the problem with 8 tabling

is when you run awfully, this is multiplied by the number of tables you have open

so far, tonight has been the second session this month of losing 10+ buyins

this is frustrating

trying to write a post

but my keyboard keeps not responding to the inputs i am giving it.

i was considering purchasing one of these

http://www.ocztechnology.com/products/ocz_peripherals/nia-neural_impulse_actuator

it lets you control the mouse + keyboard using just your thoughts!
they cleverly (although maybe it's an obvious thing to do) advertise on wikipedia. at least until someone changes it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neural_Impulse_Actuator

i like the idea of not having to use a keyboard ever again, however i would want something to type for me as i think the words. though i can see where this would result in some problems. for now though, this only works for a few keys at a time.


i recently returned from prague and am pleased to say i was upgraded to a level 2 citizen, as seen in the photo below



there were many 'chequepoints', but obviously those were scams and didn't count.

8tabling

i managed to play 8 tables last night. aside from not being able to pay attention to what was going on, i noticed there were many bad habits i also did not have time to do:
checking how much i was up or down (rather than concentrate on making best decision)
worry about winning or losing hands (can lead to tilt)
worry about hating individuals at my table (leads to ego related tilt problems)
folded more often in spots (eg to 3bets preflop) where i should fold as i didnt have time to try to outplay everyone

this lead to a decent result, and i may try it in future on weekends at least. the standard was pretty abysmal last night. every table had at least one player playing 50% of the hands.

recently, south park is now being shown on tv in england 2 days after the episodes air in america. this is a substantial improvement on the 12+ month delay they used to have. this phenomenon, which has become consistent amongst all tv shows and movies is imo purely down to the piracy issue. something which i think is lost on lots of people. however stealing is obviously bad. luckily i have had no real influence on any of this or i would wonder what is the correct stance to take on this issue.

though i do find it funny that they blame piracy for drugs, funding terrorism, money laundering etc. how exactly are terrorists getting money when people download things for FREE?

things i know about women

i recently helped a female friend do some maths uni work over the msn/skype. at one point, for a couple of days in a row i could not help as i was playing poker/watching football/out. due to this i received an email telling me what a terrible human i was. i would have got annoyed had i not remembered the things i know about women.

1) flattery works.
not directly relevant here, but as i know this works, i thought i would share.

2) they are highly illogical
for example, there are two types of questions women ask.

a) questions they know the answer to.
eg what time did you get home last night. if you answer i don't remember, they will tell you the exact time. this is pointless.
this is akin to me asking them about the offside rule. something i obviously will never do.

b) questions they don't know the answer to
the problem with this type is that they will assign you an answer. whether you answer the question or not. sometimes they will go as far as to do this whole process without involving you at all.
ie, they imagine asking you questions, answer them how they wish, and the worst part is that they then react based upon that.

when i received an email telling me how i was just below polpot on the scale of humans i realised what had happened.
i was asked why i couldn't help, and obv i couldn't because i was fed up of helping.
of course, this whole process took place inside her head.

i recently asked her if that this is how all women think. she confirmed this. i then (bravely) pointed out the logical flaw in this thought process. she noticed the flaw and still decided it was a justified response to questions.

luckily i had won monies that day playing poker or i would have driven off a cliff asap.

3) actually, those two is all i know.

a frustrating steak breakfast

went to a steak restaurant at noonish today to break my overnight fast. i arrived looking forward to purchasing my steak and chips. i had not had anything to eat or drink prior to my arrival, so when the waitress came over i asked for some tap water. she says, they don't do tap water. i reply, youre joking, you do. it's the law. she seemed unfazed. maybe i played my trump card too early.
the last time this happened my friend and i just walked out. however, i really wanted this steak pronto.
nevermind i thought, i'll ask the manager.
i go over to the till and ask the person there for some water thinking he seems sensible and this will be no hassle at all, as there is a tap right next to him. i was wrong. i ask him and he also replies the same
"we don't do tap water".
mildly frustrated, i asked why
"i don't know"
"ok," i say, "can i speak with the manager"
"i am the manager" he says (with a straight face)

2 things struck me at this point.

1)he's lying. any live 1c/2c donk could make that read. i am 100% sure of this because it's a lie i used to have to tell at my job before the company went busto (lol story, where we were on watchdog). i also know it's a lie because i have been there before many times and the manager is in fact a very hot argentinian woman.

2)at the same time thought number 2 hit me so hard i said it out loud " so, you told yourself that you don't do tap water and don't know why?"

he was saved at this point by the owner walking into scene. he points and says that's the owner. so i say to owner, can i get some tap water. his reply was great. "we don't have any"
erm, there's a tap right there i say to him.
he chooses this moment to exit as fast as he had appeared.

i do not understand why these retards make my life so difficult. luckily (for them) the waitress had for some reason put an empty cup on my table when i returned. so when all these fools had left the area i strolled over to the tap and filled myself up. the look the waitress gave me when she saw my tap water, as if i had killed her family, made the whole thing almost worthwhile.

jokerstars

i reg'd for this tournament whilst playing the scoop low main event.

the message they put up made me laugh.

escapism

had some thoughts about this but can't be bothered to post it now

i did also have a poker related thought. one of the things to which i alluded in my previous post, about having heard but not fully understanding:

money won is equivalent to money saved

this is totally true, however, the difficulty in this concept is the ability to measure it. money won is easy to measure as you look at how much you won and possibly hands where you could have bet more etc. money saved is much tougher to note and add up because most of the time you will have lost the pot. at the end of a losing session after running terrible i sometimes review hands, realised i played alright with the cards dealt to me and the fact that i lost is essentially irrelevant. all that matters is making the correct decision.

oh yeah, i also played the scoop $100 main event and got all in on the turn with pocket jacks on a kj9 4 board, vs table outdraw specialist's aa. i was raising 30% of hands so at least i had fun :)

my favourite hand of the day however was cash vs a shortstack hit and runner. he had doubled up and carried playing. before the blinds could reach him allowing him his mouselike getaway, his kk was no match for my qq (all in preflop) even after the first card out was a king. i hit a beautiful runner runner runner runner flush.

almost bustoed

it is true that there are worse people to have hair like and worse people to look like and for not looking like anyone in the utd team, i am eternally grateful

sadly, no matter what i look like, i think i will always be retarded and prone to tilt unless i concentrate on it 100% of the time.

after winning lots last month i found myself, one week into this month, $9k down and back to level for the year. some of it bad luck (almost 10 buy ins according to allinev in 5k hands!) many coolers and bad play, but not as much as i thought. i took a few days off to relax and think about what i'd done.

i don't usually keep more than $10k online as there isn't much point but i had to deposit for the first time in a year for a reason that was not bonus related. so i loaded up the pokers tonight with 7 buy ins. i decided to put on 6 2/4 tables and not drop down as i didnt think i would bother taking it seriously. amazingly i ran level but hit some nice hands, hit draws which i hadn't yet done this month and my roll is somewhat healthier. if i finish this month level it will be a miracle which will make me very happy.

once again i think i have learnt lots about myself, about tilt, and that the difference between winners and losers is how one handles adversity. being able to control yourself and focus during the tough times is what i have been learning. most things i have learnt through poker i had already read about someone else experiencing the same thing. but for the most part it's not until you go through it yourself that you actually understand what they were trying to say.

if there's one thing that has helped me most it's being able to recognise tilt. once you have recognised it, and sometimes it's only very subtle, the reaction that you take depends on being able to accurately and precisely assess yourself. sometimes it's to refocus, sometimes it's to stop playing completely.

if you made it this far you deserve some light entertainment. i had to go to the opticians the other day. had to pick up some lenses and to get my sunglasses darkened. i turn up and am asked if i can wait for the sunglasses. i remind her it should only take a few minutes to do and she says, yes but she is busy with other customers. I look around. 2 are together and are looking at new frames. hmm, no help required there. the other two are also together and are simply sat down waiting for a cab.
proof all women can't multitask, even when one of the tasks involves doing nothing.

haircuts

i went to the hairdressers and asked for a 'vinny chase'



i was wearing glasses so had to take them off, and am too blinded by this to see exactly what is happening during the hair cutting process.

when the man was finished, i put them back on to see what i had become.



to my shock and horror i looked like ronaldo (without the lady)

now i'm pretty sure the hairdresser was not retarded because retards aren't allowed sharp scissors. however, there was no other explanation for the travesty that had occurred.

he picks up the mirror to show me the back of my head as i survey the damage that had taken place to my head. how does it look he asks from behind the back of head mirror.

situations like this, as all men know, have only one answer which i duly give him ...'fine'

fight me now please

http://loserforever.mybrute.com/

oh yeah

eclipse cloak moon coins

i recently added a statcounter thing to my site but can't work out how to display it on my site as a counter. i find these things funny. i first used one with the first website i ever built. it was for a charity called showtime challenge. i think i still have a link to them on the right. someone else has since revamped the website and made it look good. statcounters measure loads about websites including how people come to your site.

