the best chocolates in the world

i like chocolate. i believe uk chocolates are the best although this may be because i was brought up here eating them. or maybe it's simply because they are the best.

american chocolate is appalling. and all the bars are named wrongly. (eg milky ways are called mars bars!?)
swiss chocolate has a very high opinion of itself. they never relax and put anything with the chocolate like caramel or even honeycomb. plus, the chocolate is generally too bitter. much like swiss people when they think of non swiss chocolate.

so uk chocolate is the best. the problem is that there are so many bars to choose from. so here is your definitive guide to the best, complete with name, description and special skill:

mars
a rich man's milky way.
bonus: is a roman warlord

twirl
a flake that doesnt crumble into a million pieces when you look at it
bonus: the double meaning when you ask your girlfriend to give you a twirl never wears thin. never.

maltesers
chocolate and honeycomb combined; lighter than air. i can fit at least 20 in my mouth
bonus: so light that it takes more calories to eat than you receive from it

dairy milk
comes in a million flavours, including 'normal', 'caramel filled', 'half replaced by air but the same price', 'mint', and many others.
bonus: i can eat over half a kilo of this and not feel at all sick.

terry's chocolate orange
as the saying goes, if it looks like an orange, sounds like an orange and tastes like an orange, then it probably is a duck.
bonus: counts as one of your five-a-day