i took my tv off my wall. when i first put it up i noticed it was a bit high (not like that) but was too lazy to redrill holes and move it. plus, i never used it much.
but now with the world cup on it's painful to look at so high so i took it down and moved it to my desk. right now i also have my laptop on my desk along with my monitor. one would think my desk be massive to cope with this but right now i can see my monitor, much of my laptop and almost none of the telly (and it's only a baby telly vision). this will take some rearranging if i'm going to watch the world cup whilst working and surfing the interweb.

i should probably begin by clearing the books (there are 9 i have to read, one is by nabokov and boring, and one is my learn russian book which is ongoing, but that's still a lot of reading) and random foreign change off my desk. and probably also my degree certificate. it's been there for years.

anyways, this week i was sent to coventry and had some time one evening to meet an old young friend i hadn't seen for years. amazingly, she suggested the casino as the best place to get drink. and happily i knew where that was. so i drove there, had some cheeky pints too many and when she left i realised i was a bit too pissed to open the car door let alone drive. so i did what any gambler would have done and sat down at the poker table to reclaim my roulette losses. (or vice versa)

my aim was to tilt the life forces out of everyone whilst also lasting long enough to not be too pissed to remember where the hotel was. it could have started very bad. i sat with just over £100 in this 1/2 game. woo, i'm a shortstacker. first hand i play is a few hands in (i have no patience for live games anymore) and raise k4o in late position. only one of the blinds call. (read: old man, likely to be rubbish).
flop: 9JQ
i bet half pot he call
turn:A
i bet half pot again, he call
river 4
he check, i shove for about 50, he tanks for eternity, i give off caro strong tells in case he's read a book. unlikely though. he tanks some more, and folds face up J9 lol. ty. table talk down my end puts me on kt. more lols to be had.

then the fun begins. i call a raise from a big stack with kt spades. he had a big stack so i assumed he wasn't just bad, but also lucky, so proceeded to play with caution. old man from hand 1 comes along.
flop is q92, two diamonds, one spade
checks round
turn is 7 spades
old man checks, big stack bets £10, i raise to £30 knowing he has nothing, old man calls (!?) mr big stack folds
river is 5 spades
old man checks, i stick £60 or so in, he tanks for 1/100th of the last tank and calls with aq dd!!
this tilted him enough to leave. 1 down, 8 to go.

i don't play for a bit so when i see 72o in late position i figure this is a good hand to get to showdown with. i raise, 3 callers.

flop is 89t, 2 clubs, and all check to me. i check
turn is a j. checks to me, i bet pot, 1 caller.
river is A of clubs. i figure i'm likely to get called by worse but wanna be sure to show this down so i check. he tries to play 'show me yours' and announces two pair.
i turn over my hand to not much surprise. maybe they have me pegged already.

i made a bad river call later with k7 on a 7733A board against nit of the century when every street was checked to the river when he bet small, i raised small, he 3 bet big. i convinced myself he could do this with any 7 but no, obv A7.  i think i'm lucky it wasn't quads.

7's were obviously being lucky after not coming up on roulette so when i got 74 on the button in a straddled pot i called. big blind was previous kid who lost to my 72.
(initial read: under 18, can't cash out as likely has no i.d., playing to lose.
current read: unchanged)

flop is 743
he checks, i bet small, like £5.
turn 4
he checks, i bet £15.
river 8
he checks
i bet £42. he pretends that he's thinking and then calls. again trying to instigate a game of show me yours i don't give him the pleasure by turning over 74 to a look of broken despair. he literally jumps over the wall next to the table to get away from me.
2 down, 7 to go.

not much else happened for a while, and then i noticed it was after 3am, having played about 30 hands (awesome live poker) so i cashed out and went to get a couple of hours sleep.

online has been boringly breakeven but with mountainous swings. for almost 20k hands. need to play better and run better imo. at least i'm starting to play lots of hands and keeping this up maybe retain sn status by august.

just when i thought i was out...

they pull me back in

just two days ago i was saying how nothing interesting or funny had happened. and then yesterday, bam, a gargantuan mong strikes out at me.

i went to my uni's print office on friday to see if they could make me a poster by tuesday. the 'lady' (definitely in caster semanya's genre of 'lady') said "probably, but we can't be sure"
brilliant. you've got no work whatsoever as it's the summer holiday for pretty much everyone and you can't even be sure to do a simple ctrl+p on your computers within 3 days.
so i had to get the local print shop to do it. and as a bonus they deliver it. i told them to call me when they get here, and i'll meet them at the print office (since it's a part of campus that they know, and also it's round the corner from my office)
monday rolls along and i get a call that they're here. so i go to the print office to meet them. for some reason they were waiting inside but i gathered they knew the 'lady' who works there since printshop man is here most days apparently. i say hi to him, get poster from him. and then 'lady' comes out her office to where we were and starts abusing me by shouting "we're not a deliver service you know!"
"ok, i replied, i wasn't using you as a delivery service, i was just meeting him here cos it's where he knows and i'm ..."
"WE'RE NOT A DELIVERY SERVICE!!!!!!!11"
"ok, i replied, not using you as a delivery service, i'm just meeting him here, my office is round the corner, it's an easy place to meet..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE AREN'T A DELIVERY SERVICE!"

at this point i wanted to ask her if she was deaf or stupid. cos it had to be one or the other. but i knew if i asked i would just get interrupted again. so i just said ok and walked out with printshop man as she continued a random barrage of abuse and bizarre points to about how terrible it was that someone should meet in 'her' building.
as we left we talked and laughed about it, he didn't understand what the problem was either so i'm not going crazy just yet. though i was thinking of ordering some random things and sending them to her department, labelled for anybody else. perhaps even some labelled to her, with a message inside asking her to make a personal delivery to someone else in another department....

ps massive breakeven stretch on poker. due to playing stupidly bad. take two days off (enforced anyway) and gonna use that time to mentally refocus.

discoveries you make that turn out not to be your discoveries as other poeple already thought of them

i remember when i first discovered, serendipitously, and only a few years ago, that putting a bit of toilet paper into the bowl before dropping the kids off at the pool prevents splashback. i thought i was a genius. the first to have realised this. sadly, it seemed more well known than i had thought.

these are better moments than when people tell you about their negative discoveries. and by that i mean things they point out to you which lower your quality of life because you wouldn't otherwise have noticed them. for example, wagamama's seats are really bad for posture and leave you with a stomach ache. but only after you know about it! (sorry). and also that when eating meat for dinner you often end up with the meat sweats, being really thirsty for the rest of the night no matter how much you drink (sorry again). i'll stop now.

anyway, things have been nicely quiet out here for me.
i've found poker increasingly boring to talk to most people about over the past few years for various reasons. and sadly in the past week it's been the most interesting thing i can think of that's happened, yet no one would understand what i was talking about.

played four sessions this month for ~1k hands each time which is decent volume for me. though laughably little for anyone who takes it semi seriously. the last two session started off disastrously. yesterday i flopped the nuts with qj on a kt9 board, got all in against 99, river was a 9.
that was followed up with aa losing to kk aipf, and a few hands later against the same kk guy on another table aa losing to jj aipf.
today didn't start much better. 78ss flopped 9tj with 2 clubs and got all in on the flop vs...78cc (river club!)
that was shortly followed by simultaneously getting qq against aa and qq against aa.

in the end yesterday i finished 1k down, and today 1.5k up so i can't really complain, i guess i'm running well enough even though all in ev disagrees telling me i'm running bad. been working hard on not checking results during play, and not checking ptr of myself at all. hopefully at end of month will be recorded as +ve at 2/4!

i'm sure there were some other things that have been happening but all i can really remember about the past few days is that it has been pretty hot here, and in fact on friday i almost melted. not that i'm complaining. after the coldest winter in bloody ages it was nice to be overly hot.

