the contest

i still haven't had a chance to get around to playing an poker. this will change from the 9th of october. in the meantime, i have decided to go on a detox and as fans of seinfeld will know from the title of this post, this detox will see me attempt to reign as master of my domain for as long as possible. and where better to chronicle the struggles than here.
so that this is not a wasted experiment, i will also record whether i suffer the fate of elaine (become stupider) or george (become smarter). only time will tell...

i just bought my yearly travel insurance

it turns out there are some things i can't claim for. One of which they don't accept is:
"Any claim caused by you climbing, jumping or moving from one balcony to another regardless of the height of the balcony."

at first i thought that would completely ruin the holiday till i realised that there is no mention of jumping off the balcony to something that's not a balcony like a train or swimming pool!

it's september

where does the time go?!
it's also autumn. autumn in a very pretty word but sadly leads to winter. it is otherwise quite similar to spring but because of this, no one likes it.
here's an autumn only picture.

in other news, i was in america for a couple of days. it seems that the attention span of our former colony has been reduced to less than 30 seconds, as they have begun putting televisions in elevators!

the great irony here is that in this hotel, there were only two lifts and you would invariably spend up to 5 times as long waiting for it than inside of it, so the tvs would be better utilised on the landings where you wait.

i haven't been doing very much

got the new hem beta but barely had a chance to play with it

more importantly i came up with a magnificent joke (8.2/10 rating). you heard it hear first. don't copy it without crediting me.

people often accuse me of being sexy, but it's only because i get the words erotic and erratic mixed up.

today the bbc are running stories more full of sugar than usual

i still find it funny that people say sugar instead of shit. it's also quite interesting that sugar is the only word in the english language which has the su making an sh sound. of this i am sure.

but back to the nonsense at the bbc. firstly a non event non story.
i'm sure i've mentioned this before but when i was in the usa, i went to a bar, waited, ordered a drink, got my bottles and as i was about to go back to my seat was verbally attacked by the bar man saying if i wasn't gonna tip i should leave. so we had our drinks and left. i know it's customary in the us to tip relentlessly but surely people not actually doing anything for you is not worthy of a tip? that would never happen in europe. or so i thought. apparently our pm was forced in a coffee shop to go and get his own drink from the counter rather than have it brought to his table, so he didn't tip. and then he went back the next day to leave a proper tip. to me, this is akin to tipping in starbucks where you serve yourself.

the second story which has a stench of baloney gone off is associated with the normally good programme horizon. the guy keeps saying colours aren't real, they're just in your head. i had to double check it wasn't april the 1st. he then goes on to prove this by using optical illusions. surely, tricking your eyes into seeing different colours doesn't make them imaginary. that's like saying at night when you don't see in colour, it's because colour isn't real.

all of this worries me because a few weeks ago i spoke to a journalist about online gambling and poker. i worry about the nonsense spin they will be bashing out. i fear any article from them is going to be like the blind leading the blind. except where the leading blind is a self righteous turd that you expect to find being fired on the apprentice.

the worst lawn mower of all time

i just had the misfortune to use the subject title of this post. what appears to have happened is the company 'cutting edge saw' other lawnmowers and thoguht, how hard can it be? so they tried to copy others, in the process, making each and every aspect awful beyond comprehension.
Equipped with the shortest cable i have ever seen it just allows me to reach halfway down the garden.
They have obviously noticed that other lawn mowers have arms and decided that they would make theirs detachable. they are so detachable in fact, they fall off incessantly. move it in any direction that's not directly forwards, and the arms just fall out. heaven forbid you should need to move backwards.
they saw for safety that you have a button to push and a handle to hold down to start the machine. and you need to keep the handle squeezed to keep the motor running. i have big hands yet find it incredibly awkward due to its retarded shape. luckily you are already deterred from trying to turn it but should you choose to do so it will stretch your skin on your palm and fingers giving you massive blood filled blisters leaving you to type at 4 words per minute using just your left hand.
they saw that other mowers have this box thing at the back. unable to work out what it was for they left it as some sort of showpiece. grass doesn't get funnelled into it very well, just clogging up the blades instead. you may try to remove this unnecessary trophy box since it's primary role is falling off the back. however, take the box off and the panel that covers the back of the mower it prevents any grass exiting. so you have to leave it on to ensure it only jams every 30 seconds instead of every 10.

