worst session of my life so far

didn't think this would have been possible to be this bad.
hit nothing, got outdrawn by crazy hands, lost to gutshot straight flushes, got nothing paid off and tilted off a few quick buy ins at the end.
lost everything i won last month and more.
probably need a  break for a while.

netgear WNA1100 disconnections

i have googled this subject many times recently and have been unable to find sound advice in repairing the lack of a solid connection. the connection issue i have means that iplayer doesn't stream continuously and i cannot stay connected to pokerstars. there is nothing scarier than shoving all in and waiting 5-10 seconds just to see if the client reconnected and your shove was registered. and then of course whether you won or not. i'm gonna have to go get a cable before i next play. and send this piece of shit network card back. i should have known there would be problems when just to load the drivers i had to uninstall my antivirus, then install the drivers, then re-install the antivirus.
and netgear's latest piece of advice to get it to work was turn off the firewall. brilliant suggestion. i replied back saying
"thanks, so i should be hooked up to the internet with no firewall? should i turn off my antivirus too?
please reply with a more sensible suggestion"
credit to them, they replied, saying "try another computer with the wlan card"
sadly my other computer has kaspersky so gonna try it out on a friends laptop. if it still doesn't work i'm swapping it for a make that will hopefully work.

sadly i played poker when pissed off with this so lost loads. got into a better frame of mind yesterday and didn't lose lots again. still down lots for the month, hopefully can find some time to play. i fear this will be a running theme till the end of the year.

ps i applied for the pokerstars team online job. after reading this blog i don't see how i can't get it. i will have to work on improving forum participation and a few other things but that will be fun to do imo

pps just made brownies. they're amazing. i might eat them all now.

ppps lol rooney saga, clearly he just wanted more monies. (easy to say now obv). i heard on twitter that the 30 hooligans who had to be dispersed by the police last night from outside his house will return with cake. i wonder what the people who made 'whore' banners displayed at their last game will make for their next banners.

ghiradelli's chocolate brownies

i think my bin smells. really really bad. even when it's empty. so the actual bin smells. throwing away a bin is a little bit of a humorous concept to me. i'm not even sure why. it reminds me of the time that my friend and i were walking in the street. she looked for a bin to throw some rubbish into. found one in the middle of the street and disposed of her waste conscientiously. good for the environment, bad for the person who'd just bought their new bin.

been ill last couple of days with the weakest cold ever. seriously, it needs to up it's game, i can't even use it as an excuse as to why i've spewed money the last few days. playing truly horrific. need to snap out of it. what got to me this morning was the continued disconnecting my new wlan card was doing. my old one died and i spent 24 hours trying to fix it before getting a replacement. this new one looks sexy except it keeps disconnecting and reconnecting. this makes poker very difficult as the connection needs to be 'always on' as pokerstars happily remind me. though i can't even watch iplayer without constant stop/start even at low quality. this is most unacceptable. i have emailed netgear and if they don't solve it, back to the shop we go.

also just did my washing of the football kit. took it to a laundrette because it smelt too bad for me to touch. except they couldn't be bothered to wash it properly and it's still pretty dirty and smelly. i'm gonna go back and shout at the lazy wankers tomorrow.

lastly, but most definitely not leastly, builders are here to fix the non broken roof of my flat. this involves scaffolding so they can peek into my bedroom as they attempt to wake me up every morning at 8am. unluckily for them, i will already be up! in retaliation i will allow them to watch me play fifa in the afternoon with a cup of tea and perhaps some magnificent home-made ghiradelli's chocolate brownies.

what shall i have to eat for breakfast

this is a question i ask myself often. google doesn't seem to have the answer. i'm hoping this here webpage will become a treasure trove of answers (mostly in the comments section, thank you kindly, dear reader)

the word treasure is weird, specifically the sound the s make. i have no idea how to describe it.