last, but by no means least, i find that facebook seems to get rather a bad press, but really, there are some moments that make it worthwhile.

i just ate a whole clove of garlic with some parsley

hopefully these weird smells will allow me to fit in with the degenerates that frequent the local poker club and they won't look down on me like an outcast.

so there's been some iPoker (nothing to do with apples) tournament series with an overlay. i managed to get logged on to william hill after a palava including having to use a different computer to download the software and speak to live chat to get my account information after i had tried and failed the online auto generating  reset link by virtue of telling them a fake birthday when i first joined. obviously this makes it very difficult for anyone else to get into my account, but equally difficult for me.

i finally got in ready to make a deposit, seconds after the tournament started. and they don't have late registration. that probably saved me lots of money, so a hearty thanks to their slow live help.

later i fired up some tables, with only a couple to begin with that seemed ok. just as i sat down, and before playing any hands, i noticed an all in for a $1200 pot, only for both players to split it with Ak. i thought that was a bit loose with 150bb till i realised it was a 3/6 table, not a 2/4 one. obviously, i couldn't back out now having sat down so played there for a while. i added a few 2/4 tables too to keep myself from boredom. as it happened, almost nothing happened for the first 500 hands. that used to annoy me enough to tilt but this time i just kinda sat around still waiting. lost a bit at 2/4 (further into the red on ptr, grr - which i'm not gonna check myself on more than once a week) and won a bit at 3/6 but all pretty uninteresting. managed over 1k hands which is nice. that's my daily target i think. 3 times during the week and 4k over weekends.

more interesting was a 5 a side game of football where a couple of opponents went mental shouting threats at us, leading to unmitigated violence on their behalf including but not limited to head-butts. according to the ref, there is no need to do anything about this. i guess it's acceptable when your losing, as seen on t.v.

they say necessity is the mother of all invention and following my lunch today i have surmised there is a need for a new name for eggs where you make them somewhere between fried (over easy) and scrambled. the ones where you intend to make fried eggs but are too hungry to wait for them to cook so you mix it up, but only a little bit.

ps spoke to boss, officially unemployed. here's to watching all the world cup games!

i have a pen that i can't work out how to open

maybe i should take a picture of it and see if anyone can help me. clicking the top makes it talk like napolean dynamite. there are no twisty bits, or parts to click in or out, and i cannot for the life of me see how to get the pen part to come out it's shell for it to write. any guesses greatly appreciated and rewarded by a steaking of highstack into a stars tournament where he has to comically abuse the opponents on every occasion where he beats them in a hand.

i meant to play tonight but forgot. my aim of becoming +ve on every level on ptr took a step closer earlier when i won money at 2/4 combined with them not tracking a bunch of losing hands. sadly, a few poor sessions put me back in the red there for now....

and without further ado, here's the month's graph:

follow much reader feedback i've decided to include some more crazy swedish photos.
here are some of the icebar from the icehotel in lapland:

just in case you weren't sure whether it was ok to smoke in a building made of ice

and a view from inside. they cheat by using reindeer rugs everywhere so it's only 99% ice

if you're bored of those here's a picture from a seemingly standard underground station over there.

and if you weren't bored of icehotel photos let me know, i have a few of the rooms too....

also gonna see my boss tomorrow to check i have officially entered to the world of the jobless. except i'll still have stuff to do, it won't be as hectic as it is now and it'll allow me time to write things up that i've needed to for a while....

i found the luckiest man

sadly, all his luck was directed at me

all heads up pots
kt vs aj        kqt flop
t5 vs q3dd   tt9dd flop turn flush
k8 vs 99      k98ss 5 8s

and a 3 way tilted aq vs ak (and ak)

so thats todays graph. obv the coolers above aren't included in the ev line.

as if i wasn't already tilted enough from yesterday when i had people in front of me on the escalator (a family with little kids) and when they got to the top they just stopped inches from the end. just to look around. with people right behind me i almost knocked over one of their kids. a part of me can understand these energy wasting humans not caring about other people but surely they should protect their kids from being walked into?

then on my journey home i had my least favourite driver type.  the one that cuts you up - clearly in a rush to get somewhere? no, just wanted to get in front of me and drive slowly. 

again, i can understand if you wanna drive slow, and can somewhat understand if you need to cut me up dangerously if you're in a rush (not that i agree with it!) but to dangerously get in front of me only to then drive slowly? it's almost like i'm in the truman show and they're testing me. (which would mean you're in on it too. you bastards)

i find it offensive that my own blog makes me fill out a captcha to comment

i wouldn't mind so much except i still get spam comments!

though they are cool spam comments with wise sayings.

tonight i decided to inflict a great pain upon myself. that's right, i cashed out of stars. fully aware of the myth of the cashout curse, i concentrated on not being struck down by the hoodoo.

sadly, i lost out. i won't bore you with the details and .... what's that i hear? you wanna know? sounds like schadenfreude. but i don't want to disappoint you. so here goes.
jj vs qq
qjx flop
bye bye 300bb pot
aj vs kq, he calls me all in on flop of a10x lol. turn j. lol more.
99 vs a5dd again im called all in on turn with a board of 2284dd
aa vs k2hh called all in on flop of 373hh
and the final straw was i had AcAs against 9s10s and flop was 678sss turn Js. lol thanks.

that said, i played pretty bad and made some shocking mistakes which is what i really try to concentrate on avoiding.

i've also had some terrible life news, in that i've literally been sent to Coventry. after being asked to go i had a 'yes man' moment where i thought if i said yes to everyone i would get zooey deschanel. only after putting the phone down did i realise it was a book first and not a film. and everyone knows you can't trust everything you read. another schoolboy mistake.

i want one of these

i'm not yet sure what for, but definitely do want

a busy week of spiders, hotels and things i have forgotten

i've seen on tv that spiders lay billions of eggs and then they all hatch at once and run out like horny trance addicts on crack shooting white stuff everywhere.
never though did i get into my car, only to see them performing their newly hatched ritual on my wing mirror and window. once i'd got into my car, i found it very difficult to get out.
thankfully my passenger was braver than i and casually despidered my car on my behalf.
that was a close encounter.

then i find my flat (not really my flat, just where i was temporarily sheltering from the heat) had no central heating or hot water. so i had to go to a hotel to shower one night. i had to go to town, ending up near tottenham court road since i booked it last minute and they were the cheapest (and it was a 4* woooooo)
only to arrive at 1am and get told by the check in man he has good news. sweets perhaps i though to myself. but no, just an upgrade to some king sweet or something. kinda passed me by till i walked into a room i decided i could definitely live in forevermore. sadly i was getting it at one fifth the real price and forevermore would equate to 3 weeks looking at my bank account.

here are some pics of magnificent room

As for the thing i forget, well i remembered that i had something else funny that happened, but that is all that i can remember. which is probably worse than just forgetting it.

you only tilt when you're winning

i once wrote a post about how i should stop looking at how much i'm winning/losing as it affects my play. i mostly was thinking about the losing side as this gets most coverage. obviously it's tougher to keep going when you're losing and it can cause bad play which causes more losses and this spirals into a decimation of money in account and less sleep in bed.

however, something i had completely neglected until recently was how winning affects me. i recently read someone else mention that winning can cause you to 'tilt'. i never realised how much this phenomenon affected me until last week. i really noticed that i also cared less about each decision when i was winning as my mentality was 'this hand doesn't matter, i'm winning loads even if i lose it.'
that was a session  set to be my best ever till i gave away half the winnings and didn't really care.
as such, it's another compelling reason not to check winnings/losses at least during the session. something i finally managed to do (or not do!) tonight.

