a pine in the mouth

if i cared about google rankings i would have called this post pine mouth.
a few weeks back i started getting a funny aftertaste in my mouth. i couldn't really describe it very well. food would be delicious followed by an horrible after taste. a little metallic, but i don't usually eat metals so was hard to be sure. at first i thought the chocolate bar i ate was off. but i then noticed it with everything. so in this time of medical need i turned to the only viable source, google.
a brief search, lasting a mere 0.00223 seconds, brought up many words of information. a brief perusal of the first 2 pages (i used to do 3 but am getting more efficient) narrowed my condition down to two possible causes.
1)bloody mouth
i did not see any blood when brushing my teeth, nor was there any other signs of blood or possible causes such as fisticuffs or rugby (nor did i use fake blood)
thus, i ruled this cause unlikely
2)pine mouth
it would seem that some chinese pine nuts can cause a metallic aftertaste in some people. it occurs two days after ingestion (possibly due to EHR according to wiki) and many googlers said it could last up to two weeks! and two days ago i had eaten some pine nuts - from china!

eating became more of a chore than usual. furthermore, i kept forgetting i had this condition so would eat things like cheese sand witches and think they were very off, throw it away, and then remember it was just my tasting inabilities.

someone mentioned to me today that kanu still plays football. it reminded me of my second original joke, which my brain made up subconsciously, the day after he missed a penalty for arsenal

roses are red
violets are blue
i can score a penalty
kanu?

off to play some pokers now. realise i hadn't done an update for ages. thats how bad it was going. i'm beginning to turn a corner and then last friday all the american sea creatures (fishes and sharkes) got caught in a net of bureaucracy. it's a pretty stupid situation and like all things political, getting stupid things reversed takes a stupidly long amount of time.

hopefully i can suck all the money out the sea before they return (don't worry, that's a joke, the ice caps are melting so we'll all just end up drowning)

how people find my blog

a yahoo user found me by typing "pma positive mental attitude kriss akabusi advert"
i was quite pleased i was found using those terms till i got to the last three words.
but they have nothing on a google user who found me by typing "is everyone on omegle wanking"
i understand this is a tough question to answer because omegle only lets you type and not see your opponent (unlike chat roulette i am told)
however, i can confirm, should they be interested, that the answer is yes.

a week of mentals

the past week has seen the meetings of new mentals and conclusion of old mentals.

the story begins many months ago when i was driving. i wasn't moving at the time, but stationary in my car, waiting at a junction, looking to the right to avoid driving into other cars. alas, other drivers on the road do not share my idealistic driving philosophies and one of these creatures used my car to stop their own. i hit my head on the window but luckily no lasting damage was done to me. (maybe there was but it would be probably be hard to tell)
i got out my car to survey the destruction to find that her car was fine and mine had it's bodywork damaged. the lady who hit me said nothing. literally nothing. no sorry, no are you ok, no comments about any damage, no accepting responsibility. having avoided these driving philistines all my life i wasn't aware how exactly to deal with the situation. i only took her details. in future, i will always be writing a statement of accepting responsibility and getting them to sign it.
i asked her to pay for the damage, telling her to give me £250 in cash to cover the respraying, assuming there is no further damage after visiting the garage. she didn't say much back. surprisingly. it's not like she had a shocked expression on her face either. i got the impression that this was a common occurrence for her.
i went to my mechanic and he said there was no further damage to the car. i called her to inform her of her luck. and this is where the fun started. she wanted quotes and receipts and confirmations and to pay the garage directly and all sorts of nonsense. it was as though i was doing her a favour by getting cash from her and avoiding the insurance company. i had enough and told her, no - you have your quote, you pay me, not the garage, no receipts or they'll charge more. she agreed. if she didn't i was just going to go through insurance.
this happened months ago and she finally paid last week. my favourite moment was when she sent an email confirming she would pay the quote. she started it by saying "without prejudice"
i'm no lawyer but that is generally reserved for litigation correspondence when someone is making an offer by mail that later can't be brought as evidence before a judge. i don't think many insurance claims for under £400 have ever made it to a judge.
she was mental.

