everything i make looks terrible

is it just me?
when i see what other people have done, I am often amazed.

when i make something myself, maybe because i've seen all the steps along the way it looks shit. or maybe it looks that way because it is shit. i honestly can't tell.

i don't think there's anything i've made which i am truly proud of.

in a not unrelated thought, when i've written something, rereading it is mind-numbingly painful. of course, made worse because i always think it's shit.

we've had it banged into our heads to not let other people judge us. but i can no longer see how that's true. i think you need help from others to see what you're doing is right or wrong. i think what must be meant is that you should not let it affect you negatively, but instead choose how you respond. (and to know the separation between criticism of your work, and of you.)

maybe this is normal. maybe this is why critics send artists mental, because they need all others to admire them and their work. or maybe it's just me, and i'm not very good at anything i've done yet. i need to find something that i can do and be the best at.