i havne't complained abotu running shit for years

but the last four days have been notably diabolical.
i confirm it's a mix of playing at a skill level i would rate generously at 0.1/10 of capacity and running real bad (set under set deep stack many a time) whilst at the same time being above ev!
i do not know what is going on. all i know is that future cards have no memory of past cards and i too will wipe my brain clean of these few days men in black style.

i am 10k vpps from supernova and want to win $10k by the time i reach it, not inc the $1k milestone.. this is my goal. shortly thereafter i will also get a $4k fpp bonus.

this style of mental focussing helped me last year at this time and i hope it will once again do the same. will add box on blog when i remember to do first update on challenge tonight (early hours of morning)

and my preparations will begin like all good preparations. a siesta.

ps if you retweet your tweets on twitter, will their severs break in an infinite loop of <140 characters?

edit: can't be bothered with a box thing, will just update at end of posts after sessions.
2k hands tonight. $2k profit. 7.3k vpps from supernova

fas;dgn

so it looks like my caving in has lead to massive spewtiltmonkey sessions. last two nights i've played and lost around $6k total. whoops. doesn't help when this happens:

Seat 1: nit1 ($543.90 in chips)
Seat 2: nutsack ($422.90 in chips)
Seat 3: fish1 ($400 in chips)
Seat 4: fish2 ($87.60 in chips)
Seat 5: hero ($1005.40 in chips)
hero: posts small blind $2
nit1: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hero [Kc Ks]
nutsack: raises $8 to $12
fish1: folds
fish2: folds
hero: raises $32 to $44
nit1: folds
nutsack: calls $32

*** FLOP *** [3s 9s Ts]
hero: bets $48
nutsack: calls $48

*** TURN *** [3s 9s Ts] [Th]
hero: checks
nutsack: bets $330.90 and is all-in
hero: calls $330.90

*** RIVER *** [3s 9s Ts Th] [Qd]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
hero: shows [Kc Ks] (two pair, Kings and Tens)
nutsack: shows [Qc Qh] (a full house, Queens full of Tens)
nutsack collected $847.80 from pot

the worst thing is i was on such tilt i didn't even realise it wasn't a one outer!

i caved

yeah, i didn't make it to the end of the month without checking my p/l
i twice noticed the cashier by mistake (when reg'ing for a tournament) and after my last two sessions i wanted to see how i was doing. i noticed myself checking results at the table and figured my stubbornness was becoming more of a hindrance than a help.
my last two sessions which caused it were really weird. first one i ran terribly bad at 3/6 and terrible well at 2/4
then last night it was the opposite.
turns out first night i lost $2k, 2nd night just $500
and the month so far, i thought i was up 6k and down loads in ev. turns out i was up only 5k and up 2k in ev. i lost a few ridiculous pots last night so i must have won some corkers recently. i remember only a couple, and am looking through hem now to post the the best suckouts.

hmm, it appears there were only 3 hands i have won all month where i've had less than 35% equity moving in. and they were all standard boring hands. twice my flush draws vs sets and one over pair vs set.

seems most of my +ev comes from hands holding up which is nice.

one last thing on my mind is new flatmate and his lack of knowledge that i play poker for money on the interweb. i wonder how to tell him. i was thinking win a tournament then round around like crazy at 4 in the monring. after winning lots people will probably accept it more. but i think it would be funnier to lose a couple of thousand and then go smashing things up.

either way i'm not looking forward to the conversation that will follow and comments such as 'stop before you lose it all' etc etc

internet drops

when the internet dies midway through hands whilst youre multitabling it is infuriating. this has no equivalent to live play. if there was it would be akin to being kicked in the nuts as the turn comes down for 8 consecutive hands and having to run to the bathroom to check your balls aren't bleeding cos thats how much it hurts. i think i prefer being online and just disconnecting to that. but then there weren't any big pots when it disco'd. if there were i my anger state would have not just raised to 'sharp breathing' but to 'mist in front of the eyes'

all this whole episode has done is make me stop playing for the day. just as i had the thought that i need to play 1-1.5k hands per day it happened. and i'd only played 700 hands.

i think i'm gonna add a supernova pace thing to the right of this blog. and i need to be as close to it as possible by end of the month. gl me.
(current total: 82k vpps - 100k is target)

when i was younger

i used to be able to function well on 4-6 hours sleep per night, with maybe one good sleep per week. nowadays, that doesn't seem to be enough usually. though i think it's more to do with a heightened sense of laziness more than anything else.
others seem to note that doing exercise helps them in this respect and i finally need to make a real commitment to doing some work out six days a week.
the other problem is i don't like getting up and have had this ingrained into my mind over the past many moons and now i know there's a psychological barrier to getting up on a weekday. on weekends when i dont need to get up i feel ok when i wake, but during the week i just want to lie in till after noon.
perhaps when i get my personal chef/butler/pa/fixer (one person doing all of that obviously - is this what wives are for? that would make sense although do they still do happy endings after being given a diamond?) i would want them to not be bored so would wake up early to ensure they can make me breakfast every morning.

dead set

just finished watching this series. it's about a fictional big brother series which follows the contestants whilst a zombie outbreak occurs in the real world. i laughed many a time. the producer of the programme is clearly the star of the show. i don't want to ruin any of it since you should be watching it though he reminds me of malcolm from the thick of it. just watch it and know it gets better and better as the series progresses.

just had a car crash online session. played twice today. did well the first time, terribly the second. still not looking at how much i win/lose though i did notice my cashier today when i went to get the 4k bonus. i think i know how much i had at the start of the month but not sure. will be a nice surprise at end of month. i think todays dip will be very noticeable in end of month graph. need to play most hands ever this month although only two weeks to do so. also need to stop talking about it and just do it.