yesterday i met two more mentals.
1) i felt sorry for this one. she was old, and old people like to talk. she talked about all the buses lined up in a row. "i've never seen so many. and i've been coming here for years!" i pretty much got her family history after that. it's quite difficult to leave these people. though i shouldn't feel so bad when i do abruptly leave, they probably don't notice.
2) the mental it's ok to laugh at. hairdresser. it started sensibly, commenting that it's impossible to predict the weather more than a couple of days ahead. and definitely not forecasts for the summer. i was about to agree with his point but couldn't get a word in. he continued:
of course, it's the royal wedding coming up. it will be sunny on that day. the weathermen make sure they get it right. the royals always choose good weather for their weddings and funerals. imagine all those people outside in the pouring rain.

i was gobsmacked. not only are weatherman in fact able to get long range forecasts accurate 'when it's important' eg events such as royal weddings, they don't apparently try for anything else. furthermore, for funerals, the royal family also consult weathermen about when the best time to die is. they wouldn't want their subjects getting wet whilst mourning their beloved rulers.

*i realise i wrote weatherman and not weatherperson. i don't even know if thats a term. also weatherman is quicker to type and weatherperson sounds odd. no one complains when one writes mankind do they? if they did, i think it says more about the complainee than anything else.

story of the day

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-12968538

shocker! politician lies!
calls in radio station to support himself pretending to not be himself after calling as himself and being told he couldn't take part since he was a politician.
like someone making 4 forum identities all vouching for the op. ha.

my favourite two things about this story are when the person who appears to be his boss backs him in public by saying
"I think it was a genuine mistake, I don't think it was deceit and lies."

erm, it definitely was lies and deceit. it may also have been a mistake but to say it's not a lie/deceit is like saying i don't think his picture on that website makes him look at all like a ladyboy. which was my other favourite part of the story. i honestly thought he was in fancy dress when i saw that picture.

twitter

i still don't get it. i use it primarily for ease of getting thoughts down. for on my phone i have 'dragon dictation' which means i can talk to my phone and it will make the words in written form. and usually correctly! it says it understands names in my phonebook but i haven't yet found that to be true. though i was using a nickname based on a non existent word. however, that's what i thought it means, surely real names like, Steve or Leopold, are already understood.

Anyway, as i was saying, i can talk to my phone then push two buttons and it posts to twitter. this is the kind of laziness that i like. i call it efficiency.

it helps me get down fleeting thoughts which otherwise would be lost to the ether. i don't really like repeating myself but thoughts include:
how the northern lights were explained before science cos they look mental in pictures
how i don't mind the neighbours playing piano. well, i wouldn't mind if they weren't so terrible
and whilst waiting in the gp that patients need patience. and what would the people who have problems spelling those words the right way round do if they had that same thought?

this post in other words: i am soul destroying;y awful at pokers. i lost lots. worst. month. ever. busto account. deposit money. start all over again.

adventurous creatures and my massive failings. in reverse order

so my internet kept dropping whilst playing which annoyed me. i mentioned this a few times to o2 previously, and the other weekend it was every half hour so i called them again on monday. this time, instead of saying it's my fault they say, "known issue with the router, we'll upgrade it, will happen within 72 hours"
brilliant. thanks for being wring lots of times before and not actually looking into it and not letting me know when you did find a problem or at least upgrading it automatically.

that however, is the least of my worries. i have been haemorrhaging money at a fantastic rate and have begun to question whether i know what i'm doing in the slightest. i know small sample, variance, etc etc but it's difficult not to just think i'll never make enough to make this a worthwhile pursuit. this is my greatest concern. long term results speak louder than my own ego and this scares me.
due to get a 4k bonus soon so will take proper stock after that.
at the end of the day, i have just been making way too many mistakes. if i can't sustain good play for many days and months on end i should put efforts into making monies in other ways. that was always the plan, the was just to make money to invest in other things.
still, gonna get back on the horse at the weekend

also gonna start posting more often. been slack of late. so nature got me back to posting. i knew i shouldn't have watched episode 8 of the 'human planet : cities'.
yesterday i saw a very well fed rat walking towards me. i called it splinter it was that big. it ran away when i took my camera phone out. two days ago as i walked out my flat main front door i spotted an enormous creature was walking towards me. at first i thought it was a cockroach (ok, so it wasn't enormous but noticeably big when i saw it in my peripheral vision) but then i saw it was a spider. aren't they supposed to run away from humans? i guess they're so used to us they don't any more. as if to prove this point to me, last night i was touching myself inappropriately (and lazily enough that my trousers were only as far down as a gangster rapper) when i saw a spider walking along my thigh mere inches from my throbbing member. luckily, i'd already been to the toilet a few minutes earlier.

a post in songs

1) the beast of tilt returneth.



what happens when you lose everything? you just start again. you start all over again.