great names, bad games

i saw in the news that someone called goodwillie has had rape charges against him dropped. obviously it's tough to know what happened without being there, although all i'm really interested in is how soon are you allowed to make a joke about his name combined with his innocence. and does this also mean that badwillie is a real surname too? do his friends say to women in clubs, "would you like to see a goodwillie?"

i'll stop now.
i also have stopped poker for one month. i don't really want to take a break but i do. i want to decide whether it's worth pursuing. may start again at end of august, if only to get the $4k bonus. but chasing those always ended up costing me money in the past so maybe i'll just spend fpp's on stress balls, cuddly toys and sunglasses.

i think i've had enough

been breaking even for about a year now. think i'm not cut out for poker.
i keep looking back at how much i've made over the past 4/5 years. feb 2007 i think was when i started seriously on stars and even though my net withdrawlas are around $40k right now i cannot see myself ever making money again. this year i have been losing at 1/2 ffs!

so depressed. think i might not play again till september. who knows, tomorrow, i might wake up and not be such a melodramtic wally.

i just commited a criminal offence

i called the council just now about paying their tax, though it was for a house where my name isn't on the account. (possibly because i don't live there). why would i do such a thing? whilst my ladyfriend is at work i thought i would give them the date she's moving out along with a request for a final bill to pay the remaining months - they did just send a final notice for payment of a huge amount which kind of indicates that they didn't get the payment from 1 month ago so i wanted to request a statement too.

the twat on the other end of the phone though just kept saying he couldn't discuss the account with me since i wasn't the account holder. i said i want to pay you!!
his response was "you are actually committing a criminal offence"
incredulous, i asked "wanting to pay you is an offence?"
i did my best not to say, no wonder so many people get away with not paying you.
he claimed that wasn't what he said, and he can't give any information out either. i asked him to listen to the recording of the call where i said i wanted to give you information so i could pay. so i asked to speak to his manager's manager. he didn't take kindly to this. so naturally, i asked again. he decided to hang up! lol.
not before i asked for his name. he wouldn't give his surname but instead asked for mine. i think he may have been an inner city schoolboy on work experience.

so i called back and spoke to someone else who gladly took the tenancy end date, agreed to send a final statement and i wouldn't be surprised if she also put the reminder notice on hold.

tomorrow i go to town

this always leads to awkward situations, bizarre occurrences or both. even today, i didn't venture out much beyond a trip to the tennis courts. and there was a sexy milf playing complete with short skirt and grunts! i thought those were special effects just for tv. like champions league music shortly before kick off. turns out they're both real things. sometimes the line between real and fake does get blurred. i sometimes pick up my ps3 controller when f1 is on telly just to confuse my flatmate.

still getting caught up in the shorttermism of poker. this, just t'other day is the biggest pot i've played all year. (WARNING CONTAINS NOT UNLIKELY BAD BEAT)
the hand was so beautifully set up it could make a james bond hand look realistic (i jest, nothing could do that).
the villain is a monster fish who was guaranteed to be squeezing. i'm dancing around the room on the flop. i'm not a good dancer so i didn't get to dance for long.

Seat 6 is the button
Seat 1: villain ( $396.95 USD )
Seat 2: bb ( $249.80 USD )
Seat 3: utg ( $318.85 USD )
Seat 4: mp ( $200.00 USD )
Seat 5: hero ( $516.25 USD )
Seat 6: btn ( $161.30 USD )
villain posts small blind [$1.00 USD].
bb posts big blind [$2.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to hero [ Kc Kd ]
utg raises [$6.00 USD]
mp folds
hero calls [$6.00 USD]
btn calls [$6.00 USD]
villain raises [$27.00 USD]
bb folds
utg folds
hero raises [$60.00 USD]
btn folds
villain calls [$38.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 9d, Qh, 6c ]
villain checks
hero bets [$96.00 USD]
villain raises [$192.00 USD]
hero raises [$354.25 USD]
villain calls [$138.95 USD]
hero wins $119.30 USD

