serendipity

 in the last month, as i've focused on self awareness, i've suddenly seen it everywhere

from feldenkrais, to actors on Ted

self awareness & misophonia

 i think i've had low self awareness thus far in life. 

in the last few weeks i've tried just paying attention to my body and the feedback i get from it, and trying really hard not to 'correct' anything. this is things like where my centre of mass is, which muscles are tensed/relaxed, if there is any pain anywhere, body temperature, heart rate, breathing, what i'm hearing etc

i also try to notice what causes changes to these things. again, not trying to correct anything, simply to notice.

i especially want to notice these things in the context of misphonia. i really struggle with 3 or 4 triggers, and i want to see if i can improve my response to them. definitely being calm helps, but i want to be more proactive. the plan is as follows:

1st week - self awareness when i get triggered. try to notice as many changes in me when it happens, and exactly what my feelings/senses are telling me, more than my thoughts. 

my long term goal is to not have the triggers affect me so negatively. i think i need to see how week 1 goes in order to plan week 2. at some point i want to experiement with exposure/triggers to see how my responses change when the triggers are slightly different. 

i am very excited by this self awareness. i have already found it hugely beneficial in life. the hard part is to not try to correct anything, but just to notice things and trust that your body will change things for you. it sounds crazy writing this down, yet it's worked for me! i am much calmer, internally, generally in life recently. I notice more aches and strains in my body. i notice that my breathing because deeper when i just notice how im breathing. and im very excited for the next few months to see where this goes. I think i will investigate this more in the context of martial arts, where i believe the eastern world has a lot to say about this. i might even try tai chi!