2) just watched the fighter. great film. every time i see mark wahlberg i see a reflection of vinny chase.




3) this song, i just like. makes me sad and happy at the same time.


4)no video, but i think i've found a flaw in the royal mail recorded delivery system. lets say i purchase an item off ebay. it gets sent recorded delivery to me. post man pat takes it to a house up the road instead. the lady who lives there signs for it. and here is the flaw:
it will look to royal mail like it was signed at the correct address and said lady keeps the package.
luckily, this lady had no desire for football gloves and delivered them to me today instead of keeping them. would have been tough to track her down.

eagle eyes

eagle eyed critical readers such as myself will have noted that the last post had 2 glaring errors.
error 1) only went up to 100
error 2) forgot to mention the greatest timewaster of all time - the interweb!

luckily, these two errors cancel out as they meet in unification, unlike matter antimatter interactions and more like the carnal meeting of two opposite sex cross dressers. both are wrong, yet when they come together it still works in a way that still doesn't seem quite right. not that there's anything wrong with it. (there is). (there isn't).

101 things to do to avoid writing for work with a distant deadline

1. tidy room thoroughly
2. take out the rubbish
3. take out more rubbish
4. hand wash keeper's top for the first time in >1 year
5. do laundry
6. watch latest episode of house
7. avoid playing ps3 till after 7pm when you'll feel less guilty
8. read forums
9. write a blog, perhaps post more frequently
10. work out, preferably twice a day
11. eat (more often)
12. drink (non alcoholic drinks, more often)
13. side effect of 11/12, see nature more often
14. take longer in food preparation

....

98. read more books
99. call people, just to chat
100. wake up late

another gender equality oddity

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-12606610

this story says insurance companies cannot base their pricing on gender. they essentially have to ignore that in their statistics and do equal pricing. so obviously this won't mean they lose money, but will slyly gain some instead.
some men will gain, some women will lose, overall common sense will lose massively. i don't understand why, if this is the case, it is still ok to discriminate pricing on age, marital status etc

it appears that once again people equate equality with being the same. much as people have a hard time differentiating between envy and hatred. often people feel envy and it all channels to hatred. doesn't make sense to me. if you see someone doing something well, something you wish you could do, it should channel you to better yourself to become like them in the aspects you envy/admire. eg how so many people can hate celebrities without ever knowing/meeting them is amazing.

hands

i don't post many hands, i dunno how interesting it is. i think these are the two biggest pots of the year, since i've moved down to 1/2. one was at regular 200 buy in table. t'other was at a deep table. both hands played out perfectly, just as i'd envisaged when making each bet/call.

Seat 6 is the button
Seat 1: SB ( $226.50 USD )
Seat 2: BB ( $200.00 USD )
Seat 3: utg ( $208.00 USD )
Seat 4: Hero ( $358.20 USD )
Seat 5: WHALE ( $383.25 USD )
Seat 6: BTN ( $200.00 USD )
SB posts small blind [$1.00 USD].
BB posts big blind [$2.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [ Qc Kh ]
utg folds
Hero raises [$6.00 USD]
WHALE calls [$6.00 USD]
BTN raises [$25.00 USD]
SB folds
BB folds
Hero raises [$62.00 USD]
WHALE calls [$62.00 USD]
BTN folds

** Dealing Flop ** [ Qs, 7s, 2s ]
Hero checks
WHALE bets [$72.00 USD]
Hero calls [$72.00 USD]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 5d ]
Hero bets [$218.20 USD]
WHALE calls [$218.20 USD]

** Dealing River ** [ Ad ]

Hero shows [Qc, Kh ]
WHALE shows [5c, As ]
WHALE wins $741.40 USD from main pot


Seat 4 is the button
Seat 1: agg reg ( $692.80 USD )
Seat 2: mp ( $547.65 USD )
Seat 3: fishy ( $261.00 USD )
Seat 4: Hero ( $487.00 USD )
Seat 5: SB ( $407.35 USD )
Seat 6: BB ( $455.05 USD )
SB posts small blind [$1.00 USD].
BB posts big blind [$2.00 USD].
agg reg posts ante of [$0.40 USD].
mp posts ante of [$0.40 USD].
fishy posts ante of [$0.40 USD].
Hero posts ante of [$0.40 USD].
SB posts ante of [$0.40 USD].
BB posts ante of [$0.40 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [ Ah Ac ]
agg reg raises [$6.00 USD]
mp folds
fishy raises [$18.00 USD]
Hero calls [$18.00 USD]
SB calls [$17.00 USD]
BB calls [$16.00 USD]
agg reg raises [$60.00 USD]
fishy folds
Hero raises [$116.00 USD]
SB folds
BB folds
agg reg raises [$626.40 USD]
Hero calls [$352.60 USD]
agg reg wins $205.80 USD