most are probably me (i recently noticed on firefox's most visited tab, my most visited website is my website. how narcissistic). one person however found my site by searching on google for
eclipse cloak moon coins

grape flavoured ice cream

(very late edit to the title. can't believe i forgot to mention the flavour. it was the whole point of the post)

i was just eating some and found it delicious. i informed a friend who told me it was nonsensical and compared it to cucumber or apple flavoured ice cream. i do not agree with the validity of his comment.

onto happier things including my mobile company 3. 3 weeks ago i sent them an email asking them to put skype on my phone for free. it's a pretty long story but essentially, i have a skpye enabled phone, and free unlimited internet. however, if i wanted to use skpye i would have to pay 3 a monthly fee. when i called them about this explaining i have free internet i was informed "that's not how the internet works". words could not express my shock at them sinking to new depths.

however, i decided to email their ceo to tell him what i thought of this debacle. obviously i also emailed their executive office as they would be the people acting out my request. i got a reply saying they would contact me within 10 working days. 12 working days later and no news, i again emailed their ceo and exec office simply saying

it's been 10 working days.

the next day they called me, and to my shock, amazement and pleasure, decided to let me have my free internet and use skype. what a touch!

luckily most companies have firstname.lastname@companyname.com (or .co.uk) addresses.

i had a thought that if you were gonna get a tattoo you should get a really offensive one and put it on your middle finger.

poker has been pretty horrific to me so far this month. back to the usual horribly negative all in luck. over $3k down this month, half of it in all in luck, and a bunch of coolers etc. end of the month i'll get my 4k bonus though so it's not all bad.

tbh i think i tilted a little in one session this month. i didn't really concentrate very well. this is bad especially when i'm playing 3/6 as i need to think a little bit.

proof

of american roundabouts. (note the graffiti on the road if you are unsure of the authenticity of the location). i had forgotten of the existence of this image until today.

the scoop of poker started today (20mins ago). i played in the first event. i didnt not however realise it was a rebuy. so i double rebuy with a boom or bust plan for the rebuy period. 5th hand in i flop bottom set on a 3 heart board. all the monies go in. my opponent has the nutflush.

byebye

hot run ends

just after i post about it. i'm not superstitious but i knew that would happen.

also didn't concentrate well, which is the why i didn't win as much as i should have.

got a holiday planned for later this month, and in may and june. need to play hard at weekends to keep up my supernova points. i'm gonna start playing more 3/6. it's pretty identical to 2/4 except slightly more regs i think. but lots of the same regs, and the regs are beatable anyway i feel.

hoping for a decent few months and by june i'll be rolled for 5/10

i saw a car crash a couple of days back. i could see it happening but there was nothing i could do. worse than that feeling was i was a little bit interested to see what happened. it was almost in slow motion. probably cos the vehicles were travelling very slowly. approaching a roundabout (you don't have these in america but it's like a four way stop but the person on the right has right of way) and a lorry was in the middle of two lanes. you could tell he was a moron driver and wanted to turn left probably. dude behind him was impatient and tried to sneak through on the left hand side of the lorry. in a formula one slow motion sort of way. the lorry decided to move slightly to the left, no space remained on the left for the car which was crushed and scraped a little bit by the lorry.

i think there is a good analogy in there for car crash poker when i play bad.

month end

tilted twice for a total of $4kish i think
year to date is 8 times and $14k

it may not seem like it but i think i'm doing better at this.

it also helps that about 80% my bad luck (all in ev) from the past 12months was repaid to me this month. almost a 5 figure month in dollars but only broke even tonight.

puts me where i want to be in terms of minimum monthly profit of around $3k

just need to maintain focus and concentration and also tilt less still! also next month will get me the $4k supernova bonus from last year's play which will be a nice touch.

i read an interesting blog post from one of the links on jethro's site but i can't find it again. it referred to poker being a strange game compared to how one learns in life. in life, you do good things and usually get rewarded. bad things do the opposite. the most simple example is pain. touching something hot causes pain and you learn that this is a bad thing for you.

poker is not the same in that bad plays can be rewarded. and it is this what keeps the fish coming back. however, it is also more subtle for you may not even realise the mistakes you have made in a hand you have won.

i also started playing some omaha hilo. i never really got the hang of omaha hi, but like hilo. i also find that, in the two brief sessions i played, i did better at fixed limit. it's a more mathematical game, although there is much less information known than in fixed limit holdem. in my first session of 225 i managed to run into 2 royals and quads once. lucky me! i was playing 6 tables which was a bit mental when trying to learn the game. gonna stick to 1/2 and 2/4 for now, with 4 tables max and see how i do. wont play much but it makes a nice change.

as for non poker content, i ate 400g of maltesers today.
i also saw episode one of series two of flight of the conchords. not as good as the first season. here's a great song from the first season



if you like it check out, 'youre so beautiful' 'Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros' and of course the great 'business time'

shitfest

i have to write a bunch of reports for this course that i am on. the sort of business management course that rewards retards and those capable of spouting endless amounts of verbal diarrhoea till they have broken the will of everyone around them.

i only survived these courses by finding one other person there who had a soul. for example, it was set in the outskirts of edinburgh. having never been before i thought it would be good to actually go to edinburgh in the evenings. only this one other person also had this thought process. the remainder spent the entire 5 days cooped up in the hotel.

the marketing/business speak i was attempted to be brainwashed with was pretty bad. i resisted by gambling with my new buddy about how often certain words or phrases would come up. this led to cheers and cries of anguish at apparently random intervals to everyone else. we also attempted to make each other laugh at inappropriate moments. i only once managed to make him burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

however, the worst part is that i have had to write reports following these shitfests. in the region of 3000 words. they decided not to mark any of them (yes, they get marked allegedly) when i sent them, but all at once to make sure that i would have to redo them all at once, and not one at a time.

here is an example of what i have to put up with.

i wrote in my first edition of the first report that i send weekly reports to my supervisors by email and get feedback
i got told off for not saying HOW i get feedback
so i have amended my report to say ....

THEIR RESPONSE WILL BE IN ONE OF THE USUAL FORMS OF HUMAN COMMUNICATION. THIS WILL BE EITHER AN EMAIL RESPONSE, VIA TELEPHONE, OR SIMPLY THROUGH CONVERSATION SHOULD WE HAPPEN TO SEE EACH OTHER.

too much?

scientists of the future

GCSE(16 year olds do this!) Science (2006 exam)

Our moon seems to disappear during an eclipse. Some people say this is because an old lady covers the moon with her cloak. She does this so that thieves cannot steal the shiny coins on the surface. Which of these would help scientists to prove or disprove this idea?

A) Collect evidence from people who believe the lady sees the thieves

B) Shout to the lady that the thieves are coming

C) Send a probe to the moon to search for coins

D) Look for fingerprints


i have also realised that they don't teach english here very well. the only grammar i was taught is the definitions of nouns, verbs and adjectives. i learnt a bit when doing french at school. nowadays, only remnants remain in my mind of past perfect tenses and conditional things. and now i am learning (mostly through guesswork) some more through russian.

for example, in russian 'i work' and 'i am working' are said in the same way. i don't even know what this difference in present tenses would be called in english!
also, adverbs are made by taking the adjective and changing the ending, eg, excellent to excellently.
however, the word for excellently also means 'it is excellent'. so sometimes it's an adverb and sometimes it isn't.

so i got to the end of lesson two and can honestly say "i speak a little russian".

poker: played some hands this week finally. ran good. made some monies. best month ever. gonna play today and hopefully not lose lots.

i did tilt one hand yesterday shoving the turn with 88 on a 49tj board cos i had just been 3 outered for a $1600 pot. but then i remembered tilting is bad so i stopped tilting. i'm not even sure it was such a terrible shove with the game dynamics at the time so i'm not gonna count it in my months tilt count.

body clock

i have never been a morning person and have come to the conclusion that i never will be. i decided to be a bum today and didn't get up till afternoon. have so much work to do these next few weeks and convinced myself i would work from home today. i didn't really do very much. and now it's 130 in the morning and i'm not that tired but know i should try to get some sleep so i have some hope of getting out of bed by 815. odds of this happening judging by the past 4 weeks would be about 19-1.

the worst thing however, is being woken up on sunday morning after only a couple of hours sleep. then sunday is like a zombie day for me. watch football (the pointless 30mins they now have between the 2 sunday games annoys me immensely), eating foods, grinding pokers and as usual i start to wake up mentally at about 7 and have no desire to go to bed till well after 1.

i used to be able to survive on less sleep (4-6hours a night with one good night sleep each week) so my only conclusion is that i have become lazier.

