more mental physics

the other cool thing that makes no sense to me whatsoever is so called 'action at a distance' which sort of combines relativity with quantum ideas in an experiment. nothing can travel faster than the speed of light (more accurately nothing will have a speed greater than the speed of light in a vacuum). this limits how quickly you can pass information around. ie if something is 1 light year away (the distance light travels in a year) it will take one year to send or receive a message from them. the key concept is things don't happen instantly.

what some clever people did, is they created two particles (electrons or photons), a particle where one of the properties can only have one of two forms. so a photon would be polarised either one way or another, or electrons would be created with either spin 'up' or 'down'. when they created these particles, the property is taken completely at random. conservation laws means that one particle takes one form, the second particle takes the other (eg one is spin up, t'other is spin down.)
when you create them though, you don't know them straight away which is which until you measure it, which you don't do straight away. you send the first in one direction, and the other in the opposite direction. you set up measurement equipment very far away, and arrange to measure one first, and shortly after, the second. the second will always be opposite to the first. you measure them so close together in time, that there is no way for information to be passed from the first to the second. so how does the second know which property it's supposed to have?

it takes time for the news of the other measurement to reach you, but how did the particles already know?

some clever people thought that perhaps they have another 'hidden' property when they're made, so that they both know which to take? that was disproven by an Englishman called Bell, googleable by searching Bell Theorem.

this is all quite weird. more weird stuff about light can be found in a 4 part series of lectures by feynman given in new zea land. there's a great bit in the first lecture where he tells people that "don't understand" what he's about to say, not confuse not understanding what he says, with not wanting to believe what he says. lots of things are difficult to believe but are explained perfectly by theory, such as the probabilistic nature in reflection of light. eg if you fire 100 photons at a surface, how does the surface know what % to reflect back?!

this is probably why no one will hire me

Online application question (usual describe a situation where you did the following):

"You will be able to influence and challenge policy colleagues constructively while maintaining good relations with them"

My answer:

I dislike the way it has been phrased here (although that may be my understanding of the sentence). Rather than try to influence others to agree with me, I feel that understanding what their goals are, and then seeing which ones I have in common with them will lead to genuine constructive cooperation in the areas that I can control.

friday blogs i like

well, it's not just on friday i like them, but other times they update too

my previous attempt at returning dead blogs to the land of the living went 0/2 after an initial 100% success rate, so i'll be boring this week and just mention some blogs i like.

alexwentpro. and not just because she's hot (ok, mostly because she's hot, and posts the pics too).

rubbish (as above, but replace he for she)

i've just realised it's a bit of a weird thing to do (since the list on the right hand side is for that very function) so will in future either mention blogs i don't already have listed down the right hands side, mention specific posts that were magnificent or highlight new additions to the bogroll.

todays post is under a cloud of discontent as my attempts to get up as my alarm rings was thwarted by waiting close to an hour before getting up. in my defence i did go out last night and play the pokers. it was pretty dull and i almost fell asleep at the table. luckily the air conditioning was on in full force so that kept me awake. it also made me shiver so that every time i played a hand my hands would shake and i think they thought i had the nuts. needless to say that didnt stop them calling me with shit!

good morning/afternoon/evening

not that i don't know the time of day but i only know it for me, not you (either now or when you'll read this).

"the time of day" is a funny phrase. i associate it with the derogatory comments "i wouldn't give him the time of day" and "i have no time for you"

two old school insults. the middle east has some great ones. I think my favourite is (i think) an egyptian one which is along the lines of "i hope all your teeth fall for except for one, and that one gives you toothache"
i might try that at the poker tables one day.

looking back down memory lane at my favourite posts, i found that i was quite terrible at responding to comments. i think i was a bit unsure what to say, or something. i thought of it similar to heckling in comedy clubs, something i reckon that i would have been quite bad at dealing with, unlike real comedians who are usually quite good. the best i saw was when jimmy carr made an unscheduled appearance at a comedy club i was at. two people right at the front right were talking the whole time, and after a couple of minutes he turns to them and says "you know, it's not like when you watch it on telly, i can hear you when you talk"

everyone laughed at their expense but amazingly even that didn't shame them enough into being silent for the remaining minutes of his brief interlude!

edit: yesterday, 25 minutes znoozing
today: -15 minutes (woke up early due to smoke alarm going off). bizarrely, feel less tired this morning.

fillum

i like how northeners pronounce the word film.

i've had more time of late to watch films. i never used to like old films. anything before the 80s i mostly just dismissed. and then a few months back i saw one flew over the cuckoos nest (19/20). sadly, it was after seeing the house version (episode 1+2 of season 6 iirc), but that didn't detract from it at all. with hindsight, i think house did a great job of copying but not copying it.

even having seen the house one first, it didn't detract at all from the movie. a movie which is fantastic. it even had the c word in it! i didn't know they did that in the 70s. since then i've watched a bunch of older films. the good, the bad and the ugly (the film, not my description of them in general) was one of the best (18/20). some of the alfred hithcock films were great too. the first one i saw of his a few years ago was birds (or 'the birds'?) and it was terrible. i watched the maltese falcon (17/20) and north by northwest (16/20) but my favourite so far was vertigo (17/20). ive seen a few other 'classics' such as casablanca (14/20). I also made sure to seem some which i had amazingly never before seen were star wars. so i watched all 3. in fact, watching them all in under a week was probably bad since i didn't think much of them. for example, if he's a jedi who can essentially fly and control things through telekinesis, why doesn't he do those things all the time!! ridiculous. i think they're above average films, but only worth a generous 14/20.

two films that were really great were alien and aliens. solid 19/20s. atmosphere, story, twists and great characters.

James Stewart, who is in a bunch of hitchcock movies, including rear window (17/20) reminds me very much of that annoying useless president in 24, charles logan, played by Gregory Itzin. He seems to have copied all the mannerisms and speech of President logan, 50 years before logan appeared on screen!

as for my rating system, 10/20 is, by definition, average, and should be the mean score. 10/20 is not a bad score in my system, no matter what imdb tells you about films rated 5/10! why i use 20 and not 10, is because ratings out of 20 are perfect. /10 is not enough, as you find yourself sometimes wanting to use halves. and obviously 100 is too much, i can't tell the difference between 64% and 63%.
if you are still in any doubt over this rating system, may i just remind you that championship manager (now renamed football manager), the greatest simulation game of all time, has been using ratings out of 20 since it's inception. i assume it still does? the last one i saw was 2009.

two corrections i need to make

my last but one post was seemingly 80% bullshit. check the comments in it for confirmation. Thanks to the commentors for pointing it out!

the other correction i need to make is a two part one.

a while back i committed to working out every day for 30 days (actually only 6 days a week, i take one morning on the weekend off). it went remarkably well and i've kept it going. i've tweaked my work out to ensure i am exercising as properly as possible, but i like that it's almost a habit now.

there were two other things i tried and didn't quite manage. one was waking early, the second was blogging everyday, although i was less committed to the second at the outset. however, the great yak said he likes to read a blogs which post each and every day, and knowing that at least one person will read these musings, it has encouraged me to blog every day. luckily it's the first of the month so i won't forget when i started.
i have made a schoolboy mistake by posting twice today (in future, as the yakshi said, extra posts in one day can and will be saved for another), but am quite excited by the prospect. i think it means i'll also need to go out more often since otherwise i'll run out of material in my tiny mind. a mind preoccupied recently by the fact that photons travel at the speed of light and therefore do not experience time. yet relativity tells us that they see other photons travelling at the speed of light too. it all becomes a bit mad when you start to think of how things happen at the same time in their frame of reference. (ie everything happens at the same time, just in different places since they don't travel through time, yet other photons still overtake them to get to places before them?! no more physics talk this month of things i don't understand, unless by request)

the other target was getting up when my alarm went off. i have regressed back to 30+ minute snoozes. i will perhaps post each day an inclusion of length of time in bed before getting up, hopefully into shaming me to becoming more prompt.

all other exciting work and going out plans will now be saved for another post, and not because i haven't yet come up with any.

the mind of a child

i think the best thing about kids is that their minds are open. keeping an open mind is a really tough thing for me to do as get older.

kids constantly question everything, and sadly adults think this is a bad thing! The amazing Richard Feynman said he used to question everything as a kid, encouraged by his dad who would always try to answer.

something i used to do as a kid, was when someone asked me if i could do something, was i would often reply, yes i can. and not do anything about it. sometimes i would expand to reply "i can, but will i?"

