settled for collapsing on the floor and screaming. That was one of the low points. Riding a bike is the only activity that helps get me out of the hole.
Getting cramps 50 miles into ride London, and smashing the rest of it to the point where I couldn't walk for 3 days afterwards was nothing compared to depression. High interval training feels bad. You have to get to the point of vomiting to know that you've pushed hard enough to make useful physical adaptations. It's really tough physically and mentally. Easy compared to depression.

It's been a couple of years since I was in my 2 year nadir and I've started to notice that it's sometimes a bit hard to feel as bad as I once felt. I won't forget what it was like, but I sometimes find it hard to feel the same way. That's a good thing for life! But it makes the HIT a bit harder.

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I have spoken before about failing to get up in the morning and trying a whole host of tricks to succeed. I still can't do it, but I have a new trick. I tried it this morning for the first time and it worked. Apparently it works with everything. And it's simple. Just count down from 5 to 1. Out loud. While thinking about what you have to do, and that you have to do it at 1.

Obviously with getting up it's obvious why you're doing it. Just make sure you know why you're doing other things before applying it to them!

I shall try it again tomorrow morning.

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One of the reasons for restarting this is to sharpen my increasingly disintegrating mind (I had to look up that word - I could merely remember it began with the letter d). And I just want to find (at least) 1 funny thing to comment on each day.

Today - my lady was feeling unwell. When giving me a hug she complained about a smell on me. She has taken to disliking my deodorant and aftershave. So I have bought unscented alternatives. She still didn't like something. I said I haven't got anything on me. Then I remembered - I washed my hair. I don't use shampoo because it wrecks your hair (true story. I just use water intensively) but I had a haircut today, so I had to use a little. I used hers. That was the smell she objected to!

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Books to read.
Tufte's data vis book (purchased, awaiting delivery)
Hendrik Groen part II (awaiting purchase)
Just My Type (A book on fonts. I think I a lot learning about this, which is odd for someone with a negative rating for artistic talent)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

warming up cold callers

i received a call t'other day from one of those numbers which looked like it might not be real. As i was just chilling at home I thought I would answer it.
as usual, i didn't say anything, but waited to see if a robot started talking. (I'm sure i've posted about the robots winning before but cannot find said post). a man then started talking, very unsure of himself due to my silence. 1-0 to me.
It was clearly a cold call. i then remembered the wise words of my friend who had one of these 'people' calling him where he just started asking them as many questions as possible about their life trying to get them to quit their job and doing something useful with their lives. That's a bit morbid for me so i decided to see if i could get the guy to hang up on me.
i just ignored everything he asked and started asking him questions. where did they get my number, what company gave it to them, do they have any other info other than a phone number, why won't he answer my questions, where is he based, why does he keep asking questions before i'm finished asking my questions, what's his name, how long has he been at work today, do any conversations last this long etc
after about 9 minutes i got so bored i asked him "i'm really bored now, aren't you?" to which he laughed out loud. happy with my days work, i said "so you're a human after all, capable of emotion. I don't really care what you have to say any more, and i'm sure vice versa is true, so we shall go our separate ways and i hope to never speak to you again".

i hung up. 1-1

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