should really go to sleep now.

no online pokers played yet this week. not really feeling it and only need about 3-4k hands to get the required points this month so no rush...

live pokers

i'm continually amazed at how i lose at live cash games.

live tournaments i do ok (well, the standard of my nearest card room is similar to play money tables) but cash games i just lose endlessly against the very same hygienically challenged humans.

reasons this could be the case:

1)i go on super subtle massive tilt due to

a) playing approx 10hands an hour, rather than the 500ph online rate
b) the extreme retardation levels of opponents
c) the things that live players do including but not limited to:

- the showdown game where you have to take as long as possible to showdown your hand in a non slowroll way because you want to see the other persons cards
- eating the greasiest food you can find with your fingers before wiping them on the cards
- the nightly competition to see who can say the most retarded thing. i am yet to work out if it's one massive level, or if they actually believe what they say. forget being unable to work out pot odds etc, these opponents have difficulty recalling the flop from the previous hand after someone has just told them what it was
-taking 3 minutes over each and every decision
(feel free to add your own in the comments)

2)i'm actually much worse than all these players i come up against

3)it is in fact just a game of pure luck and i am less lucky than these players

I'll spare you the beats cos they aren't very interesting.

my favourite hand + comment of the night was when i got all in on the turn on a 10862dd board in omaha with 101097 and paired the board on the river to win.
my opponent claimed to have 97 with a flush draw. obviously he won the "show me yours first game" so even though he was called he didn't show his hand. later in the night he accused me of outdrawing him.

in other news my weight gain program is going well and i've added 3kg (7 pounds) in a couple of weeks. i ate 500g of ben and jerry's ice cream in last two days so hopefully that will add some fat to my belly.

russian learning is cool. i have realised one lesson a week from my book is too optimistic. i have forgotten how hard it is to learn lots of things which invoke the power of my memory since i have neglected this aspect of my brain for a while. it took me a week just to remember about 30 words, and now i have to remember some conjugations without forgetting the other stuff.

customer complaints

these are allegedly real customer complaints from british holidaymakers

i think my favourite is the hairdresser one

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/5005019/20-ridiculous-complaints-made-by-holidaymakers.html

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

why?

i went to town today (literally)

my friend and i were in the v&a museum and noticed a sign on a door saying:

lecture theatre
lifts
toilets

i noted this to be an almost perfect sentence.
i pointed out that the lecture theatre, not something usually associated with strength, has done well to lift the toilets.

he replied "why would they do that?"

not, "clearly it's not true," or "how is this possible", but "WHY?"

it doesn't seem so funny in writing does it? it was a lot funnier when we were there. i guess i'll have to get it reconstructed on the radio or something.

tilt count

this month
2
monies burned
$4k

year
8
monies burned
$14k

it's only money (repeat to fade)

almost tilting

well, i say almost, but i did tilt. only a little probably throwing away $1k. if i don't tilt again this month i'll have done good imo.

need to make sure i keep my focus at all times. half way to the $4k supernova bonus which will be nice. i'll probably withdraw that especially if the $-£ rate is still good. i don't think that counts as part of my roll really since it's not money made from winning at games, which is what i want to use to determine what level i should play at.

non poker wise been boring atm. have decided to get fit and learn russian. have a book with 20 lessons in, which i want to do complete once a week. i think i can fit 30mins of that, and 30 mins of weights each day. started that last week. i can now say russian is a very difficult language. in russian.

the best thing about speaking russian is that to pronounce the accent correctly is to sound exactly like a bond villain.

a hand of pokers

last i opened up 3 tables of 2/4, and 3 of 3/6 thinking i would concentrate better like when i played 5/10. seeing as how im also playing well i would think it's a good time to up steaks. though the real reason was because there was no 2/4 tables without a 10 player waiting list. i do find it hilarious that people see 9 players on a waiting list for a 6 seater table and join. one has to actually manually select a table, then click the join waiting list button. someone is table selected on the basis of what a table was like about an hour before they will join. bizarre.

so i'm playing 3 tables of 3/6 and two of 2/4 whilst i was first in line on another 2/4 table. the 2/4 tables are uneventful, but the 3/6 tables are hitting me with some nice cold decks. i ran kk into aa and qq into the same guy's kk in pretty much unavoidable spots. i tilt called someone with pretty much the only hand he beat. he had aq, on a qjxxx board, i had kq (sooted)

so i was stuck 3 buyins on this table, and about 1.5 on the other two tables. not great. i managed to build my stack up to $1k when this 3way hand went down.

i find most hand histories boring so i'll put in my thought process (or lack thereof)

Seat 1 is the button
Seat 1: superhero ( $1018.00 USD )
Seat 2: ratholer1 ( $114.00 USD )
Seat 3: ratholer2 ( $115.80 USD )
Seat 4: villain ( $845.00 USD )
Seat 5: ratholer3 ( $111.00 USD )
Seat 6: donkvillain ( $1198.00 USD )
ratholer1 posts small blind [$3.00 USD].
ratholer2 posts big blind [$6.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to superhero [ Ks 4s ] - this is actually the nuts
villain calls [$6.00 USD]
ratholer3 folds
donkvillain raises [$18.00 USD]
superhero calls [$18.00 USD] - slowplaying pre. risky, but hey
ratholer1 folds
ratholer2 folds
villain calls [$12.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ Js, 3s, 9h ] - practically the nuts
villain checks
donkvillain bets [$51.00 USD]
superhero raises [$151.00 USD] - thought i'd make them both pay now in order to get all the stacks in
villain calls [$151.00 USD]
donkvillain raises [$1129.00 USD] - oh noes. not part of my plan.
superhero calls [$849.00 USD] - i have outs. probably.
villain calls [$676.00 USD] - little does he know i have the nuts.

** Dealing Turn ** [ 7s ] - didn't even wait for the river.

** Dealing River ** [ 5s ] - i hope no one has the ace

donkvillain shows [Jd, 9d ]
superhero shows [Ks, 4s ]
superhero wins $346.00 USD from main pot
superhero wins $2541.00 USD from main pot
villain doesn't show [3h, 3c ]
donkvillain wins $180.00 USD from main pot


now i feel like i run good even though this is how my all in ev is just back to level for the month

omaha

i often hear this is the future of poker (well, i read it twice)

i have played hilo a few times and find this quite interesting. i remember one time sitting at a table and getting dealt some great starting hands. i'd had one or two showdowns but small pots and not won anything.
about 14 hands in i finally get a chance to go all in with the nut low and nut high draw. i miss the high yet see the whole pot go to my opponent. only now do i notice it's an omaha hi table, not hilo. oops.
i wondered what the others at the table thought of me. people say that players do crazy things online as no one can ever feel embarrassment in the cyberworld. i can categorically say that this is incorrect.

i started trying omaha recently, on purpose. i'm fairly useless at it. but i think it would be nice to be good at that too.

things ive noticed

radio

songs come out in america about 1 year before england

eg mgmt have only just begun to get played on radio here. i think i first heard them about 12 months ago.
currently iglu and hartly (in this city) is on american radio. i predict it will be on xfm in about 6-12 months.


anti drugs/drink adverts

they make drink and drugs seem quite fun imo. i'm pretty sure this isn't their intention. at least, i hope it's not.

the IT department at my uni

is to retards what light is to black holes. ie, they get attracted there, never leave, are unable to think and time has effectively stopped for them.
i cant be bothered to go into the details today. suffice to say they wasted one day of my life through not telling me the most simple of solutions to my problem which i had to figure out for myself.

stealing from the small blind

is awful you can't actually play post flop. luckily most people combine the stealing with the awful play.

some advice

1) do not under any circumstances use deep heat (neither the spray nor the gel) on
a) your groin
b) your eyes

i'm not sure which is worse. the eyes are bad, i imagine it's like being maced. when used in the groin region it makes your balls feel like they are shooting out fire. on a similar scale to the sun.