this used to annoy other people which made me do this for far longer than i should.

i've been doing a lot of reading recently, (while pretending to job hunt) and one of my favourite concepts i've come across is the idea not too dissimilar to the annoying phrase i used to say. it's a simple concept, and it's the idea that when you do things, you should not think that you're doing them because you have to, but because you want to.

i like it, because it's simple, you don't need to do anything different, you just need to think slightly differently. so, for example, instead of thinking, i have to go to the shops for someone else, think I want to (and then question why I want to do that!).
instead of thinking, i have to go to work, start thinking, i choose to go to work (even, i want to go to work!) and think about the reasons why you want to. and if the reasons aren't good enough for you, do something else.

soon, you start to realise that you're happy with what you're doing because they are choices you are making, and you are aware of this!
so, if you aren't happy with what you're doing, do something else!

something i want to do more of is take pictures. so here's another pic of mine (i don't think i've posted it before) which failed to win any prizes (so far). it's one of the busiest people crossing intersections in the world (probably) and is in japan. oxford circus in london was redesigned to be based on this. i didn't notice when i took it but the contrast between light and dark is quite something.

i am sure that I sometimes fail in guessing the words of captchas, but the computer still says yes. sometimes i think they know that robots don't even try, so it's a case of 'the taking part that counts'. I will endeavour to test this more rigorously in future and post pics with evidence.

something else i was musing about whilst eating a chocolate brownie for breakfast was that it seems only in sports that people know how to count. allow me to explain:

when someone scores a goal in the first minute of a game, the time given is 1'.* Correct! The time on the clock will read between 1 second, and 60 seconds. so if someone scores when the clock reads 21"41, the goal time is 22.

when you are 39 and a half, you think to yourself that you are 39 years old. except you are in your 40th year of existence, not 39th. ironically, you celebrate your 40th birthday, not on the first day of your 40th year, but on the very last!

in the uk, you get a free travel pass when you reach 65. i wonder if anyone has tried saying they legally should get one when reaching 64years and 1 day old?

another famous example is the people celebrating the 'new millennium' in the year 2000 were ironically celebrating the last year of the existing millennium.

speaking of pics as i was earlier, and in my last but one post**, here's what was my favourite entry into the google prize i failed in winning.

*i literally have no idea what the correct symbols to use are for second and minute so i just made it up.

**also, i think there should be single a word for 'last but one'. So i could talk about my previous post, and my penprevious post.

***i use stars to not distract from the flow of the post, but realise that you're probably reading them as and when they appear, which just means a work out for your mouse instead of making things easier.

a blog round up?

i'm so old I remember when these were fashionable. when the once great gatsby used to do a monthly awards. i even remember owning a green monitor for a computer. i don't pine for those days, but i do enjoy a blog round up by someone with good taste. and who has better taste than me? (well, lots of people, but not being the best hasn't stopped anyone before)

first and foremost, if you haven't checked out the latest addition to my bog roll, go do it now. seriously, it'll be better than this here post.

other than that, i don't think i have found any new blogs. i think this is maybe why blog round ups stopped?

i could mention the betfair articles, written from a mix of people in which i usually enjoy the words or learn something (sometimes both).

instead, what I'd like to do is try to bring blogs back from the dead. So if you reading this, and obviously you are, could the great highstacks and jethro horowitz please return to the land of writing your thoughts out, so that we may bask in your musings.

halftime hallo

Google had a photography competition which finished recently, one which I entered. I didn't expect to win, but submitted some cool pictures. Then i saw some of the judges shortlist photos (of 10 i think) and about half were terrible. Now I was disappointed I hadn't won!

They can be found here. Honestly, a wire on a carpet? In the category sound/silence?

Almost as ridiculous, is the bbc headline of Student wins Google Photography Prize. As though out of all the entrants it was a pleasant surprise a student won.

However, the rules clearly state it's only open to students!

I'd rather be a failed photographer than a reporter knowing you have to make up bullshit headlines to sell copies/get hits. Popular science journalism really reaches the bottom of the barrel with examples eloquently provided by Ben Goldacre.

google has done a britta

i know my last post said i made things that i thought turned out pretty shit, and well, you could be forgiven for thinking i worked at google (even i thought that for a moment when i started writing this post)

since making gmail a bit shit they've done the same to blogspot. what is it with removing words for labels and replacing them with abstract diagrams?

nobody likes change (even if everyone gets used to it pretty quick, eg facebook) but it's not the new look that's the worst part, but the stupid buttons. any person above 50 who has gmail is now perpetually confused!

anyway, i just took a shower - my place of greatest thinking. and i was thinking of the song call me ishmael by get cape wear cape fly. it has these lyrics:

You are not your job, and you are not the clothes you wear,
you are the words that leave your mouth

the last part always annoyed me. i don't think you are the words that leave your mouth. i think you are the actions you take. i need to start doing more each and every day. time to stop waiting for things to happen to/for me and take control!

heck, i might even start playing a bit of poker again...

this is my favourite get cape song. starts off chilled and then picks up a wee bit 1/3 of the way in...



ps line spaces i put in the post don't appear when i publish it so sorry for the wall of text and if anyone knows how to fix it please let me know! (edit: fixed it. why they make you use < br> instead of just using 'enter' as the default is anyone's guess.)

everything i make looks terrible

is it just me?
when i see what other people have done, I am often amazed.

when i make something myself, maybe because i've seen all the steps along the way it looks shit. or maybe it looks that way because it is shit. i honestly can't tell.

i don't think there's anything i've made which i am truly proud of.

in a not unrelated thought, when i've written something, rereading it is mind-numbingly painful. of course, made worse because i always think it's shit.

we've had it banged into our heads to not let other people judge us. but i can no longer see how that's true. i think you need help from others to see what you're doing is right or wrong. i think what must be meant is that you should not let it affect you negatively, but instead choose how you respond. (and to know the separation between criticism of your work, and of you.)

maybe this is normal. maybe this is why critics send artists mental, because they need all others to admire them and their work. or maybe it's just me, and i'm not very good at anything i've done yet. i need to find something that i can do and be the best at.

smartphones

never again do i need to read the labels on toothpastes whilst sitting on the throne (over and over). During lunch, I can always find something to read. Sitting on a train, there's always something to listen to, or to play.

but all this comes at a price. when i wake up in the morning, the alarm is on my phone. and when i turn it off, i think, i'll just do a quick check of the internet. 45 minutes later, i'm still in bed.
so my only hope of no snoozing, means i need to combine it with no phone play till i'm out of bed.
will have to restart my challenge. i think i'll aim to get to the end of the month getting up at alarm time. one day/step/cliché at a time.

minicab cuntrags

i have spoken before about the mentally incapacitated minicab drivers who use the 'transport for london' sticker to alert you to their mental incapacities.

the submental in charge has today announced that they are taking their driving reign of terror one step further by allowing themselves to drive in bus lanes!

for those of you unfamiliar with this concept, bus lanes are for buses, coaches, black cabs, bicycles, and motorbikes. as a minicab firm, whose drivers i don't believe even own driving licences, they have taken it upon themselves to say it's unfair and they're gonna start using them.

As you may have noticed, I despise the driving disabilities of these people and hope they all get kicked off the road permanently.

blogs i miss

yakshi in all his forms, including of course quincy capers. with a shared massive attraction to natalie portman i am worried about her while he is missing from the internet.

highstacks. a truly hilarious man. i once went to coventry but alas never got to meet him as a hot bird wanted a drink with me. i then went to the casino and won lots of money so that made up for it. (for me anyway.)

there's a few others but those two were probabally my favourites of the missing. while i don't have a job maybe i should go find them and instruct them to start writing again.

anyway, enough procrastinating, i need to find the thermal conductivity of some metal combinations and google doesn't seem to have the answer so i may have to measure them.

4 weeks is up

it was 4 weeks ago that i decided to start doing things for 30 days at a time.

