i've said it before

the only thing worse than losing is losing to people who have difficulty dressing themselves in the morning

anticipation

is a much underrated feeling. you can only get it when there is a possibility of failure which makes the inevitable success sweeter. unless you lose. in which case anticipation was a better feeling than the failure you're experiencing.
sadly, most people dislike this feeling as they either have no self control and want things immediately, or they're forever worried about what might or might not happen. i think that's a bad way to go through life.

my fitness regime is slightly less strict than a pol pot regime, but slightly more so than a saddam one. so it's regular at the moment but i think i need to eat more calories. beer wine and ice cream are best for this i think.

as for previous comments (funny how i forget the reasons i actually wanted to post when i sat down about 5 mins ago) cape town would be cool but i dont think i wanna live there, although i do wanna go to south africa for maybe 2-3 weeks sometime soon.
thinking about somewhere in spain (not the south coast obv) or italy. italy would be nicer i think. my spanish is slighter better than my italian but i'm generally useless at learning languages. i have a set of 9 italian cds (well, i only have 8 of the 9) so hopefully i can pick up a basic understanding if i choose to go there.

as for meditation, i've been doing a couple of different relaxation hypnotherapy techniques i learnt. one is from a therapist (not from this genuine website- www.therapistfinder.com) and one is from a book. funnily enough the book one is better for tilt control. the book is called unlimited power, by anthony robbins. it's one of those stupid self help books which i bought as i was told it could cure me of arachnophobia which it did. now i think its cured my tilt.

so i'm playing a live comp on thursday. 32 players, £77 buy in, havent played a live tourney for ages. playing against retards so hopefully i will do well. either way, i will have the next couple of days' anticipation to enjoy.

a poker post

i think i have finally finally cured my tilt

been feeling like this for a while (except for the 2.5/3 times i tilted this month, oops) but this weekend i didn't tilt at all.

my stats for this month are horrific. i'm $2.7k down, but my all in ev adjusted amount is -$637. so, obviously i not been playing well and/or tilting cos everything is negative. i have also however, had some sick variance. and i'm not talking about the $2k ev i've lost.
at showdown, over the whole of last year, 3 of a kind was my second most money winning hand. this month, it is negative!

ive had so many sets outdrawn by bigger sets and gutshots its unreal. but this weekend i didnt tilt, and ended up -600. ev adjusted would be +650.

much happier with my play recently, and expecting for the next few months to be good

i have had to deal with distractions recently such as spider solitaire. the 4suit version is addictive and infuriating.

also if anyone has ideas of nice (hot with beach) countries to live in please post in comments. i want somewhere somewhat civilsed, preferably where the pound (£££) hasn't been recently demolished. if kirsten and her straight teeth are there too, that would be a bonus.

new computre

got a new comp and it works a treat. super fast (quad core or something!)
i think i may have gone over the top slightly but hey, it's only monies right?

still not playing great poker, thought the last few days seem to be going much better. no huge mistakes, though a few small ones and i'm clawing back some money. hopefully be in profit by end of month. need to play another 8-9k hands and make about $250 every 1k hands as im only around 2k down for the month now.

having driven in some light but annoying rain this morning i have come to the conclusion that the windscreen wipers on cars should have more settings than simply off, once in a while, continuous and super fast. the once in a while needs to be more variable cos sometimes its too slow and sometimes too fast, but it's never right! very annoying when you have to play with it for 20 minutes. maybe this is just be and my ocd but even if it is i still think it's a valid point. surely its just a couple of extra capacitors required?

i also had a dream this morning. and something entirely unrealistic happened (i forgot what) but then i suddenly realised, i'm in a dream! sadly, i also realised i'd turned my alarm off, had been oversleeping and was late. what i should have thought was, cool, i'm in a dream, i can do anything i want! now, where's megan fox, kirsten dunst and a few ladies from entourage to do everything i tell them.

the plan

win enough this year for house deposit
get fitter
do weights 5 days a week for at least half hour

20k hands per month playing well.
run at 5bb/100 hands

get 8k in supernova bonuses. i've worked out that supernova isn't as good as rakeback till i hit 400k points per year which is 4 times as much as i currently bother to play
will have to look at alternate sites

today i went to the drinks machine to purchase a drink and sit down and eat some food. however, my plan was made difficult by a woman sleeping on two chairs alongside the drinks machine, which her feet almost in the bit where the drink comes out. she also looked possibly attractive.