i ask about breakfast since i have no started playing in the mornings, i get hungry after a little session. but the only real problem with this schedule is going out at nights is very difficult since 1) i am tired by then and 2) i will also be tired in the morning.
i would like to siesta every day which should solve all my problems but there's something overly addictive about siesta's that scares me. that said, i have seen jack bauer can regularly go 24 hours with food, sleep or excretion. recalling my gcse biology lessons and mrs gren, that mostly implies he's not alive.

i also bought f1 2010 for my ps3. i figure, everyone needs a driving game, and it seemed to be a choice between that, gt and colin macrae. turns out, that you can play this racing game with anyone in the world over the internet, but not someone else in the same room as you since it's a one player game.

ps today's breakfast was a kit kat.

how i met your mother

isn't very funny. apologies if you googled it, looking for rave reviews, but it's a bit poor. not so well written (like house) no stories well constructed (like curb), and no great comedy like (south park).
if you googled it to find other people who don't like it, you're probably a petty person who takes unkindly to much of society and you probably agree with 70% of things karl pilkington says. you'll fit right in.

however, i only posted this to say that sometimes, when you think you have ak and 5bet shove only to realise you have A2s, it should be a lesson to pay more attention in future


Seat 1: Villain ( $479.00 USD )
Seat 2 ( $706.95 USD )
Seat 4: Hero ( $490.95 USD )
Seat 5: ( $1196.20 USD )
Seat 6: ( $1528.30 USD )
ZMQLD posts small blind [$2.00 USD].
Bukharin posts big blind [$4.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [  2h Ah ]
1 folds
villain [$12.00 USD]
1 folds
Hero raises [$42.00 USD]
1 folds
villain raises [$84.00 USD]
hero raises [$446.95 USD]
villain calls [$383.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 8h, 4h, 3s ]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 5d ]
** Dealing River ** [ Kc ]

Hero shows [2h, Ah ]
Hero wins $960.00 USD from main pot
villain doesn't show [As, Ac ]
oops
of course, when you win it doesn't hurt so much and then you aren't conditioned to not do this in future, pavlovian style. so i took a leaf out of abdullahev's book and punched myself in the head.

can you buy anything on ebay?

things i have recently bought (not all from ebay) include:
ps3. and some games. and an extra (slightly special) controller. why do the alternative controllers always have a turbo button. since the dawn of computer games (the early 90s and as far back as i can remember) this has been an extra feature. has anyone ever used it?
weird rubber tubings from ebay which are used to strengthen muscles and ligaments. i am still not sure how to use them properly. so i just bought an ankle support cos that's easier to use. and less effort.
ankle support (aforementioned)
a l'il deposit to a gambling site!
theatre tickets (not for me. i am male interested in the opposing sex)
plane tickets. also not for me.
3.5mm to 3.5mm jack to jack (or whatever it's called. this was pleasingly cheap from ebay)

this is rather an eclectic and unusual mix of things i am not accustomed to purchasing. so much so that barclays bank called me to check i was ok. i told them i was fine and that their fraud squad can sleep easy at night. but i also told them it was unusual and not to let it happen again since next time it probably won't be me.

when i hold in a number 1, why does it sometimes turn into needing a number 2

waking up early and playing when i do so is currently going well. partly i put this down to when i play i'm morning tired instead of nighttime tired
except it means it's tough to go out in evenings without having a siesta else falling asleep becomes a priority

not much time to post so i will do bruce style bullet points in what may turn out to be a news review:

i was reading the news and saw a new zealand cyclist called jack bauer

you may have also seen in other news recently that revenue and customs can't work out simple maths and got lots of peoples' tax amount wrong. i got a letter from them and they stole lots of money from me last year. so they have now sent me a check for over £1k. it felt a lot like rakeback till i realise it's my money to begin with!

also in the news bmw had a recall due to faulty brakes. i guess took them so long to discover it since bmw drivers rarely used brakes; also crashes were always blamed on driver error (obviously, since they're bmws) without strong evidence to insist otherwise.

after last month i think i'm gonna get a ps3 tomorrow. with fifa, pro evo, f1, red dead redemption and cod. if i have missed out anything worthwhile, let me know thanks.