i also need to stop obsessing over ptr and daily results. gonna try to check ptr once a week at most (and then cut down to once a month if i can)

after being 6k down in the year (twice) tonight i hit +5 figures which feels pretty good. hopefully i can start putting some volume in and see where it takes me.

kinda forgot my plan to try to include a picture with every post. here was my facebook inbox a couple of weeks ago.

i wonder if facebook is stealing other people's messages too?

getting my head checked out

so i went to the doctor to have a look at some wierd growth on my head. i couldn't see it, but others told me it was was some weird little thing and those are supposed to get looked at.
i turned up at the docs and casually mentioned that i also thought i was losing hearing in one of my ears. he checked out my ear and said it seemed fine. i told him when i was listening to music and things with headphones i couldn't hear well in one ear.
however, his most pressing concern was that i didn't make this point about hearing when booking my appointment at the gp, along with the abnormal head thing. no concern whatsoever about the rapid coordinated degradation of my body. merely, the protocol i had so seemingly spectacularly abused.
anyway, another happy ending as i realised a few days ago that in fact my headphones were faulty and one ear is quieter than the other. i'm not falling apart just yet.

some days

are clearly good.
some are clearly bad.
most are a mixture.
though usually i think one's frame of reference is more based on your perception of things which (allegedly) is easy to change.

that said, i think today was good. i officially retired from the world of 'work' and will finish up by the end of the month. at that point i will start looking for another house to rent (great timing).
other news from today - i have a 15th follower. this is a magnificent development and is a much more well rounded number than 14. so thanks to all my followers (including me)
other magnificent report from today was playing 5 a side. not only did we manage to finish before it started pissing down but i also managed to make a wonderous reaction save with my nose. on top of that i also managed to add some beautiful red patterns to the top i was wearing at the time. don't tell me i can't multitask.

my dreams are weird. i don't mean the ones when i'm awake. those are also weird but understandable. e.g. today i dreamt of following the car in front of me back to his house. i would wait for him to go inside, and in that time i would write a note. when he leaves his car i would go to it and take both wing mirrors, pick the lock and also take the rear view mirror, leaving my note which says "well, if you're not gonna use them, i might as well take them"

this seems to be a very big mix of thoughts. my last of which is that amazon's recommend thing is obviously broken. i bought *** ** *** **** on my account for a ladyfriend. obviously i've never watched it, nor do i intend to but it now recommends to me all manner of diabolical tv shows. i need to turn it off. or perhaps by many manly things to balance it out, like motor oil and guns etc

scoops

not ice cream, but stars's super tournament fest.
after complaining that tournaments tilt me i could do nothing but enter a couple yesterday. one was a 200 runner winner goes to south africa for the football thing where i busted 40somethingth.
the other was a scoop mid buy in winner goes home (or stays sat at home in his/her pyjamas) with many billions of dollars. (or maybe just one hundred and seventy thousand of them for company. i forget which but it was too many to count in one go).

4500 runners started and i had beat off over 4400 but with my sore hand, tired mind and no more chips i could no longer continue and went to bed with a profit earnt (/won?) at a mere few dollars per hour. over 10 hours of play, but i'm not too disappointed. i think i did ok considering i don't know what i'm doing and i wasn't far from making lots in one fell swoop.

but now, having gone to bed at close to 5am and getting up before 9 (ok, waking up close to 8, and getting up after 9) i am tired. i think i would like to work at google where they have a nap area. i miss that about the early years of primary school. siesta's. only the spanish kept up the idea of a national siesta every single day. almost makes me want to move there. that, along with the fact that the hot women can't say thirty, but instead pronounce it dirty. tempting...

a tied election

what do you do when a local election is tied?
you recount the votes.
4 times.
still tied.
now what?
cut a pack of cards. best of one. high card wins.
welcome to english law.
proof

tor(na)ment

i have decided that playing in tournaments tilts me. not the losing, the beats or the hours of play for a lower wage then you can get walking the streets looking for change. i just find the act of playing them to be boring and painful and just should not play any.
today, of course, i decided to play a few, some freerolls, some not free rolls. playing these alongside each other is bizarre. in some games you're fighting against people who quite possibly think that they are playing snap. or war. or a combination of war and snap they just invented in their heads.
at the same time you're playing people who have a semblance of intelligence and understand that there are no jokers in the deck. when playing many tables it is easy to lose track of which is which.
that actually made it more enjoyable till i realised i was treating every game like it was pretend money.
i think i managed one cash for what could was about 15c. every little helps.

then i decided that i should play cash. i spent most of my time reading the internet and watching telly vision. this did not bode well. i played truly awful and somehow ended up level. as soon as i realised i was not able to snap out of my mental state where i believed people would do what i was telling them to do out loud i decided to quit and eat a steak.

this cheered my up and now i lie here bloated, happy that i didn't lose, but sad because really i did lose since i should have won lots. and instead of playing snap in my mind against myself i am trying to formulate a plan so that when i choose to sit down and play i can get myself in the right frame of mind and achieve a enlightened state of focusness. i believe this to be possible as i am a yellow belt in the world of NLP. having cured my arachnophobia with just my brain i am sure i can fix this problem too.

as for today's pic, it's a photo of a building. a building that won awards for its beauty. voted most architecturally beautiful building in all of sweden. i was taken aback when i first saw it. what say you?

300 posts

a landmark, allegedly. mostly of my survival.

i like photos and am gonna try to put one in every post from now on. today's is a tongue twister which i recently took whilst on a ferry. i was on a train but then the train drove onto the ferry:

whilst traversing europe i rediscovered the 500 Euro note. this is worth a lot of money. all in one monopoly-esque note. i would hate to lose one. i hate losing a £5 note. but i do love finding the odd note in a jacket or trouser pocket i haven't worn for ages. imagine the joy at finding a 500euro note!


i don't have any (more) wise words or tales to regale you with on this magnificent occasion. but i will say this:
weekends in poker are either VERY good or VERY bad. there is no middle ground. last week i ran/played bad and wished to shoot myself in the vagina.
this weekend things went first very very good, then very very bad, but i quit before i wanted to do myself any harm.
what could have been, and for a short time was, my best ever day at the poker tables, turned into a very average day.


i realised i still have lots to learn in playing my best and putting in volume.

i also have to quit my 'job' this month so i can do things with my life. like watch every game of the world cup.

i'm narrowing down the things i don't want to do in life in case my acting career falls through. i've firstly decided that even though house is amazing, i don't want to be a doctor. i don't think i'd be very good.
this is on top of knowing i don't want to be an accountant. or a computer programmer. or a recruitmenteer. and definitely not a politician. they are lying turds.

most of my ideas of what jobs are out there come from watching tv shows. the latest show that i am watching is 'the thick of it.' it's written/made by armando iannucci. there was a spin off film from it called 'in the loop'.
i think he is one of my favourite comedians. he is genius. there was a sketch show he did, the first thing of his i saw, and i was hooked.

month's end

i'm done for the month. i almost didn't hit the supernova minimum of 7.5k points. this minimum requirement is down from 10k last year which for me is both good and bad. good because it's easier to hit each month. but bad because the monthly target to hit is lower, yet i still need 100k by end of sept. which would be 11k per month. and as of now i'm on about 40k which is slightly behind they year target even though i haven't yet missed a month.

anyways, here's a graph. a couple of horror session where i'd like to blame variance or something, but really i know i'm to blame for them.