i thought about just getting one anyway but didn't really want to wake her. so i sat down and began to eat, facing her and the machine. i'm not sure but i think i was trying to stare at her till she looked at me. my plan became more awkward when i noticed she wasn't really asleep as she kept half opening her eyes. this was made worse when we had one of those underground (tube/metro) eye contact moments where you both immediately look away but both know you saw each other.

at least now she knew i was staring at her, although i dont think she knew i just wanted a drink. and still she pretended to be asleep. at this point i was beginning to get really thirsty. really thirsty. luckily she now decided to get up and leave. she wasn't even attractive at all so really i should have just got my drink at the start.

new comp

is arriving this week.

will be able to multitable without comp crashing which will be nice

hopefully be able to win also.

had lots of thoughts, but can't be bothered to post them. hopefully have a few winnings days and break even month

i just don't learn!

tilt count: 3
tilt losses: ~$7k

it's a new year?

i didn't really want to do a new year post. in poker, the new year means nothing. the only reason months mean anything is supernova status related. so i don't see the point in new year posts. if you have aims and targets they should have sensible time frame's, and not simply one year plans that begin on new years day.

that said, this year i will be counting how many times i tilt. i've known for a while that this is my biggest leak, so hopefully this will embarrass me into not tilting.

times tilted in 2009:2

i also noticed it's some weblog awards at the moment. how br000se and i haven't been mentioned is a tragedy. my technorati authority is currently 2, which would put my blog in the hidden gem category. so well done to all of you for finding this hidden gem.
the reason i say it's a tragedy is because i read some of the so called "humour blogs" and "good" blogs, and it is fair to say that they are all awful. so don't waste your time reading them!

adverts

i do wonder why some people get paid so much for marketing. i saw the latest windows advert yesterday even though it's probably been around for a bit, but i don't really watch much tv anymore. anyway, their slogan now appears to be
Windows - life without walls
i figure, without walls, it's pretty hard to have any windows.

the other thing i've realised today is that you can hold your breath much longer than you think. often there's no real need to panic and breathe cos the worst that will happen is you'll pass out, your brain will take over and start the breathing process. of course, i have never reached the point of letting that happen cos i get scared and breathe.

authority

i did have lots of thoughts in my mind this morning when showering but have forgotten most of them. i will try to retrace my steps (in my mind) and write them down.

firstly, i will randomly play a song from my ipod and see what it reminds me of. it will be from my favourites list, as i only want to hear songs i like. i came up with this idea all by myself (after reading about it somewhere else)

feeder, buck rodgers. reminds me of clubbing at uni, specifically the club my mate dj'd in. and an archaeologist who went there called dee, who i let in for free once. obviously i called indy (after indiana jones!). she was hot. i remember a random person coming up to me in the street one day, and all she said to me was "you're dee's friend who calls her indy" i laughed, not just at the randomness but also because i thought other people would have called her indy.

so i noticed a bruise on my leg today. very big and green. i don't remember touching anything/anyone for ages. i assumed it was from playing five a side football (soccer to the people across the pond) but that was almost a week ago. i played in goal and i think i made the best save i have ever made. i judge saves by the reaction of the other team. my previous favourite was when someone took a shot against me and he wheeled away to celebrate as i was miles away. his expression a couple of seconds later when he realised i had pretty much moved through spacetime to save it was priceless.
last week's might have been better! sitting on the floor (having already made one save, not cos i was bored) facing to the left i noticed out the corner of my eye someone shooting as the rebound fell to his feet. it felt like slow motion as i realised the ball was going to pass me on my right. i knew i wouldn't have time to reach the ball by using my right hand so i had to spin round and use my left hand. this was masked to most onlookers as my back was somewhat in the way of their view of this. somehow i got the faintest touch on the ball and sent it about 6 inches wide of the post. the look on the guy's face who thought he'd scored told me i did good. he just stood there for about ten seconds in disbelief.

in all this time there have been a few more songs that i wasn't paying any attention to. next up though is:

what a waster by the libertines. this reminds me of my friend who introduced me to this band. he always finds the good bands before everyone else and tells me.

so all this was to avoid talking about poker which has been terrible of late. last month after being up $4k down i finished $1.5k up. this month i've already been $4k down again, currently about $2.5k down. really need to concentrate and play better. if i lose much more i'll have to drop back to 1/2 just to boost the roll and confidence.

also need to get a new comp that can handle running a hud. found one for £500 but the effort of installing all the programs on it really puts me off. still, i reckon it will be worth it in the long run since it will be making me monies! well, thats the plan.

anyways, this post was long