(if people don't google today's title, i will be very surprised)

are penguins just pretending they can't fly so we don't get jealous?

i'm pretty much done for the month now, have just cleared the final stars bonus and may now need to concentrate on other things during this year so my play may drop off quite a bit.
last few days of this month i ran super hot as can be seen by graph below (didn't check results from when i saw i'd lost loads and been level for the month, until just now!)

mornings have been good poker wise but terribly scary in life =. last week i awoke to see a spider dangling from the ceiling mere inches from my face. upside no less. i think it was showing off.
this morning i was woken at six by a buzzing sound. i bolted upright and turned to my pillow to see a wasp casually strolling along it and away from me. by the time i got to the light switch and found my wasp catching device (ikea tupperware) it had disappeared. thus, i could not get back to sleep. in fact, i was worried i would never be able to sleep in my room again but i left the light on (obviously) and the wasp was attracted to it. i don't know why they are attracted to lights, someone should tell them they aren't moths.

also noticed the wcoop main event just finished. someone just won over two million dollars! much as i hate tournaments, that makes me want to play more

how far can you stick a cotton bud into your belly button?

i find 'wake schedule' to be a more appropriate description of hours i choose to be awake, instead of sleep schedule/cycle since i don't remember those hours as clearly.
i am experimenting with mine so that i will wake early (6-7am) do some wake things like throw cold water on my face and some cereal in my mouth. cereal, apparently, is not a proper breakfast. the story seems to go mr kellogs decided it's what people should for breakfast and luckily for him (and rather coincidentally it would seem) he had a cereal making factory which has made him lots of money.
still, i love coco pops.

i have managed to play some pokers recently. my frame of mind has been better of later and today i noticed i got really annoyed with a play i made. just got stacked twice on two tables but neither annoyed me at all. not  the marginal one where in a squeezed pot i bet called the turn with aq on an ahi 3 flush board, nor did the outdraw annoy me. instead it was a hand against a tard where i had jj on a aa3t board where i bet and he raised leaving himself $24. i called knowing he would bet the river. river was a 3, i checked he checked. i then realised thats why i have him labelled as a mong. i should have obviously either shoved turn or bet for him on the river. either way he would have called. and playing how i did cost me $24. some would say that's not much when you buy in for $400. but if your hourly rate is 5bb per hour (which is not terrible) then thats worth over 1 hours play. mistakes like this should be the easiest to fix since they are basic things. other than that i seem to be playing mostly well, running amazingly and not checking balance till end of the month which will be tomorrow for me since im busy rest of the week.

need to wake up early tomorrow too to play my remaining for hands to clear the wcoop bonus ($100! though i may end up spending it all at once. on chocolate)

how do they get ships into bottles?

computer games seem to be going the way of interactivity. not just voice recognition, but full body motion sensors, so for tekken you'll be able to act out all your moves (quite how they expect us to do head high reverse roundhouse kicks i am unsure). football games you'll be able to run around kicking imaginary footballs.
call me old fashioned, but if i want that i'll go outside. the whole point of a ps3 is so that can sit down and mash buttons without doing anything energetic.

reason #153 my flatemate is  a turdburglar
following house party i start clearing things up so i don't have to awake to a place that looks like birmingham. he just sits there and watches the sky tv he didn't even want. after 2 bin bags full i quit seeing as i refuse to do any more alone. i make joke how perhaps he's just waiting for a cleaner?
next day i go to school. i come back, flat is clean. oh, he got cleaner to do it. great idea. but why didn't he tell me before i started cleaning it all up?

cleared the 4k supernova bonus. got doomswitched and lost 4k in next session. having made supernova with little chance of 200k vpps, and no more bonuses it seems almost pointless to continue playing there. will look for new sites to play on. tried betfair. software so so bad it was as if they hired a genius to make it that bad.
not sure where to try next...
though somewhere with main traffic during european hours may be a priority

having just got used to my new desk also thinking of getting a whiteboard for my room. just to make it a bit more classy.