now the boring bit is out the way, there is something very painful i went through a couple of days back. i got  bought a new shirt, and wore it when it was nice and warm. i find it rather presumptuous that other people both assume i need something new, and that i will like what they buy me. luckily, they have good taste.
so, it was warm enough to be naked under said shirt. i left my house and after about 10 minutes of strolling around i realised that the shirt was slowly ripping my nipples to shreds. too late to turn back and change, i had to suffer uncontrollably that evening. the pain only got worse and getting to sleep that night was tough; they still hurt lots the next day. so much so that i spent the whole day trying to ensure that day's t shirt didn't come in to contact with my nipples. i must have looked a bit of a tit.
i've never experienced this before and i was wondering whether anyone tested this shirt out before they decided to sell it to the unsuspecting masses.
i mentioned this to a lady who told me bra's are great for stopping this effect. she did stop short of suggesting i get one. just. but who knows, may she'll be presumptuous and just go out and by me one instead.

i need your comedy help

but first, i would like to vent my hate at all retarded drivers who think using their indicators = right of way.
you are a useless human being. up there with most people who have been on big brother.

anyways, here is where i need your help. i saw this superb note in the toilet at school today. if someone knows of a good response, please leave it in the comments and i will put it up on the wall (and take a photo of any forthcoming response) below this beauty:

i came up with a few, select your favourite if you don't come up with your own

1)whoever the filthy person is who keeps throwing away my paper coverings of the toilet seat, could they please stop?!?!11?
if you are dirty enough to touch something my bum has touched one would assume you enjoy it.
this is a university, i think (and therefore it is, or something).
i doubt anyone else takes dumps here, so i expect to see my paper seat waiting for my morning dump the next day. please stop interfering with my routines. are you not educated enough that you clean up after my shit?

2)i can't stop, i might catch AIDS off you

sweet charity

i have a charity poker tournament this weekend i half intend to play in. the top prize used to be a trip to vegas which i won once. now it's just cash. probably a bit less than the vegas trip would cost, but it doesn't seem so much fun when you can't win a holiday. i guess it's for charity so i will probably go anyway.

in order to warm up i thought i would play some tonight. i started off pretty horrendously (convincing i was practising my giving to charity) and ended just as badly. after unchecking all the post blind boxes, the penultimate hand was this

6-max Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: utg ($412.70 in chips)
Seat 2: utg + 1 ($804 in chips)
Seat 3: hero ($743.35 in chips)
Seat 4: btn ($677.35 in chips)
Seat 5: sb ($400 in chips)
Seat 6: villain ($416 in chips)
sb: posts small blind $2
villain: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hero [Ad As]
utg: folds
utg + 1: folds
hero: raises $8 to $12
btn: folds
sb: calls $10
villain: calls $8

*** FLOP *** [7h 6c Kd]
sb: checks
villain: bets $24
hero: calls $24
sb: folds

*** TURN *** [7h 6c Kd] [Tc]
villain: bets $52
hero: calls $52

*** RIVER *** [7h 6c Kd Tc] [Ac]
villain: bets $128
hero: raises $527.35 to $655.35 and is all-in
villain: pauses


pauses



timer starts



pauses some more






calls $200 and is all-in
Uncalled bet ($327.35) returned to hero

*** SHOW DOWN ***
hero: shows [Ad As] (three of a kind, Aces)
villain: shows [8h 9h] (a straight, Six to Ten)
villain said, "lol"
villain said, "nitrolling"

seeing as his stats are 19/17 i assume that means he has happy to be a nit who slowrolls?
if i'm wrong, someone please let me know.

as for his chat, if i knew him personally i think it would be quite funny. seeing as he is a nonymous, i do not understand what he was trying to do.



i saw the south park that has now caused lots of controversy. aside from the irony in trying to prove you're peaceful by threatening people's lives, it also hilarious because in an old episode (pre denmark cartoons) they had a mohammed character - an episode which still reruns on comedy central!!

the great great british return

i don't really understand most people's complaints about having their holidays extended. sure, families esp with little kids and people who only had small budgets for holidays get hit hard; most people i met though, were on business and weren't too fussed by an extra week off work, all expenses paid!

i'm gonna have to fight airlines and insurance to get flight monies (should be easy), hotel monies (less easy), train tickets monies (even less easy) and hopefully a sustenance allowance (much less easy)

moron of the day was found in a newsagents at 5am in cologne. she asked a shelf stacker if he knew when she'd be able to get the next train to london on eurostar. he said he didn't know and that she should try the information people. she replied "I spoke to them and they couldn't help so I thought I would try you"
really, you couldn't make it up.

i think i took some funny photo's but will have to check and put some up.


have almost forgotten how to play poker and have 10 days left this month to play at least 6000 hands. really need to aim for 1000 hands per day (and double on weekends) starting from this weekend.

but first i have a couple of episodes of house to catch up on.

Iceland

SO WHEN THE UK ASKED ICELAND TO BE PAID THE MONEY OWED IN CASH, IT SEEMS THEY MISHEARD.
AS WELL AS NOT BEING ABLE TO TYPE IN LOWER CASE IM STUCK IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE WITH NO IDEA OF WHEN OR HOW I'LL BE BACK.

a brag that's really a beat

back in profit for the year at 2/4!

next target, back in profit at 2/4 on ptr

here's a graph showing some awesomely terrible ups and downs.

 it's quite funny (but only in hindsight. at the time it's about as funny as stabbing pains in the brain) how sharp the downs are. especially that massive one in the middle. that vertical down line essentially means it would have been slower to lose money by setting some on fire.


so spring is here, women are walking around with less clothes on, i've seen the sun for two days in a row, i'm also gonna leave my 'job' very soon, (to finally, officially, become a bum) and have a holiday this week.

all that's left to do is start writing my sitcom.

went to the dentist last week. i dunno what it is about old people in dentist waiting rooms but they like to talk to everyone else in there. last time i had someone from mauritius, this time was some old dude with a pony tail. talking about how the dentist is always behind schedule as said dentist walks into the room. but old people seem to have no shame doing things like this. i wonder why not, and whether i'll be like that.

as for the dentist, when he found out i didn't have an electric toothbrush he was surprised and then told me off. but he wasn't as shocked as my friend, who thinks i'm the laziest person since that fat mexican who couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. i do wonder why i never got one. i think i should have. after all, i think all the pavements (sidewalks to my american cousins) should be replaced by those travelators/moving walkways/flat escalators that you see in airports.

oh, and if anyone knows a good electric toothbrush lemme know, thanks.

time to update

i know when it's time to update my blog because either
1) someone has commented and therefore at least one person has read it
or
2) i'm the last one to update on yakshi's list of blogs, and then i feel like i'm letting them all down

luckily, i do have a couple of things to say

firstly, i have definitely improved my poker skills as i finally received some abusive comments on ptr. something along the lines of
you ****ing suck, you're ****. why are you playing at 2/4? you ****ing suck.

thanks to the villain who wrote that, mainly for their generosity. if everyone paid me thousands of dollars to dish out a line of abuse i would happily take a few more lines of anonymous internet abuse. but only if you paid well.

secondly, i would like to offer some poker advice. not because i want to share, but because what i am about to describe annoys me so much; and i very very often hear/read people talking/writing about making a play due to how much (or little) they have invested in the pot.
this myth is dispelled in poker 101 namely:
money in the pot is no longer yours
how much you have put in the pot is wholly and totally irrelevant. the only thing that matters is what odds the pot is offering you, and how much equity you think you have against your opponent.

it's also a poker lesson that can be transferred into real life.
how much time/money you have invested in something shouldn't affect your future decisions, (as that is effectively money in the pot which is no longer yours), rather how your future will be affected by the current decision is all that matters.


it's halfway through the month and i've played about 3 hands. i'm away for the week next week as i will be hunting moose (and shooting them but only with cameras) on snowmobiles in Sweden, so will have to get 15k hands in this and next weekends.

mutha flippers

i often have lots of well constructed, thought out posts that i start writing in my head. sadly, i never get the chance to write them down because i'm doing distracting things like driving, showering or trying to fall asleep.
last night however, i decided to make some bullet points of thoughts i had. how they will look in the clear light of day is anyone's guess.