2) do not drink pure ribena. the sugar hit you take in conjunction with the insane amount of flavour in one go sends your brain into overload. probably like taking all the drugs at once.

when you spit out the offending drink it looks, to someone who's just walked into the room, like a crime scene.

retro

following on from reminiscing over day of the tentacle i stumbled upon some salt and shake crisps in the shop. obv i purchased them only to realise my error.

firstly, salt alone is not really a flavouring for crisps. salt and vinegar, yes. salt, no.

secondly, for those that aren't aware, the salt does not come on the crisps. inside the crisp packet, there is a little blue packet filled with salt. this is invariable on the bottom of the crisp packet (which ever way you end up opening it). thus it is a pain to see and reach. then when you open it, the salt does not really disperse very well so you have to shake it yourself. as indicated by the name. this is a complete waste of time when you can buy ready salted crisps.

thirdly, you're left with an empty torn blue piece of paperish thing that you need to dispose of separately.

the novelty of these, which i had not seen since i was a child soon wore off. i ate some ice cream to cheer myself up. as usual, food does not cheer me up. this is probably a good thing.

speaking of emotions, the final thing i have been working on of late is removing all emotions from poker. again, lack of emotions here will again be a good thing.

i also just watched the carling cup final on the telly vision. i wanted neither spurs nor man utd to win it. as a result, i was always going to be both sad and happy at the end of the game. it was a very dull game so by the end i almost didn't care. i think man utd fans will care less about winning this cup than spurs so i think i preferred the result this way round.

anyways, it's march the first, summer is nearly here, the air smells nice (well it did when i went out last night) so i think i might plan some more holidays.

radio

the radio is generally piss poor. when i was in california they have a station called kroq which plays some of the good kind of music. i sometimes listen to this when playing poker. however, the point of this post is because i listened to a song i liked on the radio this morning. i did not find out the name, nor can i now remember any lyrics or tune.

i went onto radio one and xfm playlists to see if i could find the song as i thought it was one on of those stations. however, having spent about 90mins listening to songs on youtube i still couldnt find it. beginning to think i imagined it.

havent played any poker in last few days after hitting 10k points for the month. 2 more months of this and i;ll hit my $4k bonus. woo.

think i just about won this month. and now level for the year. which is pretty depressing.

tilt count is 6 for the year, and about -$10k so i think i found my biggest leak.

hopefully next month tilt count will be less than 3 and less than 3 buy ins.

ps if anyone knows how to test whether cats are partially sighted or partially deaf, please advise.

thoughts

i have lots of them at the moment

firstly, new linked blog. internetpoker from cardrunners. some good ideas in there.

secondly, things that annoy me:
1)noisy eaters. no need for this
2)drivers. i have before mentioned how drivers are like poker players. not just in the obvious way of everyone thinks their good at it. more how bad people most people are at it. how middle lane drivers are the multitabling autopilot nits who don't really understand what they are doing. also how, to quote rounders, woman are the rake. although petrol is probably more rake like. i had other thoughts whilst driving but have forgotten them. mostly due to an incident of when i returned home. there was someone who had parked their mini in a space just about big enough for three mini's (2 normal sized cars). however, they had chosen to park in the middle of the space!
see diagram (comments on its photo-like accuracy are welcomed)



this annoyed me very much. i had to park very very far away.

anyways, that's pretty much all that annoys me.

in other news, i recently remember i was supposed to be getting fat but have failed a that as badly as in my quest to win monies from poker. more disappointingly i failed in my attempts to do some weights 5 times a week. i stopped for about 2 weeks, but started again this week. all that ever happens though is i get a bit hungrier and my muscles hurt. and i wonder why i stop.

early

i hate waking up early in the morning. especially, like today, when i have no reason to be up in the am. worse still, i woke up hungry. i did forget to eat last night and this may have contributed to my hunger and headache. i managed to play one hour of pokers before quitting due to headache. though it did go remarkably well. i opened up a couple of tables of 5/10 and 2/4. won about a buy in at each level, got headache and quit. tables at 2/4 were alright last night but i knew i was about to lose focus so stopped.

which reminds me that my tilt count for this month is probably about 3 again. losses amount to around $3k. though i'm back to breakeven for the year. worryingly i am UP for the year on all in ev! about $1.5k. which is unprecedented. i am preferring to be lucky rather than good, proving that most clichéd of phrases.

i also started wondering yesterday, whatever happened to leprosy?

just when i thought it couldn't get any worse

i open up 6 tables tonight.

shortly thereafter, i'm joined on three, by THE BIGGEST LOSER on my database, and one of my most generous benefactors. his stats: 3k hands played, monies obtained -$4k.

i lose 3 buy ins as he shits the deck into my face and i cry baby elephant tears out my pancreas.

having only been playing under 200 hands, and having had pocket pairs of 10s or higher about 2.5 million times, i found myself losing 3 buy ins. i'd even got paid on a set once.

the problem with multitabling is when you have action at every table midway through a hand. in this instance, with six tables running, i folded three and got all in on three. i think i mentally flipped a coin to decide which.

these six hands later and i'm winning for the day. i briefly hate myself no more.

i also notice i have doubled the number of followers i have and am in danger of obtaining a cult following if i can sustain this potentially exponential growth rate. sign up, get your friends to sign up, link me to popular sites like google, microsoft and the interweb thank you please.

looks like things couldn't get worse after all.

d000wnswings

on worst ever run at the moment.
5 brief sessions of colourful clarity were to be had at the start of the month, but essentially this year has been diabolical

only about 5 buyins down since the start of the year and i just been playing bad, getting in so few good spots and making so so so many mistakes

might even drop down to 1/2 to remember how to crush fish. worst thing is i need to play to
a) clear 2 bonuses worth $250 and $4k
b) win money and go on holiday so i don't have to play
c) win money so i can buy a house
d) win money so i can invest/live off interest and retire from all forms of work
e) that's enough reasons don't you think

humour

i found a funny poker blog. can't tell if the guy that writes it is funny cool, or funny cocky (not cool)

this post was great
http://jethrohorowitz.com/?p=295

i'm an addict

i wish i never told my friends i play poker.
they ask questions and in future i think i will just lie to them.
i recently told a friend i was $4k down at one point in a month to finish the month about $100 down. i explained that you get used to these sorts of swings (only 10 buyins, but i never go into too much detail cos they dont understand, or care, or more likely both).

well, i was in a pub, chatting to them, explaining very briefly that supernova and sne status get you bonuses which is why i play a certain amount each month.

i then get told i'm addicted. i was shocked. like, wat?! i just said i play to keep the status to get bonuses. i explained how i end up playing ridic amounts at the end of each month to get enough hands in, and take months off when i can etc. i could tell they didn't believe me.

now i have to wait for some feeble intervention to try to cure me of my problem.

my head is in my hands.

tips

i have a few things to say but may forget some by the time i finish

i went out the other night with a few friends to a local bar of theirs. last time they were there, a bar lady (great body and average face) asked if one of my friends wanted his change. obv he says yes. she gives it back and its like 30p. he points her out to me but doesnt reckon she would remember the incident.

i find it strange that she expects people to leave tips when you go to the bar, queue up, and then pay a high amount for some drinks. this happened to me once in california (the oc no less). i got a round of drinks and he gave me my $7 change in $1 bills which i thought was weird. as i begin to leave with my drinks he shouts at me "don't you people in england tip!?" i reply, "not when we go to the bar." i then realised his $1 bill hint, and that he had expected at least $3 of tips! we left after that round. and slept in our car that night.

i could understand if they serve you at a table, then i would expect to tip, even in england. though often not in much of europe.

so back to the bar, and we are sitting at a table, just finished out drinks and the angry bar lady walks past the table. we call for her and ask if they do service. she says " do you tip?" and then pretty much walks away without waiting for an answer.

on the plus side, at least she remembered him.


poker wise no tilting thus far this month. just purchased a $4k bonus on stars and now need to get 28k vpp's by the end of april. seeing as i need 10k vpps per month to retain supernova status this is attainable at current rate of play.

also think i should be rolled for $3/6 soon. seem to have finally got the hang of 2/4. saying that usually jinxes it, but i am brave.

snow

yesterday lots of snow fell so almost everyone stayed at home

today snow has been predicted, and according to sky news, everyone therefore decided to stay at home. despite no snow actually falling.

when was i supposed to start believing in the weatherman?

snow at night

is definitely very nice. as there is almost noone outside it's quiet and peaceful and people you see are generally happy looking which is unusual for londoners!

yesterday when i was winning i could only manage to play for 80 mins. today, i dropped 5 buyins to begin with and end up playing for 221mins.

sometimes i think this is the wrong way round. but mostly i think it depends more on accurately reading my own frame of mind.

ended up down only about 600 tonight so up 800 for the month so far which is ok. plus another for hundred on betfair where i occasionally play during the day cos stars is often dead at that time.

my plan to get fatter isn't working even though i have been doing weights 3-4times a week. only been two weeks though so i should give it a chance.

in the superbowl previews bruce springsteen apparently shamelessly promoted himself. which always gets me wondering why people listen to rock stars. especially when it comes to political concepts. in fact, this concept is much wider reaching. often an expert in one field is asked questions about another area entirely, with his/her answer taken as a truth. this annoys me somewhat and can even be found in the scientific community. but it annoys me most with people like bono. i was glad when south park finally did a show outing him for what he is. he doesn't hold the record. he is the record!

tilts this month:1

i am being more stringent with what passes as tilting now. gone are the days of 6 bet shoving filth, but now if i am not fully concentrated when playing i will be thinking of it as tilt.

and now it is late but i am not tired which is bad as i may have to go driving in 6 hours if the weather improves.

