I fcuked up with the most amazing lady in the world. Now, I can totally understand how people die of broken hearts.
She is still my inspiration, and so I'm getting back on the 'doing one thing a week that scares me' horse. The horse needs a better name. Perhaps Gonzo. Not enough people are called Gonzo any more.
Two weeks ago I signed up to do a bike ride. The 100 miles around London one. oops. While waiting for it to get a bit warmer, I started doing a couple of runnings by myself. I hate running. It's boring and I'm rubbish at it.
Last week I took some photos for a website. I don't think I'm very good, but i'm going to let them be the judges and tell me I'm not very good.
This week I will be donating blood. I am scared of doing this.
I'm also quite scared of doing things by myself so I have done all these things alone.
I've never liked talking to other people. Or taking responsibility for things that I do - the only reason I like working in teams/groups is the shared responsibility. well, that and working with people smarter than me is a good thing for me. Not so much for them.
I think I've acted so well all my life that I've never accepted what I'm like. At least now I can work on doing things better.
Perhaps this was my problem with poker. Not being totally open and honest with myself in what i really needed to work on. The 3 most important areas really should have been entitlement, entitlement and entitlement.
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