4 weeks means that it's only 29 days so far, and tomorrow will be 30.
as i intended, i've taken one day off each week and spent 30 minutes all other days doing some weights. i'm not sure it's made me much fatter but it's been a pretty easy habit to get in to. i've had to increase the weights and concentrate on doing less different exercises each (down from 6 to 4) to spend more time on each to reach the point of failure.

my next challenge will be much harder, as i attempt to wake up every morning as and when my alarm goes off. i guess it will be between 8am and 9am every day (hopefully closer to 9) but no snoozing is going to be a tricky one. i'll be impressed if i can keep it going for a week. we shall see.

in other news, i think i might get back to playing some low level poker games. i'd like to see if i could stop losing perhaps, and should probably set modest targets of 10 hours a week and maybe £200 in the first month except i might get a job instead. i only want to do something temporarily so i have free money to invest in better ideas but no one wants that truth in an interview even though i'd be brilliant for most jobs. been offered jobs in 2 different countries in universities except if i take those jobs it will make it very hard to find real jobs not in universities at any point in the future (other than consulting perhaps, which would obviously be quite cool).

lots to mull over. the freedom of making money via poker is quite magnificent and something i think i'm looking for in any other job.
maybe i'll just go straight to consultancy.

a view from the skies

i need a better way to record the ideas and funny memories i think of during the day.

one that i wrote down was:
should rhetorical questions have question marks. clearly, i think not.

sometimes you need to be more selfish

a therapist i know once told me that, except he didn't say sometimes. selfishness can get a bad reputation, but i'd like to give one example to show that it can be used as a force for good.

if you've ever let a driver out in front of you and not received a thank you wave, you'll probably have boiled with rage at the indecency of their behaviour. (they're no ken livingston but...)
However, if you thought of the whole interaction from a selfish point of view, then the reason you let them out isn't for them, nor is it to receive gratitude for your actions; if you take the reason for you actions to be for you, to make you a better person, or even just to feel good about what you have done, then their response is irrelevant.

who is the greatest tv character of all time?

someone mentioned a terrible one to me the other day. must have been from some awful sitcom like big bang show. in my defence, so many names popped up into my head i couldn't think of the best since there were so many better ones.
i think i have to rule out sopranos because robert de niro in godfather II blows even that italian guy that come over in the sopranos out of the water.
there are some classics like blackadder, and basil fawlty but i don't think those characters are the greatest ever (even though those shows are amongst the best sitcoms ever made).

my non definitive list of around top 20 includes omar little (the wire) homer (the simpson) and ari (entourage).

honourable mentions go to larry david/george, house, malcolm tucker, señor chang, abed and randy marsh.
though i have this feeling i have forgotten someone.
as for cool characters and lives you'd like to live, i reckon vinny chase and hank moody would do quite well.

I'm beginning to think that one 20-30 minute work out each day isn't going to help me get big and tough and macho so i think i might need two.

aiming to reset body clock tomorrow morning by rising at 830. this will be tricky after going to sleep at 5am last night. and i'm not at all tired now. i might try reading something like the game manual for civilisation IV.

i missed a day already!

no post yesterday and none tomorrow either. some days are just devoid of interest. i read that some people tick off each day just before they go to sleep to remind them they'll never get it back and they should have used it most wisely. well, today i have done some work, continued with my daily work out plan and been incredibly tired all day. i even fell asleep on my floor for half an hour (in my defence the carpet is remarkably comfortable).

i think the main reason i get tired is through not eating enough. i like to make some pancake mix at the start of the week to last all week but i got through it pretty quickly this week. even though i used too many eggs and the first one tasted of omelette. so i added more flour and the next tasted of flowery omelette. so i added some milk and then it was the wrong consistency and tasted of flowery omelette. i don't know how that was possible as using those three ingredients it's not mathematically possible to have all three amounts incorrect. or so i thought.

i think i'm gonna try to eat half a tub of ice cream now. good luck me. (not to be confused with Goodluck Jonathan, president of nigeria.)

i set my alarm for 830. got up at 9 and did a 30min work out. ate some food, left my house and got to the office at 1045. in my mind i had wanted to be there by 830 and get all my printing done before lunch. but clearly that was never gonna happen. never mind. i still feel lazy in the morning but i hope these steps of getting up and working out regularly are going to pay off in just under 4 weeks time. hopefully will not be snoozing for 30 mins by then!

my easy jet story.
back in january i took a flight to return to the england. i left my friends house with time aplenty. when i got to train station i was told platform 3 to the airport. so i got on the train at platform 3 and it was a while till i noticed it should have already been at the airport. i called my friend to find i was on the wrong train. i got off at the next available stop and was probably close to 50miles away. oops. also, it wasn't a town where i alighted. it was a car park.
i still had 35 minutes before check in. i ran out of credit on my phone but the hot ticket office ladies i was talking to called me a cab from the nearest town. and i borrowed a phone to call a friend on the same flight as me. there was a 15 minutes delay so check in would be a bit later. hot ticket office lady number 2 told me no train for a while and its a 1 hour journey by car. i had 45 minutes.

the cab arrived about 15 mins later and we agreed a fee (all the money i had left on me, in a variety of currencies, equalling about £70!) i felt i had to try to get to the airport and maybe the delay would be a wee bit longer.

we left at about 35minutes to check in closing and after about 8 minutes, lady taxi driver with 7 year old kid in back, starts to pull over asking me if i can hear that. hear what?! she thinks it sounds like a flat.
we get out, i check my side, she hers. and drivers side front tire is flat. and she being a lady doesn't know how to change a tyre. so after eventually finding the wheel nut cap remover i change the tire. this doesn't help the race to the airport.

when we finally arrive, it's 20 minutes after check in was supposed to close, and after some pleading information finally agree to let me call through to the boarding people. they refuse to send someone back to check me in even though boarding hasn't started. the litany of excuses included the check in desks being the wrong ones and weren't connected. i pointed out the computers are obviously connected. he says again they won't send someone back to check me in. after doing less than nothing to help i hang up. i find the easy jet office number and use skype to call them and am told i can rebook at the airport desk for the next flight for £50. ok, so i walk round the airport with him on the phone but they have no ticket desk. even though his computer said they do. so i ask for the £50 booking done over the phone. i'm told they don't have the authority. i ask why all the big bosses with authority work in the airport and not their offices. he replies i should have been there 3 hours before take off. brilliant.

to cut a long and boring part of the story short, instead of rebooking for £235 on the phone, he'll offer me £215. i tell him i call him back. i get a friend to check online and see if there's anything cheaper but there is nothing. so i head back to my friends house to book on the phone. new lady on phone refuses to give me the discount the first guy said he wrote in my notes because i dont have his name. i give her his extension number, she puts me on hold and when she comes back says "i couldn't speak to him but i'll give you the discount anyway"
that made no sense.

and now, my card doesnt work. she wont take payment across two cards, wont book it and allow me to pay at the airport tomorrow, wont even allow me to reserve with a deposit. i ask why everyone at easy jet has been unhelpful today. she says "i've been nothing but helpful and i'm going to hang up now". she hangs up.

i get a friend to book online for me. cost, £225. £10 more than their generous discount offer.

the worst part is, after returning, i found out that the flight didn't start boarding till 850. more than 2 hours after i spoke to the self proclaimed manager working at the gate.

this was not on. i wrote to the ceo of easyjet upon my return, saying they should not treat customers who miss flights when abroad in such a horrific manner. i accept responsibility for missing the flight but can only accept paying £50, not £225. plus i want compensation. a week passes and no response. i see a story in the press of stelios complaining about the board and how they may not get their £800k bonus. so i write another email. i express my concern at the worry they must be faced with losing half their expected salary. at the same time i wonder that maybe the fact that they don't even get their pa's to respond to complaints plays a role in this. 20 minutes later i get a reply. this reply eventually leads to a refund of the flight plus a small voucher off my next flight with easyjet.

i was quite surprised at the outcome and was quite pleased with how they eventually dealt with it. as much as i disliked their customer service at the time of this event, in general their air stewards and stewardess are great, and unlike ryanair they fly to the actual city they advertise. and, of course, they are cheap!

moral: next time i'm gonna try to not miss my flight.

blogging every day

day 1 (\end big brother voiceover voice)

blogging every day? i don't think i can do it. i don't know how people keep diaries. i find my own (non humorous) thoughts usually to be dull since i am quite familiar with them. so writing a diary of things you thought which almost always turn out to be not as dramatic or interesting when you look back. meh.

i managed both a 30 mins work out this morning and about 15 mins of russian study. pretty pleasing. however, tomorrow (today now) i have to be getting up early (for me) and going out but wanna at least do the work out before i leave. so i reckon this is going to be the most mentally challenging work out of the week. that is hopefully the motivation i need. off to sleep shortly...

edit: forgot about writing that story i mentioned yesterday. will do a non last minute post tomorrow with all the words!

carpe diem (winger)

as i prepare to go to bed i try to have my final thought of the day to be simply that i can never get this day back. so i should be happy with what i've done. and am i?

well, i won at tennis for the first time in what feels like 6 months.
and i had one hilarious moment on the road today which culminated in a woman hooting at a parked car because it wouldn't go when the lights were green!
i also managed to do a bit of work in trying to learn C++. i'm not great at computer programming but if 12 year olds can do it, surely i can?
and i spent a bit of time planning the important things for my week ahead.

following on from teh previous post, i want to spend the next 30 days getting into some daily habits. i want to spend 20 mins per day working out, and 20 mins studying russian. i kinda got lazy with the russian study about 2 months ago and have never consistently done the working out daily.

so each and every day i will have a trip report confirming i have completed these 2 things. i'll also try to spruce it up with an adventure or a picture.

and as for carpe diem? i think every time i try to live in the moment, it seems to revolve around doing things in the moment but which revolve around reliving the past. such as trying to win a women back. i'm not sure that counts for carpe diem.

so, tomorrows adventure story will involve wrong trains, hot wimmen, punctures and stelios. in that order. (no more spoilers. you'll have to come back for more)

introverts!