the first thing i thought of was how i won a big flip last night when i played. utg min raises (added a note at this point to say he was a fellow retard), i 3 bet to $24 or so, and button who is a terrible reg 4bets to $92 or something. he's playing 450 and i cover. retard folds and it's back to me. i figure if i shove he 1)calls with small pairs because i must have ak if i shove, and 2)i didn't wanna play qq oop because an ace always flops. so i shoved. he superduper snap called. with ak.
ace on the flop, thanks stars. queen on the river. thanks stars (non sarcastic the second time)

this reminded me of the halcyon years of poker before anyone knew what they were doing. and this was the time i discovered you could three bet with anything in position and get called pre, followed by a check/fold from your opponent on basically any flop because you had to have aa to 3 bet. good times.
i even played on a table where one guy said in chat "i know what you're doing, i'm gonna catch you" and then he continued to play in the exact same way.

anyway, then i started thinking about how much better i am at most things than i was one year ago. and one year ago i had the same thought about previous years. then i started thinking about how i'm probably becoming less awesome as time goes on as i tend to a status of true awesomeness. but then i realised, that such a state is impossible to attain and what it actually happening is each year i am improving less and less as a human  - which is probably me becoming old and stuck in my ways etc.

i can't remember what i called this concept but it did imagine drawing something i called an improvement derivative involving graphs, differentiation and integration and how it leads to a decreased rate of becoming more awesome. then i realised if i tell anyone about this they'll think i've been eating too much fruitcake since, after all, you are what you eat.

and in case you were wondering the title is a homage to the flight of the conchords. if you haven't yet seen it, you must! but only season 1, and the second half of season 2.

jinx?

sometimes i avoid talking about the rungood when i rungood as i don't want it to end and fear that writing about it will end it. that's pretty high up on the retard list. just below tabloid horoscopes, and just above me.

when i last wrote
since then i've employed the -$800 target which i am yet to hit. 
I did take my time to consider whether or not i should write it at all. of course, the results were that i did indeed write that sentence.
and the very next session i hit my target spectacularly, and kept on playing. i did somehow manage to stop pretty soon after though, down about $1200.

so i finally hit my target! hi 5. 

i once read that thinking about something (which you're at least partially in control of) can affect its outcome. kinda like a kriss akabusi pma (positive mental attitude) advert which i remember from childhood but can't find on youtube - and if it's not on youtube i'm beginning to think it never existed.

recently i've been watching a lot of house so considered buying a motorbike. when i asked my friend about his motorbike and if he'd ever crashed (he said only once and it hurt), and then he crashed a week later i felt partially responsible for implanting that thought into his head.

i can't tell if that's insanity or genius. they say it's a fine line between genius and insanity although i don't think  the two are mutually exclusive. i think it's just some genii (if that's not the plural it should be, how cool that word does look) appear insane to everyone else. and maybe if you can't tell the difference between insanity and genius that's why it looks like a fine line.
i'm pretty sure i'm rambling nonsense here so i'm gonna stop.

pma's all round

end of month!

this month has gone pretty pretty fast and i only played about 11k hands

halfway through the month got someone to look at how badly i was playing this year.
whilst i kinda knew the two major flaws in my game (had already mentioned them here a few times) having someone else tell me to stop being retarded helped immeasurably.

here is graph. left of red line is pre 'coaching'. to the right is post. one bad spell where i played in a terrible state of mind. sometimes i just sit down thinking, "i've been doing so well recently i'm surely due a time to lose." and then obviously i lose when i think like that.
so since then i've employed the -$800 target which i am yet to hit.

anyways, here's the graph.

today is april first. i slept till after noon so missed if anything interestingly fake happened. a few years back i left a message just after midnight, for a girl in a quiet whispery voice, saying something along the lines of "they're here...they've finally come to get me. get help...." before hanging up, turning off my phone and going to sleep.

a weekend

so an average weekend.

a saturday night out in a club which reminded me i am confused by my hearing. in most regular situations my hearing is superpower-esque. i can hear conversations through walls, and people eating popcorn in cinemas is, to me, louder than the film.

but put me in a club and i can't hear a conversation with two other people centimetres from my face. worse still is that they are able to hear everything. so everyone around me laughs whilst i look miserable. or simple minded enough to not understand a basic joke. then when i ask for a repetition, half the time i still don't hear them properly so i just feign laughter as i don't have any other choices.

then today i reneged on my deal with myself to not play sunday league football anymore. i let in another fabianski but much much worse is i missed two opportunities.

background:
we are 2-1 up.
i miskick a couple of goal kicks in succession and the little cunt of an opposing striker shouts "he can't even kick the ball 20 yards", then runs up to me to gleefully repeat himself at levels i would clearly hear, even in a nightclub.
i ask him if he knows he's losing and how much that hurts.

opportunity 1
situation: we are still 2-1 up.
ball comes to my feet. i don't pick it up forcing their cuntstriker to jog up to me. i go to pick the ball up and he turns around. but i don't pick it up and it takes him some time to realise so he has to jog back towards me. when i do finally pick the ball up he starts wildly applauding to/for me.
i forget to bow.

opportunity 2
i slip as catching an attempted cross (which was more like a pass to me) in the dying moments. the ball bounces a yard off the line and i recover to get it. the entire other team (apart from keeper) run over to the ref to protest it had crossed the line. their nearest player would have been about 15 yards away and the ref isn't having any of it. i look up to see our striker on his own, on the halfway line. i kick it up to him. he runs in on goal with no one any where near him and dinks it beautifully over the keeper to seal the game. ref blows for full time moments after kick off
after the game cuntstriker has disappeared for the handshakes ritual so i don't get a chance to ask him to rate my kick for the last goal.


the pokering has been going well.
having implemented this system to encourage playing well when winning and stopping when losing i have done exceedingly well. today i came pretty close to quitting when after about 200 hands i was $771 down (very almost 2 buy ins) but i recovered to finish about $800 up after 800 hands.

still 8 buyins down for the year but am pretty confident i'll be level there by end of april and level on ptr at 2/4 by the end of may.

i missed a trick

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/8587469.stm

i'm really hoping it's just bad reporting and this didn't actually happen because as far as i can make out the story goes like this:

dude buys a newspaper for £1

part of the agreement is that the people that he bought it from PAY HIM £9.25million.
so by my reckoning he got paid £9,249,999 and got a newspaper.

this sounds like a game of monopoly when you were a kid and two people ganged up together to take down an in game oligarch. but this is real life!

and in true monopoly spirit, i would have made them a much better deal.

argh

just when things were starting to go well, and all the little things i was doing well again for the first time in ages let everything else fall into place, i go over $1k down in ev in about 10 hands, just when i decided to quit $600 down for the day. unchecking all the post big blind buttons and instead lose 3 buy ins - $2400 in pots! and so i'm left almost $2k down for the day instead

angry face

so back to $5k down for the year

2 aims are to get level for the year, and level on ptr at 2/4

both done by end of may imo

oh! dessa

so, odessa was a pretty place

as evidenced by this photo



of course, that wasn't the first thing i saw when i arrived. oh no. the plane lands, and i'm one of the last people to be getting off the plane. we're kept on the plane for a bit as we're waiting for a bus to take us to the terminal.
i get off the plane and can only see one building. about 100 yards away. well, that's not the terminal, i think. we could just walk there.
i get on the bus, and here's a photo of how close the building is.



that doesn't look so close as you may have thought from my description but that's because the bus went round in a circle from the plane to the terminal, rather than in a straight line, in a comical attempt at protocol of some sort.

and of course when i say terminal, really, its just two and half rooms.

