ffffffffffffffffffffffffs i still tilt

how is this still possible that after so long of knowing that the worst thing that i do is tilt, i still continue to do so on an alarmingly regular basis.
last night i obviously decided that playing was too boring so i thought that burning money was the new thing. turns out it is, but whilst it's fun at the time, it's not fun in the cold light of day.
whats weird is that I was playing 2/4 and 3/6 last night and i only tilted at the 2/4 tables. so im thinking i should start to play higher. not because my raises will get respect, or because im chasing loses, but so i concentrate and play properly.
anyways, im taking a(n enforced) break until i get internet installed and then im gonna play on stars for the next two months, clearing a $4k bonus (also get the remaining 1.2k milestones for reaching supernova) and then think about where to play for the rest of the year.
i need about 25k vpps so hopefully can up my volume and am aiming for 2 10k months. if i don't tilt i think it will be quite possible especially as i will be playing 2-3 times as much as usual (i hope).

in other news i think my new flat has a wasps nest in the wall. they try to get inside and then for some reason at night are attracted to lights. everytime i tried to go to sleep wasps would fall out of the (horrible and cheap) lightshade onto my bed. this is not conducive to relaxation before sleep.
then the lights in my office aren't working cos of building work to replace the windows (there's a logical connection?) and working on boring stuff during the day in the dark is conducive to sleep.

one other thing that makes me laugh about the building people is that they have two temporary portakabins. one above the other. one is a canteen, the other is their office. obviously the one with easier access at ground level is the canteen. the office, out the way and up the stairs!

doomswitches don't exists

except for the one where you uncheck the post blinds box, and then get kk losing to jj allin pre ($1k pot) and pair and straight draw losing to flush draw who calls your 4bet shove on the flop. byebye $1.6k pot
aside from those two flips was today acceptable. a few too many badly played hands but focussed ok imo. helped that i didn't plan to play for the rest of the month means it feels like fun.

i had a funny moment when playing the other day to hear a car hooting like crazy driving down the road. i leaped to the window to see the car and what was happening. obviously they were hooting like mad at my deaf cat who likes to cross the road. being the unwitting daredevil that she is, she only looks one way when crossing the road. i tried to teach her to look both ways but it's difficult as she is completely deaf.

one would think that humans do a better job but it's all a matter of priorities.
i saw a lady running for a bus t'other day. i assume she has done this before and has perfected her technique for bus catching. what she does is look directly at the bus, and only directly at the bus and then run in a straight line to where ever it is. this includes traversing grassy knolls, pavements, and the middle of junctions, being sure to NEVER look away from the bus. clearly she is aware that if anything were to hit her, the driver would suffer great financial burdens of increased insurance and anguish and having hit a fellow human being. (or maybe that she was next to a hospital meant this case was a special case it was worth the risk)

up and down last few days

a couple of times i've gone 2k up only to finish close to level. this beats going 2k down and finishing level. whilst at the time the latter feels better, i'm pretty sure i prefer the former.

been running pretty weird. i think i'm running average, as my win rate seems to be around what it's been the last few months but i only got out of jail in one session today thanks to a weird hand. two whales at the table. first whale raises from cut off. i call button with a5 hearts. 2nd whale calls from sb, and bb folds. all playing 100bb effective.
flop is j74 two hearts. whale 2 checks, whale 1 checks, i bet half pot, whale two raises half their stack - over 7 times my bet. whale 1 shoves!?
i wasn't sure whether to call the first one (and by call i mean shove obv) but with the second dude in i couldn't fold. so i shove and we all see a 4 turn, and 3h on river. i'm rather happy to see they both had aj and that was a very nice pot.
sadly the session deteriorated when in quick succession to one guy on two tables i lose aq to 99 all in pre, qq to tt all in pre, and qq to kk all in on low flop.
been mixing in some 3/6 when i can too although there aren't a great many tables of that running. most action seems to be at the bot infested 20-50bb tables. if (when?) that news becomes public it's not gonna be gppd for the online game in general.
moving flat soon, once internet is setup i'm gonna get the 4k bonus, clear that whilst getting supernova which includes the 1k bonus and then probably start playing some at another site for of the rest of the year where games are allegedly weaker at 3/6-5/10.
still hoping for 90k+ in rest of year, (86 to go) gonna have to get my grind on after august 4th. (forgotten what happens on august 4th, but it must be something whereafter serious time efficiency will be installed in my mind. and yes, i mean installed, not instilled, i'm going for it matrix style. i think that would be a great superpower. akin to peter petrelli from heroes, if you could take powers from regular people too)
i'm taking it serious, i even bought a payg wireless internet thing as a back up.

reason #71.5 why i need new friends

friends facebook status "when in rome :)"
i write, "yes, please go on"
no one seemed to get the reference
i guess it was mostly their friends who saw it so it could instead be she who needs the new friends.


in other news, a momentous milestone has been reached.

