day 6

im impressed i've managed to keep this going daily. i hope i can keep the routine. I find it hard to do this daily, yet i have no problem playing worlde daily! Well, i do - i couldnt stop playing. I eventually failed one day (after playing it in style of hard mode) and have quit cold turkey - i never need to play again! 

my wife often compains she has ocd. she does not have ocd. she has issues with control (as do most people). she does not have obsessive compulsive disorder to do things. eg she'll say she has ocd about cleanings things, but has no obesession or compulsion to clean them except when she wants to!

i have pointed this out but didn't get heard. i have decided to stop being annoyed by this. i dont think it's a good attitude, as it's pretty much taking on a victim mentality and removing responsibility for self improvement. oh well. i hope thats not something i do. it's something that i often wish i had an excuse to do though eg if i did have ocd i would have an excuse for any poor behaviours i have. instead, i have to be an adult and try to fix myself.

new thought:

i regularly find it incredible how much of an effect music can have on me. especially music from when i was late teens. it can just make me happy. i saw less than jake are playing next saturday night in london. i considering going. i'll be one of those old people at gigs that confused me when i was young! 

therapy

im enjoying my attempts of heightened awareness of my self. trying to pay attention to how im feeling. physically, mentally & emotionally. my wrist has been hurting for two days. sometimes i sit in a way that causes muscles strains but i dont really pay attention. sometimes i'm thirsty and dont really pay attention. 

it also works on conversation with others. sometimes i feel like any deep/meaningful conversations with my wife don't end well. im trying to work on understand what triggers any negative feelings in me, and working them through to fix what's wrong with me in those cases. it's hard work but at least i have my five step program.