anyways, the person i was meeting was arriving after me and i didn't wanna leave the hotel in case they arrived so i was set to eat the remnants of the food i brought with. this turned out to be a disaster as the can of tuna i planned to eat wasn't one of the ring pull variety. having some rare foresight i brought my trusty pen knife, complete with can opener! it's called a can opener, but i think thats very deceiving. my last pen knife which i'm convinced was stolen by a cornish bird in south spain worked like a dream, whereas this one....

let's just say after 15 minutes of struggling, the can was 1/8th open and the can opener part of the penknife was so bent out of shape that i couldn't even think of closing it back into place.
this made it awkward to get to the tuna, so i went and found the only tool in the hotel available. a plastic straw. i'm not sure what i intended to do with this, though drinking fish oil through a straw was becoming more appealing with each passing minute.

so oil ended up everywhere and here's a pic of my lovely meal



(just to be clear the tissue is soaked in oil)

so things were off to a bad start when i got a phone call to relieve me of my futile attempts at feeding myself. something or other about a missed flight so had to sort that out instead.

in closing, i would like to point out that parts of odessa do in fact live up to it's name of the pearl by the sea (or whatever it used to be called) but it is falling apart rather quickly.

i was gonna write about how my blind play has deteriorated so much that i should be playing blind from those positions in order to lose less.
i was also going to say that i didn't yet get a hair cut but am leaving the unanimous poll up till i do.
i was also going to say maybe i'll do more of those polls so other people can make decisions for me. is that a good decision? maybe i should do a poll for that too.
but since tonight's meal consisted of 3 chilli's, a pickled cucumber, a twix, a kit kat, the thought of some fruit and/or cereal bar and finally half a tub of ben and jerry's ice cream (chocolate fudge obviously) i don't feel sated enough to write a post.
i've also been lazy in putting pics on my computer. one of which includes me trying to eat tuna with a straw because my penknife broke.
gonna eat some real food tomorrow. and along with that comes a real post.

offside!

so the offside rule was invented back in the day probably by a pe teacher. noticing that there was one slow kid who used to just stand in front of the goal to try and score as many tap ins as possible the offside rule was invented to put a stop to this football killing tactic.

then along game michelle pratini and sepp batter who decided that they want to make a name for themselves. and thus the interfering with football rule was brought into action. this says, unless you are interfering with play, you're not offisde.
off course, being the retards that they are, they forgot to define what interfering is, and left it up to the discretion of the ref. or the linesman. they're not sure.

so what happens is that no one really knows whats going on. barcleona tonight have (probably unintentionally) shown a great tactic that should be implemented more by managers. i have drawn diagrams because it's easier than writing a thousand words.



the player in the middle is offside when the initial ball is played, but isn't flagged for it cos the ball isn't going directly to him



so now when the ball goes to him, he's onside since he's now behind the play.


what i would like to see is bendetnener standing on the penalty spot the entire game, goal hanging, like the lazy 8 year old looking for a tap in. play a long ball over the top down the wing for walcott to run on to. being faster than light he will surely get there first. as he then turns to run in on goal he can either shoot or pass to bendtentner to try to score.

surely this tactic can than be repeated by england at the world cup.

then the anti goal hanging version of the offside rule may return. removing any interfering by both footballers trying to score tap ins and bureaucratic dinosaurs.

brief trip report

the first thing i noticed was that there were dogs everywhere. big wild dogs that looked like wolves/huskies. i'm not familiar with types of dogs but these weren't ones i would want to get into a fight with. and they were just lying around some of the streets, from the countryside to the city centre.
it's not like there was an infestation, but now i understand why they say watch out for rabies.
for the most part they seemed pretty harmless. sometimes they would be playing dead (a couple of times i thought they were dead) only to spring to life when nameless joe would throw them a piece of pretzel which they wolfed down happily.
and only a couple of times did i see crazy dogs running at people in the street and barking. i had to look away to avoid walking into a pothole the size of orion to see the outcome, but i guess most people survived.

for a city once called the pearl of the sea, much of it has fallen into a sorry state of disrepair but parts of it still hint at the beauty that no doubt pervaded the entire city.
and of all the ex soviet states and eastern european countries i've been to (which i'll be the first to admit isn't many) the people were very friendliest i've encountered. and that's not because the competition for that prize was no exsistant, but simply because they were rather a friendly folk.

so i'll add some pics of odessa after i've had a sleep or two.


(oh, and remind me to do a useful poker post on how the small things quickly add up. something which has gone from a strength of mine to a weakness)

SENSATIONAL NEWS

one of the best things about the interweb is that it has a good memory unlike people.
however, it's also subject to many false memories.

luckily, that's not my point for today. merely, i would like to point out how every time (insert football team here) win/lose* a game they are suddenly hailed as magnificent world beaters/worst team ever with worst ever players.*

This is rubbish journalism. now that people can see what you wrote a few months ago with ease, you might think they would become slightly less sensationalist, however, peoples memories are still short, and they're too lazy to click to check anything, and ultimately organisations want to sell copies/have people read what they sell.

luckily (for you) i haven't sold out to get paid for what i write. although i'd like to think if i did i wouldn't go down that route. it's mentally exhausting enough to win/lose $10k in a couple of weeks. if you were a journalist your headlines would have to be things like
WORST. PLAYER. EVER. EVER.
As i predicted at the start of the year mudwig is the worst player ever having done $5k in one day! he should probably never play again. sadly for him, if he does play even one more day he'll be busto and have to concentrate solely on haircuts in the future.
or...
GREATEST. PLAYER. EVER. EVER.
having won $10k in just over a week, even whilst doing other time consuming things like sleeping, showering and eating, mudwig will soon be taking on isildur at his own game. anonymity for tax reasons. with some poker thrown in.

what's even worse with football is that bendtndneter, misses 2 sitters and a few other decent chances and is lambasted as being worse than a great dane of the canine variety. then he scores two sitters and a pelanty (thanks to chris for the correct spelling of that) and he's now the answer to the worlds water shortages.

so i'm either quite nervous that i'll have to put up with sensationalist news forevermore, or there's still a bug in my stomach playing havoc. either way, i'm gonna try to go outside and get a haircut.

apparently there was a ancient greek joke which went something like
A man goes for a hair cut and the barber asks how he would like it cut. The man says: "In silence".**


*delete as applicable...
**stolen from qi. i dunno if i'm supopsed to quote others, but it would be nice if they quoted things stolen from me so i guess i'm reciprocating in advance.

theatre

i do not understand why people like the theatre.
i understand that many many moons ago it was the only entertainment around. and that's fine.
but now, unless it's something specific/unusual like perhaps Kabuki theatre in Japan, surely the cinema is better?
Not only do the people act for you, you get the added bonus of backgrounds that are believable along with a better all round production imo, stadium seating as standard, no interval and many other benefits.
and worst of all the theatre shows are the musicals. who stops what their doing to sing a semi relevant song and dance about it, with other people joining in, only to forget that they were singing as soon as the music ends.

it's probably, like the opera, so that people can go and feel cultured. they should read a book instead.

or maybe there's something I'm missing. but no one I've asked has so far been able to explain this to me.

anyway, something went wrong with the timing of my poll. google thinks 11am on Wednesday is in fact sometime tonight. so far it's been a unanimous decision to get my biannual haircut. weirdly, biannual can mean twice a year, and also once every two years. whoever wrote the English language made a whoopsie there.

i have been making mistakes of my own. i ate some badly reheated rice yesterday and my stomach is exacting revenge my sending pain back to my brain. amongst other methods at its disposal...

that time of year

when my hair looks like what bob dylan's would look like if he was a tramp.

seeing as i dont have any job interviews approaching cutting it seems futile. however, i am going the ukraine, a land with similar people to nikolais and could do with not looking like a tramp.

