things they don't teach you

how to walk properly
how to talk properly
how to stand properly
how to sit properly
how to iron.

i've seen lots of surveys* which ask about why people get married. i'm sure they're always devised by men. there's always the standard answers like sex, money, love etc. but the real reason men marry women, which they conveniently ignore as they don't want to let the secret out, is because ironing a shirt is a ridiculous experience. men make shirts, and wear shirts and sometimes even wash shirts. but only soldiers iron shirts because they get threatened with a gun to the face.


*surveys in the loosest sense of the word. i'm sure they just ask about 20 people in the street and make up a bunch more. i've never been asked about any survey ever. although, if they did try to ask me i would politely inform them i have no time for them.

**this was in my drafts folder but i thought i'd already posted it. apologies if i have. but only minor apologies as it made me laugh a little and hopefully you too.