TED is awesome. you probably already know this. of course, there is a lot of nonsense on there, but there is some gold too. loads of the talks are just a few minutes long. The two ones that i think are really useful are one on introverts. describing how society views extrovertion as the ideal and why that is not right. (introvertion is also not the ideal, the ideal is to allow people to choose, obviously)




The other one i found that's great is a 3 minute talk by some dude on doing new things, which leads to new habits. that one is embedded here.



as regular readers of this blog will know getting up in the morning is a massive inconsideration for me. partly because when you work for yourself you don't have an urgency to be up. the thing i've found most helpful is to set goals to complete in the morning but even with that motivation it's easy to put off. what's great is starting something, knowing it's only for a finite time. after 30 days, you have tried it and can just congratulate yourself and go back to how you were.

answering the phone because it's ringing

i got sent to scotland a couple of years ago to take a course in [bullshitbingo].
one of the things we had forced into our faces was the importance/urgency matrix

they tell you to prioritise things so that you do the top right box first, then the top left or bottom right, and then bottom left (if at all).

what nonsense. if you think about it, any activity which you place in the bottom row of 'not important' should be ignored entirely.

other things i learnt include that people will shamelessly (as in, while standing next to you) take credit for your work and thoughts. even if you are stuck in a hotel where your next thoughts should be of how soon you can leave, they are still concerned with showing off their sub-mental prowess to the people that run the bingo program of common sense.

happily, there was another normal on this course with who i escaped every day to the delightful city of edinburgh.

neglect

i have been neglecting this blog very much so.

in the past two months, i have played almost no poker. i went out to play one in london town, but i am reminded by how soul destroying live poker is.
i also played a little online but with my dreams of millions and freedom seemingly crushed i currently have little motivation to play.

so i have been spending substantial time (looking back it's amazing how much time i have spent on poker, reading and playing!) doing other things such as working on my company, beginning to write a sitcom, rewatching community, starting to learn C++ (and applying for j*bs). i may need to get a job for a wee bit till everything else takes off, but more revenue streams can't hurt. only in one job that I applied for have i got anywhere. i have had 2 other job offers in research thrust upon me, but i don't really want them. Good as they would be, I think it would be a last resort of sorts.

i've also written many posts and not published them because frankly, they bored me to tears. I often think that of my own thoughts though. in general i find myself quite boring mainly due to the fundamental lack of ability to surprise myself. i already know what i'm gonna do and what i think. and i tend to only accept boredom in exchange for money (ie jobs). or breasts (obviously).

PMA

That's positive mental attitude, for people who don't remember kriss akabusi.

It seems that all my life people have been saying (or at least implying) that thinking positively causes good things to happen. At least, that's how I always understood it.

It turns out that I've been misunderstanding it all along. Only recently have I become aware of what pma actually means and I hope it'll help at least one (of the few) that read this post.

In essence, the idea is that external events occur, which are viewed by you, and you should be viewing them in a positive light. Easier said than done, especially in some cases, but always possible. I guess people often laugh at the person that views the silver lining in everything, but happiness is a choice and the silver lining person is one who has made that choice.

When I can't see a silver lining I am left with the attitude (or knowledge?) that in one hour, day, week or decade, I will be able to look back and view the things that occurred in a positive light. Or perhaps take action so that I derive something good from it.

I just can't believe it took me so long to work out and that no one told me sooner!

This ties in a bit to not playing poker. I'm beginning to think that I would never have reached obscene riches from it. However, I think that is unnecessary. With the lifestyle benefits of working when you want to work, holidaying when you want to holiday and being able to obsess of something that you enjoy, I feel that I don't need obscene winnings, but enough to live off with some to invest so that I won't need to ever do anything again.

so yeah, one more shot?

eeeeeeeeeeeeego

when i play live i want to win but want it to be enjoyable for everyone.

when i play online i want to win and destroy the very fibre of my opponents being. i want to crush their hopes and dreams and leave them a trembling mess when they turn their computer off.

i never used to be like this when i played online. whether it was more fun when it was new, or if i wasn't such a cock a few years back i'll never know.

right now, i haven't played at all this year. having once again almost busted my roll after withdrawal i'm considering whether it's worth playing at all any more. the reason i play is to make enough money to live and invest. sure it's fun, it comes with freedom and many other benefits. but the bottom line is the ability to make enough money to set me on a path to financial freedom. originally, i aimed for the freedom to come through poker itself but right now that seems impossible. to be honest, right now even a simple goal like money to live and invest from poker seems an impossible goal.

i want to give myself another chance because i think
1) i can do it
2) the extra benefits of making ~£25k (tax free) from poker mean it is a very attractive proposition. not just the freedom of time, but the whole idea of working for yourself is very attractive to me.
the only thing is that poker is not going to be a stream of passive income, but that's what the money from poker for me to invest in will hopefully create.

the real question is whether i get a job and use that money to create such income, or use poker to do so. i'm tempted to give poker one more chance since it will be easier to go from poker to job if i fail whilst that is not true t'other way round.

now, i have to go eat. i'm pretty bored of eating. even chocolate doesn't hold my interest in food any more. except maybe twirls. their consistency is remarkable. my congratulations to the developers.

the importance of choosing words carefully

i was always a big fan of the thesaurus. even though i still pronounced it like it was a type of dinosaur until i reached about 15. it helps choose the right word when your close, but haven't quite found what your looking for. I imagine that anyone who uses words a lot uses them, except for journalists.

i don't mean to generalise so i'll just say most journalists are lazy. take this hilarious story of a crocodile attacking a lawnmower.

you will note that the story is mostly about a crocodile who attacked a lawnmower. the excuses for this act of insanity are given as he's territorial and he likes meat. which doesn't really cut it for me. but the funniest part of the story is buried and only briefly mentioned. in fact, it's only funny because of the ridiculous choice of words by the author of this article (who didn't source his comment):

"At the crocodile farm he was first brought to after being caught, he ate two of his girlfriends."

GIRLFRIENDS!?

i'm not sure that any animal of the opposite sex qualifies as girlfriend. i'm also pretty sure that girlfriend is not a term that has ever been used by david attenborough when narrating his nature programs. "penguins, choose their girlfriends carefully, as they will marry and stick with their husbands/wives till death does them part"

it seems the croc agrees with me and didn't see them as "girlfriends" either.

anger, pressure and replay retards

on saturday i lost about 6 buy ins. this annoyed me immensely. i didn't think i did much wrong and that was beginning to worry. constantly thinking i am not making that many mistakes yet constantly losing. so i checked my play for the last few months and saw i'm down 40+ buy ins, 80% from ev. essentially, losing 30+ buyins due to ev is no excuse for the overall figure. and at this point i realised that the pressure i've put myself under to succeed at this game, and succeed fast has spiralled out of control.

just like working for other people, you have to take pride in your work, without caring too much. knowing the grand scheme of things usually helps.
and so on sunday i woke up and when i sat down to play, had a feeling that i didn't really care. win or lose, i had to not invest any time caring about whether i won or lost. i'm pretty sure i won, but i had no desire to check my results, even after the event. i think a lot of the groundwork for this has come about from working hard every day to try to be orientated by my play and not my results, and largely the methods for doing this are from the mental game of poker. i don't wish to plug it too hard because, well, i don't really want anyone else to know the gold dust that lives on those pages.