another day

another post




it has snowed nicely here in the past few (~6) hours. and will do so some more overnight, and tomorrow afternoon (allegedly)

this has been the most exciting development in england since january 2003. which, ironically, was also heavy snowfall. in this instance it is expected to have the same effect as the previous case. everything in the country will stop.

trains, people going to work, power in remote places etc etc

as such, i will be relaxing from home tomorrow. this does however make the prospect of football tomorrow evening interesting.

i think i overreacted

slightly in my last post. in that live comp i did finish in 2nd. i made one mistake all night which happened to be headsup. the thing that destroyed me was the person i lost to is possibly king of the tards. when he plays cash he essentially shortstacks terribly and hits and runs. and his mate was also a loud mouthed horrible individual.
when the headsup started he asked if i wanted to split. i politely declined. he asked again. i informed him of my chip lead and his mate goes, "you only got ten fousand more mate." i'm not your mate i thought, and replied i have 150k, he has 100k.
anyways, i think after losing to him im too embarrassed to ever play there again.


onto more happy things, and online has been alright since my tilting stopped. been playing pretty good and winning some buyins from the middle of the month. last month, after being over 4k down at one point my ev adjusted amount was about +800 though real amount was about -800.

tilt count for last month was: 3 (two plus two halves)

and today i hit the deck pretty hard. loads of decent spots, everything seemed pretty easy and made over $1500 in 700 hands.

i did forget about the 2 supernova freerolls yesterday but i never do well in them anyway. also now have enough points to claim a $4k bonus, which will take 3 months to earn! in about 7-8 months if i stay on stars ill have enough points for another.

this is the stars equivalent of rakeback but i worked out its only about 20% once you're already supernova. if i get to 400k vpp per year (at 1/2 and 2/4 anyway) then it gets good. (i think at higher stakes it might work out better but i have no idea of what my rake to points ratio will be).

also plan to play football tomorrow night, but apparently (according to the weatherpeople) snow will be arriving due to a "blast of bitterly cold air from Russia."

Some articles even referred to it as russian snow. i wonder if we can send it back

i've said it before

the only thing worse than losing is losing to people who have difficulty dressing themselves in the morning

anticipation

is a much underrated feeling. you can only get it when there is a possibility of failure which makes the inevitable success sweeter. unless you lose. in which case anticipation was a better feeling than the failure you're experiencing.
sadly, most people dislike this feeling as they either have no self control and want things immediately, or they're forever worried about what might or might not happen. i think that's a bad way to go through life.

my fitness regime is slightly less strict than a pol pot regime, but slightly more so than a saddam one. so it's regular at the moment but i think i need to eat more calories. beer wine and ice cream are best for this i think.

as for previous comments (funny how i forget the reasons i actually wanted to post when i sat down about 5 mins ago) cape town would be cool but i dont think i wanna live there, although i do wanna go to south africa for maybe 2-3 weeks sometime soon.
thinking about somewhere in spain (not the south coast obv) or italy. italy would be nicer i think. my spanish is slighter better than my italian but i'm generally useless at learning languages. i have a set of 9 italian cds (well, i only have 8 of the 9) so hopefully i can pick up a basic understanding if i choose to go there.

as for meditation, i've been doing a couple of different relaxation hypnotherapy techniques i learnt. one is from a therapist (not from this genuine website- www.therapistfinder.com) and one is from a book. funnily enough the book one is better for tilt control. the book is called unlimited power, by anthony robbins. it's one of those stupid self help books which i bought as i was told it could cure me of arachnophobia which it did. now i think its cured my tilt.

so i'm playing a live comp on thursday. 32 players, £77 buy in, havent played a live tourney for ages. playing against retards so hopefully i will do well. either way, i will have the next couple of days' anticipation to enjoy.

a poker post

i think i have finally finally cured my tilt

been feeling like this for a while (except for the 2.5/3 times i tilted this month, oops) but this weekend i didn't tilt at all.

my stats for this month are horrific. i'm $2.7k down, but my all in ev adjusted amount is -$637. so, obviously i not been playing well and/or tilting cos everything is negative. i have also however, had some sick variance. and i'm not talking about the $2k ev i've lost.
at showdown, over the whole of last year, 3 of a kind was my second most money winning hand. this month, it is negative!

ive had so many sets outdrawn by bigger sets and gutshots its unreal. but this weekend i didnt tilt, and ended up -600. ev adjusted would be +650.

much happier with my play recently, and expecting for the next few months to be good

i have had to deal with distractions recently such as spider solitaire. the 4suit version is addictive and infuriating.

also if anyone has ideas of nice (hot with beach) countries to live in please post in comments. i want somewhere somewhat civilsed, preferably where the pound (£££) hasn't been recently demolished. if kirsten and her straight teeth are there too, that would be a bonus.

new computre

got a new comp and it works a treat. super fast (quad core or something!)
i think i may have gone over the top slightly but hey, it's only monies right?

still not playing great poker, thought the last few days seem to be going much better. no huge mistakes, though a few small ones and i'm clawing back some money. hopefully be in profit by end of month. need to play another 8-9k hands and make about $250 every 1k hands as im only around 2k down for the month now.

having driven in some light but annoying rain this morning i have come to the conclusion that the windscreen wipers on cars should have more settings than simply off, once in a while, continuous and super fast. the once in a while needs to be more variable cos sometimes its too slow and sometimes too fast, but it's never right! very annoying when you have to play with it for 20 minutes. maybe this is just be and my ocd but even if it is i still think it's a valid point. surely its just a couple of extra capacitors required?

i also had a dream this morning. and something entirely unrealistic happened (i forgot what) but then i suddenly realised, i'm in a dream! sadly, i also realised i'd turned my alarm off, had been oversleeping and was late. what i should have thought was, cool, i'm in a dream, i can do anything i want! now, where's megan fox, kirsten dunst and a few ladies from entourage to do everything i tell them.

the plan

win enough this year for house deposit
get fitter
do weights 5 days a week for at least half hour

20k hands per month playing well.
run at 5bb/100 hands

get 8k in supernova bonuses. i've worked out that supernova isn't as good as rakeback till i hit 400k points per year which is 4 times as much as i currently bother to play
will have to look at alternate sites

today i went to the drinks machine to purchase a drink and sit down and eat some food. however, my plan was made difficult by a woman sleeping on two chairs alongside the drinks machine, which her feet almost in the bit where the drink comes out. she also looked possibly attractive.

i thought about just getting one anyway but didn't really want to wake her. so i sat down and began to eat, facing her and the machine. i'm not sure but i think i was trying to stare at her till she looked at me. my plan became more awkward when i noticed she wasn't really asleep as she kept half opening her eyes. this was made worse when we had one of those underground (tube/metro) eye contact moments where you both immediately look away but both know you saw each other.

at least now she knew i was staring at her, although i dont think she knew i just wanted a drink. and still she pretended to be asleep. at this point i was beginning to get really thirsty. really thirsty. luckily she now decided to get up and leave. she wasn't even attractive at all so really i should have just got my drink at the start.

new comp

is arriving this week.

will be able to multitable without comp crashing which will be nice

hopefully be able to win also.

had lots of thoughts, but can't be bothered to post them. hopefully have a few winnings days and break even month

i just don't learn!

tilt count: 3
tilt losses: ~$7k

it's a new year?

i didn't really want to do a new year post. in poker, the new year means nothing. the only reason months mean anything is supernova status related. so i don't see the point in new year posts. if you have aims and targets they should have sensible time frame's, and not simply one year plans that begin on new years day.

that said, this year i will be counting how many times i tilt. i've known for a while that this is my biggest leak, so hopefully this will embarrass me into not tilting.

times tilted in 2009:2

i also noticed it's some weblog awards at the moment. how br000se and i haven't been mentioned is a tragedy. my technorati authority is currently 2, which would put my blog in the hidden gem category. so well done to all of you for finding this hidden gem.
the reason i say it's a tragedy is because i read some of the so called "humour blogs" and "good" blogs, and it is fair to say that they are all awful. so don't waste your time reading them!

adverts

i do wonder why some people get paid so much for marketing. i saw the latest windows advert yesterday even though it's probably been around for a bit, but i don't really watch much tv anymore. anyway, their slogan now appears to be
Windows - life without walls
i figure, without walls, it's pretty hard to have any windows.

the other thing i've realised today is that you can hold your breath much longer than you think. often there's no real need to panic and breathe cos the worst that will happen is you'll pass out, your brain will take over and start the breathing process. of course, i have never reached the point of letting that happen cos i get scared and breathe.

authority

i did have lots of thoughts in my mind this morning when showering but have forgotten most of them. i will try to retrace my steps (in my mind) and write them down.

