what have i achieved in life? very little of note. maybe i need different targets. instead of trying to win the sunday millions, a bracelet, becoming a multi millionaire some other way, staring my own successful company, being a professional author, business coach, maybe i just need more meaningful goals. start a charity, raise happy children, become king of kong jr.
anyway, my therapist. she told me to journal. in this daily journal for four weeks i will talk about 2 things
- therapy
- other thoughts
Therapy
i say 'my therapist' but it was the first session i have had with her. it was eye opening. she asked a question about belonging, and i said the only two times i felt like i belonged was 1 with my ex gf, and 2 when i walked into a casino in las vegas. she picked out the former and went with it. she later said it was interesting i brought that into the room, but i was just answering a question. anyway, i'm not really over my ex yet, which i probably should try to be. i said i was scared if i get over it then i wont have that as a part of me giong forward, but that's obviously not true. i can be over it and carry her in my heart till the day i die. i need to just work on myself to make sure i know thats true. i think that's what the next 28 days will be about.
Other thoughts
im going to quit my job soon. i think bonuses get paid in 3 months, so i have to wait till then to hand in my 3 month notice. i can do another 6 months. i enjoy the work. i enjoy the people i work with - they're really great (i chose some of them, so maybe i am biased). i also want to see through a couple of projects. but why am i leaving? i am not paid enough. and my boss is a dick.
for example: they told me i'm not getting promoted because i am not a strategic thinker. they are new to their role managing my team. i have presented our team vision, how it fits in with the company vision, our roadmap of high level tasks and how they fit in with our team vision. i talked them through this and shared our docs which outline all of this. that is a strategy. in my opinion, it's actually a great strategy. it is, in my opinion, created along the principles of the '7 habits of highly effective people' a book i cannot recommend enough. and my boss says i don't know how to think strategically?
i even asked the question: what could i have done better to communicate to you our team vision? i genuinely want to know the answer to that question.
there are plenty of things i dont do well. communicate with all other parts of the business (that is my boss's job, what the previous boss did, and started to pass on to me before he left), delegate better than i do, and more besides. but to pick the one thing i've actually done well in the last year, something feedback has been positive on with the changes that i've made, that's just a terrible excuse to not promote me.
the new boss has only complained about me since they got the job. i'm not sure why. the good thing about knowing i shall be quitting is that i don't have to care. i have no interest in confrontation, but i will be sharing my point of view next time i meet them, all coming from the place of how i feel, and what i think i have done well, and questions on what i could have done better.
more other thoughts. sometimes i think i'm addicted to sweet food, computer games, porn, chewing gum. then i read reddit and about people who have addictions and realise im not in that league. i dont think i'll ever be the best (or worst?) at somethingg.
more other thoughts. i need to drink more each day. so that i eat less and be healthier. i also need to sleep more. and exercise more.
i miss quincy capers.
ends.
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