one final thank you to the person who found my blog searching for "what number haircut does vinny chase get"
i am considering choosing only blog post titles which could be the answers to questions people ask google.

at first i thought it might be a bit harsh

but now i'm pretty sure that it's not. i am obviously referring to listening to other peoples opinions when it comes to film and movie reviews. and how you shouldn't. i first noticed this effect when i read a review for teh film flight club in the evening standard. i read it after seeing the film and noticed that he either didn't watch the film, or it was one looong typo. i hope it was the latter.
sadly, this does not clarify the real reason why you shouldn't listen to most people. it's because people like different things, yet are wholly convinced their opinion is best. the only people you should ever listen to are ones you already know have good taste (similar to your own obviously). if you don't know what taste they have, just mention films you liked and see whether they did. if not, just ignore an recommendations they give you.
films and tv, however, do not let you see into the soul of a person. just because they like the simpsons, family guy, pizza and flight of the conchords does not mean they are not going to be a massive pain in the hippocampus to live with. i can guarantee it won't guarantee that finish things you own neither asking nor replacing what was used.

in much more scary news i awoke the other day to see a spider hanging upside down inches from my face. spiders are scary at the best of times and having one in my face when waking up was a most unsatisfactory experience.

i've recently bought a desk for my computer, and hope to shortly by a whiteboard to make my room even classier. when buying my desk i walked past an orchid by the checkout. it called out to me like an rspca rescue kitten so i bought it. people say orchids are really tough to look after. apparently you only need to water them once a week. this seems rather easy to me. makes me wonder how infrequently you can water other plants? maybe catii's are the best plants to own since you can go years without remembering to water them and they should survive. that's judging by their desert performance but maybe i'm wrong since i know nothing about them except their amazing ability to get their little spikes in your skin when you've walked less than 3 feet but more than 2 feet from them. (that's >24 and <36 inches in case you aren't sure what feet are)

feeling bad

been away and no feeling pretty ill

coming back to this didn't help

will post when feeling less sick

vulnerable

i started playing some bridge recently. it's an interesting game, but i think it lacks something to it. too much of it seems set in stone. there is always a correct bid, which is just saying what you have in a round about way. and there's always a correct way to play. having gained a basic understanding though, i do find some of the evening standard's bridge hands interesting in a way i guess a beginner would as it shows the more creative things you have to do in order to win where it would be very tough to see it for the first time. kind of how mating someone with just a knight in chess after trapping their king with their own rook is beautiful in chess and would be pretty tough to come up with without seeing it somewhere else first (for me anyway)

so it turns out in bridge you are vulnerable when you're closer to winning. but i was most vulnerable the other day when i was sitting on the toilet and a wasp flew into the bathroom. unable to move, obviously, and a wasp flying closer and closer to me i felt briefly like a stripper with shame would feel. if any existed.

i have also had serious difficulty of late with my new desk. it has one of those slide out sections for the keyboard but the entire desk is so high that even in my high up chair on it's highest settings when i type my wrists are angled so far upwards it hurts to type or use the mouse. i can't see why anyone would build a desk at this stupid height and if it wasn't so difficult to repack it i would send it back. but i can't. so i need to find a solution before my wrists fall off.

best player in the world

so a las vegan sat at the table and this is what he said

Kru: im going to be splashing a lot of chips around
Kru: i am the best player in the world
Kru: my skills are unprecedented, my play is unmatched
Kru: im an elite player, a warrior if u will
Kru: a true master of the game
Kru: before it is all said and done, all of the chips will be in my grasp
Kru: its not my fault im the best player in the world

first two hands he folds, then this happens:

Seat 6 is the button
Seat 1: SB ( $482.40 USD )
Seat 2: BB ( $510.50 USD )
Seat 3: utg ( $696.00 USD )
Seat 4: utg+1 ( $404.00 USD )
Seat 5: co ( $210.00 USD )
Seat 6: Kru ( $400.00 USD )
SB posts small blind [$2.00 USD].
BB posts big blind [$4.00 USD].