** Dealing Flop ** [ 4c, 3h, 7s ]
** Dealing Turn ** [ Qh ]
** Dealing River ** [ 8c ]

agg reg shows [Jc, Js ]
Hero shows [Ah, Ac ]
Hero wins $1026.60 USD from main pot

things i've learnt to apply to life

specifically, things from poker.
i think the correct term is transferable skills. and i also think that the ones i pick up from poker are ones that i will find easy to apply to other aspects since they are in a very pure form when playing poker. and these are things that when you do them better your see the results.

there is a long list, ones i once considered adding to my cv. i may have even blogged about it before. i think it would be useful to keep them all in one place. but to start, i will just write some of the most recent ones that cropped up in my mind here.

responsibility
by this i mean taking responsibility for your results. "how is it possible to do this in a game where luck is so heavily involved like poker?" i hear you cry.
well, it is. accepting that you are responsible for your results is the first step to being able to improve. believing that you have the ability to create the results you desire is important, not just in poker, but quite evidently in life too. and i wouldn't hesitate to say that there is a large slice of fortune there too.
and one of my favourite quotes is by golfer Gary Player "The more i practice, the luckier i get"

mental blocks

on my betfair account many moons ago, i would run £50 up to £1k before promptly losing chunks. i tried many things to correct this such as withdrawing amounts etc, but could never significantly get past it. i still don't know why, but i do know that i now longer have any fears or lack of self belief about breaking that barrier and going past £2k. maybe it just took practice or maybe a bunch of other factors combined.
this transfers to life since i think there are many self imposed blocks that i place upon myself. and most of them aren't real but pigments of my imagination. much as henry ford was a terrible human being he was right when he said "whether you think you can, or think you can't. you're right."

auto pilot

this one will be familiar to any poker player. playing without really concentrating, surfing the tinternet, watching telly, talking on the phone, or just not really paying attention to what you're doing. all give you poor results. sometimes, you can even win when playing on autopilot, but really, you know how terrible it is for your results. if you're gonna do something, commit to it, and do it properly. if you're going spend 2 hours playing, either play to the best of your ability or do something else.
i don't think this is too hard a concept to apply to real life. make sure you know what you're doing and why you're doing it, and then commit fully to it - don't be on auto pilot, simple reacting to what happens around you; you are the one in control.

poker epiphany #16.2

i went to play live last night. once again i am reminded not only how much i don't like it, but also how bad i am at it.
afterwards i was quite depressed. and annoyed with myself. and a wee bit angry. all at the same time. and then this afternoon i started playing a little bit with a focus on decision making. I have really got to learn to take all this very seriously else i will be resigned to getting a job in the not too distant future. and this was when i realised something which made me happy when playing. something really obvious, but i hadn't put two and two together.
everyone knows that winning or losing, in the long run, is based on making the correct decision. and so i always tried to judge my play on whether or not i'd made the correct decision. but i'd always based my happiness on winning/losing. and it doesn't really make sense. and it's something really obvious but i'd just been reacting to winning/losing by the first thing that came to mind (happiness) instead of how i want to react.

of course, i'd always got annoyed with myself for making mistakes too, but never been happy with making the right decision. this should be obvious to everyone, it's kinda obvious to me, but i like this way of thinking about things. this might even be the post i was looking for to reread before i start each session. so that i know exactly what i want to be focussing.

as for playing live, saw some amazing beats, and comments. the best by far was all combined into one hand. on an a82 all spade board, a massive whale who bet with nothing and called with any pair/draw got all in vs a standard live player, with a9 against standard's 83ss.
turn9. river a.
table erupts in headshakes and disbelief with but one man banging the table in glee.
after this dies down, a kid on my right says nice hand, not loud enough for the winner of the hand to hear, but close enough so that the loser could. the guy who lost understandably, doesn't take it too well, saying "not actually a nice hand was it?"
kid replies, "no, but you're supposed to say that to the winning hand aren't you?"

