sad times.

i once had a girlfriend. the most amazing human being i have ever met. it is very sad i am too mental (or idiotic!) that i no longer have her in my life.
amongst the many words of wisdom she has imparted unto me were the following (abridged version):
me: you are the most amazing.
her: only you see me this way.

only today i realised why not everyone sees her the way i do.
she is the most kind and thoughtful human i have ever met. by a long way. a very long way. she only ever tries to do good. being a thoroughly intelligent being, she also has a great sense of right and wrong.

when i was younger someone once said to me, perhaps no one thinks they are evil? perhaps everyone things they're doing the right thing? i do not accept this second statement. most people often do things they know are wrong and spent a lot of effort justifying the act to themselves and/or others. a while ago i gave up these attempted justifications, and now when i do something i know i shouldn't be doing, my general response to myself is "fuck it, don't be a child, it is my choice, and i'm choosing it"

this pretty lady, never does that. it's truly awesome. she always tries to do what is best. and what is best in her mind revolves, not around her, but others. which is even more remarkable.

so for months i wondered how no one else could notice such a thing.

today my thoughts returned to the fact that she is so unique, no one else even comes close to her and i'll never meet another person like her. the cliché which popped into my head (sorry Boris) is that there is no one in her league. and then i realised, to take the cliché even further, it's because no one else is even playing the same game. and that's when i realised why she is probably right that that most other people don't notice how she truly is amazing.

and then i once again felt sad.