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to utg+1 [  8d Ad ]
utg folds
utg+1 raises [$12.00 USD]
co folds
Kru raises [$36.00 USD]
SB raises [$82.00 USD]
BB folds
utg+1 folds
Kru calls [$48.00 USD]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 5d, 8h, Jh ]
SB bets [$104.00 USD]
Kru raises [$316.00 USD]
SB calls [$212.00 USD]

** Dealing Turn ** [ As ]

** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]
SB shows [8s, 8c ]
Kru shows [Qs, Qh ]

he didn't say anything on the way out

meanwhilst... about 2 hands into my session i found myself 6 buyins down. i contued hovering between 6 and 5 buyins down. mainly courtesy of ridiculous runner runners
luckily i outdrew lots of people and ended up 1 buy in down

have now hit supernova and just wanna clear the 4k bonus by the end of the weekend.

i've noticed i'm becoming more able to play longer sessions without losing my focus. this is great except i forgot i should sleep a little tonight.

table abuse

this is what a fish said to me last week after i raised him

'i could win i tell ya dude u doin reases like a noob'


after which he folded.
we than had a frank discussion about reases. which i thought were an american chocolate. iirc, he hit a straight vs a bad reg's two pair, and then cold called  my 3 bet with 23, flopped a 456 against my pocket fours, stacked me when i should have folded the river, and then ran away. i guess he had the last laugh. after all, he who laughs last, thinks slowest.

in other news, following many national and international announcements on the subject, i too will be follwoing suit and banning vuvuzela's from my abode. just the mere thought of someone bringing one here, which has never happened in the history of the united kingdom, has thrown my body into shock and i will be enforcing this ban with the appropriate punishment of 8 months tinnitus should you be caught with a vuvuzela about your person. this may lead to terrible jokes such as 'is that a vuvuzela in your pocket or are you just trying to get away with bringing it in here' but that is a small price to pay.

this month i can't tell the difference between nightmares and good dreams

this graph is why i hate month defined goals.
i have
played the most hands i have managed in a month
endured my worst ever downswing
played phenomenally bad
been battered by deepstacked coolers (set under set, nut house into quads deep grr)
been running way above all in ev during this time, as if to rub in how terrible i am
suffered my best day according to ptr
and it all started so well:

the peak early was at +$8k, and the bottom of the green money dip was below $6k

so a 14k downswing which i can definitely attribute to some highly dubious play on my behalf. i noticed another mental leak i have, where if i don't get any good cards after about 500 hands i lose it completely. this happened tonight. that last dip (just double checked, it's a 4k dip!) in the graph was tonight. following that, i decided to not play anything but aa/kk/ak for 300 hands. and for the most part i stuck to that. and then reverted back to playing well.

next month will be interesting. i expect to be playing not much, but i will at some point probably have to break to my house mate that i am succumbed to gamblor . i'm not sure how he'll take it. he does not like football, take inordinately long showers, leave clothes lying around the lounge, and nag about things like house parties. so it would seem that at the same time i will have to break the news to him that he is possible a doughnut puncher (thanks south park for that euphemism). not that there's anything wrong with it, i'm just not sure he is aware.

in one moment of lucidity this past weekend i watched  'whatever works.' a film starring larrry david as a physicist. my favourite line in the film, is when he says to this lady
"if i can understand quantum mechanics, i can certainly comprehend the thought process of a submental baton twirler"

i would give this film a 10/10. go watch it before you do anything else (include finishing this blog post. so i'm gonna stop writing since you should have stopped reading)

i havne't complained abotu running shit for years

but the last four days have been notably diabolical.
i confirm it's a mix of playing at a skill level i would rate generously at 0.1/10 of capacity and running real bad (set under set deep stack many a time) whilst at the same time being above ev!
i do not know what is going on. all i know is that future cards have no memory of past cards and i too will wipe my brain clean of these few days men in black style.