internet commentators

much as i wrote this blog for me, it's always nice to get comments.
however, i can understand why you's wouldn't want to. it was bruce who once quipped that "..as everyone knows youtube commentators are the lowest forms of intelligence"

i have written many an article on the complete lack of thought that goes into many a bbc article. this is often the journalist, though not infrequently the people they quote. i have of course, always avoided reading the general public's opinions because whilst as a group the conclusion can be sensible, individuals' thoughts are alarmingly alarming.
and sometimes it's hard to tell when they joking, mostly because i'm hoping they're not serious more than anything else.

this article is about crocodiles eating you. as some comments rightly point out, the whole article is retarded by saying the best way of not getting eaten is going nowhere near them. so stupid on a few levels. not least because the article is titled "How do you fight off a crocodile?"

and then the comments section. early on, a comment worthy of youtube intellect appears, and doesn't seem to be anything other than serious. remember, this is on an article about how to defend yourself when a crocodile is about to kill you:
"...I don't think poking it in the eye is the best idea. You do that your going to drive it mad, because its in pain and the last think you want to do is drive a man eating creature with 13 tones per square inch gob mad."

reading just that part it actually seems quite humorous, although i think that's just because it's taken out of context. and once again, i'm hoping it's a very witty person who has caught me out, because the alternative is so disappointing.

award time

an early contender for moron of the year goes to this lady
she, an employee for the department of transport, complained that messages she posted on twitter were used by journalists. she expected them to be private. obviously a ruling was provided that they are in the public domain. no doubt a decent waste of taxpayer money was wasted somewhere trying to defend her idiocy.

something else accidentally moronic happened today. i sky plus'd match of the day and went to watch it. as is usually the case, the programme begins recording at the end of the previous one, so you catch the last minute or two of the preceding one, which in this instance was the news. as usual, the last news item is sport, and the first thing that i heard when starting the programme was hearing the newsreader finish saying,
(if you don't want to know the scores)
"look away now..."
together with an image of all the day's results.

had another epiphany yesterday when losing a bunch of money. i often berate myself when losing money for making mistakes and bad calls. much as i try to avoid results based thinking there is a huge bias when looking at results which involve the calls that you make because you don't see the results from the times that you fold.
when i make a good call i assume it will be correct every time and bad calls are wrong every time. i don't think it's as simple as that but even after the event it's occasionally hard to know definitively whether what i've done is + or - ev.
and i shouldn't abuse myself so much. except when i've made stupid mistakes which i still seem to do an awful lot of. need to focus on correcting that and having better plans for hands when i invoke the call button. at least i'm worrying less about winning and losing. even though i need to pay rent!

also, got an hdmi cable for my ps3, and it's like my eyes are now open. fifa is much more beautiful! all for the princely sum of 37 great british pennies + delivery. and now i must sleep.

know thyself

i think it was sun tzu who said something like "know your enemy and know yourself and you'll win every battle"

like a lot of things i've been learning about recently, there is one more obvious step beyond this quote, which is that you need to be able to apply it. further, i think that the application of this is quite interesting.
i know myself, but recently i began thinking about really understanding what causes me frustration (especially at the tables) and most importantly, knowing how to deal with it in a way that will please my brain.
so this month i've been setting out to play 1000 hands, and i keep an eye on the number of hands played (not too frequently) and make little milestones in my head. so i notice when i'm 1/3 of the way through, half way through, two thirds of way through and also when i reach the 1k mark. then i decide how i'm feeling and whether to continue.
i find these milestones help relax me into not doing anything rash. this has kinda helped my overall play.

playing a bit of football and tennis recently and i think i've tweaked my hernia. i assume this is possible since i've done it before and it took a couple of weeks of rest to recover. whenever i hear hernia, i assume it's a terrible injury but that's just a pavlovian response i think.

on a related but an unrelated note i tried to call my gp today at 3pm. they'd already closed. what if i was ill!?

i wasn't though. but when i was relaxing on the throne i realised that i'm pretty sure the smartphone was invented by someone bored of reading the toothpaste ingredients for the umpteenth time whilst sitting on the toilet.

great success!

not really on the poker results front.
as is clear from my last post, i have what seems to be the football pundit mentality: you're only as good as your last result.
so regardless of whether you've won 7 in a row before throwing away a four goal lead, or you're bottom of the league and beat the league leaders your season's performance isn't as important as your last game. clearly, this is utter nonsense. though obviously it's more difficult when analysing your own performance, when there is no team involved. there is just variance.