so i maybe need to cut it but not sure i can be bothered. so i will leave my fate in your hands/mice.


sometimes i wonder how crazy i am. i think everyone has a touch of ocd, more in hope of me still being relatively normal, than anything else.
my car aerial is currently stuck up (which reminds me of an awesome joke - 3 tampons are walking down the street. which one stops to say hello? none. they're all stuck up cunts). but the car thinks the aerial is down. so when i listen to the radio i can faintly hear this little motor in the back trying to wind up the aerial. and it never ends. so i don't listen to the radio to avoid that noise.

i almost forgot to put a title here

so this was today. ups and downs and ups again. this puts me levelish for the month after some depressing stuff yesterday.
in fact, yesterday was so bad i spent time looking at my stats and play etc to find out where i was doing bad.
i realise that lots of the bad i do is mental. after the play i can see what is wrong, thus, i need to be able to learn to see it at the time.
being objective whilst playing is my current aim. i'm not good at sticking to things (eating lots and learning russian isn't going well, although that does mean im not a fat incoherent dude just yet - every cloud...)

anyways, this reminded me of a funny. cos i went to a therapist who told me i needed to relax and be more selfish. a week before i'd been on a (diabolical) management course in bonny scotland and the one piece of constructive criticism - which we had to refer to as developmental feedback in case the word criticism offended someone - was that i was too relaxed.

this was an interesting dilemma. take the word of a professional, or the collective decision from a group of people. i think i read somewhere that often groups tend to the right result, but there are probably exceptions, and i imagine one such exception to be the group one that i was stuck in. a group of retards. being only semi retarded (or maybe 70%) i guess they took me in as one of their own. but i digress. and i shall digress some more. another thing i read, was that in a group of people, all heading through a narrowing, as intuition would suggest, the best place to be in the crowd is at the sides.
ive drawn a technical diagram in case it wasn't clear:




don't say you never learn anything coming here

latex

is awesome.

loads of websites are devoted to it.
the many ways to use it, how your stuff looks when it's done.
pictures etc

it's pretty tough to get into it, but when you do the results are much better than any other word processor.

oh, i guess i should have spelt it LaTeX so you'd know I was talking about that, rather than a similarly named plastic.

it's starting to feel like summer. i know this because twice this week i've worn sunglasses when driving.

was playing a bit of poker and am beginning to think i lack mental consistency. i'm much better at not getting too depressed when things go well/bad/boring etc with each passing year, however i think i am way behind what normal humans are capable of. i think i can correct it, i just hope it doesn't take a lifetime cos that'll mean i'll never win much.

current aims are just to get breakeven for the year, then breakeven at 2/4 on ptr, and then win 100k. that was quite easy to write down, but i think it'll be harder to perform. i guess tripling volume from may/june onwards will help.
it might also help my mentality in thinking in the long run etc
the worst part is i'm sure i used to be better at that. more and more i seem to try to win back all the money i've ever lost in one hand. which is more retarded than it sounds, and to me it sounds very retarded.

i fell asleep today at 9 after a relatively hard days work trying to get my latex files to work and slept for about 2 hours so now i am not tired. siesta's that late in the day should be banned as now my sleeping pattern is in danger of becoming chaotic. currently though my aim is to fall asleep soon. which is not possible with my increasingly noisy computer fan whirring away.

vultures

i worry about too many things.

one thing would be that people i know find out about this blog. i like the anonymity but there's always something in the back of my mind that knows i can't write completely freely just in case.

and then google buzz came along. and google forgot about privacy. and any blogspot blog that you had linked to an email (a-mao) address would be told of to pretty much everyone who you had emailed before in your life.

thanks google.

once again i find myself sleeping awkwardly. probably my bed is too short. and so when i woke this morning my neck once again hurt. only this time it got worse during the day so that i had shooting pains running up my neck every now and then.
so i went to the uni medical centre who said "you're not registered" which to me sounded like, "we don't care if you die." as i walked out the building i almost bumped into a mildy fat girl throwing her guts up next to the door.
i was going to congratulate her on making a stand on their non treatment of patients policy by showing them what she though of it, but she seemed a bit busy.


so i went home and ate a kit kat. i needed a break. and i remembered how kit kat's sometimes used to have no wafer in them, and how those were the greatest moments of being a kid. and then you heard rumours of how people sent them back to nestle and got boxes of chocolates in return but i never did because i always enjoyed eating them too much.
so my point is i was eating a kit kat and on the last bite a bit of wafer got stuck in my throat. i hate how it's always the last bite. and today was a day i didn't need things stuck in my neck.
i still can't look up or right comfortably and went to a doctor to get some pain medications. these scare me because now i go home and google them out of interest but end up just reading side effects. which for some reason includes vultures eating carcasses of beef fed on these pain killers, which caused renal failure in said vultures and some people are gene deficient in things vultures also don't have. and that scares me even though i'm not like a vulture. i hope.

ps fo poker.

oops

so over the last few days managed to get back to level for the year only to do 15 buy ins tonight with non stop setup hands. i can't really believe it just happened.

waking up early

i don't know how people do this. i asked a few but they weren't able to succinctly describe it well enough for me to be able to copy their thought processes.
it's most depressing in winter when it's dark when you wake up, but i no longer have that excuse for staying in bed wasting away my life. really, i should just set my alarm half an hour later and just get up immediately.

also it's come to my attention that australians have difficulty saying the word email. instead they say what sounds like a-mao.

went to tesco today to put petrol in and had loads of free money vouchers that they sent me for previously using them for petrol. this is equivalent to supermarket rakeback. lots of companies do this, like airlines, mobile phone companies and i thought how funny/stupid it would be if they only offered it to new customers. but that's exactly what loads of poker sites do. it's also what barclays bank do with their ISAs, where only new customers can get the amazing 4% interest rate, but existing customers only get about 0.000005%. not that i'm bitter. (i can just move it somewhere else obviously!)

and i just found out the most awesome thing about skype. you can edit your previous message! this has hilarious consequences because after they say anything, you can change your previous message to make them feel awkward. and initially people won't realise that you've done it.
hours of fun!

and sometimes

more than hating poker i hate myself. but i'll leave that for another time.

so im trying to play some more heads up at 1/2 to win some monies.
i am getting slightly distracted by a new tv show called white collar.
it's pretty good, with decent story, acting, dialogue etc
it also has starring in it, tiffani thiessen. who i'm sure you'll all know better as kelly kapowski. an onomatopoeic surname if ever i heard one as her beauty still smacks you in the face when you see her.

speaking of onomatopoeic surnames, the greatest one i ever heard was that of an american footballer called seau (pronounced say-ow).

sometimes

sometimes i hate the poker. i think i would hate it less if i was better at it.
my new aims are to
1) become good at heads up. i'll settle for not being retardedly bad.
2) get in profit according to ptr at 2/4
currently i'm down millions so i'll see how long that takes.
3) stop making stupid aims, and just play better.

broke even tonight. made about $700 in bonuses to soothe the pain. also tried a couple of tournaments. hit the chip lead in one and played 'mr big stack', which definitely helped but still busted kk vs 66. played a second tourney at the same time and ended up mini cashing in both which is depressing as 1st place was 5 figures in each. i would have settled for winning either.

anyways, in 6 weeks i'll officially be a bum (i hope) so will be able to play regularly, see if i can regularly manage 100k hands per month, $10k per month and not being insane.

and now a few hours sleep before freezing myself in sunday league football. how this winter has lasted all winter has shocked everyone. it's been months. it's not supposed to be this way.

omegle

so a website i forgot about for passing about 2 minutes of time is omegle.com
this is im for strangers. most people are boring, but occasionally, i make my self laugh