my goal of getting into the +ve at 2/4 on ptr has been achieved!
after being close to -$20k on there (mostly due to four months of diabolical play) i am now in the green.
all that remains to turn green is 2/4 hu. im down quite a few buy in's there, and i want to get that positive also. it would probably also be good to get better at heads up play since i'm pretty bad at it. trouble is finding people that are waiting at tables AND want to play. so many just sit out. and i'm rubbish!

i'm pretty quiet at the tables these days. i think i'd like to chat some more in a humorous way. i'm gonna  try to get chat banned by saying non offensive things which sound much worse when they are first heard. things like:
i've seen turds uglier than you
does anyone even know what you're doing?

and if you have any more, add them to the comments, i'll phase them into my chat too.

i need to play a bunch more this month. moving house next week and will take a week or two to get broadband installed which is gonna be a pain considering i'm only halfway to my monthly target number of hands this month. next month when all is more settled i'm gonna need to double my play i reckon if i'm gonna get near 100k for the year!

in celebration of spain winning the world cup i've been reinstating siestas into my daily routine. i took one today and now i'm wide awake. possibly also due in part to some serious excess of sugar today. which isn't healthy when i'm about to start training for new football season. not sure i wanna play any more. training in the summer is ok, mostly due to the nice weather, but playing on waterlogged pitches with ref's who can't see and opposition players who are mostly polished turds isn't as appealing as it once was.

no job

and a new and way more expensive flat than i can afford

this leads me to now technically be playing poker as a sole income. i figure this will most likely only last till the end of the year so i must enjoy it as best possible, preferably by winning multiple dollars.

i am in life terribly indecisive and can only describe every situation i find myself in, thrust upon me, rather than through any fault of my own. luckily, i find most of these situations humorous. and good material for any future sitcom i may or may not write.

still have much actual work to finish, including a plethora of multi word reports. there is one i have been putting off for months that i must go finish now...

i like reading. sometimes more than sleeping. sleeping is kinda boring. i never seem to enjoy it whilst it's happening. i need more lucid dreams.

at first, i was angry. but then, i realised it was all for the best.

i am of course talking about a large helping of stupidity i saw yesterday. walking down the street i noticed one side of the road pay and display parking bays, operating from 9 -530. the opposite side, has free parking outside of the hours of 11-12. i was on this street between the hours of 12 and 530 and saw 2 people parked in the pay and display, with only 1 parked in the free bit. then another car comes along and pays for parking. at first i wanted to say "STOP. DO NOT PARK THERE. JUST DO A THREE POINT TURN AND PARK FOR FREE"
but i decided not to.

a few hours later when thinking this over (i really couldn't let it go) i realised it was great for two reasons. firstly, more room for me to park. and secondly because it's essentially a tax on stupid people. if you came out and said you wanted to tax stupid people most people would probably be against it. ironically i doubt it's because they think they're stupid (most think they're not) but because people would say it's morally wrong or something. (maybe it is?!)
but this way of making people pay for parking when they don't have to, is like taxing stupid people, and so i guess i am not so angry about it anymore.

here's an interesting hand of poker:
villain is an avg reg. i'm in the small blind. both start with 100bb ($400)
what say you?

Dealt to Hero [  Qh As ]
3 folds
Villain raises [$12.00 USD]
Hero raises [$38.00 USD]
1 folds
Villain calls [$28.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 4h, Th, 8d ]
Hero bets [$44.00 USD]
Villain calls [$44.00 USD]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 7d ]
Hero checks
Villain checks

** Dealing River ** [ 6c ]
Hero checks
Villain bets [$120.00 USD]
Hero raises [$312.00 USD]

reasons for disliking the tube

i was sitting down, waiting for my train. i notice someone i vaguely recognise walking towards me. we make that eye contact where you both know you saw each other but both try to avoid it. about three times.
then i get a head nod. head nods in cars are fine. in person, they are not when you don't really know each other. we had to say hi. we said, i recognise you. we say, i'm not sure where from. maybe football.
then we sit in silence not just on the platform, but there were only two seats on the carriage. next to each other. neither of us wanting to walk to a different carriage as it would be rude. and we're British. we can't do that.
so we sit in silence till it's time for him to leave. we say goodbye, i'm not sure why.
i don't think i'll be forgetting him in a hurry.

a new month

and half way through the year which is a good time to look at my goals imo

firstly, monthly graph.

i think i still have tilt issues

halfway through the year and profits are at a measly $10k or so. i think my aim was to be £25k now with the rest to come later in the year. i revised it to $ instead of £ a little while ago. i think it's still feasible. my aim was $75k in the second half of the year so now it's 90. not so far removed. i think i would also like back to back 10k months to show myself i can be consistent. upping volume in last three months should help.
speaking of which i finally upped my volume and have hit pace for supernova by end of sept to avoid losing status. 15k hands a month from now on in should suffice.

feeling pretty tired all the time now. a friend mentioned it might be the heat. if anything, it's the heat from my computer. i really should open it and remove the dust that's no doubt clogging up the fan. it pumps out an enormous amount of heat. one day i'd like to switch to a noiseless water cooling system. that would be nice.