Tuesday, July 07, 2009


sadly i only have this years hand histories currently available and when i looked at the winnings i almost cried. $800 on stars (150k hands) and $3000 on betfair (15k hands) (although this was 5000 before the weekend). this is not enough to sustain a human being with an addiction to chocolate and has left me massively disappointed. it looks like acting is the way forward. if any directors are reading this, in case you weren't sure, i am brilliant.

here are some brilliant idea(s) i have had today:

some aftershaves/deodorants should smell like food. everyone likes pizza. men like steaks. i walked past a man today and he smelt of pizza and thought it would be nice if a woman smelt like that. probably.

litter should be punishable by a sliding scale which takes into account how pungent the litter is. for example, the person who left a banana on the tube should be fined heavily, especially as there is no fresh air available in the tube or anywhere else in london. i propose a punishment similar to that for piracy, which is punishable with jail time and an infinite fine (according to the adverts in the cinema). and i don't even mind bananas. though i wouldn't want to smell of one. it's hardly as attractive as pizza.

as well as today's great epiphanies, i had some opposite moments.

i went into a building today that i hoped was magical. i entered said building with many things including a pen and a pencil. i left about 10 minutes later and realised the pencil had gone missing. i was carrying it in one of those plastic wallets so i don't know how it got out. i retraced my steps 10 yards of pavement and one room inside building and did not find it. though i found some people giving me strange looks. i left the building for a second time only to discover the pen had also now disappeared. the remaining item in the plastic wallet was a rubber/eraser. for fear of losing this, or perhaps even my phone or wallet etc i did not re-enter the building. i was also somewhat afraid of re-entering and looking like more of a retard than i ever thought possible.

so i spent the rest of the day hoping it was a magical bermuda triangle building, and not a sign of dementia/retardation on my part. sadly i recently left my abode with a pen and piece of paper. i got out my car walked one minute to a shop, and discovered i had the paper but no sign of the pen. yet another lost writing implement. today has made clear to me i am free to join 90%+ of the population in bliss.


would-be said...

Lynx beat you to the deoderant smelling like food idea. And to be honest, their chocolate scent is fucking awful.

Got about 3 box-sets of it for christmas and they're still sitting in the bathroom cupboard.

Bossanova21 said...

is chocolate actually supposed to smell of chocolate though?

lynx africa doesn't really smell of africa :S

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