3d is amazing

sitting in the cinema, trying out the glasses through the 3d trailers and my friend turns to me and says "wow this 3d is amazing" noting the lifelike qualities of the lady on the screen. except she wasn't on the screen. she was standing right in front of us. he reminds me a little of karl pilkington. he also said they should do noisy food in the cinema. speaking of which the guy next to me was eating his popcorn like an elephant monkey - a full hand scoop to the face. over and over. he was but a third of the way through his dumbo sized container when he dropped the contents over the kid in the seat in front (accidentally). i hi fived my friend, knowing i would no longer have to put up with his poorly timed home made sound effects.

i finally moved into a flat and have internet. this means i can play poker and no longer have to resort to live tournaments. i played an event at the luton gukpt and it mostly served to remind me why i hate live play. to top it off i lose a bunch in the cash games too. in a standard reminiscent of 1p/2p games i used to play when i was 5.
it all started off badly when the casino told me my timberland shoes were trainers and i wasn't allowed in. nor could i wear my hoodie. after finally getting in i notice about 50% of the bums moseying around are wearing actual  trainers. like running shoes.
at least i picked up some useful nuggets of information from these live players. pre tournament i heard one giving advice to another "just be careful when looking at your cards. the 5 looks like a 6."
brilliant.
i also saw a hand where the board ran out ajj44 and a guy with a8 who folded preflop saw the winner take it with a7 and said "even if i called it would have only been a split"
took about 20 seconds for someone else to work out the 8 plays, and this guy had to be told 3 times, still didn't understand but said "oh yeah, err, i see, split pot" in acting so bad neighbours would sign him up.
so what i'm saying is i lost to people who don't even know what hand ranking is.

on that note i need to go to sleep. played a bit of poker today. still no idea how much p/l so far this month. i am though now 20k vpp from retaining supernova status, and want to clear more of it this month as i think i'm gonna be away a bunch in September.

the food situation has been remedied as i have now bought chocolate and meat

some final things which imo are more urgent and still not complete are internet and sky; they should both be in by the end of the week allowing me to waste my time online once again, and stop reading all these 'books'
i have managed to sneak in a few online poker sessions and so far this month have not looked at profit/loss or cashier at all. although i know in today's first session i went from about +8 buyins to finish about level. but not knowing for sure is less painful than knowing.
the only way i can keep track of how much i've played is vpp count. and these next two months i need 21k to reach supernova. so as soon as internet is in i can buy the $4k bonus and hopefully clear that (28k vpp) in just over two months.

i recently watched the film adventure land. i can't remember why i watched it but the bird in it was hot. so i checked her out on imdb. turns out she's in this twilight malarky. a little bit of my feels dirty. sticky dirty.

i've also found a photography competition. i get to enter one photo. so far, i think this is the best i've taken. but i might try to go to a park at dusk to take some more...

does it look good to you?
(not sure about etiquette, but if i'm supposed to put the camera i used i think it was a canon eos 350, with an 18-135mm lens - if anyone cares that is)

Food I have in my flat

This is not a sample. This is a comprehensive list

3 tubs ice cream
Half packet of cereal (coco pops)
1 beyond ripe banana
1 apple
4 clementines
Gaggle of tea bags (tetley's)
1 pint of milk (frozen)
4 tins tuna
1 packet pasta
1 packet rice
10 eggs
2 sticks of gum
8 phone numbers of take away places

end of month blah blah blah

forgot the month ended. this is good. i don't want to be constrained by arbitrary time periods.
 last months graph looks like this

you can clearly see a sharp drop at the end. that was a couple of beats and three monkey tilt platonic spews (technical term it would seem)

once again i have an unrealistic plan for the month which mostly involves not once looking at how much i'm winning or losing during sessions or after sessions. this is to tame the aforementioned monkey tilt.
obviously after getting in the positive for 2/4 on ptr i decided that i didn't like change or the unfamiliar. this resulted in returning to the red.
hopefully i can play lots this month and win lots and be so far positive i won't ever return to the negative. i still have 24000 vpps to get by the end of septemeber so thats about 17k hands for two months in a row. that should be manageable if i can ever get the internet installed. currently running off a mobile broadband dongle in an area with no 3g signal and a laptop that takes 35 attempts to connect to any signal at all which is infuriating and not really good for playing poker i don't think. so my mostly enforced break continues. i'm hoping that it'll finally get ordered on monday and up and running next week but bizarrely it depends on a bank address since you're not allowed to be generous and can only order internet where you bank statement is registered.

my body clock has also started playing tricks on me like waking me up at 8am every morning. this is unacceptable and i think i need to drink it into submission to stop this abomination. it's like a self fulfilling prophecy too in that i get tired far too early and go to bed at a normal time thus leading to another early wakeup. i fear this is the beginning of the end and i am rapidly ageing to a point where i'm one day gonna look down and see i'm wearing slippers. i am afraid.