Stranger: hi where are u from
You: hi where are YOU from?
Stranger: FinLaNd
You: you are finnish
Stranger: WTF
Stranger: are u retard?
You: semi-retard

Stranger: well at least u dun have to meet someone who is a pain in the ass
Stranger: right?
You: i hope you dont mean that too literally
You: if so, i would worry a bit about you
Stranger: used to
You: is it less painful now?

lost in translation

the funny thing about this film is that there is almost no dialogue (let alone foreign talk) for anything to get lost (or even translated)

so it appears i have finally exhausted the internet having found and read these sites

sickipedia
lamebook
textsfromlastnight
passiveaggressivenotes

anyone know of other funnies, feel free to let me know

so i hit some tables on the weekend.
i've noticed that i've been getting dealt 44 a lot this year. so i checked my hands, noting that the correct amount of times to get it is 0.45% yet after 18000 hands i'm at 0.60% which is 108 times instead of 81
i also got set under set 3 times in about 500 hands on t'weekend amongst many other annoying things, but luckily i've been outdrawing people to make up for all of those things.

beginning to get worried i'm not good enough to win my millions via this method. might have to think about alternate avenues of revenue. hmm

in the meantime, here's a song

i fought the law

and, I won!
yeah.
though when i say law i mean council.
and when i say fought, i mean sent a moderately worded letter to them with photographic attachments.
and some would say i didn't win, i just avoided a parking fine, but i say money not lost = money won (thanks for that tip mike caro, true in life as much as on the tables).

i went to the shops with my new found wealth and saw some olive oil, some virgin olive oil and some extra virgin olive oil. i think they aren't understanding the word virgin very accurately.
it's like saying, this fellow here, he is alive.
the dude next to him, is extra alive.

unless of course they are referring to superpowers. i used to think i didn't have any superpowers but i'm pretty sure my hearing is abnormally sharp to quiet sounds. like that women who was briefly in heroes before syler took the power. of course, it might just be tinnitus playing a joke on me.
i found out one of my friends does have a superpower. he can remember lots of conversations from many years ago as if they were yesterday and bizarrely as though they are pictures. not a useful super power, and not as exciting as x-ray vision or predicting the future, but a superpower nonetheless.

yanuare

was a busy month. i only played for two weeks, got quite a few hands in but things went according to a very bad plan written by an evil person with some sort of foreign accident i couldn't identify.

here is the proof:



i hope to make that back in february. starting......(not now). first i must get some ice cream because i don't think it's been cold enough outside recently.

brief live blooging

*blogging

playing only the blogging competition malarky and the turbo takedown tournament (or as i like to call it, the TnTnT. very explosive stuff)

so just started the blogging one and have had kings three times in 20 minutes. no chance of a run good towards the end and i might as well retire from it now

AK sooted now. someone at my table asked if anyone was live blogging. i said yes, i'm telling everyone that reads it my hands. (luckily no one reads it)

ffs, kings again. might get action this time. makes up for getting 44 about 260 times in 2660 hands last night. but i'd rather have got this on a cash table.

TnTnT starting in five minutes. i can feel the excitement building in my pants

my mistake, that was just my phone vibrating.

KINGS AGAIN this is ridiculous. everyone folds pre again.

playing one or two tables is pretty boring. i think i might just go all in every hand till i either win it all or lose

A5spades lost to Q10 spades. Q10x flop. tyty, back to starting stack.

oops lost a hand in the wbcoop, up a little in the TnTnTnT. damn calling stations hitting slightly better hands than me (and i never have good hands apart from kings) and never folding to lots of bets.

and out of the w b coop running into aces.

and i'm bored of this. i'm going to think about what i've done

i'd finally run out of jelly bellies so decided to play some of the pokers last night.
beginning to play pretty well finally after a terrible start to the year. not making anything, but it's not getting worse. will post month's graph after this weekend. speaking of which will be trying to play the turbo tournament, maybe the sunday bimillion, a blogger tournament and some cash.

going by current form there is a chance i will forget about all of this. i appear to be losing my mind along with many other possessions i (used to) own. last night i turned up at football without my gloves. ('ha, what a pansy' i hear you cry, but i did not have gloves for protection from the cold, but for i play in goal). When the ball is wet, and the astroturf is sandy, and the wind is cold catching the ball with frozen hands was much easier than i anticipated. that night though when i got home, every time i moved a muscle in my hands they got their revenge with shooting pains. i still have no idea where my gloves are.

i have mentioned my deaf cat before but i don't think i explained that she is also slightly retarded. as a younger cat she would whack her head against the underside of chairs. i fear this may have destroyed a few too many braincells. deaf or stupid isn't really a problem with cats, they're still pretty cool and funny when they aren't pissed at you, but the combination means she just wanders around screaming non stop so that people 4 doors down can hear her. when she sees nobody she gets louder. when she sees somebody, she gets louder.

i didn't hide the jelly bellies well enough. imo

there are 50 different flavours.
choosing a best would be like choosing a favourite state in america. since i've only been to about 10 states, and some of them very briefly i will highlight the best and worst.

sizzling cinnamon. the worst of the worst. hot, but not nice and spicy hot, just horrible. this is like 45 degree (113 deg F) heat of texas combined with going to a gig headlined by some punkrock band in georgia whose name eludes you but the kind where everyone's a skinhead and they try to punch you. repeatedly. and look like they're going to stab you asap.
(note: i did quite like many aspects of texas. the entire city of austin is like camden town)

chocolate pudding. this sounds awesome, but is in fact horrible. a bit like la (but unlike the rest of california obv)

watermelon. also sounds awesome, and tastes pretty good too, but these wear thin very quickly. great if you don't have too many at once. just like florida. except without the scary black guy at the gainesville greyhound bus station showing you all his gunshot wounds whilst telling you about his journey to meet his bro who is getting out of prison. but going once in a while to disneyland is pretty great.

tutti-frutti. everyone's heard of this flavour and it's like a party in my mouth with everyone invited. NYC obviously.

berry blue. i could probably live of these. cool, refreshing and a little bit less known than new york. i would say this is boston.

red/green apple and raspberry. could eat these all day. taste so good i sometimes think i'm eating real fruit. definitely california.

lemon/lemonlime. very colourful and clearly artificial, but i can't say no. hello vegas.

grape. this sounds like it should be my favourite but it's a massive disappointment. like washington d.c., although i didn't expect that to be my favourite anything. still, it had it's good points. note i sometimes mistake a chocolate pudding for a grape - GO AWAY LA, NO ONE LIKES YOU!

liquorice. wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. a 270 mile long barge pole. coincidentally the same size width as the state of utah.

sweet disposition

i've never been so happy

when losing $1600
gonna have to play some poker for the rest of the month. was looking forward to about +$4k, but currently -$4k!

tonights session was funny. i give myself a rating of about 9/10 for playing pretty damn well and just getting violated at every opportunity.
biggest 11 pots i won just two but happy with my play in every single one of them, so can't complain for once. (this positive mindset malarkey is easy imo)

i'd like to think that there are certain times in life when you grow up and behave responsible. i would guess that having kids is one of them.
recently, i saw a woman cross a road holding her kids hand. kid was maybe 5? all good so far. she stopped half was across cos some nutter drove down the road the wrong way to make a turn and didn't wanna wait in traffic. it was pretty terrible driving and the woman noticed him so stopped. as he/she drove past she says to her kid in adult talk to child voice
"what's that car doing?"
followed by in adult shout at adult voice
"fucking wanker"

great example to set the youth of tomorrow

saw avatar the other day. 3d and cgi was amazing. story was a bit weak imo. and i spent the whole film trying to work out if the women were naked, and if they were why their nipples were missing.

3d effects were pretty good and reminded me of the amazing 3d tvs a saw in japan. tvs which didn't require and glasses!