** Dealing Turn ** [ Qd ]
** Dealing River ** [ 3s ]
villain shows [Qc, Ah ]
hero shows [Kc, Kd ]
villain wins $804.90 USD from main pot

my last post was awful

i hope this one is less bad.

last few weeks i've been trying to improve my motivation to do stuff in general and not waste time. making small improvements and constantly keeping them up is apparently the tough stuff. so i'm doing one thing at a time till they become habits. firstly, i really need to tone up a bit. so one thing i have been doing is 30mins working out a day. the test will come when i really don't want to, but when it's tough is when you achieve something. like that last lift of a dumbbell. (dumbbell is a funny word, just look at it!)

also, i really need to hurry up and finish writing my thesis. i've taken far too long with it, and need to finish it so i can concentrate on other ventures, not least poker. i think i have to move out of my flat. they say location, location and location are the three most important things about where you live, but i think they forgot the most important which is not living with a wally. he's not a cunt, but he has many features which are the complete opposite of things i aspire to such as thinking of others, energy efficiency (ie not having every light in the flat on at once, and then going out without turning them off), and many other things.
the next thing after this will be learning languages where i'll make a commitment to learn something every day.

more onto poker now, and it seems that i am going to set a goal and stick it on the right hand side. it will be hand based and money based. so far this year i'm down about $6k and i want to turn it into +$5k by end of september when i go supernova. more accurately, i will retain supernova but going supernova sounds much better.

my first session of the month was yesterday and it didn't start too well.

well, the only way is up, one hand at a time....

time flies

when you're doing nothing too it would seem

i did go to wimbledon last week, if just to break up the monotony of looking at x-ray diffraction spectra i don't understand. it rained. i tried to get into court 3 (i think to take a pic). I went in the wrong entrance, and just asked an honorary steward if i could take a picture. he asked if i was press (presumably because i had a camera) and i said no. he still let me go in. even before that point i wasn't sure what an honorary steward is. as far as i could tell from those that i saw, it meant over 60.

i also found a comedy blog. it's funny.

finally, the poker front, i think i lost again this month. the only results i checked were ev adjusted. turns out i lost $300 and 4 buy ins below ev. so a pretty rubbish month though in the middle of it i had a 20buy in upswing!
working on my volume is one positive, and got to 22k hands which is the most i've done for a very long time. aim is to get to 30k per month by the end of the year.
first half of the year has been terrible. no where near where i wanted to be in any terms. need to readjust lots of things to correct this. i have started by regaining motivation for learning and playing

last nights dreams

had a dream i was sitting on a little wall, a few hundred yards from a hospital, got my phone out and called for an ambulance since i couldn't move my neck for the pain was immense.
i woke up and couldn't move my neck for the pain was immense. took me about 20 minutes to work out how to get up. fear not though reader, for i have some deep heat which cures all known ailments excluding eye and groin injuries.

sadly, not all my dreams came true, i'm pretty sure i was being serviced by a lady in my dreams, which did not happen when i woke up.

writing

i never used to enjoy writing.
they made me do it in school. i never thought i came up with anything creative or original and i hated having to be so expressive. why use 100 words when 10 will do?
more recently i've come to really appreciate writing. not just the importance of being able to communicate clearly - and writing is a great tool for this, people can't interrupt you, and people aren't just waiting for their turn to speak - also for the expression and clarification of my own thoughts.

this blog has changed that. whilst i write for myself and have an interest in looking back and reading about the many mistakes i thought weren't mistakes, i am mindful that other people will read what i write. and even if it's only one person, this ensures that i take better care, and proof read it afterwards.

i enjoy finding humour in social situations. i enjoy letting my mind flow to explore different avenues of thought. and i enjoy writing about them and looking back occasionally.

i recently noticed that i became quite 'old' in a lot of my thoughts (for want of a better word). by this i mean a lack of patience and inflexibility in thinking, and a reduced willingness to learn in many situations. i like that i have caught this and am trying to regain some of the traits i have lost, including humility to a degree.

anyway, that's enough nonsense for one day. here's an image of a bird. a very sad picture.

ps i might do one of them poker blog things soon where i set fanciful new targets like 40k by the end of the year and try to track it regularly. first i need to start winning! lets hope this month finishes well - i've stopped tracking money and now track ev adjusted totals. weird i know, but i like that i know it's not the real amount since it doesn't affect me positively or negatively as much, yet it still quenches my thirst for results.