i am 10k vpps from supernova and want to win $10k by the time i reach it, not inc the $1k milestone.. this is my goal. shortly thereafter i will also get a $4k fpp bonus.

this style of mental focussing helped me last year at this time and i hope it will once again do the same. will add box on blog when i remember to do first update on challenge tonight (early hours of morning)

and my preparations will begin like all good preparations. a siesta.

ps if you retweet your tweets on twitter, will their severs break in an infinite loop of <140 characters?

edit: can't be bothered with a box thing, will just update at end of posts after sessions.
2k hands tonight. $2k profit. 7.3k vpps from supernova

fas;dgn

so it looks like my caving in has lead to massive spewtiltmonkey sessions. last two nights i've played and lost around $6k total. whoops. doesn't help when this happens:

Seat 1: nit1 ($543.90 in chips)
Seat 2: nutsack ($422.90 in chips)
Seat 3: fish1 ($400 in chips)
Seat 4: fish2 ($87.60 in chips)
Seat 5: hero ($1005.40 in chips)
hero: posts small blind $2
nit1: posts big blind $4

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hero [Kc Ks]
nutsack: raises $8 to $12
fish1: folds
fish2: folds
hero: raises $32 to $44
nit1: folds
nutsack: calls $32

*** FLOP *** [3s 9s Ts]
hero: bets $48
nutsack: calls $48

*** TURN *** [3s 9s Ts] [Th]
hero: checks
nutsack: bets $330.90 and is all-in
hero: calls $330.90

*** RIVER *** [3s 9s Ts Th] [Qd]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
hero: shows [Kc Ks] (two pair, Kings and Tens)
nutsack: shows [Qc Qh] (a full house, Queens full of Tens)
nutsack collected $847.80 from pot

the worst thing is i was on such tilt i didn't even realise it wasn't a one outer!

i caved

yeah, i didn't make it to the end of the month without checking my p/l
i twice noticed the cashier by mistake (when reg'ing for a tournament) and after my last two sessions i wanted to see how i was doing. i noticed myself checking results at the table and figured my stubbornness was becoming more of a hindrance than a help.
my last two sessions which caused it were really weird. first one i ran terribly bad at 3/6 and terrible well at 2/4
then last night it was the opposite.
turns out first night i lost $2k, 2nd night just $500
and the month so far, i thought i was up 6k and down loads in ev. turns out i was up only 5k and up 2k in ev. i lost a few ridiculous pots last night so i must have won some corkers recently. i remember only a couple, and am looking through hem now to post the the best suckouts.

hmm, it appears there were only 3 hands i have won all month where i've had less than 35% equity moving in. and they were all standard boring hands. twice my flush draws vs sets and one over pair vs set.

seems most of my +ev comes from hands holding up which is nice.

one last thing on my mind is new flatmate and his lack of knowledge that i play poker for money on the interweb. i wonder how to tell him. i was thinking win a tournament then round around like crazy at 4 in the monring. after winning lots people will probably accept it more. but i think it would be funnier to lose a couple of thousand and then go smashing things up.

either way i'm not looking forward to the conversation that will follow and comments such as 'stop before you lose it all' etc etc

internet drops

when the internet dies midway through hands whilst youre multitabling it is infuriating. this has no equivalent to live play. if there was it would be akin to being kicked in the nuts as the turn comes down for 8 consecutive hands and having to run to the bathroom to check your balls aren't bleeding cos thats how much it hurts. i think i prefer being online and just disconnecting to that. but then there weren't any big pots when it disco'd. if there were i my anger state would have not just raised to 'sharp breathing' but to 'mist in front of the eyes'

all this whole episode has done is make me stop playing for the day. just as i had the thought that i need to play 1-1.5k hands per day it happened. and i'd only played 700 hands.

i think i'm gonna add a supernova pace thing to the right of this blog. and i need to be as close to it as possible by end of the month. gl me.
(current total: 82k vpps - 100k is target)