a tale of woe

i almost blanked out the day i left last week. it was one of the most depressing 12 hours of my life. every little thing (bar missing my plane or anything actually bad) went wrong

firstly, i get on the bus to go the airport. i take out my ipod, eager to listen to the new green day album. i press the button for music and can't find green day. in fact, i can't find anything cos it's all disappeared. as have the episodes of south park i put on. the only things that remain are some photos. i see that there is still not much space available on my ipod so the music is hiding in there somewhere. but i still haven't found it.

i get to the airport and am told that there are no window or isle seats left. i also feel the need to empty my bowels coming on. the prospect of doing this on the plane isn't appealing so i know i'm gonna have to speed up the process to make it happen in the airport. not great but the lesser of two evils.

i finally get on the plane and find myself next to a small child. i was expecting to be sat between two fat people so this is a small victory. or so i thought. whilst the child was old enough to not cry the whole way through, the mother was a bizzare creature with strange social customs. yes, she was a french.

for their next trick, the plane pretends to begin to leave the airport but really we just sat on the plane for two hours before moving. i brought a couple of magazines with me which was lucky as i had no music however, i was in danger of finishing them before my journey began.

eventually we leave. i'm trying to watch the movie (they didn't have individual tvs but one at the front - how 1990's - and no stadium seating obviously so mostly i saw the back of a man's head). before giving up i did however get hit by a stench so foul i almost cried blood. i looked to my left and noticed that the toddler had relieved itself as a toddler does. and the mother had decided to change her baby there, in her seat. next to mine. the guy on my right also noticed, got up and ran to the other end of the plane. i followed shortly thereafter.

finally we landed and i headed for a cashpoint to take out some money. i put my card in, enter pin, select money, card returned, message comes up
"this service is unavailable to you"

i didn't mind them not serving me but that seemed a little too personal for my liking.