day 2

writing seems to be the thing slacking. and poker. but poker's only going to be a few times a week anyway.

did everything else about from c++ so will do a bit now. almost started earlier but got sidetracked by work.

today also included a visit to a toastmasters club. everyone who spoke was pretty good. the one's with prepared speeches were obviously very good in content and performance. the ones with improvised topics were hit and miss with content, but still very good with performance. in fact, the whole thing seemed like it was played out by actors. i think this is because i tend towards introvert and they all tend to extrovert on the introvert-extrovert scale. for me, it's not just a little practice for nerves or one or two other little things, for me, the most basic things are painful. it is very awkward for me to hold eye contact with anyone. even people i know. if i'm thinking of that in a room full of strangers, i'm going to have difficulty to think of speaking. let alone posture, pace of voice, enthusiasm, arm movements, and timing.

lots of people there had familiar faces. but the first guy that got up to speak had a french accent. everyone with a french accent sounds exactly the same when speaking english. and they all remind me of inspector clouseau.
here's clouseau trying to learn english:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLuc6rtWkrM&

there was also lots of evaluation. someone afterwards joked that we should evaluate every conversation. they laughed, i thought it was a good idea to imagine that all my conversations were going to be evaluated.

it also made me realise that every time henceforth that i wish to speak in public i will essentially be acting.

i was mildly perplexed that they laughed at the above comment, which i thought made sense, yet when one of them said "all dance instructions seem to do their best showing how good they are" i replied with, "yeah i had the same problem sparring with karate instructors" but no one laughed, or even smiled. it was worth at least a smile.

anyway, in general they were all very nice and friendly and i have taken lots of details which i'll practice in my head to improve my speaking.

so the whole idea of this doing things i'm afraid of was supposed to make me less afraid, but i'm still as fearful of public speaking. i may go again and ask to speak in front of everyone and see if that helps. i can't help but think i should just learn to not be afraid since it's probably only as scary as i imagine it to be. it's not like i'm surrounded by spiders or in other forms of danger.