Monday, September 24, 2012

are you mugging me off?

as per usual, on my way home after a drunken night out i fell asleep on the nightbus. well, only a little bit and i did well enough to be awake at my stop.
i live a ten minute walk from the bus stop.
i had one ear phone in as i like music. i was walking home in what i can only describe as a happy style. at one point i did a full circle and noticed two people in the distance.
about 15 seconds later i heard footsteps and one guy appeared on my right, saying
"mate, have you got the time?"
(translation for non londoners: "mate, i'm about to mug you")

this has happened since school, i thought.
"no", i replied.
well, i didn't. and even i if did, i have no time for people like him.

no sooner had i responded when his mate grabbed me from behind and appeared to be trying to take my jacket off by lifting it over my head. a strange attack.

i wasn't really sure what to do. part of me (the drunken part) didn't want to kick him in the nuts in case i antagonised them, as they weren't doing a great job so far.
another part of me (also a drunken part) wanted to hit him as hard as i could.

i shouted help a few times to see if that would scare them into quitting but it didn't. then his mate decided to join in and kicked me in the arse. that was much more confusing than it was painful.

i decided to just start shoving this guy attacking me from behind. i also decided to shout "fuck off, i haven't got anything on me"
this combination of actions seemed to do the trick as he let go and quizzically repeated "you haven't got anything on you?"

i took this opportunity to run away.

(in hindsight, it happily appears i was attacked by the worst muggers ever.)

a few minutes later i was home, drunk on alcohol and high on adrenalin.

the worst part is that i woke up the next morning after less than 5 hours sleep. damn my work afflicted body clock!


Yakshi said...

hahaha nice job. What a couple of fucktards.

Mudwig said...

ty. proving that
1 semi retard > 2 fucktards

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