firstly, i will randomly play a song from my ipod and see what it reminds me of. it will be from my favourites list, as i only want to hear songs i like. i came up with this idea all by myself (after reading about it somewhere else)

feeder, buck rodgers. reminds me of clubbing at uni, specifically the club my mate dj'd in. and an archaeologist who went there called dee, who i let in for free once. obviously i called indy (after indiana jones!). she was hot. i remember a random person coming up to me in the street one day, and all she said to me was "you're dee's friend who calls her indy" i laughed, not just at the randomness but also because i thought other people would have called her indy.

so i noticed a bruise on my leg today. very big and green. i don't remember touching anything/anyone for ages. i assumed it was from playing five a side football (soccer to the people across the pond) but that was almost a week ago. i played in goal and i think i made the best save i have ever made. i judge saves by the reaction of the other team. my previous favourite was when someone took a shot against me and he wheeled away to celebrate as i was miles away. his expression a couple of seconds later when he realised i had pretty much moved through spacetime to save it was priceless.
last week's might have been better! sitting on the floor (having already made one save, not cos i was bored) facing to the left i noticed out the corner of my eye someone shooting as the rebound fell to his feet. it felt like slow motion as i realised the ball was going to pass me on my right. i knew i wouldn't have time to reach the ball by using my right hand so i had to spin round and use my left hand. this was masked to most onlookers as my back was somewhat in the way of their view of this. somehow i got the faintest touch on the ball and sent it about 6 inches wide of the post. the look on the guy's face who thought he'd scored told me i did good. he just stood there for about ten seconds in disbelief.

in all this time there have been a few more songs that i wasn't paying any attention to. next up though is:

what a waster by the libertines. this reminds me of my friend who introduced me to this band. he always finds the good bands before everyone else and tells me.

so all this was to avoid talking about poker which has been terrible of late. last month after being up $4k down i finished $1.5k up. this month i've already been $4k down again, currently about $2.5k down. really need to concentrate and play better. if i lose much more i'll have to drop back to 1/2 just to boost the roll and confidence.

also need to get a new comp that can handle running a hud. found one for £500 but the effort of installing all the programs on it really puts me off. still, i reckon it will be worth it in the long run since it will be making me monies! well, thats the plan.

anyways, this post was long

so

i went and bought a graphics card anyways, and it hasn't helped at all. It does allow me to multitable on befair with no lag, but it wont run a hud at the same time.

i think young br0000se is right and a new computer will be my new year present to myself.

i also got a funny call yesterday. from a man in a thick indian accent pretending to be from 3. this is the first time i've had a problem understanding english in a thick indian accent but from what i made out he called me, and then wanted to check my security details so he knew who he was talking to. i pointed out that he has called me and i would like to run some security checks on him first. sadly, he didn't understand my point and after about 2 mins of going back and forth he said something like "this is going nowhere" so i hung up. i laugh in the global hidden face of 3!

in other events i went to helsinki for a couple of days, and can confirm that finnish women are a very hot cross between eastern european's and scandinavians and importantly, they are friendly like the scandi's. thus, even though i didnt see the sun in three days, it was highly enjoyable.

pokernews, after playing like a tard, i'll be happy if i get back into profit this month! i think i've cured the lose 4/5buyins when sitting down disease which i've had all month, and i must say it makes things easier. lost a sick huge pot with the 2nd nut flush against table idiot's nutflush and made a couple of other bad mistakes yesterday, and still turned a 3 buy in profit! wooo

computer troubles

my computer cannot cope with doing one thing at once.

skype call, CPU =100%
online radio, CPU = 100%
HUD when playing poker = computer freezes

having opened up my computer i can confirm that it is in fact quite rubbish, and i can't update anything like graphics card.

i now need to buy my own parts, inc new motherboard, hoping it fits into the current shell, as i want to keep the hard disk, and probably some of the ram. also the fan is good cos it's quiet.

sadly i don't know how to do this and shall be guessing as i go.

in my last challenge i wanted to increase weight by something like 10kg in 6 weeks. predictably i weigh 10kg more. until i put down both my cats, at which point i return back to my standard weight.

comedy

when i watch it alone, i don't laugh so much as when i watch it with others. when in public (ie watching it live) there is an amount of nervous laughter. but also when watching it with others not live, i find i laugh more than usual. i think this is because you have to prove to others that you get the jokes even when it's not funny.

as wimmen in life have been getting under my brain recently, inspiring my previous post, i do not want to think aboot them any more. so back to poker. where i sometimes play better when more depressed as it is almost impossible to tilt. less than 1k fpps till i'm supernova. but i still don't think it's as good as rakeback. though playing with the americans makes table selection easier.

this year i have fallen well below the expectations i set myself. about $16k short. oops. mostly cos i tilt rather than play bad. although tilt makes me play bad obv. so the last few sentences are somewhat redundant nonsense.

i read this.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself

if

if i played well i'd be a millionaire by now

the punishment fits the crime

A US judge has decided to make the punishment fit the crime by forcing noisy people to listen to Barry Manilow songs.

Judge Paul Sacco introduced the new form of sentence after becoming fed up dealing with repeat offenders.

Most of them had repeatedly played their car or home stereo too loud or were involved in band practices which disturbed neighbours.

"This is a way, when I look back, of teaching manners to people," the judge, from Fort Lupton Municipal Court in Colorado, said.

People who violate the town's noise laws are required to listen to the judge's choice of music at high volume for one hour.

The selection includes Manilow classics, as well as the theme song from children's television show Barney And Friends and other apparently 'uncool' music.

Court officials take surveys after each session to check whether the offenders enjoyed the music or not.

If anyone is found to actually like one of the tunes, it is removed from the playlist to make sure they are only listening to music they hate.

Judge Sacco said the scheme has been far more successful in cutting down repeat offenders than the previous system of fines.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Barry-Manilow-Songs-And-Barney-Theme-Used-To-Punish-Noisy-People-In-Fort-Lupton-Colorado/Article/200811415161978?f=rss


This reminded me that i had forgotten to take responsibility for my results.

Been playing infinitely better today than of late and ran neutral for ev! woo.

4k hands to play in the next 27.5 hours to get $250 bonus.

then 3k hands to get supernova status

will post sick month graph tomorrow when finished playing

boom

the other thing that makes me angry is other drivers obviously.

as for poker, this months graph is going to be the most disgusting i have ever created. will post at end of month.

last night i managed to get $4k down quite quickly. i then spent about 4 hours to get back to just under $1k down and called it a night. thought the singing birds were calling it a morning. actually, there weren't any singing birds, presumably cos they've all frozen to death or flown to a warmer country.

i always wondered about people living in really cold places. why did they ever settle there? and why didnt someone just wake up one day and think "this is horrible. im moving somewhere warmer."

an unrelated thought i had when i woke up today was "why don't I move somewhere warmer"

carrots for lunch

honestly, who eats carrots for lunch?
once maybe.
but every single day?!

not only that, every thing else being eaten is a horribly crunchy food.

and he sits right opposite me, no more than a metre from my face as he uncontrollably munches like a pneumatic drill.

add to this a constant year round sniffing year, plus an annoying habit of making weird sounds by short sharp breathes of air as he opens his mouth (almost impossible to describe) again enacted throughout the day, every single damn day, one metre from my face.

this is one of very few things that annoys me. noisy eaters, coupled with a bunch of other completely unnecessary noises one metre from my face. it's enough to make my blood boil.

if i play poker live and people eat at my table usually i'll need to take five mins and leave till they're done!

i think i'm mental, but i have found others with similar feelings towards this. where most people can relate to this is the popcorn eating that people do in cinemas. food free cinemas are a utopian dream for me. (notice that it's grammatically incorrect to use the word "an", even though the next word begins with a u")

unreal. i do anything to get away from it.

seriously, it's enough to make me go to the lab and do some work.

best story ever

sadly, it wasn't me, but this is pretty funny

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

i have been:
not playing poker
not putting on weight
not writing down funny thoughts

the only thing i can remember doing is calling 3 (mobile phone company to all the br000se's out there) where they put me on a conference call with 02 (another mobile phone company) but where i wasn't supposed to talk.

a ridiculous state of affairs and something that should only be in a sitcom, and not occur in real life. sadly, it was my life.

i realise i have £240 in an ipoker account and can't decide what to do with it, there's no point in it doing nothing. so do i
withdraw it
try to play sensibly and win more
stick it all on one cash table and see how well i can do
or just play tournies looking for a big score?

simple plan

as suggested by the title, this is my simple plan

by the 18th of Dec i will aim to add one stone (14 pounds to americans) (6.35kg to you non imperialists) of weight to myself. obviously this does not include clothing or balancing things on my head etc.

currently i'm abut 10.5-11 stone (150 pounds). obviously, the ideal is for it all to be added in the form of muscle, though a bit of fat won't disappoint me.

