eeeeeeeeeeeeego

when i play live i want to win but want it to be enjoyable for everyone.

when i play online i want to win and destroy the very fibre of my opponents being. i want to crush their hopes and dreams and leave them a trembling mess when they turn their computer off.

i never used to be like this when i played online. whether it was more fun when it was new, or if i wasn't such a cock a few years back i'll never know.

right now, i haven't played at all this year. having once again almost busted my roll after withdrawal i'm considering whether it's worth playing at all any more. the reason i play is to make enough money to live and invest. sure it's fun, it comes with freedom and many other benefits. but the bottom line is the ability to make enough money to set me on a path to financial freedom. originally, i aimed for the freedom to come through poker itself but right now that seems impossible. to be honest, right now even a simple goal like money to live and invest from poker seems an impossible goal.

i want to give myself another chance because i think
1) i can do it
2) the extra benefits of making ~£25k (tax free) from poker mean it is a very attractive proposition. not just the freedom of time, but the whole idea of working for yourself is very attractive to me.
the only thing is that poker is not going to be a stream of passive income, but that's what the money from poker for me to invest in will hopefully create.

the real question is whether i get a job and use that money to create such income, or use poker to do so. i'm tempted to give poker one more chance since it will be easier to go from poker to job if i fail whilst that is not true t'other way round.

now, i have to go eat. i'm pretty bored of eating. even chocolate doesn't hold my interest in food any more. except maybe twirls. their consistency is remarkable. my congratulations to the developers.