anyway, i stopped feeling sorry for myself when i woke up the next day. that was a success. but the great success just followed this evening's session where i completely forgot to check my results till just now.

i need to concentrate and run good again as i need to withdraw some more money for rent. not much else been happening. other than a minor car crash. i was waiting (stationary!) at a junction to join a road, woman drove straight into my car. brilliant. when i was getting her details she seemed completely unfazed by the whole experience because i figured she was either out of bounds (an actual retard), giving me false details or has done this before lots of times. i was going with c.

last thought for today, i was watching the superbowl last night (first half till i couldn't stay awake any longer) and was most impressed by the coin toss ceremony. more accurately, the way the packers' fans celebrated winning with the stadium erupting in cheers!
finally, a statistic for the superbowl - the nfc team has won the coin toss for the last 14 games! variance!!

worst run i've ever been on

i would first like to note the general tendencies of the last 4 sessions
hands = 6.5k
$2k below all in ev
went to showdown, below average in 3/4 sessions
won at showdown, well below average in 4/4 sessions
premiums dealt, aa only dealt less often than 2 other pocket pairs.
AKs less often than all but 2 other Axs
Ako less often than every other Ax
today was very depressing when within a few hands i flopped bottom set, got it in against an overpair and lost both times. should have known it would be bad when first hand got aipf with kk vs jj
8 buyins down in ev just today!
it's not helped that my play has been average at best for this month. this is the only thing i can control so this is where my focus will lie.
just hope i don't have to deposit money, and can actually win in february. one k down in january so need to reach 11k before i will go back to 2/4. still hoping to reach this by end of march. should reach a 4k bonus by end of march but that will not be included in the 10k total.

SEXism

this is what grinds my gears about sexism. whilst most people in the western world (under that age where you're seemingly encouraged to be racist) are against it, the people most vocally supporting it can be retarded.
there are two main issues i have. firstly, is that rather than wanting equality, the peoples who were 'wronged' want to be in more power to make up for it. as everyone should know, two wrongs don't make a right. just cos you make a mistake on the turn, doesn't mean you should compound it on the river.
the second thing that really drives me barmy (or used to, now i realise i no longer need to choose to feel rage at the idiocy of others) is that no one seems to understand that equality doesn't mean you are the same. the best example i can think of is that of identical twins. yes, they look the same, and yes you should treat them equally (or so i'm told, i don't have any) but it doesn't mean that you should treat them the same. they are different people!
similarly, men and women should be treated equally and fairly, which does not equate to treating them the same.

the reason i have posted about this has come about due to the dinosaur comments made by sky sports presenters about a female lines(wo)man / assistant ref. whilst i may have had a similar thought in my head along the lines of 'lol she doesn't know the offside rule' i didn't say it out loud. and i wasn't even in a studio. with a microphone i had left on.
(i also enjoy the apologies that come following these types of incidences where they never actually say sorry for their opinions; it seems they are entierly sorry for being caught).

but there follows a comment made by a lady here stating the game needs more women refs. whilst that sentiment is not one of contention, the comment that follows is retarded.

"But when they're appointed, sadly, they'll get the same abuse as their male colleagues."

lol. if you want equality, don't complain when they get abuse from fans. they aren't getting it for being women, but for being wankers and needing glasses. whilst the fact that no refs should be getting abuse is a valid one, it has nothing to do with sexism and if that's what they are trying to say in this article it is confusing, irrelevant to have added, and i apologise for not understanding.

disclaimer: as it comes from a journalist the quotes are likely to be made up or taken out of context.

danny trejo

my door has no doorbell. well, it has a doorbell which doesn't work. so the other morning someone is banging on the door. i know it's gonna be a delivery since they're the only people who visit unexpectedly. i open the door without looking through the peephole and i see this guy looking at me

he asks to come in. i say no. so he pulls out a knife. i don't say "that's not a knife, THIS is a knife" because i am a little scared and also not holding a knife. i manage to get him in the bathroom and i close the door from the outside. i'm not sure how this confused him but it gave me time to get my phone and keys from my room, get out the flat and lock him in. i call the police and they say they have no one around to help. even though there's someone thieving me whilst i talk to them! as i'm about to say, don't worry, i've found a gun and i'll go deal with it (based on a funny joke, i expect that will get them to show up) i am woken up from that dream by a banging on the door. i decided not to answer it. just in case.