enough of my rambling thoughts on that for today. my snoozing (or lack thereof) is going pretty well now, and am getting up within 5 minutes of alarm going off. I think i need to cut tv out just before bed as the blue light within, and brain state are conducive to sleep. might start reading (not via the media of computer) instead.

and finally, i would like to touch upon the replay retard. if anyone hasn't played fifa, look away now. if you have, you'll more than be aware of those people, who when playing online, will watch every replay of every goal they score. this is unsportsmanlike conduct. i played one of these creatures who went 2-0 up against me in the first 20 mins, watching as many replays as allowed of his weak goals. so when i scored my first, second and third goals to go 3-2 up i watched all my replays to send him a message. usually, i imagine they are hysterical when this happens, though in real life, they probably don't care. i still feel like i'm doing some good in trying to show them what a tool they are. when he equalised in the 85th minute - he didn't watch his replay! success! maybe he learnt?
anyway, this story does have a happy ending. i won with a last minute goal. i didn't watch the replay of that one.

the times, they are a-changing

a wise man once told me that when you're asleep you have no concept of time. i believe him because he knows, and you can prove it to yourself. if you have a nap in the afternoon, or sleep with blinds firmly closed, you will have no idea at all for how long you've been asleep. it's quite an interesting fact.
i also read in new scientist that dreams are in fact made up of snapshots, and your brain fills in the bits in between to get the movie you think you saw/were in.

i am reminded of this because on this morning, i had one of those dreams that felt like it was happening right now. I dreamt i had been snoozing for just under 30 minutes in a half awake state, and then in real life my alarm went off. i shot out of bed to turn it off and get up. i then realised, that it wasn't my alarm, but just an email notification. and my alarm had not once gone off yet. the excitement of achieving a no snooze day was offset by the shock of being awake and cold.

i think this snoozing epidemic is only relevant to people that live in cold countries. the main reason people don't want to leave the bed is the knowledge of the cold air that awaits when they pull back the duvet. when it's hot you don't have this problem. i wonder how the people in the arctic get up. i spent a night in the ice hotel, and while it never gets below -5 indoors (lol there are no doors), IT IS -5! they offer a compulsory alarm service (which is literally someone walking into your room to wake you up!) but i think this is mostly to check you didn't freeze to death overnight.

a 2 snooze day

that sounds like a cool metaphorical title but it's not. it was just the number of times i snoozed before getting up. i guess this won't be the easiest habit to change but i really need to fix it asap. 0 snooze days here i come!

meanwhile, today i discovered the main reason of losing moneys at poker this year especially over the past few months. aside from massive overconfidence, i have a decent thought process which will often start something like, i'm raising here and if i get reraised i'll fold. I get reraised and i think, well, i planned to fold, and i really should fold, but yeah, i like calling and then i click call.
this is insanely retarded. it was beyond my comprehension and i really chose to ignore it like it wasn't happening. so many times i thought, i should fold here, click call and obviously lose.

anyway, since the weekend, i've actually been able to avoid these retarded things (on almost every occasion anyway!) and am beginning to get happier with my play. today, i think i managed the most hands i've ever played. it's about time i delved as deep as i can into this game to see how i can do if i try my best. these days, i'd rather know i wasn't good enough then not try my hardest so i can have an excuse if i fail.

on thursday morning i gotta take a train to a drinking establishment. in preparation for this tube journey, i will now take my last shower so i smell appropriately.

a new beginning

each and every day this week my plan will be to wake up exactly when my alarm clock goes off. I will go to bed when i am tired, not before (and hopefully not long after) i.e. no lying in bed awake wondering when i'll fall asleep.

this morning, alarm went off and after hitting snooze i made the mistake of considering something. next alarm, 9 minutes later (why the iphone chose 9 minutes as a snooze period continually annoys me. what's wrong with 10?!) and I get up straight away.
no messing around with phone in bed reading the internet, no thinking, almost like a reaction i got up.

already been out today to the post officec (EXCITING TIMES!) and now to do some study, breakfast and more study. before recording a music video tonight. don't worry, i'm not playing anything, i'm literally doing the recording.

(oxy)morons

i was once asked "would you prefer to be hatefully remembered or lovingly forgotten?"
I replied by saying you can't be lovingly forgotten. How would that work?
-Do you remember what's his name, i really loved him.
-who?
-no idea

a lady i once lived with only asked me that only once. sadly, she kept asking lots of other questions. to make her stop i told her for every question, she would have to take off an item of clothing. more sadly, this did not deter her. in fact, it went so far, she even sucked the life out of me. and that, is the best euphemism i have ever thought of.

[though i presume someone has thought of it before, it seems pretty obvious]

i almost got up when my alarm went off this morning

i really hate being woken by alarm. even worse, is when it's cold and I have to get up. Of course, I don't have to get up but i choose to do so. i'm pretty tired of spending an hour in bed after my alarm goes off. today it was about 20 minutes. All of next week my plan is to get up at 930am every day. mere seconds after my alarm goes off. most people with jobs will probably look at me with disdain (for many reasons) and they'd be right to do so. still, baby steps and all.

speaking of which, since i got the mental game of poker, whilst i agree wholeheartedly with everything in it, and i've been doing the suggested exercises i haven't found much improvement. I think sometime last year i learnt bad habits coupled with a worsening ego. one thing that i found useful was detailing the errors in my game and labelling them as b-game, c-game etc.
yesterday, was the first time since starting this months ago that i have played my a game in consecutive sessions. i think it's coincided with not being horrifically underolled thanks to an fpp bonus. i did want to take out a bunch of money as i need to pay for a hotel and a tooth but now i want to keep some money in there. hopefully i can play well for the rest of the month and if i'm lucky withdraw come january. anyway, getting a head of my self, one baby step at a time. starting with a 930am wake up tomorrow...

[i thought about blogging at the time i wake up for motivation, records of success and failure. i might even think of something to say each day. i will also try to resort writing in caps to elucidate my grumpiness at early rising.
for example, i could start by saying why did parenthesis replace brackets? i'm bringing the bracket back.]

erm

was just looking through hands i butchered over the past few days. found one where i bet called the river with a straight vs a fish when the board paired. this was after i raised the turn when i hit my straight on a flush card.
worse than all of that is the fact that i had a 4 card straight. and i didn't even realise till now.
*head firmly in hands*

also checked my all in ev for last month. pre flop, i ran 19 buy ins below ev in 25k hands! can you imagine running 19 buy ins up? i try to imagine running level! well, i used to. now i try to imagine playing the same no matter how i run.

the thing i hate most about poker

it's not the ups and downs, nor the batterings that i take from variance. it is the way that it affects me outside of poker. in a sense i'm choosing to be affected by it for many reasons, and i need to learn how to stop.

right now, i've been thinking of trying to see if i can do this for a year or two (do this, refers to making enough money in that time to get a house). I don't want to play much longer but i think it's also a good way for me to fund all my other ventures. Even to date, i've been spending poker money on other businesses to try to make money, but in a useful way.

All this beings me back to my point which comes about due to the amount of pressure i put myself under to win lots and quickly. sure, to some degree i expect to win, even without trying. i know it's wrong, but these thoughts are borne out of the past. from school, to poker, i never really had to try my hardest. a part of me didn't want to so i could have an excuse if i failed. and things kept on falling into my lap to provide me with a path to take. even just now, the day after i had these thoughts, i got offered a job, without even applying!

hmm, another tangent.

I need to stop putting myself under so much pressure to win so much so soon. when all my plans relied on doing well at poker, going through a sustained bad run of bad play also makes it difficult for me to cope when outside of poker. i guess it's because i'm not comfortable enough with where i am in poker. and part of me thinks the only way to change that is to win lots and have lots of upwards trending graphs. though the other part that thinks just quit and do other things has been getting louder recently. alas, what all these other things are exactly, it doesn't know.

this year, even after bonuses i'll be down around 2k i reckon but it's the lack of options in the future that bugs me most and causes my grumpy nature.
a part of my hopes that writing this down for myself will help my state of mind away from the tables.
one thought that i keep repeating to myself was said by the 'moron' in the tv show 'monk' (randy discher, if any of you watch it), and that is
"happiness is a choice"

and he's right.