i have tried this before by doing things like weights, 4 meals a day, drinking alcohol (great source of calories!), and now i will be combining this all together along with any other plans i, or you, can think of.

also, as i have it in writing, i cannot go back without going to the effort of deleting this post. which is far too much effort.

i guess 3 pounds a week should be ok to do.

gl me.

tip of the day

if you are pouring a glass of carbonated drink, and the froth is about to overflow the sides of the container, stick your finger in the drink. this will quickly destroy the froth leading to a non spillage situation. something to do with the surface tension of the bubbles i believe.

whilst on the subject, i was thinking of can's vs bottles. bottles are 2litres which is the equivalent (near enough) of 6 cans. if they were the same price which would you go for?

pro's for cans is that the fizz is always high when you drink them and you get to make the cool can opening sound

pro's for bottles is that you don't have to have you drink regimented in 330ml amounts, but can drink any amount you wish.

i can't decide.

in the past week i've been on the phone to 3 sadly getting an upgrade on my phone. i didn't really want to stay with 3 but their offer was ridiculous, and hopefully i will be able to bankrupt them. what i liked was the lengths they went to in order to ensure i remained a customer. i've never felt so loved. they even put me on a conference call with o2 to prove that everyone charges a minimum of 1min for phone calls (ie all calls under 1min count as 1 min, and then it's per second billing after that)

that's one decision i have made, which i hope not to regret.

posting when youre winning

is easy, peasy

i remember when i won my biggest ever pot. my previous record was set at $5/10 when i felt like giving it a go. current record is at $2/4 and was a 3 way all in on the flop of 2h4h5h with me holding the AhKh. held up and an almost $2k pot came my way!

however, i also remember my worst times. i think i lost around $4k in a day playing cash. some of it was bad luck with which i wont bore you, but about half of it was bad play.

i did like that the following session i didnt tilt. in the past one bad session would tilt me for weeks! not this time. in fact, in the next session, i was outplaying the btn from my bb so much so he started raising 5 and 6 times the blind preflop. haha.

but the best thing was a guy i'd played against in the past, and who is decent and a pain to play against sat on my right. after ONE orbit, he left! i hope it's cos he didn't wanna play me. that would be a nice touch. especially since i don't think i've ever seen any one EVER table select on stars. you get a table of 6 reg's and they all sit there just for the fpps or something! ha.

i find if often takes time to let the new biggest wins and losses sink in. the biggest losses feel awful. each time you hit a new record downswing its still painful and i feel sick to the stomach unable to sleep and it feels like it'll never pass. i begin to question myself - do i know what i'm doing, am i mentally stable enough to play etc etc. i think i would like to be over wins and losses in about 30 mins. like stu ungar. maybe one day, eh?

funnily enough, all these exciting events took place in the past 48 hours.


thats enough nonsense for one year, i'll leave you with mary.

Mary had a little dress
It was split in half
Every time she took a step
The boys could see her calf

Mary had another dress
It was split down the side
Every time she took a step
The boys could see her thighs

Mary had another dress
It was split down the front
But she never wore that one


(i sent it to a friend. his reply "it's a pity she never wore it")

i'm back baby

went to kyiv and venezia, so hardly around the world but two places with highly opposing cultures

kiev is a standard eastern european city with the beautiful architecture spoiled by the unfriendly nature of the locals. i dont think i saw a person smile. it's like the london underground.

venice on the other hand is highly peaceful due to the pedestrian nature of the streets. i.e. no automobiles. it's either canal or streets for walking only. whilst it is a very old place with very old buildings they are all churches and therefore not particularly interesting on the inside. kinda like most pretty girls, but thankfully not all of them!

onto the poker front, my aim this month is to play 30k hands, but i will be happy with 25k. this has only begun today on the 8th and as i am only playing when i feel like it, i will be surprised if i reach that goal.

need to play more on weekends obv, averaging about 1500 hands per day. todays offering has been 699. not the best start.

it's been a week since my last post and since i'm off round the world (kinda) in a couple of days it will be my last post for a week.

this will be the first month that i haven't hit platinum status since march. last month i played hard on the final day to get platinum status and blew about $1k to do it, so i'm not playing just cos i have to. been an ok month anyway. stars keeps freezing on my comp, usually when i have the HEM HUD running, so it's a bit awkward playing there atm. barely played any hands but been doing ok. very swingy days but thats just the cards. though on monday or tuesday i tilted off 3 buyins in a few hands when i knew i was getting tired. that annoyed me and i took a couple of days off. first time i've tilted all month.
even after all my bad play, tilt still is my biggest leak, though i find i don't tilt at higher stakes, and notice my mistakes more. maybe i should just bluescouse it up and hope to run good for a week.

also, i'm 11k away from supernova so i'll just get that next month.

today's post will be bad since I have no funnies i can recall of late. i will have to try to find an old one. couldn't find one. i will have to go for philosophy instead.

it snowed here in london in october for the first time since 1934. i happened to be outside playing football at the time. it was picturesque, but as i didn't have my camera i will have to save it in my head. unfortunately, i cannot upload this image to blogger.com. maybe i will be able to one day in the future.

end of post.

as an aside, i find i get angry at myself when i let things that annoy me get me angry. i worry that this is an infinite loop of anger and wonder how i ever manage to break it.

edit: remembered what i actually intended to write about.
this blog about dropout playing poker was interesting
Law school Dropout
i read it from start to finish. motivational/inspirational although there is a lot of overwritten stuff to get through.
sadly 2005 and 2006 got lost. they were the best bits.

followers

i have none.

i don't follow it. personally, i prefer more popular blogs like some of the links on the right.

i was on the train today, in a quiet carriage. apparently you're not allowed to use your phone or play music in this carriage.
so about one third of the way into the journey two people answer their phones near each other. a guy from a few seats in front comes to them individually telling them off!

anyways, so towards the end of the journey a guy sitting behind me answers his very loudly ringing phone. someone pretty much appears out of nowhere and says "YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
without batting an eyelid he continues in conversation "hold on a sec, i have to move out the carriage, a very militant man just told me off!"

i laughed on the inside, not out loud, i was a little scared of him.

layout

it is changed

i liked the green. but i had to change it cos the layout was broken. between posts there was no spacing between the end of one and the start of the next!

i looked in the html but couldn't fix it, so i had to get rid of it. it was annoying me greatly. i think i have mild ocd/retardation.

variance

i don't think many poker players truly understand the beast that is variance.

its not even whether you are up or down in equity that is the biggest bit imo.

the biggest bit is simply the hands you are dealt and the hands that others are dealt. whether you play them, whether they play them and how it's played leads to showdowns and all in ev.

for example, i played 700 hands earlier today. got dealt very little, never got a decent spot preflop, managed to break even/win a little.

next session this evening, played 300 hands, got dealt good hands, other people got dealt slightly worse hands, i win lots of $$$

being able to fold the slightly worse hands in the right spots, and figuring out which is the right spot to fold is the skill that saves lots of monies.

the all in ev after that is out of your hands and therefore irrelevant.

this is why bad play by me annoys me as it's what i can control.

control is a funny thing in life. some people i know like to drive, and not be driven! i cannae believe it.

i haven't had many funny thoughts recently. i'm not depressed. and i haven't put on the weight that i wanted (all in muscle form obv). i've noticed depressed people are fat. i see a plan on the horizon...

it was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

i hate playing against retards. it feels like you either take candy from a baby, or lose to people who have trouble dressing themselves in the morning. lose lose situation.

today i played like a retard. sadly however, this is also a lose lose situation.

i also watched all of entourage recently. not all that funny, but good enough to purchase.

i first watched it all in 3 days. i often do things like that. it's good because you watch it all at once. however, when you have finished, you want more to watch. i guess it's sometimes good to space things out. the machine from men in black that can erase your memory would be good in certain circumstances if you could control it specfically. you could erase the memory of a film say, and watch it for the first time, many times!

blogs of note

i just read the last four blogs of note on blogger.

i think the only notable thing, which i should add they all have in common, is that they are incredibly dull. notably dull.

one was i think some sort of cookery blog. ok, wat? second was a picture of random cats not doing funny things. a third was some random guy with a job. the fourth i don't even remember.

i, on the other hand, have been hitting the town. what is depressing is how little alcohol it now takes to get me drunk, and then hungover. i didn't eat before i went out, and this helps reduce time spent at bar since less drinks are required. i also threw up in my sleep last time i ate during a heavy night. that was pretty disgusting. i then read the next day about some kid who choked and died on his own vomit in his sleep. i guess i escaped with just a hangover. hangover + vomit + less money is worse than hangover. so eating didn't really achieve anything positive.

still, i'd rather throw up in my sleep than be a blog of note.

ev

i was $2k down in ev today.

