Saturday, October 12, 2013

behind the sofa and out the window

behind the candelabra.

behind the sofa with your eyes closed is the safest place from which to watch this film which i would put in the horror genre. out of the window is the safest place to keep this film. specially if its a cd and you live on the 100th floor of a building and acid rain is falling from the sky.

things i don't want to see in a film
"matt damon"
"matt damon's butt"
"matt damon's butt repeatedly"

i don't actually mind matt damon that much, but points 2 and 3 are not conducive to enjoyable film watching. i don't even mind that he kissed a 140 year old man who looked like michael douglas. i do mind that the plot to this film was "LOOK AT ME! LOOK HOW CAMP I AM. I MADE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE 100 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. I THINK I'M A GAY TOO"

that's it. i don't know how this got passed the stage when they were planning the film.
-let's make a film about one of the worlds most famous and greatest entertainers.
-what's the story gonna be about?
-story?? ha. that's for loser films. ours will just be about making a man look camp and talking to other men. and maybe we can get matt damon to show his butt to everyone. sweepstake on how often? over under line is set to 113.
-i'll take the overs.

I'll confess. i didn't make it to the end of the film. i haven't quit a film since i saw big tit zombie killer (i think that is what it was called. that was 5 mins i'll never get back), and i actually felt like i was saving time in my life to do something more pleasant and meaningful; like iron someone else's socks.

rating -2/10


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