I don't gerrit

this month, after 15k hands, i'm losing 1 big blind every ten hands. this is an unbelievably fast rate to lose money. this is 10bb/100 hands. i just don't understand how this is possible.

once again, it looks like i'm going to have to deposit an amount greater than or equal to the bonus i'm about to reach. i've never experienced anything like this in close to a million hands of play.
my last 12 sessions, i've played better than at any point this year. i've won in 7 (once $500, once $100, and every other time about $3.50). losing sessions, only one was less than a $200 loss.
if i can't beat the complete retards at 100nl who make glaring mistakes repeatedly, then how bad must i be. it's at times like this i usually ask pokerstars to send me a lifetime deposit/withdrawal statement for my account so i don't feel like shit. i'm not even sure that would help this time.

i won!

just once, but i'd literally forgotten what it looked/felt/sounded like. i'm not sure anyone thinks about what it sounds like. to me, it sounded like this.



in other news, i've eaten far too much chocolate today. i also had a dream about a girl i once knew. this girl opened my mind and blew it away and helped make me what i am today. till it went pear shaped. i'm not sure what made me think about her.
i did then think about telling her about the effect she has had on me. it wouldn't achieve much though. maybe make me feel better for how things ended but that's not a good enough reason to do it.

i had just started typing "anyway, enough of this emo sh.." when i realised that emotions aren't the problem. they're the messengers. use them to learn about your problems and solve the problems instead of just shooting the messenger. thanks to jared for that awareness in my mind.

i like the anonymity here. almost as much as the piece of music embedded above. which i discovered here:

rock bottom

i've busto'd my account, deposited a few hundred more bucks and busted that as well.
i'm less than 9k vpps from supernova and a 3k bonus (4k if i play a bit more, also making me extra $250 in the process).
problem is, i don't wanna deposit 1k to have at least a bit of a roll to play though i can't see how i have any choice if i want to play. bigger problem is i can't seem to win for love nor money. i think i've had two winning sessions in my last 20. even if i was a monkey clicking buttons i should be doing better than that.
i don't even know if it's worth going for a 3/4k bonus. last time i tried that i lost more than the bonus was worth. moreover, i don't even know if i should play again at all. i really want to be good, and want to do this full time for one year to bank a bit of money but money trend has been to the wrong direction for the past ~12 months. which is bizarre when i look at the statements of how much i've cashed out over the 2/3 years prior to that.

and if this doesn't work i'll have to get a j*b.

wgiwerubgv

i appear to be losing at a fantastic rate. i have noticed that i am not making more mistakes, more often. i am either bad or running bad. i try to correct the play bad but i can't seem to fix it.
not wanting to deposit, i think my options remaining are drop down to 100nl for a bit or deposit.
right now my only reason to play is to get supernova to claim the $1500 or $4k bonus. really i want to deposit but seem to have run out of money after withdrawing loads last year. i have literally no idea where it's gone!

hmmmmmmmmmmm

in other news, i think everyone should start using the interrobang more often. not only because it makes sense to have a punctuation mark that combines the question mark and exclamation mark (‽ ) but also because its name it awesome. interrobang!

a new thing i've been working on

i heard that you should never get angry. sometimes you may need to feign anger, but that should only be on the outside. this concept interests me immensely and so i have been trying to not be angry about anything.

being aware of this and trying to catch myself at the onset of the rage building isn't as tough as i imagined. nor is it as tough as preventing the rage from building.
a good marker for me is the effect that other mong drivers have on me. when i don't get angry from middle lane drivers ruining the roads for everyone, i know i'm in a much better mental state. i do wonder if what i'm doing is just bottling it up, or a long term cure...

been trying to play more poker as of this month. so far i've managed about 18 hours and 10k hands which i think is ok. i still want to aim for about 5 hours a day 6 days a week. anyway, als updated the bar on the right hand side, hoping to play better as the month goes on!

current schedule

i'm writing this here more so that i don't forget. every morning i plan to do
30 mins exercise inc all or some of yoga/weights/running
30 mins language study, including this (allegedly) great new program i found called anki
30 mins poker study, hh review and mental game work

once those are complete, i will play 3x 60 min sessions (rising by 10 mins per week to hit 2x90min and 1x60 min sessions), spread during the rest of the day

also need to do other bits and bobs during the day including some other academic learning and pr work etc. i should aim for 60 mins of each of those, in the afternoon.

all that should still give me plenty of free time in evenings and afternoons to watch tv like house and anything else that i find worth watching.

due to the boring nature of this post, in an attempt to spice it up, i will post a picture of glasses which were very cool when i was younger.

this is it

the time has come. my schedule is comparatively clear and will remain so until the end of the year. i am now committing to giving one last shot to make a boatload of money from the poker. i've always thought that unless i can make 6 figures per year it's probably not worth it.
to give myself the best chance i will be having a decent schedule. this means study of at least 30 mins per day. working out of at least 30 mins per day and playing in a non tired state of mind which will mean mornings, afternoons and evenings. with the americans kicked of the internet, i assume more of the action will be centered around times acceptable to my circadian rhythm.
hopefully you'll start seeing some weekly improvements to the target box on the right hand side of this blog!

finally, i lasted 10 days. i think that's ok. i found that i neither turned super intelligent (george) or super retarded (elaine). maybe everything on tv isn't real....

the contest

i still haven't had a chance to get around to playing an poker. this will change from the 9th of october. in the meantime, i have decided to go on a detox and as fans of seinfeld will know from the title of this post, this detox will see me attempt to reign as master of my domain for as long as possible. and where better to chronicle the struggles than here.
so that this is not a wasted experiment, i will also record whether i suffer the fate of elaine (become stupider) or george (become smarter). only time will tell...

i just bought my yearly travel insurance

it turns out there are some things i can't claim for. One of which they don't accept is:
"Any claim caused by you climbing, jumping or moving from one balcony to another regardless of the height of the balcony."

at first i thought that would completely ruin the holiday till i realised that there is no mention of jumping off the balcony to something that's not a balcony like a train or swimming pool!

it's september

where does the time go?!
it's also autumn. autumn in a very pretty word but sadly leads to winter. it is otherwise quite similar to spring but because of this, no one likes it.
here's an autumn only picture.

in other news, i was in america for a couple of days. it seems that the attention span of our former colony has been reduced to less than 30 seconds, as they have begun putting televisions in elevators!

the great irony here is that in this hotel, there were only two lifts and you would invariably spend up to 5 times as long waiting for it than inside of it, so the tvs would be better utilised on the landings where you wait.

i haven't been doing very much

got the new hem beta but barely had a chance to play with it

more importantly i came up with a magnificent joke (8.2/10 rating). you heard it hear first. don't copy it without crediting me.

people often accuse me of being sexy, but it's only because i get the words erotic and erratic mixed up.

today the bbc are running stories more full of sugar than usual

i still find it funny that people say sugar instead of shit. it's also quite interesting that sugar is the only word in the english language which has the su making an sh sound. of this i am sure.

but back to the nonsense at the bbc. firstly a non event non story.
i'm sure i've mentioned this before but when i was in the usa, i went to a bar, waited, ordered a drink, got my bottles and as i was about to go back to my seat was verbally attacked by the bar man saying if i wasn't gonna tip i should leave. so we had our drinks and left. i know it's customary in the us to tip relentlessly but surely people not actually doing anything for you is not worthy of a tip? that would never happen in europe. or so i thought. apparently our pm was forced in a coffee shop to go and get his own drink from the counter rather than have it brought to his table, so he didn't tip. and then he went back the next day to leave a proper tip. to me, this is akin to tipping in starbucks where you serve yourself.

the second story which has a stench of baloney gone off is associated with the normally good programme horizon. the guy keeps saying colours aren't real, they're just in your head. i had to double check it wasn't april the 1st. he then goes on to prove this by using optical illusions. surely, tricking your eyes into seeing different colours doesn't make them imaginary. that's like saying at night when you don't see in colour, it's because colour isn't real.

all of this worries me because a few weeks ago i spoke to a journalist about online gambling and poker. i worry about the nonsense spin they will be bashing out. i fear any article from them is going to be like the blind leading the blind. except where the leading blind is a self righteous turd that you expect to find being fired on the apprentice.