i don't even care about it. it evens out over the month/year/large enough sample

i think anyone that complains about luck doesn't understand variance and will not fulfil their potential in this game

what is much worse ev is i forgot to eat tonight.

i had a plan to eat 4 times a day. 8am, noon, 5pm, 7pm

but if i forget when im hungry this doesn't bode well.

month has petered out. need 1k vpp tomorrow to get platinum and ever closer to supernova.
sadly, it won't be till about april that i can claim the $4k in actual monies.

still not so good

my hot streak of poking ended with my enforced week off as i went to scotland

i'm now running as fast as a negatively powered usain bolt. i wonder if he will do a "marvellous marvin hagler" and change his name to lighting. i think he will.

i think i had a goal for $50k by the end of this year. there is a very very very small chance that i'm gonna make it. in fact, it's many orders of magnitude less than the previous sentence indicates.

i don't have many more constructive things to say. i do however have a riddle for you.

you have an ordinary pedal bike with stabilisers to prevent it toppling over, and you tie a cord to one of the pedals. the pedal you have tied it to is in the lowest possible position. (and the other is in the highest). the cord is parallel with the ground and in a backwards direction. you are standing at the end of the cord.

now you pull with a constant force on the cord. in which direction does the bike travel?

i've worked this out and am gonna try it on monday. so you have 2 days to answer. winners will get a choice of prizes.

since i apparently don't know the answer, i am also trying to win the prizes. wish me luck!

things aren't going well

in society right now.

i'm no expert but i think it has got to do with schooling.

in the uk, the generation* above mine learnt the three r's in school

Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic.

I can almost see how they got away with writing. it does sound like an r, although, as it does refer to the written word, they should have checked what it starts with when you write it.

arithmetic however, takes this two steps too far.

if this passed off as edumacation, then we're all in trouble for the foreseeable future.

which brings me to my starred point of generations. when people say, for example, "the previous generation", i've never understood when it started or stopped. if it was maybe 20 years ago (arbitratily chosen figure) then what about the years in between. where do they fit?? and how long do generations last?

it only make sense to me on a personal, family scale, but no other scales. like a fractal without the pretty pictures.

this is one of those things where i just go with the flow and wonder if i'm the mental, or if everyone else are the mentals.

roundabouts

my hot streak has alas come to an end and it's back to eeking out a profit. except the profit being eeked is a loss.

more alarmingly after my last post, i went to get some ice cream. avid readers will be well aware of my last calamity involving some sorbet which was entirely devoured before i got a chance to try it. that made me crazy. ironically, the ice cream was called "Jamaican me crazy". which it did.

so after my last post i went directly to the freezer with a hungering for ice cream. i found a magnum. i was a little peturbed that it had written on it "touch of spice" or something to that effect. spice with ice cream is not something that i would think goes well together even though i like ice cream, and i like spicy foods. but i sometimes live on the edge. also, the picture made it look like chocolate ice cream. so i tried it. and it was chocolate! but it was infused with more than just a hint of cinnamon. the most foul of all the weird flavours. i couldn't even find someone willing to finish it, so i had to send it to ice cream hell.

the next ice cream i have better be bloody marvellous.

estrange

i'm not sure why but when i'm winning i find i harder to play more hands, but when i'm losing i have no problem playing lots. it should be vice versa

in my last session i played on a total of 7 different tables, losing on 6 of them and still finished in profit. an unlikely feat.

have played very few hands this month, yet doing remarkably well. Have been playing tighter than usual, especially when i level'd up, though have begun to loosen up a touch at higher levels.

everyone keeps talking about the toughness of pokerstars, though i am yet to see this at my meagre levels.

on my driving today down the almost motorway i noticed something in the road in front of me. from a distance i expect anything stationary and small to be a roadkill. today however, it was a shoe. well, more a timberland boot. i did wonder how it got there and if the person misses it. it looked in good shape but it's hard to stop on that road.

i bought some headphones the other day online. the last pair i bought disintegrated after about 6 weeks of rare usage so i went for something ever so slightly pricier. however, i bought the completely wrong thing which is pretty hard to do when it comes to headphones. seeing as i cant be bothered to ebay them i will be giving them away to someone who can answer me this:

which is worse in a person you have to share a bed with, drooling or snoring?


edit: i've had to read and edit the post because lots of words were misspelled. firefox's built in dictionary is supposed to notice imaginary words like pokerstars and alert you with a red underlining. however, of late, it has become inconsistent in it's ability to work. this i find strange. computers are supposed to be able to do things consistently. that's why we built them. not just to work when they feel like.

robert david keane

i'm not sure why itv decided to give his full name on the telly vision tonight. at first i didn't even realise who it was. (robbie keane just in case you're not sure)

anyway i'm back from roma. i have realised there are some universal constants in life.
cats sound the same everywhere.
taxi drivers (specifically mini cabs not prebooked) try to create rapport but almost always it's a cover for the screwing they're about to apply to you.

i also went to the place where caesar was allegedly stabbed by brutus. it's at the centre right of this picture. in front of the arch's, behind the tall pillars.

it's now inhabited by cats. lots of them. and they're very lazy. they get fed by a charity, set up just for them.

i've always thought it was a bit weird that rome lies much in ruins. lots of the marble and bronze etc was stripped a few hundred years ago for weapons and things according to my tour guide. but they have never since replaced it. and they expect you to use your imagination instead. most people i think use the film gladiator instead of their imagination. it's easier.

and just incase i forget later in life, i did get the ipod from littlewoods for more than the price of buying one in a shop. i also got a chipset and other goodies from betfair for a few pounds. i broke even after attaining an insanely high number of suckouts. i even had other people at the table thinking i was a superuser. but then they stopped playing in pots with me so i had to leave. which is kind of the opposite of the saying every cloud has a silver lining. i wonder if anyone ever says, every silver has a cloudy lining. probably not. it doesn't make much sense.

i deserve it!

so i read this post on another blog about someone hitting some results after a barren spell and them thinking it was what they deserved for all their hard work.

the problem i have with people thinking they get what they deserve is it means that something is ensuring that they get what they deserve. basically, this is a higher being/g-d. which they do not mention or refer to, or probably even acknowledge to themselves.

this is akin to the the idea of karma, although who makes sure the karma is dished out evenly is ignored by karma proponents as far as i am aware, though i have done no looking into this whatsoever.

this brings me on to the next point. how do you know what you deserve? you aren't really in an objective position to judge it. you probably cannot comprehend what is, in an absolute sense, right and wrong. nor you cannot compare yourself to anyone else since you do not know the choices they have made and experiences they have undergone.

the final point that strikes me about this, is that at no point in their bad run did this player think, "this is what i deserve." they think when they win, this is what they deserve, and when they lose, they are unlucky, but still deserve to win. i think an attitude like that in life is poor.

brian townsend once wrote, you have to be responsible for your results.
i found that idea helpful. whether you win or lose, do not blame luck, other people, or any other factors. ultimately the responsibilty and accountability lies with you. once i accepted this, my outlook and mindset improved significantly.

this is one of those things i've been thinking about for a while and is also one of those things that has been drawn out of my mind from poker, but is readily applicable to life. however, i do think that this is a problem to explain to most people, especailly being able to tell them that you 'discovered' this outlook from a card game.

that's been on my mind for a short while now. i'm gonna stop writing for two reasons.
1) i hurt my wrist at football today
2) that's enough words.

sponsorship

people ask to be sponsored to run marathons

i don't quite understand the concept. i think the idea is someone runs a marathon, and people then give money to charity. yet i fail to see the correlation between the two. you can run a marathon wihtout sponsorship. i'm sure it's possible, even if it means you're a bit mad. and you can give money to charity without needing an excuse.

it's a like a bet where the loser has to pay money to charity, but you've pre-arranged who the loser is. though some would say the one who runs 26miles for no reason, is the real loser.

all in all, a highly illogical process from start to finish.

la di da

more on 3!!

i called them to find when my contract ended so i can terminate it asap. the guy asked why i wanted to, and i had many reason, not least customer services. i also mentioned that the phone recently would continually cut out, and it didn't seem the reception was dropping at all (though possibly could have been momentarily)
as we get into some discussion about it, it cuts out! ironic. and he didn't even call back.

last few days poker been going well. had one hour of bad play a few days ago where i tilted briefly.
began to make a few mistakes again today, but still got one thousand hands in, for a small profit in the end. thankfully the three big hands i played my hands held up. one was aa v aks aipf, the second was btm set v flush draw+gutshot, the third was aa vs qq aipf. thinking about it, i definitely played poorly tonight, especially compared with the last few days where i barely put a foot wrong.

i played earlier in the day than usual today. i think table selection is probably the most underrated was to improve winrate.

i went past a church a while ago in a place i wasn't familiar. there was a sign on the outside which read "lost? come in"

even though that's a true story i think i might claim that as my joke.