the great outdoors

there's nothing great about it. the worst part of owning a little bit of the great outdoors is that you have to take care of it. and it doesn't give much back in return other than a place for foxes to take care of any business they have.
worse still is when your lawnmower appears to be from the 90s. the 1890s. and falls apart when you try to move it in a direction other than forward in a straight line. and you have to stop every minute because the grass clogs up the exiting channel from the blade, waiting for you to stick your hand in to remove it..
next time, i wont wait 6 months to cut the grass. the weeds were bigger than me. i was using shears to chop down weeds and stinging nettles. i was shouting timber as they fell but they still often fell on my head. how inconsiderate. i did feel quite manly doing it though, i can now see why people cut down the rainforest.

poker? i don't want to talk about it. at least i broke even last month. lost 4 buy ins of ev in first 400 hands this month, never ending run of misery please end soon! i have even taken to studying properly and fixing leaks. i think i have many more to repair.

advertisements

does anyone else feel cheated when bad products have great adverts?
carlsberg and the orange cinema ads to name just two

sometimes i feel very hungry. then i remember tarrare and realise i'll never be that hungry. i'm not sure how his story isn't more known. maybe someday someone will make a film about it. then again, thinking about the content, probably not.

and one last pic for now...

the great carbon emission lie

there are lots of clever people in the world. many of them make a difference for the better. some even have positions to influence governments. and some make policies for governments. however, it would seem that most decisions are based purely on politics, rather than what is correct, and sometimes their decisions lead to the exact opposite of what they're supposed to be doing, yet everyone seems happy.

an example:
LED lighting. the new energy efficient lighting that will save the world from carbon emissions caused from wasteful tungsten filament bulbs! or are they?
well, they do run on a tiny amount of the power of bulbs. and they are much more efficient with much less heat wastage. and they last longer! but how are they made? well, they are made at around 100 times the cost of bulbs. that is real $ cost. which comes from the energy cost. which means over the course of the lifetime, from creation of product to when it is no longer working, they generate more carbon emissions globally. but because they are made outside of europe, european governments are generating less carbon emissions. for themselves. which is all they really want to do.

this is not a unique situation. if you know anyone who has a prius, don't tell them to find out what's in the battery of their car. so many rare earth elements, the mining cost of which no doubt exceeds the carbon emissions saved by using the battery.

answer: real clean fuels (and other energy sources) need to be researched. but whilst government policy only cares about their own country emissions, and researches need government funding, nothing will change.

politics. to paraphrase groucho marx, anyone who wants to be a politician should not be allowed to be a politician.

competition

natalie portman finally has some

go here for more

battered

so i played a game of football at watford. to say i got taken out by their striker would be an understatement. it was quite early in the game and it wasn't till i woke up on monday that i realised my body wasn't happy. muscles i didn't know i had were making any movement difficult. i tried to ice my muscles using tubs of ice cream but that didn't work because i just ate all the ice cream.

sitting in my chair to work became slightly more pained so i found a youtube video showing 4 stretches for tendons to help for carpal tunnel.
though i still think i need to buy a chair - any recommendations? might go to sit on a steelcase one in town. they're supposed to be pretty good.

McDonalds' Burger King

you've no doubt heard about the man who's eaten 25000 burgers from mcdonalds. A bit of a weirdo who records how many he buys, it appears he is romarioesque in that we only have his word to take for it.
The best part of the story is of course, the last line added by a special at the bbc (or perhaps a comedian?) "Doctors have said they do not recommend Mr Gorske's diet."
Did they actually go and ask more than one doctor whether it was a recommended diet?

Speaking of doctors i went to see a physio the other day for a troublesome ankle. trying to locate the pain by applying pressure and asking if it hurt wasn't going that well. i thought she was gonna give up cos nothing hurt. eventually though, she found the spot. i was impressed. especially after the GP i saw acted as though i was faking it. turns out a tendon is rubbish. i'll be playing football this weekend anyway, in a proper football stadium and after that will have to wait and see how long it takes to strengthen my ankle. hopefully not more than a few months....