the worst lawn mower of all time

i just had the misfortune to use the subject title of this post. what appears to have happened is the company 'cutting edge saw' other lawnmowers and thoguht, how hard can it be? so they tried to copy others, in the process, making each and every aspect awful beyond comprehension.
Equipped with the shortest cable i have ever seen it just allows me to reach halfway down the garden.
They have obviously noticed that other lawn mowers have arms and decided that they would make theirs detachable. they are so detachable in fact, they fall off incessantly. move it in any direction that's not directly forwards, and the arms just fall out. heaven forbid you should need to move backwards.
they saw for safety that you have a button to push and a handle to hold down to start the machine. and you need to keep the handle squeezed to keep the motor running. i have big hands yet find it incredibly awkward due to its retarded shape. luckily you are already deterred from trying to turn it but should you choose to do so it will stretch your skin on your palm and fingers giving you massive blood filled blisters leaving you to type at 4 words per minute using just your left hand.
they saw that other mowers have this box thing at the back. unable to work out what it was for they left it as some sort of showpiece. grass doesn't get funnelled into it very well, just clogging up the blades instead. you may try to remove this unnecessary trophy box since it's primary role is falling off the back. however, take the box off and the panel that covers the back of the mower it prevents any grass exiting. so you have to leave it on to ensure it only jams every 30 seconds instead of every 10.

great names, bad games

i saw in the news that someone called goodwillie has had rape charges against him dropped. obviously it's tough to know what happened without being there, although all i'm really interested in is how soon are you allowed to make a joke about his name combined with his innocence. and does this also mean that badwillie is a real surname too? do his friends say to women in clubs, "would you like to see a goodwillie?"

i'll stop now.
i also have stopped poker for one month. i don't really want to take a break but i do. i want to decide whether it's worth pursuing. may start again at end of august, if only to get the $4k bonus. but chasing those always ended up costing me money in the past so maybe i'll just spend fpp's on stress balls, cuddly toys and sunglasses.

i think i've had enough

been breaking even for about a year now. think i'm not cut out for poker.
i keep looking back at how much i've made over the past 4/5 years. feb 2007 i think was when i started seriously on stars and even though my net withdrawlas are around $40k right now i cannot see myself ever making money again. this year i have been losing at 1/2 ffs!

so depressed. think i might not play again till september. who knows, tomorrow, i might wake up and not be such a melodramtic wally.

i just commited a criminal offence

i called the council just now about paying their tax, though it was for a house where my name isn't on the account. (possibly because i don't live there). why would i do such a thing? whilst my ladyfriend is at work i thought i would give them the date she's moving out along with a request for a final bill to pay the remaining months - they did just send a final notice for payment of a huge amount which kind of indicates that they didn't get the payment from 1 month ago so i wanted to request a statement too.

the twat on the other end of the phone though just kept saying he couldn't discuss the account with me since i wasn't the account holder. i said i want to pay you!!
his response was "you are actually committing a criminal offence"
incredulous, i asked "wanting to pay you is an offence?"
i did my best not to say, no wonder so many people get away with not paying you.
he claimed that wasn't what he said, and he can't give any information out either. i asked him to listen to the recording of the call where i said i wanted to give you information so i could pay. so i asked to speak to his manager's manager. he didn't take kindly to this. so naturally, i asked again. he decided to hang up! lol.
not before i asked for his name. he wouldn't give his surname but instead asked for mine. i think he may have been an inner city schoolboy on work experience.

so i called back and spoke to someone else who gladly took the tenancy end date, agreed to send a final statement and i wouldn't be surprised if she also put the reminder notice on hold.

tomorrow i go to town

this always leads to awkward situations, bizarre occurrences or both. even today, i didn't venture out much beyond a trip to the tennis courts. and there was a sexy milf playing complete with short skirt and grunts! i thought those were special effects just for tv. like champions league music shortly before kick off. turns out they're both real things. sometimes the line between real and fake does get blurred. i sometimes pick up my ps3 controller when f1 is on telly just to confuse my flatmate.

still getting caught up in the shorttermism of poker. this, just t'other day is the biggest pot i've played all year. (WARNING CONTAINS NOT UNLIKELY BAD BEAT)
the hand was so beautifully set up it could make a james bond hand look realistic (i jest, nothing could do that).
the villain is a monster fish who was guaranteed to be squeezing. i'm dancing around the room on the flop. i'm not a good dancer so i didn't get to dance for long.

Seat 6 is the button
Seat 1: villain ( $396.95 USD )
Seat 2: bb ( $249.80 USD )
Seat 3: utg ( $318.85 USD )
Seat 4: mp ( $200.00 USD )
Seat 5: hero ( $516.25 USD )
Seat 6: btn ( $161.30 USD )
villain posts small blind [$1.00 USD].
bb posts big blind [$2.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to hero [ Kc Kd ]
utg raises [$6.00 USD]
mp folds
hero calls [$6.00 USD]
btn calls [$6.00 USD]
villain raises [$27.00 USD]
bb folds
utg folds
hero raises [$60.00 USD]
btn folds
villain calls [$38.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 9d, Qh, 6c ]
villain checks
hero bets [$96.00 USD]
villain raises [$192.00 USD]
hero raises [$354.25 USD]
villain calls [$138.95 USD]
hero wins $119.30 USD

** Dealing Turn ** [ Qd ]
** Dealing River ** [ 3s ]
villain shows [Qc, Ah ]
hero shows [Kc, Kd ]
villain wins $804.90 USD from main pot

my last post was awful

i hope this one is less bad.

last few weeks i've been trying to improve my motivation to do stuff in general and not waste time. making small improvements and constantly keeping them up is apparently the tough stuff. so i'm doing one thing at a time till they become habits. firstly, i really need to tone up a bit. so one thing i have been doing is 30mins working out a day. the test will come when i really don't want to, but when it's tough is when you achieve something. like that last lift of a dumbbell. (dumbbell is a funny word, just look at it!)

also, i really need to hurry up and finish writing my thesis. i've taken far too long with it, and need to finish it so i can concentrate on other ventures, not least poker. i think i have to move out of my flat. they say location, location and location are the three most important things about where you live, but i think they forgot the most important which is not living with a wally. he's not a cunt, but he has many features which are the complete opposite of things i aspire to such as thinking of others, energy efficiency (ie not having every light in the flat on at once, and then going out without turning them off), and many other things.
the next thing after this will be learning languages where i'll make a commitment to learn something every day.

more onto poker now, and it seems that i am going to set a goal and stick it on the right hand side. it will be hand based and money based. so far this year i'm down about $6k and i want to turn it into +$5k by end of september when i go supernova. more accurately, i will retain supernova but going supernova sounds much better.

my first session of the month was yesterday and it didn't start too well.

well, the only way is up, one hand at a time....

time flies

when you're doing nothing too it would seem

i did go to wimbledon last week, if just to break up the monotony of looking at x-ray diffraction spectra i don't understand. it rained. i tried to get into court 3 (i think to take a pic). I went in the wrong entrance, and just asked an honorary steward if i could take a picture. he asked if i was press (presumably because i had a camera) and i said no. he still let me go in. even before that point i wasn't sure what an honorary steward is. as far as i could tell from those that i saw, it meant over 60.

i also found a comedy blog. it's funny.

finally, the poker front, i think i lost again this month. the only results i checked were ev adjusted. turns out i lost $300 and 4 buy ins below ev. so a pretty rubbish month though in the middle of it i had a 20buy in upswing!
working on my volume is one positive, and got to 22k hands which is the most i've done for a very long time. aim is to get to 30k per month by the end of the year.
first half of the year has been terrible. no where near where i wanted to be in any terms. need to readjust lots of things to correct this. i have started by regaining motivation for learning and playing

last nights dreams

had a dream i was sitting on a little wall, a few hundred yards from a hospital, got my phone out and called for an ambulance since i couldn't move my neck for the pain was immense.
i woke up and couldn't move my neck for the pain was immense. took me about 20 minutes to work out how to get up. fear not though reader, for i have some deep heat which cures all known ailments excluding eye and groin injuries.

sadly, not all my dreams came true, i'm pretty sure i was being serviced by a lady in my dreams, which did not happen when i woke up.

writing

i never used to enjoy writing.
they made me do it in school. i never thought i came up with anything creative or original and i hated having to be so expressive. why use 100 words when 10 will do?
more recently i've come to really appreciate writing. not just the importance of being able to communicate clearly - and writing is a great tool for this, people can't interrupt you, and people aren't just waiting for their turn to speak - also for the expression and clarification of my own thoughts.

this blog has changed that. whilst i write for myself and have an interest in looking back and reading about the many mistakes i thought weren't mistakes, i am mindful that other people will read what i write. and even if it's only one person, this ensures that i take better care, and proof read it afterwards.

i enjoy finding humour in social situations. i enjoy letting my mind flow to explore different avenues of thought. and i enjoy writing about them and looking back occasionally.

i recently noticed that i became quite 'old' in a lot of my thoughts (for want of a better word). by this i mean a lack of patience and inflexibility in thinking, and a reduced willingness to learn in many situations. i like that i have caught this and am trying to regain some of the traits i have lost, including humility to a degree.

anyway, that's enough nonsense for one day. here's an image of a bird. a very sad picture.

ps i might do one of them poker blog things soon where i set fanciful new targets like 40k by the end of the year and try to track it regularly. first i need to start winning! lets hope this month finishes well - i've stopped tracking money and now track ev adjusted totals. weird i know, but i like that i know it's not the real amount since it doesn't affect me positively or negatively as much, yet it still quenches my thirst for results.

the great outdoors

there's nothing great about it. the worst part of owning a little bit of the great outdoors is that you have to take care of it. and it doesn't give much back in return other than a place for foxes to take care of any business they have.
worse still is when your lawnmower appears to be from the 90s. the 1890s. and falls apart when you try to move it in a direction other than forward in a straight line. and you have to stop every minute because the grass clogs up the exiting channel from the blade, waiting for you to stick your hand in to remove it..
next time, i wont wait 6 months to cut the grass. the weeds were bigger than me. i was using shears to chop down weeds and stinging nettles. i was shouting timber as they fell but they still often fell on my head. how inconsiderate. i did feel quite manly doing it though, i can now see why people cut down the rainforest.

poker? i don't want to talk about it. at least i broke even last month. lost 4 buy ins of ev in first 400 hands this month, never ending run of misery please end soon! i have even taken to studying properly and fixing leaks. i think i have many more to repair.

advertisements

does anyone else feel cheated when bad products have great adverts?
carlsberg and the orange cinema ads to name just two

sometimes i feel very hungry. then i remember tarrare and realise i'll never be that hungry. i'm not sure how his story isn't more known. maybe someday someone will make a film about it. then again, thinking about the content, probably not.

and one last pic for now...

the great carbon emission lie

there are lots of clever people in the world. many of them make a difference for the better. some even have positions to influence governments. and some make policies for governments. however, it would seem that most decisions are based purely on politics, rather than what is correct, and sometimes their decisions lead to the exact opposite of what they're supposed to be doing, yet everyone seems happy.

an example:
LED lighting. the new energy efficient lighting that will save the world from carbon emissions caused from wasteful tungsten filament bulbs! or are they?
well, they do run on a tiny amount of the power of bulbs. and they are much more efficient with much less heat wastage. and they last longer! but how are they made? well, they are made at around 100 times the cost of bulbs. that is real $ cost. which comes from the energy cost. which means over the course of the lifetime, from creation of product to when it is no longer working, they generate more carbon emissions globally. but because they are made outside of europe, european governments are generating less carbon emissions. for themselves. which is all they really want to do.

this is not a unique situation. if you know anyone who has a prius, don't tell them to find out what's in the battery of their car. so many rare earth elements, the mining cost of which no doubt exceeds the carbon emissions saved by using the battery.

answer: real clean fuels (and other energy sources) need to be researched. but whilst government policy only cares about their own country emissions, and researches need government funding, nothing will change.

politics. to paraphrase groucho marx, anyone who wants to be a politician should not be allowed to be a politician.

competition

natalie portman finally has some

go here for more

battered

so i played a game of football at watford. to say i got taken out by their striker would be an understatement. it was quite early in the game and it wasn't till i woke up on monday that i realised my body wasn't happy. muscles i didn't know i had were making any movement difficult. i tried to ice my muscles using tubs of ice cream but that didn't work because i just ate all the ice cream.

sitting in my chair to work became slightly more pained so i found a youtube video showing 4 stretches for tendons to help for carpal tunnel.
though i still think i need to buy a chair - any recommendations? might go to sit on a steelcase one in town. they're supposed to be pretty good.

McDonalds' Burger King

you've no doubt heard about the man who's eaten 25000 burgers from mcdonalds. A bit of a weirdo who records how many he buys, it appears he is romarioesque in that we only have his word to take for it.
The best part of the story is of course, the last line added by a special at the bbc (or perhaps a comedian?) "Doctors have said they do not recommend Mr Gorske's diet."
Did they actually go and ask more than one doctor whether it was a recommended diet?

Speaking of doctors i went to see a physio the other day for a troublesome ankle. trying to locate the pain by applying pressure and asking if it hurt wasn't going that well. i thought she was gonna give up cos nothing hurt. eventually though, she found the spot. i was impressed. especially after the GP i saw acted as though i was faking it. turns out a tendon is rubbish. i'll be playing football this weekend anyway, in a proper football stadium and after that will have to wait and see how long it takes to strengthen my ankle. hopefully not more than a few months....

well, google stole my comments

unreal. my last post garnered approximately 21 comments (error margin of +/- 20)
and then google destroys them. as everyone knows, all (most) bloggers say they write for themselves. (except of course i really do just write for myself). but comments are nice. they're the massage equivalent of a happy ending for my brain. and google stole them. i can't blame google, everyone likes a happy ending. except for the guy that wrote the book which the film the mist is based on.

anyways, i bought the mental game of poker. i heard some rave reviews. not believing anyone else i found some excerpts of the book online. read about 20 pages and there were 2/3 really great thoughts written there. i was worried about the style of the book. by that i mean, it's all very well having some great points but i wanted to know if there were exercises in the book so that you could teach yourself to put into practice the things you'd learned. i needn't have worried. it's hard work to set things up, and no doubt will be to maintain them too. examples of this are things like a warm up and cool down around sessions. it sounds ridiculous but it really improves your frame of mind away from the tables.
the book is one of those things that pays for itself almost instantly. i can't recommend it highly enough.
today i played 4 sessions. i don't think i've ever done that before. i didn't let earlier sessions affect later ones. one thing that helped was i stopped looking at money in hem after sessions. i now look just at ev adjusted results. this gives me the results i crave for, but it shows how i played better than actual results do. i also have completely lost the urge to look at results during a session. i finally understand that being able to perform your best is affected when you are worried about results and those two ideas should be kept separate by your brain.

here's my plagiarised thought of the day (brought to you via Prof Sadoway)
graphite is the stable form of carbon. diamond is the metastable form. So which should be the symbol of eternal love?

girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money

boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny.

apologies for quoting bad charlotte although i think there is merit to this second line. i have found in my brief existence that there aren't many funny girls. and last week i had the displeasure of meeting a girl, who not only thought she was funny, and seemed to think she was a stand up comedienne, she was also spectacularly unfunny. beyond the realms of what i thought capable. bruce once lamented that laughing at people who aren't funny so they don't feel bad is in fact the worst thing you can do for them since they continue to attempt humour. ever since then i have oft tried to avoid the nervous laughter that breaks the awkwardness. these days, i try to embrace the awkwardness or increase it through vacant stares. luckily, on this occasion there were a few of us subjected to some words lacking humour. it is a well known fact that when in company you laugh more than when alone. researches suggest it's due to bonding or to prove you understand the humour or something. either way, none of us even contemplated laughter.

this post really is just a public service announcement to let you know that i have hopefully stopped such a humourless career, thus saving you all from being afflicted with words i probably would wish upon my worst enemy.

after all that doom and gloom here's a treat:

2 leaks i have found so far

one is a long standing problem where i never fold when i get raised. this, i know, is a hallmark of a the fish.
two, when i don't know what to do in a hand, i often just click call. need to beat this one out of me.
3, i hate losing to fish and it drives me crazy when i keep losing over and over to people playing 75% of hands and more.
4, my attempts to do basic mental arithmetic are flawed through laziness more than a lack of ability.

swingathon

i still get caught up in short term and medium term variance too much.
it's tough not too when swings like this happen. but i need to not let it affect me!
at the two troughs of the graph i was over1k down for each session and almost stopped.

the second was brutal with consecutive hands against a tard getting tt vs jj and then jj vs qq whilst inbetween those hands, on another table against the same tard losing kk vs tt!

overall this whole year has been just terrible. need to fix it. this begins with 30mins study per day of my hands before playing any new ones. no study, no play.

summertime

i guess the hairdresser was right about no rain on the royal wedding day. i believe his sound arguments were appreciated by the weather.

of course, i don't really believe that. i would think that a more likely scenario is that he has a swiss heritage (and not the apparent greek one he shows off) and kept up to date with the happenings of Böögg, the explosive snowman, which as everyone knows, predicted a good summer this summer.
Furthermore, "Researchers from the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology found that...it is a good indicator of global climate change."